by KE Payne
The shudder of the front door downstairs told her Gabe had returned.
“That you?” she called out from the bathroom.
“’Tis me.” Gabe’s gravelly voice shouted back up to her.
Ash carefully pulled on her pyjamas, warm from the radiator, and went back downstairs. Gabe was already sitting in his favoured chair by the window, Widgeon on his back at his feet.
“You didn’t have to come back, you know.” Ash eased herself into her chair. “I’ll be fine.”
“I know.” Gabe threw a blue package over to her. “Nat told me to get this sling for you. I picked it up at the pharmacy on the way back.”
Ash stole a look to Nat’s shirt, draped over the back of the sofa.
“I kind of liked using her top as a sling,” Ash found herself saying. She looked back to Gabe. “It smelled of her.” She sensed her face growing hot.
“And Nat smells lovely.” Gabe smiled. “That girl uses some expensive perfume, you know.”
Ash gazed down to Widgeon on the floor, his barrelled chest now being rubbed by Gabe’s socked foot.
“I think…” She frowned, rethought her words, then continued. “I want…” The words wouldn’t come. Ash scratched at her hair, annoyed with herself. “I don’t want her to go.”
“So you have to tell her that.”
“How can I?” Ash lifted her eyes to his. “When I know she’ll be leaving in a few weeks’ time?”
“Maybe if you told her how you feel,” Gabe said, “and knowing how she feels about you, things could change.”
“Do you think?” Ash held his gaze. “Do you think any of this could change?”
“Only you two can decide that,” Gabe said, getting to his feet. “Only you two can decide both your futures.”
Chapter Nineteen
The sea smelt good.
Nat pulled her jacket tight around her and closed her eyes, letting the light sea breeze toss her hair around her face. The step she was sitting on was cold and damp, but Nat didn’t care. She was too busy tasting the sea, just as Ash said she liked to do.
It was eight a.m. A night interrupted by endless thoughts of Ash, London, and Belfast had meant Nat had been awake since six, up since seven, and walking on the beach ever since. She’d watched the sun rise over the line of the sea, a shimmering jelly of orange slowly peeking up over the horizon, and had imagined Ash, in her cottage further down the coast, fast asleep.
Too many times already that morning she’d wanted to ring Ash, telling herself she just wanted to know how she was, and whether her shoulder was holding out. The reality of it, though, was she simply wanted to hear her voice. Now, sitting on the steps that led down to the beach, the sun now slowly creeping up higher into the sky, Nat desperately tried to focus her mind on the day ahead.
If only it was that simple.
Everything inside her wanted to jump into a taxi and go to Ash’s cottage right now. And yet, a voice inside her head told her she couldn’t. She shouldn’t. To rush over there, desperate to see Ash again would just confirm everything she already knew: she loved her.
A force, quite unlike anything she’d felt since she’d first fallen for Ash as a naive fourteen-year-old, had marched in from the sidelines and was now threatening to overwhelm her. Nat stared down at the pebbles, the tiredness that had nothing to do with her lack of sleep making her limbs feel weighted down, and wondered exactly when it had all happened. Even though they’d not been alone much in London, she’d sensed the tension between them whenever their eyes met. Whenever she closed her eyes, she could see her, smell her, remember the taste of her, and now the overwhelming strength of her feelings for Ash was beautiful and terrifying in equal measures.
Nat returned her gaze to the sea. It sparkled, crystal clear, as though her renewed love for Ash had instantly made everything else in her life clearer. Noises were louder. Lines were sharper. The air was cleaner, and Nat felt a clarity and honesty for the first time in years.
“Nice morning.”
The call from just in front of her caught Nat’s attention. A man, walking his dogs, waving. Nat smiled. “Isn’t it just?”
“Bit chilly.” The man rubbed his hands up and down his arms and returned Nat’s smile.
“It is. Yes.”
The man carried on.
The breeze returned, stronger now. Nat closed her eyes to it and took her mind back sixteen years, seeing her and Ash as teenagers. She’d loved her then and she loved her now. So why was the happiness she felt at her own admission of love combined with a sense of deep disquiet? She drew in a long breath, then bent over, picking up a small pebble and tossing it a few feet from her, listening in satisfaction at the pleasing crack when it landed in amongst some other pebbles.
Because Ash had made it clear to her that loving her was pointless. Ash had already told her she couldn’t love her, so why had Nat allowed herself to fall for her all over again?
Nat blinked the wind from her eyes. She should never have let Ash back into her heart, and she knew with certainty Ash would never let her back in. Nat jumped up from her step, wiping at her wind-stung eyes. A discreet rumble from her empty stomach told her she’d skipped breakfast one too many times over the past few days, and as she made her way back to her B & B, her mind was already on what she was going to eat.
It was either that, or drown in her thoughts of Ash.
❖
“You opened your letter.”
Ash looked up as Gabe leaned over her shoulder and peered down at the letter on her lap.
“I did,” Ash said, folding it back up. “How else am I supposed to find out what’s next?”
“You won’t be doing a next,” Gabe replied.
“Who says?”
“Me.”
“You’re a doctor now, are you?” Ash said as she watched Gabe fall into the chair next to her.
“No, but Nat is,” Gabe said, “and she’ll tell you exactly the same thing.”
“She can try. Anyway, why are you here?” She glanced at her watch. “You said after nine.”
“So I’m early.”
“A whole hour early.”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Gabe frowned. “Isn’t that allowed?” He lifted his chin to the letter. “So, what’s next?”
“Sea fishing.” Ash gave a hollow laugh. “Like that’s going to happen now.” She adjusted her Polysling, grimacing a little.
“It still hurts?”
“Just a bit tender.” Ash rested her head back. “I guess some tendons got twanged.”
“You should call Nat,” Gabe said. “I’ll bet she’s sitting over in Trevelyan right now, wondering how you are.” He paused. “Besides, you’ll need some company here today.”
“You can be my company too.” Even Ash knew she didn’t sound convincing. “You, me, and Nat can all out somewhere together.”
“You know I’m taking the boat out today,” Gabe said. “The wildlife group?”
Ash groaned. A group of amateur wildlife photographers had chartered the boat for the day. Gabe was skippering, and the money was way too good for him to turn down just so Ash wouldn’t have to spend time alone with Nat.
“Sure,” she said. “I totally forgot.”
“Anyway, Nat will be expecting to come over,” Gabe said reasonably. “I’m sure she’ll enjoy nursing you until I get back.”
Even Ash was impressed with the speed with which he dodged her thrown cushion.
❖
Nat answered on the second ring.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Within that split second of their greeting, Ash’s thought process spun, absorbing the sound of her voice, imagining with vivid precision Nat sitting in her room. She thought about what she was wearing, how she was sitting, what she was feeling right now. Hair up or down? Ash loved it when she wore it up. Had she eaten? When would she be coming over? Did she even want to come over?
“How’s your shoulder?” Nat asked
, breaking Ash’s train of thoughts. “Did Gabe buy you the Polysling like I told him? Have you taken your painkillers today? And you so better be resting it like I told you to, missy.”
A warmth spread about Ash. When Gabe fussed about her she found herself getting irritated with him. With Nat it was perfect and lovely, and made her feel as though she was wrapping a cosy blanket about her.
“It’s okay,” Ash replied. “I have the sling, and yes, I’ve taken two painkillers already this morning, and yes, I’ve been resting it.”
“Good.” Nat paused. “Now maybe I can stop worrying about you.”
“You didn’t need to worry about me.” Ash couldn’t stop the smile that spread across her face.
“Yes, I did,” Nat replied softly.
A silence skimmed between them.
“So…” Ash looked up at the ceiling. “About today.”
“Well you can forget about fishing for a start.”
Ash laughed. “You opened your letter too, huh?”
“I could…just come over and hang out with you instead,” Nat said slowly.
Ash’s stomach twinged.
“You could,” she said, “unless you’d rather do something on your own, now we’ve had to abandon the wish list? I don’t know. Sightseeing, or…?” Her words hung in the air.
“There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing,” Nat said, “than spending the day with you.”
“Good.” Ash’s breathing slowed. “Me neither.”
“If I get a taxi over for, say, midday?”
“You could make it earlier.” Ash swallowed. “If you want.”
“Ten-ish?”
“But only if you want.”
“I want.” Nat laughed. “Trust me, Ash. I want.”
❖
Nat looked at the leather bracelet on her wrist. The skin around it looked different. Less angry. She pushed her sleeve back down over it, concealing the bracelet again, and returned her gaze to the bedroom window. She would tell Callum on her return to London, Nat decided, that just a few days in the countryside had abated her anxieties. He’d be pleased, maybe even cut her a bit of slack for a while. Perhaps—and this would be a first—she could even skip a session. Nat smiled to herself at the thought.
The ring of her phone brought with it the usual split-second skip of her heart and hope that it would be Ash’s name waiting for her, even though she’d only spoken to her five minutes before. Nat turned from the window and snatched her phone up from her bedside cabinet, her hope melting into delight when she saw Chloe’s name instead of Ash’s.
“Hey, you,” she said when she answered. “How’s your grandma?”
“She’s better,” Chloe said. “Well, she’s eaten something this morning, so she says she’s well on the way.”
“That’s a relief.” Nat walked from her bed and unhooked her jacket from the back of her door. “Does she still have a fever?”
“She says no.”
Nat sensed Chloe pause, so waited.
“Nat?” Chloe asked.
“Mm-hmm?” Nat shook her jacket out straighter, then laid it out on the bed.
“Can I come down?”
“Here?”
“Yeah. I’m gutted I’m not with you guys right now.”
A myriad of emotions hit Nat at Chloe’s words. She wanted to see her, of course she did, yet at the same time…
“Of course you can come down.” Nat shook the thought away. “Ash will be so happy for you to come and hang out with us.”
Nat stared at the wall. Would Ash be happy? Or would she be thinking the same as Nat—that they only had one more day together before Nat had to return to London, and it would be perfect if they could spend it alone?
“Come down.” Nat shook the thought away. She was being selfish, she knew. Of course Chloe should come and be with them, even if it was only for twenty-four hours.
“Awesome.” Chloe sounded breathless. “I’m kind of packed already, so—”
“You can come down today.” Nat finished her sentence for her.
“If that’s cool?” Chloe asked. “I figured you were due back tomorrow anyway, so we could travel back to London together.”
“Sounds good.” Nat held back a sigh. How could her time in Cornwall be nearly over already?
“There’s a train at eight forty-five,” Chloe said, “so I could be with you by half past one.”
Nat’s head felt muddied by the unexpected change of plans. She would be with Ash by ten; that would give them three and a half hours’ alone time before Chloe arrived, and then everything went back to how it had been in London. The cocoon they’d created for themselves would be no more, and then they’d have to emerge back into the real world.
Nat frowned. She could do it. They could do it.
“We’ll see you at Truro at one thirty then,” she said. “Well, it’ll be us and Gabe. Ash can’t drive. Long story.”
“Ash can’t drive?”
“I’ll explain when I see you.”
❖
Widgeon was sunning himself in the garden, having snagged a tiny pocket of morning sunshine next to the shed, when her taxi finally pulled up outside the cottage. Nat thumbed a note from her purse and handed it to her taxi driver, declining his half-hearted offer of change, and got out. The thump of Widgeon’s tail on the grass told her he’d seen her, but the sun was evidently proving too irresistible for him to get up and meet her. Instead, his eyes followed her journey up the front path and straight to Ash’s front door, before closing against the sun again.
Nat rang the doorbell, looking over her shoulder to see the taxi bumping its way back down the track and out of sight. A tinge of nervousness at the prospect of spending the entire day with Ash again flickered and immediately extinguished inside her the second Ash opened the door and their eyes met, to be replaced instead with an overwhelming feeling of contentment.
“You look tired.” Nat studied Ash’s face. Her eyes, clouded underneath, looked leaden. “Is it your shoulder?”
“A bit.”
Nat stepped into the cottage.
“It was okay first thing,” Ash said, motioning for Nat to head into the lounge. “Feels a bit stiff now though.”
“It will do for a while yet.” Nat sat down, watching as Ash sat down in the chair opposite her. “But you’ve taken some painkillers, haven’t you?”
“Yes, Doctor.” Ash saluted with her good arm.
Nat focused on Ash’s Polysling, the protective feelings that had overwhelmed her on the hill the day before returning to her, stronger than ever.
“Force of habit.” Nat settled back.
“Is your bedside manner like this with all your patients?” Ash caught her eye.
“Not all.” Nat held her look long enough for Ash to look away first.
They were silent for a while as the seconds ticked past, their eyes meeting briefly, accompanied by a smile, then looking away again, only to come back together a few seconds later.
“We’ll have company this afternoon, by the way.” Nat was the first to speak. “Arriving on the one-thirty train.”
“Oh?”
“Chloe,” Nat said.
“She’s coming here?”
Nat studied Ash’s face. Had she imagined the look that had flickered across it?
“Judy’s feeling a bit better,” Nat said, “so Chloe wants to spend the day with us, then travel back with me tomorrow.”
“That’s sweet,” Ash replied. She paused. “Although…”
Nat raised her eyebrows. “Although?”
A smile spread across Ash’s face. “This is going to sound terribly selfish,” she said, “but I suppose I’ve kind of liked it being just the two of us.” Ash held up her hands. “Not that I didn’t enjoy London with her, but…you know.”
“I know exactly.” Nat’s smile mirrored Ash’s. “It’s been good, hasn’t it? Just the two of us.”
Their gazes parted.
“How about a walk before C
hloe gets here?” Finally Ash spoke. “A walk on the dunes might be nice this morning.”
“I’m up for it.”
“We can walk from here,” Ash said, “along the coastal path.”
Nat nodded as Ash continued to tell her about the dunes. Nat was no longer listening closely though. Instead, as Ash spoke, Nat’s gaze absently travelled her face, her eyes, seeing Ash’s range of expressions as she enthused about the beauty of the dunes, whilst at the same time apologizing for not being able to do anything more exciting than walking now she was injured. Nat didn’t care. Ash had just voiced her own thoughts; that she’d enjoyed the time they’d spent alone just as much as she had. Now, with each word, look, and gesture from Ash, the invisible pull gathered her ever closer to her. Nat craved her, letting images of them together—images she’d managed to block out for years—filter into her mind. Images of the two of them together, aching for one another’s touch. Of the intensity between them, of the heat and the passion they’d once shared.
In that moment, sitting in Ash’s front room, Nat thought she’d never loved her more, or wanted her more. Ash, she was sure, needed her too, and the innate protection Nat felt for her surged as she realized she wanted to care for Ash for the rest of her life. She loved that Ash had needed her the day before. With an internal smile, Nat knew Ash was the least vulnerable person she knew, but she also knew that right now all she wanted in her life was to care for Ash and keep her safe.
“So?” Ash asked. “Sound good?”
Nat’s eyes fluttered open, meeting Ash’s.
“Sounds perfect.”
Chapter Twenty
Ash grimaced as her jacket infuriatingly refused to go on first time. Her shoulder ached, despite the painkillers she’d had at breakfast, and now the effort of even trying to shrug on her jacket seemed beyond her. Finally, never being the most patient of people, she flung it to the floor, adding a curse for good measure.