There’s always more to the story. As you’ll discover, there are almost always caveats, exceptions, and distinctions with anything that is said in this book or that you hear anywhere else. Almost any statement I make has the implication of “potentially” or “under particular conditions.” You may come across things in this book and go, “Well actually, Derek, that’s not really how it is or what that means. This is dangerous to even suggest and is actually the problem!” I’ll leave this purposely vague here and won’t elaborate, because just when you start to disagree with something you come across and get triggered emotionally, you may wish to see if you remember this simple point. Perhaps in the end it all comes together.
Embrace contradictions. You’ll come to have a greater understanding of paradoxes throughout this book. I may say something that completely contradicts something else I say in another part of the book, or perhaps that you’ve heard elsewhere from someone who you trust. Much of the time though, I contradict myself in the same sentence by stating how two completely opposing things are both true. Am I crazy, illogical, or wishy-washy because of these contradictions? No. Realize what is said in one place is meant for a certain situation, and I may recommend something different for another situation. Learn to accept that there is typically no such thing as a “one size fits all in all circumstances” solution.
Be willing to explore a range of emotions and styles. This book will have (attempts at) humor. I will make stupid jokes. I will use a lot of unnecessary sarcastic hashtags all in an attempt to keep things light at times, and poke fun at our BS. But at times things will get serious and we will explore the darkest areas of your psyche to uncover what you’ve been hiding away. If you’re the type of person who wants everything to be light and fun, be forewarned that you must be willing to let that go and venture into the places that your humor has been distracting you from. I will use a variety of learning styles. So one moment I may be making logical cases and in another moment using poetry to teach a lesson. If you don’t like the way something is presented – there’s still a lesson there for you in that. Don’t miss the lesson out of a distaste for the teaching style.
Take it, toy with it, or toss it – temporarily. If you like how something works for you that you read in this book, feel free to take it and use it in your life. If you’re unsure or tempted to reject it, I encourage you to toy with it for a while. Perhaps it’s just there to unlock your own solution. Finally, if you don’t like something and it doesn’t resonate with you, feel free to toss it. However, all of these things have the caveat of temporarily. Something that works great for you right now may not be the best thing for you to keep doing in three months. Then it’s time to toss it. Something may not be right for you now, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth coming back to in another few months, or even few days, to see if it has relevance. And finally, don’t toy with things forever. That can just lead to half-assing something needlessly instead of either taking it on fully or getting rid of it. All of this is your choice. Only doing what’s in the highest and best good for all regardless of what a book says – even a totally frickin’ amazeballs book like this one.
Remember that you always have a choice. You may not always get to choose the external reality, but you have a choice with your response to whatever is happening – including the interpretation of what you’re reading. That means this: Even when you don’t have a choice, you still have a choice. I will reiterate you have a choice always. You will be tested on this throughout the book… perhaps when you least expect it. #FairWarning
Do you agree to these conditions?
If you’re reading, this I assume you do.
Let the fun and games begin….
The Lake Of Greatness
Now you have a choice.
You stand on a cliff to make a leap of faith into The Lake of Greatness.
Go back, and your eventual death awaits, for all the water has dried up.
Or jump in, and risk being consumed by the waters and drown.
You fear going back.
Yet you may fear jumping in even more.
What if the water overwhelms you and you drown?
What choice do you make?
Are Belief Systems BS?
When a person hears the word bullshit, they often think of something that’s a total lie. A made-up story. A factually incorrect statement.
The first concept you must understand is that, more often than not, your bullshit is true. I don’t just mean “because you believe it’s true, then it’s true for you.” I mean, factually, your bullshit is often objectively correct. And yet at the same time, it’s still potentially a deceptive lie.
If you’re confused by this… good. Confusion forces your mind to start considering new things. Confusion precedes newfound clarity. I will attempt to confuse the hell out of you quite often in this book to rock you out of old thought patterns.
I’ll explain how this contradiction works logically in a moment. For now though, let’s explore your beliefs.
Do you think your beliefs are true?
On one hand, if you didn’t think something was true, you probably wouldn’t believe it, right? However, if you’re an open-minded person, you may hold some sense that what you believe isn’t true or false, but more or less a subjective opinion you hold.
Before we get into how some people can be convinced their beliefs are true, let’s start with a simple non-controversial question before exploring things that are more debatable.
Do you need to breathe to live?
This is an example of an objective type of question that’s not really open to a matter of opinion. This is assuming we’re not talking about using something external, like a machine, to keep you alive without breathing. I know it sounds silly, because few of us would disagree about the answer, but go ahead and answer the question, “Do you need to breathe to live?”
It doesn’t matter your upbringing or opinion, any reasonable person can definitely state, “Of course you don’t need to breathe to live!”
It’s pretty hard to argue in favor of the bullshit idea that you need to breathe to live. I think almost all of us have held our breath at one point and lived to talk about it. The science clearly shows we can live for several minutes without breathing, thereby making anyone who thinks you need to breathe to live a total dumbass who just ignores good science.
Clearly I’m messing with you…
We do need to breathe in the long term to live, but we don’t need to breathe in the short term to live. Answering this question with either “yes” or “no” could be considered a correct response depending on the context.
Welcome to bullshit brain trick #1 – giving meaning to something without considering the context.
If you answered or were even tempted to answer, that question with anything other than, “It depends…” and then wanted further clarification, you were falling for this bullshit brain trick. I even told you in the introduction that everything has the caveat “potentially” or “under the right conditions.” So if you answered with either “yes” or “no,” then consider how quickly you forgot this lesson. A lesson many might even say is common sense.
Now imagine two people see this question, and one person argues vehemently that you do need to breathe to live, and another argues vehemently that you don’t. One is taking the long-term perspective, the other the short-term.
Who is right? Who is wrong? In even an objective, scientific-type question about biological truths, can the lack of context make both people right and wrong, or looked at another way, make neither of them right or wrong?
Is it any wonder that there are so many arguments and disagreements in this world among seemingly logical people?
What’s the practical significance of this?
Consider this…
If you believe breathing is a “good idea,” which on the surface sounds pretty reasonable, what if you carried that belief with you while your head is underwater? The attempt to do some
thing like breathe, because it’s a “good idea” that literally keeps you alive, would be the very thing that may kill you in that situation as you choke on water in your attempt to breathe.
Let this sink in…
Something necessary to keep you alive in one situation can literally kill you in another situation.
This breathing under water will be a theme I keep coming back to over and over again throughout this book. Keep this in mind as an analogy to how anything that on the surface seems good can be destructive, and something that seems destructive could be good, all depending on other factors.
What this means is that no matter what good advice you’ve heard, it could backfire in the wrong situation. All the good, wonderful, awesome things you do in your life could potentially destroy you if they’re misapplied. And misapplying could simply be a matter of not realizing you’re “underwater,” so to speak, when you’re doing them.
What are the things people tell themselves they need to do to live, be a good person, or have success in life? Could any of these backfire?
“I need to give food to others because that’s what a good person does… so I’ll kill myself by starving to death when I give all my food away.”
“I need to take care of my kids to be a good parent… so I’ll kill my body’s health because I’ll neglect spending time exercising and getting enough sleep.”
“I need to work to pay the bills… so I’ll kill my relationships because I’m trying to get in more hours at work instead of being with the people I love.”
There was nothing “wrong” with the first part of these statements, but they’re partial truths. They’re good ideas that can be bad ideas if that’s all a person does, and they don’t know when to let go of that idea. They don’t know when to stop focusing on that truth in favor of another, greater truth.
You can look at all of these examples and go, “Yeah… no shit, Derek, that’s common sense that anything can be taken to an extreme. It’s all about moderation. I don’t need a book to tell me that!”
Well congratulations, you have a basic level of common sense that allows you to not kill yourself by excessive generosity or working yourself into being in a state of having no friends and dying alone. But do you have enough awareness to see the subtle ways you’re slowly draining your happiness with little errors in judgment?
A mentor of mine, Brandon Broadwater said, “Life is won and lost with the little things.” It’s the subtle ways in which you sabotage yourself slowly over time, with the most innocent actions that take you off course. Most of your self-sabotage will come from doing just a little too much or just a little less of something than is ideal. Or you miscalculate the timing by a bit. Or perhaps it’s just a little tweak in how something is done that doesn’t quite work out.
It’s like a rocket that gets 99% out of the atmosphere before coming to a halt and doesn’t quite make it. What’s the result? A crash. Close wasn’t good enough. The 1% makes all the difference.
Typically the “good-idea-gone-bad bullshit” is subtle, and subtle is deadly because it’s easy to overlook or justify.
I don’t want to ask for help because I don’t want to be a burden and being a burden is bad.
I don’t want this person to know how angry I am because being angry is bad and I need to always keep a sense of inner peace.
I’d love to start this business, but most businesses fail, and failure costs a lot of time and money and losing time and money is bad.
I need to tell this person only nice things they want to hear because if I tell them the truth it would hurt their feelings and be bad… and after all if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
I’ll give my close friend a ride to the airport when I really don’t want to and it interferes with other priorities because I would be kind of an a-hole and most definitely a horrible/evil/bad person if I don’t do something for a friend who’s done so much for me.
I shouldn’t have negative thoughts because they’re bad and I’m a super positive person who does a lot of self-help and has evolved beyond my ego-based wants and attachments.
I would love to take better care of my health but I just don’t have the time because it’s important to pay the bills, take care of the kids, and do charity work because taking care of myself is a bit selfish and bad when others need me.
I’ll just crack jokes all the time because people appreciate my sense of humor and they wouldn’t like me if they saw I was really upset, sad, or depressed which would be bad for my relationships and happiness.
If I say no to a request, I need to spend 5 minutes explaining myself because otherwise they’ll think I’m being inconsiderate and that’s bad.
I don’t want to show others my talents and share my gifts and greatness with the world because it would make others insecure and uncomfortable, and making people feel uncomfortable or feel unworthy is bad.
Notice in all of these examples there’s an element of “this is good, that is bad.”
Isn’t it easy to see how being a burden, making others uncomfortable, not doing favors for friends, ignoring family to focus on oneself, or having negative thoughts could be labeled as “bad” things to be avoided at all costs? I imagine you’re savvy enough to realize you might not actually be a burden or make others uncomfortable with some of these things, but even if you do piss people off occasionally, is that a “bad” thing?
If you label a behavior of yours or others outside of context as inherently good or bad, it’s bullshit. The behavior only becomes good or bad, or perhaps wise or unwise, under particular conditions. In other words, nothing has meaning until it’s put into context.
Context is about who’s doing or receiving the action, when is done, where is it done, why is it being done, and how is it being done.
Is buying someone a gift good or bad?
What if the reason why someone buys a gift is to kiss the ass of the person receiving it and uses it as a tool for manipulation? #Stalker #Creeper
Is telling someone you love them wise or unwise?
What if this is said when they’re wearing headphones and they can’t hear the words?
Is punching an innocent person in the face without being forced to, acceptable or immoral?
What if the person who does this is a boxer and they’re in a boxing match?
Is kicking a kitten in its adorable little face nice or mean?
What if the reason why one is kicking the kitten is because it’s the only way to save the lives of 1,000 baby bunnies? Isn’t it better to just kick the kitten and hope it recovers, or do you seriously want innocent bunnies to die, you insensitive animal-hating jerk?
I’ll repeat this disclaimer: Murder, rape, molestation, and similar unethical behavior already have a context applied. These are behaviors done against someone else’s wishes. Touching a person isn’t good or bad. It’s “molestation” when you add context of it being against their will and on certain parts of their body.
This is not a book on morality, but it would be worth noting that the things that are generally agreed upon as unethical are things that violate a person’s choice. Taking choice from someone is one of the most universally agreed-upon wrongdoings. Choice is kind of a big deal.
Consider this – what if you’re taking choice away from yourself with mental deceptions and you aren’t even realizing it? Could you be committing a violation against your own free will by your limited thinking? If you believe slavery is wrong, what does that mean if you’re choosing to be a slave to your conditioning? Are you enslaving yourself through ignorance of self-deception? Something to consider…
2VL vs. 4VL – Upgrade Your Brain’s Thinking
Everything covered in here is to help switch your brain from 2VL thinking, which you’ll often default to because of society’s conditioning, to 4VL thinking, which is essential to start using before going further if you want to identify, appreciate, and break through your BS.
2VL stand
s for “Two-value logic,” and it says things are either “true” or “false.” It’s “either/or” thinking. It makes a lot of logical sense for some situations. I can either be in this room or not be in this room. If I’m turning, I’m either turning left or I’m turning right. As I’m sure you’re smart enough to realize, not everything in life is black or white. So what type of thinking allows for shades of grey?
4VL, which stands for “Four-value logic,” allows things to be either:
True
False
Neither true nor false
Both true and false
Note that 4VL doesn’t actually reject “either/or” thinking. That’s a heads up for what comes up later in this book. You’d be wise to really reflect on that for a moment.
“You need to breathe to live,” such a seemingly true statement, is literally true, but it’s also false, neither true nor false, and both true and false depending on how you want to approach that statement.
In much the same way, your excuses, limitations, justifications, complaints, criticisms, and all the other things you’re telling yourself are equally true, false, neither true nor false, and both true and false. With four-value logic, you can now see why your BS can be true, and yet still be considered bullshit when you switch your perspective.
Something becomes bullshit when the partial truth of a statement is believed to be the full truth.
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