Doesn’t this contradict the idea of using a gradient? Doesn’t this contradict the idea that you want to stretch, rather than break your comfort zone? Doesn’t this contradict the idea I laid out in *insert shameless plug* my book The Healthy Habit Revolution of creating micro-habits for small, gradual changes that don’t overwhelm your willpower?
Does telling a person not to breathe contradict the recommendation to breath?
Using gradual changes is generally a good approach. That’s “common sense.” This isn’t a book telling you to avoid the extremes, it’s telling you to embrace them – when appropriate. The question is, are you willing to let go of a gradual approach when it’s not what’s best in that moment?
It’s like flying in an airplane. Most of the time, you get off course and back on course through gradual, micro-adjustments. You can end up in an entirely different city, for better or worse, with only the slightest change in direction.
Yet if you found your plane in a nosedive racing towards the ground, do you gradually adjust? No, you pull up hard and fast. If you’re in a fighter plane and it’s being attacked, do you take gradual maneuvers or extreme maneuvers? You don’t need to be a pilot to figure this out.
The question is, what’s your “extreme?” Are you willing to do whatever it takes, no matter whether it’s moderate or extreme?
One may say, “I’m willing to work extremely hard and sleep only three hours a night to reach greatness!”
So what?
That’s not “extreme.” To some it may be. But to this person, their extreme may be to get more sleep, take care of their body, and recharge their batteries. Taking a break for once might be the “extreme” maneuver required for workaholics.
What is your “extreme?” What is your “edge?”
Are you willing to get help?
Are you willing to give help?
Are you willing to doubt your own ideas and seek counsel from someone else?
Are you willing to ignore “good advice” and trust your own inner knowing?
Are you willing to seek out good choices when there don’t seem to be any?
Are you willing to say no to something good when there are too many good choices?
Are you willing to limit yourself with discipline and restrictions?
Are you willing to let go of how you’ve been limiting yourself and explore something new?
Are you willing to be uncomfortable?
Are you willing to allow yourself to be comfortable?
Are you willing to quit what you’ve been doing to try something new?
Are you willing to persevere in what you’ve been doing for as long as it takes?
Are you willing to do what seems significant and “extreme?”
Are you willing to do what seems insignificant?
The only true weakness is unwillingness to do what’s required.
Whatever you’re unwilling to do, that is your limit.
For some, it will be discomfort with the unknown that will keep them unwilling to go out of their comfort zone. However, it’s often pride that makes people unwilling. When a person says, “I’m too good for this” or “I’m above that,” they’ve made themselves unwilling to do the very thing that may get them to their potential. Sometimes the most extreme thing is to do what’s “easy.”
Whatever you place beneath you because of pride will become a stumbling block to your potential.
Still, even unwillingness has its place. Unwillingness to compromise on one’s values. Unwillingness to settle for mediocrity. Unwillingness to be unwilling to do whatever it takes.
Unwillingness is neither good nor bad until you consider the context. After all, in order to have a willingness to do one thing, there are many other things you must be unwilling to do in that moment.
Now you have a choice.
Are you willing to go to the extreme, and do what some may even call crazy or “forbidden,” to break through your BS and unleash your greatness?
The Secret of the Deadly Slime
“Don’t go in there!”
“Why not?”
“It’s forbidden!”
“Why is it forbidden?” asked the inquisitive boy.
“What’s inside can kill you!” answered his older sister.
“Oh, shitballs! Well, I guess I won’t ever go in there!”
The two siblings returned to their small village town making sure to keep their adventures a secret. They knew that they’d be scolded and punished severely by their parents for even getting close to the forbidden cave, which was blocked by a gate that they were just small enough to squeeze under.
The young boy, Jeremiah, lying in bed near his sister, whispered, “What’s inside the cave?”
“You’re too young to know,” replied his sister, Anna.
“Come on!! Just tell me! I’m dying to know!” said Jeremiah.
“OK, fine. That’s where the deadly slime is. If anyone touches it, they’ll die,” whispered Anna, making sure to keep quiet so that their parents didn’t hear them talking about what was forbidden. To even speak of it was against the rules of the village.
Jeremiah grew quiet. He closed his eyes and tried to take his mind off of the slime. It’s a good thing that it’s forbidden to go near it, he thought. It would be far too dangerous for anyone to risk touching it.
Years passed, and Jeremiah grew older and wiser. He became a scientist and engineer. He was a master at breaking things down and putting them back together by seeing how each piece fit together. All the village loved him for his ingenuity and clever inventions.
Then one year, drought came to the village.
The modest well dried up.
People began to grow fearful for they depended on the rain.
The water reserves emptied.
Panic struck.
It was clear that nothing could save these villagers except a miracle. An act of God or nature. Only rain could save them…
But Jeremiah didn’t like to wait for miracles.
He was an engineer and a problem solver. He preferred proactive solutions rather than waiting and hoping.
He sat down and started thinking to himself, “How in the world can we get water? The rain has stopped and there’s no source of water for hundreds of miles. But surely there’s gotta be a way. If there were a way, even if it’s totally crazy, what would it be?”
Then it struck him!
“What if…?”
“No… that can’t work… but maybe?”
“I have to try!”
Jeremiah held a town meeting.
“I wish to go into the forbidden cave to save our village,” he proclaimed.
He was met with jeers and scolding.
“You wish to do what!? Don’t you know the slime kills people! It’s forbidden!! You want to let it out and kill us! ARGHH!!”
Jeremiah, a little confused by the fear considering they were all just days away from dying regardless, pleaded, “I know it’s crazy, but it may be the only way to save us all. If we don’t try, we’re just going to die anyway! Please, may I receive permission and the key to the gate?”
The villagers started to throw fruit at Jeremiah, and some went to their houses to grab their pitchforks.
Jeremiah, being a scientist and not a diplomat, decided it was best not to try to convince the people of the village and rather let his actions speak for him. He knew that if he were right, they’d all forgive him for saving their lives.
He decided to break through the gate blocking the forbidden cave without the villagers’ permission. Entering into the cave with his level A hazmat suit and sciencey sort of equipment, he proceeded to analyze the slime.
“Yes! Just as I thought. This shit is super deadly and would kill anyone who touches it… and that don’t mean shit. This will save us all!”
Pause story…
What did Jeremiah discover?
It’s stupid-obvious once you know the answer.
How do the
villagers see the slime?
How does Jeremiah see the slime?
They both see the slime as deadly poison, so why is Jeremiah the only one who feels it can save everyone’s life?
Remember your lessons from earlier in the book, and you’ll see why he’s the only person in the village not being caught up in bullshit.
Resume story…
Jeremiah went to work using his science and engineering skills. Within hours, his creation was complete. By the next day, he returned to the village with buckets full of water.
“You did it, Jeremiah!” exclaimed the villagers. “We totally knew you could! I mean, we were just kidding about that whole pitchfork thing. You know we were just bustin’ your balls, right? *nervous laughter* So uh… can you hook us up with some water?”
Jeremiah, not being one to hold a grudge, gladly shared his water with all the villagers and became the town hero.
“How did you do it, Jeremiah?” asked a young boy.
Jeremiah, reminded of his own inquisitive self as a young boy, shared with this boy his insight.
“I knew even within a poisonous substance that there may be purity. I knew the slime, as deadly as it is, may also be part water. If I could find a way to process and filter out the poison, what remained would be something that, instead of taking life, would give it. I just had to be willing to see the good within the bad; to see the possibility instead of just the reality.”
End story
Jeremiah didn’t let a current reality interfere with a future possibility. He didn’t ignore reality though either. He still used a hazmat suit to handle the slime. He recognized that, in its current state, the slime was deadly.
However, he didn’t say, “There’s nothing good that can be appreciated about this slime that kills everyone it touches” like the villagers said.
Jeremiah, being an engineer, knew that the poison was made up of pieces. As important as holistic thinking is at times, it was his ability to actually create separation between the parts of the whole that was needed for this situation.
If all Jeremiah saw was the big picture of poison, then all he would see is potential death. If all he saw was reality, he wouldn’t see the possibility. If he still believed the childish idea that the cave was “forbidden,” then he would never have broken through the gate and entered, and all the villagers, himself included, would be dead.
What’s your lesson?
Do you label entire people, groups, ideologies, countries, and ideas as good or bad, or can you separate the parts from the whole?
Are you making certain things forbidden, including parts of your mind or feelings, or are you willing to examine with caution what you’ve been told is “forbidden?”
Do you both appreciate the danger while appreciating the potential?
Do you see the purity within the poison?
Realist vs. Idealist
Was Jeremiah a realist or an idealist?
It depends on your definition. You can argue many different interpretations of these words. I’ll provide my definitions.
From my definition, he is neither a realist nor an idealist, but at the same time, both.
A realist, as I’ll define it here, focuses on how things are in current reality. It takes the world as it is.
This mindset is considered grounded, practical, pragmatic, and safe. It says that if something’s not broken, don’t fix it. If something is broken, well then, deal with it. Don’t cry about it and whine about what “should be.”
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. It’s totally logical and very important to be able to take this perspective.
Had Jeremiah not been a realist on some level, he might have said, “Oh, I think that slime story is just a bunch of bullshit. Let me handle it for myself and see what happens. Oops… now my skin is melting off. Well, I guess that didn’t work.”
Clearly then, seeing reality is important, but what if that’s all he did?
The villagers were realists, and it spelled their destruction. Jeremiah saw the slime as dangerous, but he also had an idealist mindset.
An idealist, from one definition, is one who sees things as they “could be.” It’s the future-oriented possibilities approach.
This mindset is considered optimistic, theoretical, progressive, visionary, and it sometimes embraces risk. At an extreme, it’s pie-in-the-sky thinking. It’s filled with a lot of “should be.”
Now this may sound confusing. If you’re more on the progressive side, you may have adopted the idea that people shouldn’t use the word “should.” Interesting sentence, huh?
Yet extreme idealists (rarely is a person hardcore on one extreme or the other) are often living their life in how things “should be” instead of how things actually are.
“I shouldn’t have to defend myself because people shouldn’t attack me.”
“I shouldn’t have to protect my belongings because people shouldn’t steal.”
“You should respect my viewpoint because we’re all entitled to our point of view.”
This is getting so caught up in how things “should be” or “shouldn’t be,” that one forgets that this isn’t how things currently are.
This is common thinking. Just look at an article talking about defense for anything, and you’ll often see it pop up.
I saw responses like this on an article about an invention to help women detect if their drink has been spiked with a date rape drug.
“OMG, they’re telling women to defend themselves against rape! Hello!! How about tell men not to rape women! Let’s stop blaming the victim!”
I would totally agree with this sentiment, and victim-blaming unfortunately does happen. To this sentiment I would add even more by saying, “Yes, let’s raise a society that teaches people to respect other people’s choices. People shouldn’t rape, people shouldn’t steal, and no one should harm another. However, since we’re not currently living in a perfect world and psychopaths exist, let’s work both offensively to create a better world while also being defensive against current threats.”
My realist says to lock my car doors and learn self-defense. My idealist says to write books like this to help change the hearts and minds of people to create a more peaceful world. When you integrate the two, you have balance. To reject one or the other is to reject the insight and gifts it can provide.
To pick one or the other would be like a sports team that only plays offense or defense. Defense is just there “not to lose,” but you can’t win with defense alone. Offense is more important to winning the game. Jeremiah needed to go on the offense.
If Jeremiah had only focused on reality, what would have happened? If he only saw things as they could be, but didn’t respect the immediate danger the slime proposed, what would have happened?
Never lose sight of what is for what could be. Never lose sight of what could be for what is.
Act or Analyze
You’re sitting in the passenger seat of a car.
The light turns green.
You’re not going.
“Uh hey… the light’s green,” you tell the driver.
“Yeah, I know. But the lights down the road are still red. I’m going to sit here and wait until all the lights are green.”
Perplexed, you wait a moment to see if the driver knows something about this road you don’t know.
Nope…
Sure enough the lights down the road don’t all turn green in sync.
The light turns red again.
You wait…
The light turns green.
You wait…
Would you start to get really frickin’ frustrated with your driver when you realize you’re never going to go anywhere like this? Would you be tempted to kick out the driver and take the wheel instead?
Good.
This driver is your mind, and the passenger is your greatness.
Your mind is telling you to wait until you have all green lights to go. You can take the next step, but s
till your mind goes, “Yeah… but what if I’m not ready for what happens later? I better play it safe and make sure everything lines up perfectly before I start moving forward.”
This is your overthinking, overanalyzing, bullshitting mind trying to wait for all green lights.
Your greatness is getting pissed and is about ready to kick out your mind and start driving.
But Derek… Surely you’re not advocating just jumping into things without giving any thought and consideration? Don’t we need to be prepared? Don’t we need to be patient and wait for the right time?
Yes, but there’s a difference between running a red light because you’re impatient, which is dangerous, and waiting for all the lights to be green.
Your mind can predict problems. That’s wonderful.
The point isn’t to stop analyzing things or to stop asking, “What could go wrong?” Considering potential obstacles ahead of time can be wise. An overly optimistic approach gets many people in trouble.
The key is to act, then analyze.
Act, then analyze, then repeat.
The first act is choosing your intention. Then keep the ball rolling.
Green light (Act): Choose to take a road trip.
Red light (Analyze): What if I get a flat tire?
Green light (Act): Put a spare tire in trunk.
Red light (Analyze): What if I get stranded?
Green light (Act): Put food and water in car.
Red light (Analyze): What about running out of gas or something else I can’t predict?
Green light (Act): Get an AAA membership and start driving, knowing that this is enough to take care of most reasonable foreseeable issues. Anything else can be handled when it comes up.
What do over-thinkers do instead?
They analyze. And analyze. And analyze…
What if…? What about…? Have I considered…?
All while going nowhere. All while doing nothing about those “what ifs?” All while sitting still, worrying about issues that can be handled just fine if they come up, when they come up, but aren’t an issue now – and may never even be an issue.
They think that they’re preparing, but preparation has action. They think they’re waiting for the right time, but then the light turns green, and they still don’t go because they think the right time is when it’s the “perfect” time, or all lights are green, which never happens. They forget they can still get to their destination with “imperfect” street lights. They forget it’s OK to have the occasional stopping point and detour.
Break Through Your BS_Uncover Your Brain's Blind Spots and Unleash Your Inner Greatness Page 11