Those who only choose to receive and not reject can become overly sensitive to others. “Oh… this offends me! I’m sensitive to your negative words and hostile energy. It disrupts my aura! I don’t have on my protective crystal to ward off negative vibrations. You should be more considerate of how you are affecting me!!”
Bullshit.
Who is it that’s responsible for whether or not one is so frickin’ receptive that they’re taking on other people’s bullshit and are offended by it? Is it the fault of the people giving offense? Or is it the fault of the person choosing to take offense?
This doesn’t mean it’s totally awesome and cool for people to be disrespectful, but they are the ones to accept responsibility for what they choose to do and the consequences it brings.
You can choose whether or not you’re taking offense. Why would you choose to give your power to another to allow them to bring you down? Wouldn’t you rather the keep power of choice, the ability to choose how you respond, for yourself? You’re always welcome to respond with, “I’m not going to stand here and take this,” and walk away without holding onto anything they projected, should you choose. You’re always welcome to ask yourself when someone attempts to make you feel bad, “Do I want to let them have power over me, or do I want to choose to keep the power to feel good for myself?”
This is not meant to disrespect those who are highly sensitive individuals. I’m naturally prone to being on the sensitive side myself. It’s a great gift – at times. I can tell myself, “I’m sensitive,” and it’s a great game to play – at times. Just like “I’m empathetic,” “I’m open,” and “I’m receptive” are all wonderful projections – at times.
All of these things are like breathing; useful… until you need to hold your breath. At that time of being underwater, it would be destructive to play the “breathing is good” game. But still, the “breathing is good” game is only to be rejected for some moments before it would be wise to play it again and come up for air.
Breaking The Addiction Of Slavery
If we let labels define us, then what do we make of the label “addict?” Is this a cop-out, like saying, “I’m stupid and therefore can do stupid things?” Does labeling someone an addict make it a self-fulfilling prophecy? Or is it insensitive to not recognize that some people literally don’t choose out of complete free will but rather from subconscious drives and neurological programming?
This is as much a book about where you don’t have choice as it is about where you do have choice. An addict does and doesn’t have a choice as I indicated earlier in this book. The question is, what do they have a choice in? What don’t they have a choice in?
On one side of the coin, there are those who see the word “addict” as well as the word “disease” as disempowering. They say, “Once a person gives themselves this label of addict and say it’s the disease’s fault, this both lets the addict off the hook and takes away their sense of control.” These people recognize that we have a choice in how we label ourselves, and this labeling carries a kind of power behind it. They would say, “Let’s not label one an addict because then that gives power to the addiction and not the person.”
I myself seem to have indicated that giving ourselves a label potentially removes responsibility, so I can appreciate this viewpoint. I recognize its truth, partial as it may be, as nearly all viewpoints are partial.
On the other side of the coin, there are those who say science indicates our willpower is limited. Many times, choices that seem to be made out of free will are really just subconscious, emotional drives. The addict would never willingly choose to engage in their addiction. They’re powerless to consciously overcome the overriding power of their biology.
I have a great appreciation for psychology and the power of the subconscious mind, so I can appreciate this viewpoint. I recognize its truth, partial as it may be, as nearly all viewpoints are partial.
It’s true an addict may not willingly choose all their behaviors. Their early choices, perhaps made willingly, perhaps not, put shackles on them. At one point, they may have freely chosen what shackled them, what would become their addiction, perhaps simply out of ignorance. Or the shackles may have been put upon them without choice, like a baby born to a drug-addicted mother. No matter how much they fight against those shackles, sometimes the limits of human will and strength won’t be enough to break them. They cannot break of the bonds of addiction.
The addict may not have choice in whether or not they “have” their sickness willingly. They may not have choice whether or not to “do” their addiction willingly. They may not even have choice in whether or not to “be” an addict. In this respect, we can all feel compassion for the addict who is enslaved to their addiction unwillingly.
Yet despite all of this, the addict still has a choice now.
The addict may choose to “have” a different environment in a rehabilitation center away from their drug of choice. They may choose to “do” by getting help and treatment. They may choose to “be” compassionate and forgiving towards themselves. In other words, they may choose to “be” OK with not “being” OK.
They may not choose their identity of “addict,” but still they may choose whether or not to be limited to this identity. They may realize, just like what we “have” and “do” is a reflection and not reality, who we are “being” is a reflection, and not reality.
It may even be possible, through the right therapy, to do as the scientist Jeremiah did, and remove the poison from the water and restore one’s state of purity.
This requires recognition that the parts both do and don’t make for the whole. Does the addict have purity within their poison? Is an addict doomed to remain an addict, or is there possibility for something else, even if one can’t see it now? Is it possible through the right approaches to remove the poison of addiction? Addiction may be a reality, but does that mean it’s the only possibility?
This isn’t just a choice for an addict, it’s a choice for all of us, as we’re all addicts to our insatiable human needs and drives. Will you be bound by your needs and appetites? Will you be bound by what you have? Will you be bound by what you do? Will you be bound by who you are?
Or are all those things just temporary? Will you realize that these things, the current “reality,” can be replaced with a new possibility? Are you willing to see the purity within your own poison? Are you willing to see the purity in another’s poison? Will you break the mirrors and see that they’re just a reflection of what’s real, but not reality? Will you break through your bullshit to see it’s all just an illusion? Will you break through what you cling to because your mind tells you it’s real, in order to prove to yourself that it’s just a delusion, a mind trick, a game?
The addict, you, now have a choice – Will I be a slave to who I am, or will I be beyond who I am?
Let this sink in…
We have an addiction to addiction. An addiction to slavery. An addiction to be controllers and yet being controlled by what we wish to control. It’s a human condition that makes people give up their choices for the illusion of comfort, connection, significance, and excitement.
This addiction to slavery is a condition that tries to force others to do as one wishes. It’s a human condition that tries to force oneself to do as one wishes. It’s trying to be a master when all it really does is make the person a slave.
This master and slave idea isn’t limited to dictators and their willing order followers. It’s an everyday occurrence.
Look at how many people have relationships in which they don’t like what someone else is doing, but they go along with it. Too scared to speak up for fear of rejection. Too scared to put up boundaries and say “No more!” Too unwilling to reject someone’s bullshit because that would be uncomfortable or unsafe. Addicted to being a slave to this other person’s choices to fulfill their insatiable desires for comfort, safety, connection, significance, and excitement.
Yet the other person
in the tango is too scared to give up control. Too scared this person will leave them and make them insignificant, so they play mind games to manipulate them. They threaten, actively or passively, to remove connection from their slave. Perhaps even threaten with physical force to get the other person to follow along, “or else…”
Yet they’re not a master, but a slave too, for they need their slave to feel power. They are a slave to their own appetites for comfort, connection, significance, and excitement. They need someone following their orders because without the order “follower/taker,” the order “giver” is powerless, insignificant, unconnected, uncomfortable, and bored.
This is a game of force. Sometimes physical force of violence, other times psychological force of depriving one of their basic human emotional needs.
Master: “If you don’t do what I say, I’m going to shame you so that you don’t feel a sense of connection.”
Slave: “If I don’t do what they say, it could be chaos, and I’ll lose my sense of certainty.”
There is no true “master” in this game because each person is a slave to the other, or more accurately, a slave to their own appetites to fulfill the needs we all have.
This game playing out on a grand scale may be seen with war mongers and slave traders. There are those literally forced into slavery, and this is not a “game,” the slaves wish to play willingly. Much like you may find yourself not willingly complying to the commands of others, but going along unwillingly because of a threat of force against you or loved ones. A threat of violence, or simply a threat of having your emotional needs starved.
This “master and slave” game takes place on an even more subtle level. It takes place within the relationship between you and your own mind.
The question is, is your mind the master or the slave?
Are you giving and taking orders with yourself unwillingly? Are you in a battle with your mind trying to make yourself change, to “get it right,” and to try to force yourself to put down that damn doughnut when you know it’s just going to go straight to your waist?
Perhaps you don’t want to play the “master and slave” game with your mind. It’s your choice after all, right?
Have you decided you simply want to make the mind your friend? Someone you lead, but whom you let follow along willingly? And should your mind wish to go another way, that’s fine, but you will still go the way you know to go regardless of whether or not your mind is on board. Are you OK doing as you choose, and letting your mind do as it chooses?
Rather than trying to force yourself to be better, are you asking yourself what is in your best good? Deciding which game to play? Choosing to unleash your greatness?
This is a game of power. Power to choose. Power to choose to align yourself to something beyond your own limited mind.
So now you have a choice. Do you play the game of slavery, or do you play the game of choice?
Removing Your Own Shackles
If you wish to play the game of choice, you must know the words of force vs. the words of power.
I warned of the deadly words, “I know that.” These words, even if true, can potentially get you caught up in pride.
However, there are three words that can be far deadlier if you wish to play the game of choice. Three words that I catch myself saying even after all these years of warning others of their danger.
You may shudder with fear as you hear these words…
Or you may go, “What’s the big deal?”
The words are:
I have to.
I’m trembling even as I write them.…
Can you feel the sense of choice being removed from you as you utter the words “I have to?” Can you feel how you lack power when you say them?
What they lack in power of choice, they make up for in force. They can be spoken to “force” yourself into doing something. Yet with this force, you remove your sense of power to choose.
“I have to” is possibly the most poisonous phrase of disempowerment. Similarly, the words “I can’t” are also disempowering due to the removal of the feeling of choice.
Research indicates those who use the words “I can’t” are less likely to resist junk food temptation compared to those who use the more empowering words “I don’t.”
When you use force rather than choice, it triggers something psychologists call reactance. This is your “anti-slavery” mechanism built within you that says, “You don’t own me! It’s my life, I do what I want! Whateva!”
We don’t like it when people try to force things upon us because, surprise, surprise, it removes the ability to choose. As you should know by now, this is the same regardless of whether or not someone else tries to force you to do something, or whether you try to force yourself to do something.
Of course, those who don’t choose to get control over their reactance may simply rebel against anything they’re told to do. Then they’re just as easily manipulated as the “sheep” they scorn because all one has to do is use reverse psychology to control them. Tell them not to do something, and they’ll rebel against it and do it. Tell them to do something, and they’ll rebel against that and not do it. Blind rebels aren’t any less enslaved than blind followers.
“You should buy this other book instead of Derek Doepker’s book… that dude doesn’t know what he’s talking about”
“Pssh… Don’t tell me how to live my life! I do what I want! I’m totally not going to buy the book you say and will buy Derek’s instead. No one can tell me what to do!!”
#Muahaha #SillyRebel #YouAreMyPuppet #IOwnYou
“I have to” can’t be true because you don’t “have to” do anything, remember?
Someone puts a gun to your head and attempts to force you to do something?
You don’t “have to” go along. I’m not saying it’s wise, I’m just saying there’s a choice to take the bullet.
Therefore, “I have to” is bullshit.
Potentially…
Now you might be thinking, “Ok Derek… I know what you like to do. You’re going to probably get me all riled up about how ‘bad’ these words are, and then come in and say, ‘I have to’ isn’t necessary good or bad, right?”
Well done… you have learned well, young grasshopper.
I hope you’re starting to not take things at face value. I hope you realize “I have to” isn’t ever true, but also is true. Four-value logic, remember?
How is “I have to,” at least potentially, a true statement?
We just need to add more “truth” to it.
I have to IF…
“I have to eat broccoli IF I would like to have broccoli be eaten by me.”
Yeah, it sounds a little funny, but it’s true right?
Let’s make it more practical…
I have to hold my breath… IF I wish to avoid choking right now being underwater.
I have to get my friend a gift… IF I want to give them the joy of receiving an awesome gift from me.
I have to do what this person with a gun to my head says… IF I don’t want to get shot in the face.
I have to make myself weaker temporarily… IF I wish to develop the strength that follows from lifting these weights.
I have to be in a state of love… IF I wish to overcome my fears and unleash my greatness.
Why look at things this way? Isn’t this kind of a common sense thing that doesn’t really need explaining?
On one hand, I could tell you to simply stop saying the words “I have to.” This is often what I recommend people do in favor of replacing them with the words “I choose to” or “I will.”
“I can’t” becomes “I don’t” or “I won’t.”
This is useful and a great game to play.
It does work.
But wouldn’t it be even more empowering to allow yourself to not only say these words, but have them give you a greater sense of choice instead of a lesser sense of choice? What if the words, “I have to” could be used to incre
ase your awareness to what’s possible instead of cutting off possibilities?
Words are limiters, and they may bind you – if you choose to let them. However, remember even limiters can be tools for greater freedom. Even the resistance of dumbbells, which make you weaker when you lift them, can be used to make you stronger over time.
So what’s another game, an “exercise,” if you will, that will turn the force and resistance of “I have to” into something that actually makes you stronger?
Here’s another empowering game you may choose to play…
Rather than rejecting “I have to” altogether, you may start integrating greater truth into it.
“I have to get this project done by the end of the week.”
Oh, I said “I have to…” what does this mean? What are the conditions that makes this true? I have to get this project done by the end of the week IF…
“I want to keep my job.”
Oh, OK. Is this really true?
“Yes. I’m told I will be fired if I don’t have this project done.”
OK. So really I’m choosing to keep my job. Do I really want my job? Is there something else I can choose?
Why do all of this exploration?
So you start to gain greater awareness of why you’re choosing what you choose. You start to see other possibilities.
Maybe one hates their job and it wouldn’t be so bad to lose it.
“I’m doing this project just to keep a job I hate. I think it’s about time to tell my boss I quit and spend the time I would have spent working on this stupid project to start my own business and spend more time with my family.”
Your “I have to” statements become a window into your motivations, what you’re valuing, what you’re making matter the most in your life at this moment. You might be enlightened by what you find.
To play this game, all you do is add any of the following words after the words “I have to…”
Break Through Your BS_Uncover Your Brain's Blind Spots and Unleash Your Inner Greatness Page 17