“Mother, that’s all in the past.” Hannah squeezed Maggie’s hand. “And I don’t know if I’ve ever thanked you enough for the support you gave me when I needed it. You could have disowned me like my father eventually did, but look at us both happily pushing little Johnny out for his constitution. I’m content with the way my life has turned out and grateful for all you’ve done.”
“Go on with yer, Hannah, yer making me feel all weepy. I should be grateful to you for giving me my beautiful grandson. Anyway, enough! Let me tell yer about this plan of mine.”
Maggie fiddled with the ties on the fur tippet she wore around her neck as she thought about what she would say. She felt nervous and a little guilty; this idea she had was so unlike her that Hannah would know straight away she was being lied to. When had Maggie Haines ever taken time off for her own good?
“I’m thinking of staying a week in luxurious splendour and I’ve heard the shops in Liverpool are equal, if not better, to our favourite department store. I can just imagine meself being cossetted and pampered and spending a lot of money on a new wardrobe of clothes. I hear that Bond Street is the place to be, according to Mrs. Peters, who’s on the Hospital Board. She was telling me of a little shop that’s just opened there. Bespoke tailoring would yer believe?”
Maggie waited, blushing, for Hannah’s pronouncement, ready to hear of the girl’s disbelief.
“Well, I have to admit that it will be pleasant to have some time alone with Eddie. Now that the nurse has gone, we can play happy families on our own.”
“Yes, I’ve been thinking along those lines meself, Hannah. It can’t be much fun fer yer both having me hanging around. No, let me finish…”
Maggie put her hand on her stepdaughter’s arm as the girl began to protest.
“Though I adore the little one, I’ve been thinking I might look around fer a country cottage. Something that we could all use for holidays or when we want to get away from it all. I was thinking perhaps in Wales or on the banks of the Mersey. I don’t know yet, it’s only a thought fer the future, but it would give yer time on yer own.”
Hannah looked thoughtful and hesitated over her next words, but things had to be said if they were being honest with each other.
“Tell me to mind my own business if you want to Mother, but do you ever think of going over to Ireland to be with Father? I know he let you down, he let us all down, but I wonder if you still have any feelings for him? I know… That’s what you’re doing, isn’t it?!” Hannah stopped walking and turned quickly to face her stepmother, her eyes wide open in surprise. “Going to meet Papa in Liverpool! You’d never leave the business behind if it wasn’t so important…”
“No, Hannah, that’s not it at all. Your father and I are finished and I am amazed that you could even be thinking of it, but I suppose now that you’re a married woman I can speak frankly to yer. You’re a bit of a romantic, perhaps seeing us living happily in our old age together, but no, that will never happen. You know the story of our early years together, how I took him back when he came home from America, but I’ll not do that again. I’ve too much pride to let that happen and, who knows, he might even have a new love in Wicklow. So he wouldn’t want me turning up and messing his life up for him.”
“But you must have loved him once, Mother,” Hannah insisted. “Before all the misery he caused you. Would it be too difficult to try again?”
“Let it rest, Hannah. Just thinking of your father aggravates me. Besides it’s too nice a day to be dwelling on him.”
Maggie stood for a moment at the bottom of the marble steps that led up to Liverpool’s grandest hotel. She had turned down the cab driver’s offer of carrying up her two heavy valises to Reception, tipping him well as he shook his head disbelievingly. Her heart was hammering as she realised the enormity of what she was doing. But this had been planned for weeks now and she was going to see it through. Why shouldn’t she and Johnny be together at last?
He had told her it was what he had wanted since he’d first met her, though she’d taken it all with a pinch of the proverbial salt. How could he have loved that raggedy, wild-looking, tattered girl?
That night when he had come back to speak to her had been a revelation for the both of them. So many years had passed since their time in Killala. Was it really the truth that Maggie was hearing from him?
“Why do you think I never married?” Johnny had asked her. “Because you were there in me mind, whatever I did. When I left you at the “Giant’s Tub” I worried for your future. I told me mother the next morning that I’d visit where you lived.”
“But yer didn’t, did yer?” Maggie had replied, quite unable to believe that the pair of them were sitting with a glass of sherry each at midnight in front of the drawing room fire. “Nor did yer want to take me back to Ireland with yer, when I met yer that day by the pier.”
“Oh, Maggie, how could I have done that? You had just married Jack. What if there had been a baby on the way?”
“I’m still married to Jack,” Maggie had said flatly. “So it doesn’t change the situation, though it does me heart good to hear that you care for me.”
“And what about you? I know you have some feeling for me. Every time we meet we’re drawn to each other. Remember that time when we danced on the bowling green?”
“Aye and remember all those hurtful things that were said at Hannah’s wedding? Not words I should hear from a man who professes to care.”
“I know, Maggie and I’m sorry. I was jealous that I wasn’t in your life and you’d changed so much from the girl I loved. You were confident, poised, none of the things I remembered about you. And with Jack as your husband, I didn’t have a chance.”
They had talked until the milk churns rattled, as the farm cart passed by on its way to the village, eager to hear of life’s journey that each of them had made.
“And here I am,” Maggie said to herself. “About to start the next stage.”
“Let me help you with your bags, Madam.”
Maggie turned to see the concierge of the building, a tall man dressed in a blue and silver uniform, gazing at her with some concern.
“Surely the cabbie didn’t leave you to carry these up on your own?” He tutted disapprovingly and began to climb up the steps to the hotel with her valises.
Maggie watched him go, suddenly unwilling to follow. Once up those steps she’d have committed herself to a man she was unsure of, even if he did have a handsome face. That was what it was, she thought. She was attracted by his looks and stature, left over dreams from her girlhood, when she imagined the man she’d marry one day. It was still there in her memory, still feeling cheated that she had been whisked away by Jack and his mother. Had there been a glimmer of hope that last night in Ireland that Johnny would come to rescue her?
What harm would it do? A few nights of passion. To feel the heat from another man’s body, when for too long she had slept alone. She was hurting no one, except perhaps herself in the future, if Johnny was playing a duplicitous game.
“Madam, are you waiting for somebody?” A voice from above broke into Maggie’s daunting fears.
She walked slowly upwards, her head tilted bravely, unsure if she could cope with the challenge that lay ahead.
“So,” said Eddie after Hannah had come down from settling their baby. “Did Maggie get away alright? What time train was she catching?”
Hannah snuggled down beside him on the big sofa that had just been delivered. They had complained that the chaise longue was uncomfortable, so Maggie had ordered this one and banished the chair to the little-used sitting room.
“Oh, don’t remind me. She was in a real snappy mood before she left. Said she was going on the eleven o’ clock, but was still here at half past. Interfering with my plans for this evening’s meal, telling Joan that she might be here for it anyway. I kept saying, “Leave it, you’ll be at the Adelphi eating from an A’ la Carte menu,” but she kept muttering, “That’s if I go.”
; “I thought she was looking forward to getting away for a while. Spending some of her millions on new gowns and fripperies, or whatever you women do.”
“I just don’t know what got into her,” Hannah yawned and stretched her body beside him.
“She deserves a break from all these decisions she’s been making, especially now she’s got you overseeing the developments and from what you say, Richard seems to have got everything else in hand. But I heard her talking to herself in her bedroom while she was doing her packing, saying why on earth had she agreed to leave her beautiful view?”
“She’ll enjoy herself once she gets there. A week spent in the lap of luxury and all those shops to wander through. She’ll come back feeling pleased that she made the effort… Meantime, what about you and I making another baby together?”
Eddie drew Hannah into the circle of his arms and began to nuzzle her.
“Let’s forget Maggie for the moment and concentrate on you and me.”
Maggie anxiously paced the floor of the sitting room in the suite she had reserved for her and Captain Dockerty. It had all seemed so easy when she had written her letter to the hotel all those weeks ago: “The Captain and Mrs Dockerty would be staying in Liverpool for a short holiday and would they be so kind as to reserve them a suite?” Or something like that, she couldn’t remember her wording. This day had crept up on her so quickly and now she was waiting for her “ husband” to appear. Johnny had said his ship would tie up at the docks around five-ish and now here it was; six o’clock and there was no sign of him. How long did it take to walk from the docks to the Adelphi Hotel?
She still had on her travelling coat, round saucer hat and wrist-length gloves. They all matched in colour, a blueish grey in an attractive brushed velvet. The maid had hung her clothing in a vast wardrobe in the large bedroom adjacent to the sitting room, but on two occasions Maggie had thought of repacking them and taking flight. What was she doing there, she kept asking herself? She knew nothing about Johnny, other then he was the son of her old friend, Kathleen Dockerty. Yes, he was Eddie’s uncle, her grandchild’s godfather, but that didn’t mean she knew a lot about the man.
What had he been doing since they had parted all those years ago? Oh, she knew when he had finished running cattle across from Ireland that he had captained anybody’s vessel who would have him, that now he sailed a steamboat to Dublin every other day, but what about the man? What had he been up to? Had there been a girl in every port, as was said about sailors, or had it been true what he had said to her? She had always got in his way. Did she really believe there had been no other woman he had called his beloved, no girl he had slept with or lived with? An attractive man such as Johnny, charming and dashing, still good to look at almost fifty.
Maggie groaned at the thought of him; he was everything she had dreamed of as a young girl. But she was a married woman, wasn’t she? About to start something with another man, when Jack was only a short sail across the Irish Sea. And Johnny would expect that thing that she had disliked when she had shared a bed with her husband; the mauling, the sweating, the messing about with her private bits and the worry of finding herself expecting. She was forty now for heaven’s sake; she was too old to get in the family way.
She stopped her pacing and started for the bedroom. If she was quick it would only take her minutes to get her clothes back into the valises. They would be surprised to see her back in Selwyn Lodge, but she still had time before Hannah and Eddie retired to bed. Her breath came in little gasps as she flung open the tall doors of the wardrobe, pulling down her evening gown, her warm wrap, her two elegant walking dresses, throwing them haphazardly into her bag. Next the drawer with her underclothes in. Don’t forget your nightie and your shoes, her mind said. Finished! All she needed now was a porter and a cabbie. She’d leave a message to say she’d been called away!
Too late. A knock came at the door of the sitting room. Maggie trembled from head to foot for a moment. What was she going to tell him? He’d be angry, she’d seen him in action at Hannah’s wedding. What could he be capable of? He seemed a strong man, would he strike her for messing him around?
“Sorry to disturb you, Madam.” It was the manager; a small man in a stiff black suit, with a toadying air, whose eyes seemed to dwell somewhere around Maggie’s shoes.
“I was wondering if you would like to take dinner here instead of in our restaurant. I noticed that your husband hasn’t put in an appearance yet and…” he coughed. “I’m sure you wouldn’t like to have attention drawn to the fact you are dining alone.”
Maggie stood for a moment and stared at him, relieved that it hadn’t been Johnny. But what was wrong with dining alone? Was he suggesting something? Something impolite, for heaven’s sake? She was saved from answering him, as Johnny came walking briskly up the hall.
Her heart began to pit a pat as she saw his elegant stride. He looked a little windblown and had changed from what she imagined would be a smart sailor suit to evening dress. Black tails, white frilled shirt and a top hat that he carried in the crook of his arm. In his hand was a large masculine-looking overnight bag. The thought crossing her wildly thrashing mind that it would have a change of clothing and his nightwear in.
“Ah, you must be the manager of the establishment,” Johnny said a little breathlessly. “I’m Captain Dockerty. Got caught up in stormy waters out in Liverpool Bay. Here now. Did you want something? My wife and I will be down at eight thirty for our evening meal. Sorry darling…”
He shut the door firmly in the surprised face of the manager, then after looking Maggie up and down quizzically, he hugged her to him, then kissed her warmly on her gaping mouth. When he had finished, he looked over her shoulder with appreciation at the surroundings they were in.
“Well, you’ve certainly done us proud, Maggie. I couldn’t believe it when the man in the lobby said we had been put in the Crosby suite on the first floor. Is that a bathroom over there. That bed that I can see looks far more comfortable than my bunk on the Irish Maiden. So, what are you doing with your outdoor clothes on? Why hasn’t the maid put your clothes away? Have you only just got here like I have? I thought you were leaving Neston early so you could have a look around the shops without me hanging around?”
Maggie pulled away from him and sat down in a small gilt-edged chair. She covered her face with her hands and began to sob quietly.
Johnny stood in amazement, wondering what she was doing. He knew he was later than he said he would be, but he had expected her at least to have changed into an evening gown, or even have a maid on hand pinning up her hair. What had got into her all of a sudden? He shoved his bag aside with his foot and knelt down on his knees in front of Maggie, trying to take her hands in his.
“What’s the matter with you? Was it that man that was hanging round the door? Has he upset you? Come on Maggie, out with it.” Johnny started to get angry. If someone had hurt her in some way then he’d go straight down and deal with it.
Maggie rubbed at her wet cheeks distractedly and tried to take command of herself. This was silly. She was acting like a child.
“No,” she said hastily, keeping her eyes averted from his in case she softened her resolve.
“It all got too much for me, sitting around this afternoon waiting for you. I should have gone shopping like I said I would, but I didn’t and it gave me time to think. We shouldn’t be doing this, Johnny. I’m a married woman and I don’t even know yer properly. The thought of all this was exciting. You and me together, pretending to be Captain and Mrs Dockerty. It all seemed a world away when we were planning this in Neston, but now it’s happening, I don’t think I can go through with it. I think I should go back home.”
She brought her eyes up to meet his, expecting an angry face, waiting for a tirade from him saying that she had played him for a fool. But there was none of that. He was smiling kindly at her, nodding with understanding. He raised her to him and kissed her on both cheeks slowly.
“Maggie, do yer thin
k I’m a monster? Did yer think that I’d drag yer over to that big bed through there and have me way with yer? This week is for us to get to know each other. I lost yer once to that eejit from Killala but I’m not about to lose yer again. I know yer married and yes, we’re both Catholics, so we’re bound to do the guilt thing. But you only get one chance at true happiness in this life, so let’s take it while we can. I’ve arranged five days leave and in that time we’ll do the sights, tramp round the shops and take our loving very slowly. We’ll even put a bolster down the middle of the bed, if yer think that I’m just after your body. Now come on, Mrs. Dockerty, I’m starving. Shall I ring for a maid to help you with your dressing? I believe that’s what they do in fancy hotels!”
Maggie reflected on Johnny’s words as the maid fastened her into the wasp waist corset, then placed the bustle beneath the underskirt of the peach-coloured, shot silk evening gown.
She had bought the dress on impulse last time she had visited Chester, thinking she could wear it at one of the many charity balls she was always being invited to. But with no one to escort her, it was difficult to summon up the courage to go alone and the dress had sat forlornly in her wardrobe for quite some time. But here she was, about to go to dinner with a very handsome escort, throwing caution to the wind, embarking on this second chance of happiness, hoping it wouldn’t come to a bitter end. Because what had happened when she had taken Jack back into her heart again? Betrayal and treachery, from a man who had insisted they take their marriage vows in the first place, when she had been prepared to sit out the famine in her family home. Was she expected to live out her days as a spinster would, although Jack could have a lover at his stud farm? If there was a God, did he want her to live her life growing older and bitter, only concerned with business and how much money she could earn? No, she and Johnny deserved this time together. He had said he had loved her for twenty four years!
Dreams Can Come True Page 20