“Oh, hey,” he said, pausing his game and lifting his finger off the button, “I didn’t know you were here already.”
“Yeah, I just got here,” I said, resisting every urge to run over and hug him. My intuition warned me against it.
“Long time, no see,” he said, getting to his feet. He wore jeans and a dark gray polo that was in serious need of an iron.
“Yeah . . .” I tried to reach for an explanation.
“Don’t worry,” he said, walking up to me and giving me a one pat hug, hardly touching me, “It’s whatever. What’s for lunch?” he asked, walking past me to the stairs.
“Spaghetti,” I said behind him.
“Olivia’s spaghetti tastes like shit,” he said with a laugh and headed downstairs.
We all sat down at the table, Caleb and I on one side, Nathan on the other, and my father and Olivia at opposite ends.
“Is that your boyfriend?” Nathan asked, looking at Caleb.
“Ha ha, no,” Caleb said, wiping his mouth.
“No, he’s a friend,” I replied.
“I was about to say, I thought you were a lesbian,” Nathan said.
“Nathan, really?” my dad said without amusement.
“What? I really thought she was,” he said with a smirk, as he shoved a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth.
“So, Danielle, what do you do for a living?” Olivia asked.
“Sweetheart,” my dad said, “Maybe we shouldn’t ask Danielle so many questions about her personal life,” he said, clearly trying to heed Joyce’s advice.
“It’s fine,” I said, “I, uh, work at an assisted living facility right now and live with a lot of really nice people like Caleb. I’m just working on getting my life together and figuring out what I want to do.”
“Oh, that’s great,” Olivia replied.
“Yeah,” I said, unimpressed with my current life story.
“When did you get out of the hospital?” Nathan asked, not looking at me.
“About a year-and-a-half ago,” I said quietly.
“Didn’t think to drop by after that?” he asked.
“I was still dealing with a lot —” I started.
“Is that right? Rumor has it you were in town right around that time, visiting mom,” he shoved another bite into his mouth and looked at me, emotionless, as if he was a doctor trying to psychoanalyze me.
“That’s true, I did,” I said.
“Didn’t bother to stop by and visit your dad or brother though, huh?” he asked, “Visit any other family members?”
“I ---”
“Nathan, you sure are moody today, have you taken your medication?” Olivia asked. Nathan exaggeratedly dropped his head and shot it back up.
“No. Oh my goodness, I must have forgotten,” he slapped himself in the forehead and stood from the table. He walked over and embraced Olivia and kissed the top of her head, “Thank you for reminding me, mommy.”
Olivia gave him a mild shove with a laugh, as he exited the kitchen. “He’s kidding. He can be a real smartass sometimes, but he has a good heart.”
I contorted my mouth into a smile, while my eyebrows retained a ‘what the fuck?’ expression.
“I’m so happy to have you here, Danielle. You’re always welcome to come over, for holidays or whenever. If you ever need a place to stay, you can always stay here,” my dad said sincerely.
“Thanks, dad,” I said. An awkward silence lingered in the air until Nathan came back into the room.
“I’m normal again!” he announced, slamming a glass of water on the table.
“Nathan, sit down,” my dad said, grabbing the end of his sleeve and pulling him down.
“When did you guys get married?” the question just fell out of me.
“It was two years ago,” my dad said.
“Yeah, he got over mom real quick,” Nathan said, wiggling in his chair and winking at Olivia, “Love you, Olivia.”
“I will say I wasn’t done healing from the loss of your mother. However, I don’t think I ever will be. She was the mother of my children and she’ll always be with me. I didn’t want to get to a point where I moved on from her because that will never happen. I just found someone who understood my love for her and loved that part of me.”
“That’s good,” I said, not wanting to dislike Olivia, just not quite comfortable with her, “Do you still go visit her?”
“Every week,” he said, “We all do.”
I was saddened by this admission. Even Olivia had visited my mother, a hundred times more than I did.
“I’m happy to hear that.”
“We could all go as a family sometime, if you’d like,” my dad said.
“Oh, Alex, that’s a lovely idea,” Olivia said.
“Yeah, maybe sometime,” I replied.
We finished our food and continued the conversation over empty plates, Nathan slipping in a cold, sarcastic remark wherever he could.
“So, are you in high school now?” Caleb asked Nathan, “Do you play any sports?”
“Yes, I’m in high school, and does it look like I play sports?”
“You stopped playing baseball?” I asked.
“Yeah, I should try out for track though. I’m definitely good at running away from people who want to kick my ass,” Nathan said.
“Nathan, that’s not funny. You need to report those people,” my dad said.
“Why? Who cares? Anyway, did you know Peyton is a TA at my school?”
Silence swept over the table.
“Cool,” I said, having no idea what he was talking about, as he grinned at me.
“Excuse yourself from the table, Nathan,” My dad said, narrowing his eyebrows at Nathan.
“What?” Nathan laughed, “It’s true.”
“Now,” my dad said.
He rolled his eyes, got up from the table, and exited the front door.
“We should probably be going, but thank you for having us over. It was good to see everyone,” I said, standing and lifting my plate from the table.
“Oh, leave it there. I’ll clean it up,” Olivia stated, putting her hand out.
“It’s been so great to see you, Danielle. I can’t tell you how happy I was when Dr. Joy called,” I stifled a laugh, imagining how Joyce must have introduced herself, “I was scared I’d never see you again.”
“I’m glad I came,” I said.
He walked us out, and we exchanged hugs and handshakes. Nathan had positioned himself on the banister of the porch, resting his back against a post and dangling one leg. He waved, as I walked toward the car. My heart ached as I walked away, I missed my little brother deeply, and he seemed to have all but moved on without me- as he was forced to do. Caleb started up the truck, and put it into drive. He began to take off, but moments later, came to a halt.
“Forget something?” I asked, looking over at him. He nodded toward my window. I had been resting my elbow on the door armrest, when it gave way as Nathan opened the door. I looked up at him, confused. He leaned in the car and grabbed me with both arms to hug me. As he hugged me, I stepped down from the truck to hug him back. He hugged me for several moments in silence.
“I did miss you. Don’t be such a stranger,” he said.
“I missed you, too, Nathan.”
He took a step back and glanced over his shoulder. He lifted the bottom of his shirt and pulled out an envelope that had been folded in half with my name across the middle. He handed it to me and I surveyed it, noticing it was still sealed, but it felt familiar in my hand.
“It’s from mom. I found it that day. . . I got one too,” he said, glancing off toward the sun. “I wasn’t trying to hide it from you. I was just trying to find the right time to give it to you. It's always been hard to find the right time with you.”
With guilt setting in at his last words, I began to wonder if he had read it and somehow resealed it, but just as the thought tried to cross my
mind, he said, “I didn’t read it, I just kept it because I didn’t want anyone else to read it. The things she wrote in mine. . . I know they were just meant for me. I can only assume the same about yours.”
“Thank you,” I said, almost speechless, then found the words surfacing like water in drenched shoes, “I’m so sorry for leaving, Nathan.”
He shoved his hands in his front pockets and looked at me with a combination of coldness, desperation, and curiosity, “Are you though?”
We drove in silence most of the way back as I let the encounter process in my mind. Things had changed so much in my absence. Seeing my family live a life that didn’t include me, it almost made me feel as if they were no longer mine. My mind wandered to Caleb’s story.
“Where’s your Where’s Elias now?” I asked. Caleb glanced over at me, surprised that’s the first thing I would say.
“He still lives in Lamen, from where I’m from, same house,” he said.
“Have you talked to him since?” I asked.
“No, I can’t.”
“Is there a restraining order or something?”
“No, not anymore. I just could never look him in the face, knowing what I did.”
“I see.”
“It was nice, seeing your family. I must say, I envy you.”
“Do you ever want a family?” I asked.
“Absolutely, one day. I would love to settle down, get married. I wish I could have become a foster parent but that’s not really an option anymore with my records.”
“Have you ever had a girlfriend?” I asked.
“Nah, nothing serious,” he said.
“Are you a virgin?” I asked.
“Knowing what you know about my past, what do you think?”
“No, I bet you were a man-whore back in the day,” I said with a laugh.
“Ha ha, I guess you could say that, but I’ve changed. I just need to find me a good Chris —” I cast a warning look at him, “Spiritual girl.”
“Well, I guess that means I’m disqualified. Damn,” I said with the snap of my fingers.
“Oh, yeah, I bet you’re so disappointed,” Caleb said, laughing, “What about you? Any…girlfriends?”
“No. . .”
“Hmmmm.”
“What?” I asked.
“It’s just unusual, I guess, the comment your brother made. I would think he would have some basis for that, considering he was much younger the last time you saw him. Figured maybe you had one at that time.”
“Nope.”
“Wait a second, so you’re the virgin!” Caleb said, raising his eyebrows.
“Go figure, right?”
“Wow, Danielle, you’re like almost in your mid-twenties.”
“Caleb, are you suggesting I should have premarital sex?” I asked with my hand over my mouth in false shock.
“No, never,” Caleb said, still attempting to stifle his laugh, “But I mean, gay marriage isn’t legal, so it’s not like that’s an option.”
“I thought you were supposed to hate gay people,” I asked, implying his Christian beliefs.
“Another misconception you have about me. See, I don’t hate anyone. I don’t judge anyone, because that’s not my job. As far as the ideas of some people regarding homosexual relationships, well, I have my own opinion.”
“What’s that?”
“Well, I think there are all kinds of relationships that are unhealthy or toxic. It doesn’t matter if you’re gay or straight but I can’t believe that there is something wrong with two men who love each other or two women who want to raise a child. I believe that there can be the presence of love in these relationships despite gender. I don’t think evil is capable of love. Evil is the absence of love. Love is eternal, and whatever the gender assigned to our mortal bodies, I don’t believe them to be assigned to our souls.”
I glanced at Caleb in admiration. He did have a love for this world and the people in it, and that was remarkable.
“I like you, Caleb.”
“You want to know something awesome?” he asked.
“What?”
“You didn’t correct me when I called you Danielle.”
"Damn you,” I said with a smile.
Chapter Thirteen
Fighting for Your Light
When I returned to the house, I hid my mother’s letter away from the world and myself. I wasn’t ready for it. I hadn’t known of its existence until now. I was working on myself and knew a message from beyond the grave could derail any tiny goodness attempting to grow. Something was different, It was a spark of motivation growing inside me, small but loud.
I spent the following Saturday in revolving group training. I had a period of time blocked out with every member of the house in order to learn from them and see how they train and discipline their gifts. I started the morning with Tanya and David and ended my day with Law.
After breakfast, I was asked to meet Tanya and David in the backyard. As I made my way out the back door, I saw them sitting across from each other on a large blanket in the grass. The air was cool against the warm day, creating a perfect day to be outside. They were both barefoot and sat cross-legged on the blanket.
“Dani, kick off your shoes and come join us,” Tanya said, beckoning me with her hand. I did as she said and sat on the blanket, thinking we were about to attempt to conjure some evil spirits.
“Okay, we’re going to practice some basic meditating techniques. We like to do this to quiet our minds from all those wild, crazy, thoughts that be running wild. Ya know, keep you up at night,” Tanya said, “Cool?”
“Yeah. . . it’s interesting that you two would be the ones who do this sort of thing,” I said.
“Yeah?” David asked, “You have a Reader and Human Computer. No one’s thoughts run more rampant that ours. Tanya has to deal with her own thoughts and the thoughts of other people, and I have to maintain normal cognitive function while having the capability to retain information 127 times better than the average brain and process it 2,367 times faster than the average brain. Believe me, we need this more than most.”
I scratched the back of my head, contemplating this information, “So, how does it work?”
“All right, we’re going to sit up straight, but relax your shoulders. Place your hands in your lap or like on your knees like this. First, we’re going to do some deep breathing, and you’re supposed to focus on your breathing. Breathe in, breathe out. Close your eyes and just let your thoughts fall to the ground. Focus only on your breathing.”
I closed my eyes and breathed in and out. I tried paying attention to my breath, but the thought of how fast David could process information popped into my head. I wondered what that felt like. When my mind would run wild, it seemed like a million items a second, so if my brain was average, that would mean he was thinking two, three —
“If you find thoughts attempting to enter your mind and distract you, just bring your focus back to your breathing,” Tanya said, clearly getting a peek into my mind.
I resumed my position and focused back on my breathing. As I did this for several minutes, I felt a weight slowly being lifted from my consciousness. The worries and stress fell by the wayside, and my mind became significantly quieter, not silent, but there was much more space in there.
“Feel a wave of relaxation flow through your body, starting with the top of your head. Like water slowly running down your limbs,” came David’s voice in the silence. “Feel the tension in your head alleviate, going down your neck to your shoulders. Feel it run down your arms to your hands and each of your fingers. Feel your chest and stomach expand and open to relaxation, let your lungs take the air in more deeply as you create more space for breathing. Feel your hips relaxing and forming to natural resting position. Feel your legs, knees, and shins become heavy with relaxation. Let that run through your feet to each of your toes.”
As the words came to my mind, my body obeyed his sugges
tions. I felt warmth and relaxation flow through me, my muscles’ tension easing each moment we worked together. I was thoroughly enjoying learning this technique.
We worked together for almost half an hour, then took time afterward to discuss a few things and enjoy each other’s company.
“You’re with me next,” came Chad’s light voice form the back door. I looked in his direction and then back towards the others.
“Well, I guess I’ll see you guys at dinner,” I said, getting up.
“Dani,” came Tanya’s voice from behind me as I walked away. I turned to her, “You all right? I didn’t mean all that stuff I said before about you not being a Dual Soul. I know you are and it’s cool that you’re here with us.”
“I agree,” David said, “I think you could teach us a lot.”
“Thanks guys,” I said as I proceeded up the stairs to meet Chad.
He was positioned in the doorway with his hair hanging in his face, holding the door with one hand. He stepped out of the way as I walked into the house and closed the door behind me.
“All right. Now that you’re done with them, you’re going to practice some self-care with me,” he said, grabbing my arm and interlocking it with his as he led me upstairs.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“It’s a lot of things. Like meditating is a form of self-care, but we’re not doing that,” he said, waving his hand in the air.
“So what are we doing?”
“We’re going to self-care our body and spirit souls,” he said. “I’m talking manicures, moisturizer, masks, deep conditioning, and exfoliating.”
I laughed at his words, thinking he was kidding. I realized he wasn’t as he led me into one of the bathrooms upstairs. It looked like he had set up a miniature spa. He had all the products laid out, complete with white robes.
“Welcome to La Spa de Chad,” he said, waving his hand whimsically to display the bathroom.
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