by Linda Ford
He told himself he wasn’t disappointed. Their agreement was only for the sake of three little girls. “How’s Merry?”
“She’s eaten and is sleeping. I’ll feed her again just before church so she’ll hopefully sleep through the service.”
“I’d offer you a ride but—”
“No need. I arranged for a driver from town. We’ll have to hurry to be ready in time.”
“Of course.” He prayed. They dished up and concentrated on eating, though the girls got sidetracked telling a story about the houses they were going to build. Twice, Agnes had to remind them to pay attention to their food.
Despite the rush, the girls waited for him to read from their parents’ Bible before they asked to be excused. He could tell Agnes was anxious to prepare for the trip, so he left. He saddled his horse, but he wouldn’t leave until he saw that Agnes and the girls were on their way.
A wagon from the livery barn approached, driven by old Mr. Smith, who wore a top hat and carried a black quirt as if he expected to escort royal dignitary.
Nels smiled. Agnes had said she worked out after her parents died. He suspected she wasn’t used to such fine treatment. He waited as they rode away. Lila and Hettie waved to him. He followed, staying far enough back to avoid their dust. Far enough, too, that people wouldn’t think they arrived together.
At the church, he let Mr. Smith hand them down and stayed away even though the girls looked disappointed.
His cousins and their spouses and children saw him and rushed over, almost smothering him with their hugs. He didn’t mind. It was good to be embraced by family.
“Good to see you back.” Anker held young Charlie in his arms.
“You must join us for dinner after church,” Anker’s wife, Lena, said. “Ward and Freyda and their two boys are coming.”
“I’ll be there.” His gaze followed Agnes and the girls as they climbed the steps and entered the church. Lila and Hettie would certainly enjoy visiting with the children. But he knew he must ignore Agnes and her charges while in public, in order to give the right impression.
He sat with his cousins.
Agnes sat on the far side of the church. Several women greeted her.
He guessed from the way they patted the little girls they felt bad about Mrs. Long’s death.
Reverend Sorrow took his place behind the pulpit and announced the first hymn. Nels gladly raised his voice with the others.
The sermon was on brotherly kindness. Did brotherly kindness extend to thinking good thoughts about people in the situation he and Agnes found themselves? Nels wished he could see Agnes’s reaction, but he dare not look in her direction and draw attention to them.
He whispered as he passed her on the way to his horse. “I’m spending the afternoon at Anker’s.”
She gave a slight nod to indicate she heard, but marched on as if they were strangers.
He followed his cousins and their spouses and children to Anker’s farm. As always, he admired the two-story log house. Who but Anker would purchase logs from the west and have them brought in? Of course, it had been to impress a gal. But it turned out the gal wasn’t interested. Not unlike Nels and Inga. Maybe the Hansens were destined to failed romances.
The afternoon passed pleasantly enough. After the meal, the three boys went out to play. Nels told the others about his cows and his plans. “I intend to prove up my homestead and have the land I want.”
A silent message passed between Anker and Lena. Another between Ward and Freyda.
“Okay, what is it you are all thinking but not saying?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but knew they would tell him whether or not he asked.
“We heard you have someone living in your house.” Anker did his best to sound only mildly interested.
“Huh? Where would you hear such a thing?”
“Big Gus who owns the livery barn says he took Miss Bland out there with the little Long girls.”
Lena shook her head. “Such a sad thing, losing their mother after their father passed during the winter. How is the baby?”
“They’ve named her Merry, and she is a sweet little thing. So are both girls.”
Anker cleared his throat.
Nels knew what they were all thinking. He looked around the circle of adults. His American family. Both Freyda and Anker had heard the same admonitions from Grandfar as had he. “Would you have me turn out a woman and three little girls just because of what some small-minded people might think or say? I am sleeping in the shed. We are totally circumspect in every way. I remember something Grandfar used to say.” Not for the first time, he appreciated his grandfather’s oft-repeated sayings. “How often did you hear him say, ‘Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.’?”
They all had the good grace to look away from him and shift about.
“Yes. I thought you might see things my way if you gave it a little thought.”
Freyda leaned forward to look him in the eye. “I completely understand that you are wanting to help, but have you considered that it might ruin her reputation?”
“So I’ve been told.” He explained about Mr. Wriggs’s visit. “I discussed it with Miss Bland and offered to marry her. She refused, saying it was not a good enough reason for marriage.”
“You sound relieved,” Lena said.
“I suppose I am. I learned a lesson with Inga that I don’t care to repeat.”
Freyda smiled. “I think we have all felt the same way at one time.”
“Don’t look so smug. Just because things worked out so nicely for you, don’t assume they will work out that way for me.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t assume anything of the sort.” Freyda and Lena looked at each other and chuckled.
A little later, Nels caught his hens, put them in cages, and hooked the cages to his saddle. He filled some sacks with oats and put them on his plow horses. “I hate to work on Sunday,” he said as Anker and Ward helped him. “But it’s too far to make a special trip.”
He set off with his horses, chickens, and feed, leaving in plenty of time to get home before dark. Perhaps in time to arrive for supper.
The girls saw him coming and jumped up and down, hollering, “Here comes Uncle Nels.”
Agnes sat next to the house, holding the baby.
Seems they were enjoying the sunny day.
He waved his hat.
Agnes gave a little wave and a smile
How often he had dreamed of returning home to such a scene, such a greeting.
He jerked his hat solidly back on his head. Inga had shattered that dream. Agnes had had her dream shattered as well. Despite the concern his family had expressed neither he, nor Agnes, had anything left to share with another except woundedness and mistrust.
But that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy playing with the girls, holding the baby, and having a little adult conversation throughout the day. No sir. Those things all sounded just fine to him and didn’t in any way threaten Agnes’s reputation.
Agnes had enjoyed having the place to herself for the afternoon. It gave her time to assess her situation. Yes, there would be gossip about her and Nels. She had, in fact, heard rumblings at church. She knew from experience she could survive that. But for the sake of the girls, she must be careful how she acted.
By the time Nels returned, she had made a few rules for herself.
She would discourage the girls from growing too fond of him.
She would take care of Merry without his help.
She would rush to do the dishes after every meal so he wouldn’t feel he could linger to talk.
That put her mind at ease and would assure any busybody who might drop by that nothing was going on between them.
“Girls, settle down.” They bounced up and down and continued to wave as Nels led the big horses to the barn. “Mr. Hansen has chores to take care of.” She heard the cackle of hens and watched as he released them into the fenced yard.
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sp; “Chickens,” the girls squealed. “Now we can have our own eggs.”
Would he let Agnes tend them so she could teach the girls? She’d have to ask.
Maybe they could get a milk cow. Up until now, the young Anderson boy brought her a supply every second day along with eggs.
She tore herself away from the pleasure of watching Nels with his horses and cows. There was something reassuring about seeing a man work.
The baby had fallen asleep in Agnes’s arms. So pleasant to hold a sweet, trusting infant. She went inside and put her in the cradle. “Girls, come and help me with supper.”
The girls sighed, and dragged themselves inside.
“Mr. Hansen will be wanting to eat. But the table isn’t set. Who wants to do that?”
Lila took the plates and carried them to the table. “Why don’t you call him Uncle Nels?”
“It doesn’t seem right.” She handed silverware to Hettie.
“I wish he didn’t have to sleep in that old shed.” Lila made it sound like a dreadful thing.
Agnes stirred the thick stew, tasted it, and added a little more salt. “He’s lived in it before. You know that.”
“But this is his house and there are two bedrooms with no one sleeping there.”
Agnes returned the lid to the pot of stew and sat down and pulled both girls to her. “This is the way it has to be. It wouldn’t be proper for him to sleep in the house when we aren’t married.”
Hettie looked into Agnes’s face, her expression so solemn that Agnes wondered what bit of wisdom the child would come out with. “How long does it take to get married?”
Nels stepped through the door in time to hear the question. He grinned at Agnes. “I can’t wait to hear your answer.”
She felt her cheeks warm. Why was she so aware of him? She could only blame it on everyone who thought they should be wed. Even the girls had innocently added their voice.
She held Nels’s gaze as she answered Hettie’s question. “It doesn’t take long to get married but it takes a lot to stay married.” She wouldn’t say a lot of what. The answer was too complicated. Trust, honesty, tenderness, acceptance, and so many things that had been missing in her union with Truman.
“A very good answer,” Nels said, his voice strained.
He hadn’t married, but he’d, too, had felt the absence of those same things.
She set the stew pot on the table. “Everything is ready.”
The girls sat side by side, Nels sat at the opposite end of Agnes. Same as they had done from the first day. It felt right. The way things should be. Agnes Bland, what are you thinking? This isn’t family. Or forever. It is temporary and he is kind. Nothing more.
Nels waited for the girls to bow their heads then prayed.
As soon as everyone was served, he spoke to the girls. “What fun things did you do today?”
Both speaking at once, they told him they had built a house and barn.
“Uncle Nels’s place,” Hettie said.
“Not no shed.” Lila shook her head hard, sending her braids back and forth. “You can live in your house.”
Nels laughed. “That’s very kind of you.” His gaze met Agnes’s.
She blinked at the humor bringing bright lights to his eyes. Shouldn’t he be a little cross that she had taken over his house?
“What did you do?” Lila asked.
“I visited my cousins.” He told of the three little boys. “Charlie is two and some. Milo is six and Kit, four.” He told how the boys chased each other all over the place. “They have a cat who runs after them.”
The girls were spellbound by his tales.
Merry wakened and Nels was on his feet instantly.
Agnes pushed to her feet almost as fast. “I’ll get her.”
“Please, let me. I enjoy holding her. Besides, it leaves you free to prepare the bottle.”
Agnes fought a brief battle with herself. She meant to make a clear distinction between herself and Nels. He ate here. Nothing more. She looked after the girls and prepared meals. But it was hard to find clear lines under the circumstances.
“Fine. Thank you.” She prepared the bottle and held out her arms for the baby.
Instead, Nels took the bottle.
Agnes again struggled to keep her boundaries secure.
He sat back, the baby cradled in his arms.
She stood watching, at a loss to know how to handle the situation.
He smiled at her and then spoke to the girls. “You two can help your aunt Agnes with the dishes.”
Lila and Hettie scrambled to take the dishes to the sink.
Agnes filled the dishpan with hot water and began to wash up.
“Plate,” Lila said. “Starts the same as prayer.”
“That’s true.” Agnes nodded.
“I thought of that in church.”
Hettie dried a cup. “Cup sounds like muck.”
Agnes grinned as the child said the same thing she’d said for Nels.
Behind her, Nels chuckled. But she would not look at him.
Far too many of her self-made rules were being broken for her peace of mind. She finished the dishes as quickly as she could, intending to take the baby.
“All done?” he asked, as she hung the towels to dry.
“Yes.” She hoped he would hear the tone of her voice as meaning the meal was over and he should leave.
Instead, he shifted Merry into the crook of his arm. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“A walk?”
“Yes, you know. Where you put one foot in front of the other and look around at the scenery. Maybe enjoy the birds singing and the sunset.”
“Us too?” Lila asked.
“All of us.”
“Goody, goody.” The girls headed for the door. “Maybe we can find something special.”
Agnes eased out a strained breath. This was not what she had planned, but she couldn’t disappoint the girls. “A walk sounds fine.”
Nels waited at the door for her. As she passed him, he murmured, “It’s supposed to be fun.”
She smiled without any pleasure although a tiny bubble of anticipation tickled her insides. A walk in the evening air did sound nice.
He guided them toward the field. “I had oats here this year. Anker harvested them while I was away. He’s bringing home my share sometime this week or next.”
Agnes had been enjoying the faded yellow of the stubble until he said that. “Will he bring his wife?”
“I can’t say, but wouldn’t you enjoy a visit from someone?”
“I might under different circumstances.”
They stopped walking as the girls jumped from soddy clump to soddy clump along the edge of the field.
“You’re afraid they will judge you?” Nels said.
“Won’t they?”
“I hope not.”
She tried to let it go but couldn’t. “I’ve found people are only too ready to judge and do so critically.”
“I can see you’ve been hurt, but not everyone will be that way. I don’t expect my family will be.”
“I wish I could be so certain, but my experience has taught me otherwise.”
“Come. I’ll show you where I want to begin breaking more land tomorrow.” They moved on a few yards. “I’ll plant more oats and wheat.”
She listened as he explained his plans for his farm. Too bad he wouldn’t have a wife to share them. Would she still be here next spring or would she have found a different place?
Or worse. Be in the same position she was three years ago with the girls snatched from her? She pressed her arms across her stomach. A groan must have escaped her lips, because Nels turned to her. “Are you okay?”
Her legs had gone so weak she sank to the ground and rocked back and forth.
Nels sat beside her, Merry sleeping in the crook of his arm. “Agnes, what’s wrong? Tell me.” He squeezed her shoulder, his touch warm and steadying. The warmth went straight to her heart. She had to tell him. Perhaps no
t everything, but enough that he would understand her pain and her determination to avoid gossip.
“As I said, not everyone is willing to believe the best.” The words edged past her chattering teeth. “The reason I lost Ray was because of gossip that accused me of immoral behavior.” She shivered.
He rubbed her arm. “That’s terrible.”
She nodded. “I had done nothing wrong, but no one believed me.” Heaven help her, she could not stop the tears streaming down her face.
Nels kept his hand on her shoulder. He didn’t hug her or pull her close and yet she felt the warmth of his body. It was all she could do not to lean into him. She pressed her face to his chest.
“What happened to Ray?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I wasn’t allowed to contact him.”
“Then we must do everything we can to make sure you don’t lose the girls.”
“Exactly.” She drew in a deep breath and gathered up the strength to get to her feet. “I will never give the gossips any reason to condemn me. I must go back to the house.” She called the girls and reached for Merry.
“I’ll go with you.”
She could hardly tell him no so they walked back to the house where they paused at the door.
“Agnes.”
She stiffened at his familiarity, and yet much preferred that to Miss Bland.
He continued. “Remember what our Lord said. “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.’”
For some reason, the words eased through her like a breath of warm air.
“Not enough people read that verse.”
He chuckled. “Reading and doing are not always the same.”
“I know. But I must be doubly careful.” The idea of how she would be judged weakened her knees and she swayed.
5
Hoping she wouldn’t collapse at his feet, Nels guided Agnes inside and led her to a chair. He put the baby in her cradle.
“Lila, Hettie, please go to your room and get ready for bed. I need to talk to your aunt.”
They gave Agnes a worried look then Lila took Hettie by the hand. “Don’t worry, little sister. Uncle Nels will take care of her.”
Nels pulled a chair close to Agnes and rubbed her icy hands. He thought of again offering to leave but didn’t like the idea of Agnes and the girls being alone on the farm. Truth was, he didn’t want to leave them to cope on their own and he wanted to prove up his homestead. Besides, it was kind of nice having others to share his farm and home. And life? No, not his life.