by Linda Ford
They reached the door and Agnes tried to slip away, but Lena followed with Anker and little Charlie behind her.
The pew was full and Freyda, Ward, and his two little fellows sat behind them. Nels beside Ward.
Agnes tried not to be aware of his presence. She tried to not think that she was at this moment, through no fault of her own, associated with Nels’s family.
How long would it be before sitting with them started people thinking along lines she wished to avoid?
She sang along with the others, hearing Nels’s deep voice behind her. She could not have told anyone what hymns were chosen that morning.
Reverend Sorrow normally delivered a clear, simple message, but today, Agnes had difficulty following his train of thought.
She tried to slip away when the service ended but Lena caught her arm. “Please join us for dinner.”
Agnes felt the color drain from her face. She glanced about, hoping no one had overheard the invitation. “Oh, I couldn’t. I’ve made other arrangements.” Mainly to get back to the farm before anyone started speculating.
“Maybe another time?” the good woman persisted.
Agnes had always liked Lena, considered her a strong character. She’d lost her husband, raised a son bravely despite unkindness because of the boy’s native blood. Then her house had burned down and Anker had rescued her. She hoped Lena’s persistent nature wouldn’t become a problem for her and the girls.
Thankfully, Mr. Smith, her driver, waited outside, ready to take them home, and she hurried away.
She didn’t relax until the buildings came into sight. In the distance, Tex sat astride his horse, the cows grazing nearby. Now she could feel safe. A few minutes later, Mr. Smith drove away and Agnes went inside to prepare dinner for the girls.
Lila rushed into the house. “Somebody’s coming,” she yelled.
Agnes’s heart rushed up her throat. Was someone coming to investigate her situation?
She took a deep breath. Would she ever get over the fear of censure?
Not so long as she had three little girls she stood to lose if community opinion turned against her.
“Girls, come inside.” She hurried them to the table then went to the door to watch the approaching rider.
When she recognized Nels, the strength left her legs and she sank to the ground.
The girls rushed to her. “What’s wrong?” They saw Nels and ran to greet him, following him into the barn. It saved her from trying to explain why she sat on the doorstep.
By the time he exited with the girls swinging from his hands, Agnes had regained the strength in her legs and stood watching him approach.
His gaze found her. His concern clear even across the distance. As soon as he was within talking distance he spoke. “The girls said you fell down. Are you all right?”
“I’m fine.” Why did her insides relax at his words?
“Did you fall?”
“No. I wondered who would be coming. When I saw it was you, I was so relieved…” She let him draw his own conclusions.
He grinned crookedly. “I don’t know if I should consider that as you were glad to see me or not.”
She hurried to the kitchen so she wouldn’t have to answer. “I didn’t expect you. Have you eaten? We were just about to have sandwiches.”
“I haven’t eaten but I have an idea. Let’s do something different.”
“What? What?” The girls jumped up and down, excited at the possibility.
“Let’s go out to the grove of trees and eat there. We can check on the cows and see if Tex needs anything.”
“Goodie.” The girls cheered at the idea but Agnes felt just as much pleasure. “My parents enjoyed Sunday picnics.” She let the words sit a moment. “So did I.”
Nels smiled around at all of them. “Then we’ll repeat a special tradition of yours.”
Tradition? It sounded so solid. So promising. So—she wouldn’t ruin the afternoon by warning herself of how things could crash to a sorry end so suddenly. While she packaged up sandwiches and cookies, Nels filled a bucket with cold well water.
Merry drank her bottle then with Nels and the girls carrying the lunch and a blanket, Agnes carrying the baby, they made their way toward the grove of trees.
Tex saw them approaching and rode over to join them. Agnes had packed enough for him as well. “Won’t you join us?”
“Yes, ma’am. It will be good to have some company with a vocabulary a bit larger than moo and maa.”
That sent the girls into a bout of giggles. Agnes laughed as well. “We’ll try and avoid those words.”
“Good enough for me.” Tex swung down and with a rolling gait that said walking was not his normal means of travel, he joined them in a shady spot free of cow patties.
Nels waited until they were all seated, the baby sleeping on a blanket, to ask the blessing.
The meal passed quickly with Tex sharing tales of his experience with cattle. The girls listened, wide eyed.
Agnes discovered he was an excellent story teller. She enjoyed his accounts as much as the girls.
The cows had slowly sauntered closer to watch this strange group of animals in their pasture.
Hettie got up and moved to Nels’s side.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“The cows are looking at us.”
Tex and Nels looked at each other and grinned. Then Nels hugged Hettie to his side. “They are curious animals. They will run from things that frighten them but then slowly return to inspect the object.” Nels waved his arms. “Shoo. Go away.” The cows jerked about and trotted off.
Tex ate half a dozen cookies. “Thank you, ma’am. Food and company were both fine. Now I will go make sure those cows didn’t take it in their minds to run off.” He swung into his saddle and rode away.
Agnes started to get to her feet.
Nels caught her hand and drew her back. “No need to rush away. It’s Sunday, and we don’t have work calling us. Let the girls enjoy playing while we relax.”
Hearing his words, the girls began to explore.
Agnes settled back beside Nels, looking out at the land.
He sighed, a sound so full of contentment that she turned to look at him. “You seem happy.”
“I am. One of the happiest days of my life was the day I filed on this land. I was so full of hopes and dreams. The land was bare, not a building or fence to be seen, but in my mind I saw the house. I would build it right there.” He pointed. “And the barn would be there.
“It would be small to begin with, but when I had things going well I would build a bigger one. I’d build a little shack to live in while I built the house. I could see where the fields would be. Where I’d plant a garden for Inga. Right then and there I decided to plant some root vegetables to harvest when she got here. I walked the boundaries of my land and fell to my knees to thank God for bringing me safely here and giving me this land. That happy glow lasted three months until I got my letter. But you know what? It is back. This is my land. I will farm it. I will raise cows on it. I will own it.”
He grinned at her. “If all else is gone I still have my land.”
She searched his gaze, feeling the peace he held in his heart. “I envy you. You’ve known great disappointment and yet you have found satisfaction in where your life has gone.”
He nodded. “It helps to have you and the girls here to share it with.”
“For now.”
He caught a strand of hair that blew across her face and tucked it behind her ear. His touch stirred happy memories of times when she had felt safe and cherished.
She turned to watch the girls. They had gathered up a pile of twigs and small branches that they labored over to form a little shelter they could sit in. A place of safety in their minds. But a good wind would blow it away. Rain would flatten it. Snow cover it.
“Things can change so quickly. I was nine years old when a dreadful tornado touched down in St. Louis where I lived with my parents. It
didn’t damage our home, but Papa and Mama took me with them to see the destruction. Thirty homes were destroyed. Nothing left but kindling. Others so badly broken that I didn’t know how anyone would be able to live in them. Papa assured me that people always move forward, because there is always hope.”
“Your papa sounds like a very wise man.”
“He was.” Her throat tightened. “My life would have been so different if my parents had lived.”
Nels leaned forward to look into her face. “You would likely still be in St. Louis. Just think, you would have missed the chance to see the Dakotas. You wouldn’t be part of this new land.”
She met his eyes. So blue that she blinked. So full of teasing that for a moment she thought that was all there was to see. But then she caught a glimpse of what she could only think was longing. He had given her so much by letting her live here, by helping with the girls, and by encouraging her. She could not deny him what he sought.
“Plus I would not have met you.” And quickly, lest he place too much value on her words, she added, “Or Tex. Or the girls. Or even your wayward cows.”
With every addition to her list, his grin widened until at the mention of the cows, he laughed.
Little Merry wakened and Nels picked her up. “Did you hear your aunt Agnes? She put you and your sisters one step above my cows. What do you think of that?”
The baby puckered her mouth and looked so serious that Nels and Agnes looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Agnes leaned over Nels’s arm and pressed a fingertip to the baby’s tiny mouth. “It doesn’t mean you aren’t important. You know I’d do anything for you and your sisters.”
Merry blinked and focused on Agnes.
Agnes’s heart thrummed with love for this baby and the two girls. She would do anything, including maintaining a lifestyle that couldn’t be criticized.
Though that didn’t mean someone would manage to prove otherwise.
She pushed to her feet. “I’ll take her back to the house to feed her. Girls, it’s time to go.”
Slowly they emerged from the shelter they had built.
Lila looked at Hettie. “You got dirt in your hair.” Hettie stood still as Lila brushed leaves and bits of twigs from her head.
Agnes gathered the picnic things. She looked at the baby cradled in Nels’s arm. By rights, she should return to the house on her own. But how would she carry everything?
In the end would it matter how carefully she conducted herself?
She straightened her shoulders. Like her father had said, there was always hope. She would choose to think things would work out for the good this time.
Not like they had with Ray. Having the girls had gone a long way toward easing the pain of losing him.
Having Nels around also helped to ease the pain of Truman’s treacherous behavior.
There is always hope.
She would not believe anything else.
“What’s your hurry?” Nels’s question made her realize she almost ran toward the house.
She slowed. “I’m in no hurry.” She maintained a sedate pace.
“I almost forgot to tell you. Anker is bringing over my feed tomorrow. Lena said she would come along.”
Agnes stood stock-still. “Lena? Why?”
“To visit, I suppose.” Nels considered her. “I thought you’d be glad of the company. Don’t you get lonely out here?”
She forced her feet to move. “How can I be lonely with Lila and Hettie and Merry here? And Tex over there? And you?”
He caught her arm and pulled her round to face him. “You’re worried they will judge you. I assure you they won’t.”
“I’ve learned not to count on anything. Tornados destroy people’s homes. Even killed some. A silly accident robbed me of my parents.” False accusations left her homeless. A child she loved had been ripped from her life. “My life has taught me to be cautious.”
He still held her arm. “Agnes, it’s okay to trust some people.” He paused as if waiting for her to respond but she couldn’t find the words he wanted to hear.
His voice fell to a whisper. “I hope you trust me.”
She let her shoulders relax and met his gaze squarely. “Nels, you might be the only person I have trusted in a very long time.” She rushed headlong to the house before he could respond.
Her admission was true but still it frightened her to say it. Like she said, life had taught her to be careful. Trusting Nels did not mean other factors couldn’t threaten her security.
What could she do but be careful about what she did and said?
8
Nels went to his little shack. He stood in the middle of the narrow floor and turned full circle. He grinned at the pictures and stared at his name above the window. Although the girls’ additions were pretty, they mocked his loneliness. He could not stay here with every wall providing a reminder of Agnes and the girls. He strode out and went to the barn. His small barn that would be more than adequate for a few years. He climbed the ladder to the loft. Tomorrow Anker would bring some oats and hay.
He could understand Agnes’s worry about Lena visiting and her fear that the community would judge their living arrangements. Based on her previous experience, her concern was that she might somehow lose the girls.
He sat with his back to the wall. There had been a few days after he received Inga’s letter that he felt his life was every bit as pointless as the flecks of dust drifting in the light slanting through the crack around the door. But like Agnes’s father said. There is always hope.
Hope of his own farm brought him back.
But he wanted more. His dream had always included family. As Anker said, he had a ready-made family with Agnes and the girls.
He had offered to marry her shortly after she arrived and she had refused. But today she had admitted to trusting him. It seemed a good enough basis to offer again. What’s more, he could give them the protection of his name. Would she agree? He couldn’t think why not.
“Uncle Nels, where are you?” Lila called. “Supper is ready.”
The afternoon had flown away as he mused over what he wanted to say.
“I’m coming.” He lowered himself from the loft and joined the girls outside the barn.
“We couldn’t find you.” Hettie’s voice trembled.
“I told you he wouldn’t go away.” Lila held her little sister’s hand tightly.
They had lost so much and were, naturally, afraid of it happening again. He lifted one in each arm. “I’m right here. All you need to do is call.”
The girls pressed their heads to his.
Was there anything better than to share his life and his home with Agnes and the family she had in her custody?
Smiling in anticipation of his plan, he jogged across the yard, earning him wild giggles from Lila and Hettie.
He set them down inside the house and looked across the room to Agnes.
She met his gaze for half a second than turned away.
He was quite sure she wouldn’t act so self-conscious if it had been Tex who stepped through the door. He grinned to know she was aware of him as more than someone to feed.
She served a cold meal she had prepared the day before.
He insisted on doing the dishes with the girls while she fed Merry. The last dish was dried, the pan of water emptied, and the towels hung. “Lila, Hettie, would you go out and play for a bit while I talk to your aunt Agnes?”
Lila studied him a moment, let out a big sigh, and took her sister’s hand. “We never get to hear the good stuff,” she said to Hettie as they left the house.
Agnes sat holding the baby.
Nels pulled a chair so he could sit facing her.
Her eyes filled with wariness that he wanted to ease. He caught her hand. “Agnes, I am so pleased that you trust me. It’s an honor.”
She nodded, her expression still guarded.
“I know you worry someone might take the girls away.”
She s
wallowed loudly.
“I know how we can prevent it.”
“How?”
“Let’s get married.”
Her eyes darkened and he felt he saw into her soul. Saw her hopes and dreams. Then she shuttered her gaze, allowing him to see nothing. Slowly, she got to her feet and moved to put the table between them. “You don’t know…it’s not…I can’t. It’s not possible.”
He went to her but she put out a hand to hold him away.
“Agnes, there is no reason we shouldn’t get married. I believe we’re fond of each other. We trust each other. The girls will have a secure home.”
She continued to shake her head and back away. “You don’t know anything about me.”
“I know you’re good and kind and serve others. You willingly took over the care of three orphaned children. That’s enough for me.”
“I…” She licked her lips and cradled the baby close. “I’m sorry, but I can’t marry.”
She spoke firmly but he detected a tremor in her voice.
He took a step toward her. “Agnes, why not?”
She stared straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with him. “It’s just not possible.” This time the trembling in her voice was clearly evident.
“I don’t know what you’re afraid of, but if you’d tell me, I could help.”
“I wish—” She clamped her mouth shut.
He waited a long silent moment but she wouldn’t meet his gaze. “I can’t help if you won’t let me.” He waited, but she refused to look at him or speak. He lifted his hands in defeat. “Goodnight.” He strode from the house, calling goodnight to the girls. He didn’t go to his jail-cell of a room but walked past the barn to the top of the hill and walked the length of it several times.
Finally, his disappointment and frustration spent, he stumbled across the darkened land to his room and stretched out on his bed without lighting the lamp.
He rose the next morning with things sorted out. She might change her mind. But until she did, they would have to continue on as they had been.
He did his few chores, spoke to Tex as he herded the cows to the water trough, and then headed to the house for breakfast. The girls waited on the doorstep eager as always to see him.
Would Agnes be glad to see him, or had his offer of marriage undone the friendship that had been steadily growing between them?