I can’t remember the last time we went out on a date or even made love. When we did have sex it’s only because he wants to. He pounds me hard and doesn't look in my face. He acts as if I’m some whore he just met. Once he reached his climax that was it. He jumps off of me, gets into the shower, and leaves. I wouldn’t see him for three to five days. Well, one night I had to give him a piece of my mind.
I entered his office, he was laid back, relaxing across his longue chair. He was on his phone smirking and grinning. I already knew he was on the phone with a female.
“I’m on the phone, Diamond. I’ll be out there soon.” he spoke to me as if I were a child.
“No, we’ll talk now.”
He sat up on the couch, raising his eyebrows. That shit didn’t put fear in my heart. He will take me serious. It’s either we fix and work on our marriage, or me and my daughter will be leaving. He ended his phone call and stood up.
“Diamond, I have to go. It's getting late, I have to catch my flight.” The lies flowed out of his mouth.
Something about a woman's intuition was always on point. Tranquel tried walking past me, but I grabbed his hand, pulling him back to me. He turned around with a facial expression that reminded me of a teenager annoyed by their mother’s nagging.
“Bae, come to bed. You can cancel whatever it is for your family.” I whined trying to kiss his lips, but he curved me.
“I really have to go.” He walked out of his office. Leaving me to stand there. Looking stupid and desperate. I followed behind him.
“You know what, I can’t do this anymore. Pretending we’re happy. Our love has ran its course. You don’t want to work on your family, and neither do I. We’re leaving.”
At that very moment Tranquel pinned me against the dining room wall. At first I thought this was a sign of some kinky shit. Until his grip around my neck got tighter. I kicked my feet back and forth hoping to kick him in his balls. I started to feel lightheaded, like my eyes were going to pop out of my head.
“Don’t you ever threaten me? You’re not going anywhere.” His voice rang from one ear drum to the other. He yelled so loud spit bubbles jump from his mouth and landed on my nose. “Do you understand me?”
Unable to speak, I moved my head a little. This isn’t my husband. He doesn’t even look the same. He looks like a crazy serial killer. Right before he loosened his grip, he removed one hand from around my neck. Cocked it back and slapped me. He let go of me, I slide down the wall. My mouth was filled with blood as I cried. I looked up at him, watching him massage his fist. I got up swinging at him.
“I’m not your mother. Don’t you ever put your hands on me again. Fuck you think this is? I’m not your punching bag,” I screamed. He walked upstairs unfazed by me.
“Ssshhh.” I jumped back as he placed his finger over my mouth. In the silence, I heard my baby-girl’s cry get closer.
“Hey, baby, look who's home. Hey Daddy’s baby.” Tranquel reach his arms out for her, picking her up.
I followed behind him into her room. I don’t care father or not. I refuse to leave him alone with my daughter. I knew he would never hit her. I remembered hearing Tranquel and his father talk about Renee as if she were a bum on the streets. He will not turn my baby girl against me. He helped her get comfortable in her princess bed. He told her the night light is to protect her when he isn’t around. She then forced him to read her a book from her cozy corner. She pointed, he grabbed the book, and began reading until she fell asleep.
Jasmine blossoms every day. She’s so smart. In a couple of weeks she be six years old. Her skin condition actually makes our princess beautiful. As she grew the spots grew smaller. Her left cheek was a reddish, powder color. Nevertheless my baby girl changed my world. I thank God for allowing me to see that being a mother is great. All I kept worrying about is being a teen mom, instead of just being a great mom.
I got up from the rocking chair and went to the bathroom. As soon as I turned the light on I cried. The whole left side of my face was swollen. I opened the medicine cabinet looking for some pain meds. I grabbed the Advil, I didn’t even count how many I poured into my hand. I threw the pills in my mouth, turned on the faucet, and cuffed my hands to gather enough water to wash the pills down. I turned the bathroom light off, and took a seat on the toilet lid. What am I going to do now? I can’t go to work with my face looking like this. Nor can I look into my baby girl’s face or take my baby to school looking like this.
Throughout the years, I told myself what I wouldn’t allow and this was one of them. I thought to myself am I going to end up like Renee? I jumped at the sound of knocking on the bathroom door.
“Diamond, can I come in and talk with you. I’m sorry.”
I didn’t say a word. He asked that question like he wasn’t going to come in anyway. He stood in front of me bending down.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m just going through a lot right now with work. The stock market isn’t looking too good. I’m trying to maintain the house, the bills, Jasmine’s college fund,” he said naming bills. “I have to be the man of the house. I’m falling short and it has me on edge. I’m so sorry. I love you.” He sounded like a sad, sorry puppy.
I stood up, forcing him to move to the side of me. As I made my way to the door, he grabbed my arm.
“This is what you’re sorry about.” I turn the bathroom light on.
I walked up to him, showing him what damage his anger and fist did to me. The bright light obviously made the view worse. Tranquel turned his head so that he couldn’t see.
“No, look at what you did to me. I have to walk around with my face like this. I refuse to cover up what my husband has done to his loving wife. And when our baby girl asks me what happened. I’m going to tell her to ask Daddy.”
He bit down on his bottom lip, cracking his neck. My words pinched a nerve. Exiting the bathroom, I went into my bedroom, and opened my nightstand. I applied a thick layer of Neosporin on my face. The pills must have kick in. I didn’t even know I fell asleep.
“Ahhh, Ohhh, Umm,” I moaned as I woke up.
I felt Tranquel’s tongue brush against my clit. I rubbed my sore nipples, grinding to his pace. He sucked, slurped and fingered me until I came. I opened my eyes to find Tranquel removing his clothes.
“No, I’m not in the mood.” I said pushing him off of me.
“What? But you were in the mood when I was licking your pussy, right? You know what it’s cool. Whatever you won’t do another woman will.” He got up from the bed, walking into his walk-in closet.
“Finally, you tell the truth. Great you’re cheating on me? With who Tranquel? This is why you did this to me, because I wasn’t letting you leave to be with your little tramp.” I yelling following him.
“Don’t question me. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t have shit. Your life would be back on Forrest Ave. living miserable, right along with your mother. And trust me, it wasn’t easy getting you. My mother had to get your mother a job. To allow you to get some freedom to be with me. Then when you thought you were leaving me. We reported your aunt to the Housing Authority. Yup, we did it all for you. You should feel honored. I call you my little project.” He brushed his fingers across my chin.
“You really are your father’s child. You're just like him.” I said walking away.
“Oh no you don’t. You wanted this talk so let’s talk. Yes, I’m just like my father. I found an innocent female became crazy about her. Made sure she would need me. Trapped you, as some may say, by getting you pregnant. I promise you, I didn’t have intentions on cheating on you. But I wouldn’t call this cheating. I’m in love with her. My love for her doesn’t amount to my love for you, though. You're my wife, the mother of my child. Sometimes in a marriage you have to make your own rules to keep the marriage going.”
His phone rang, and we both looked in its direction. I ran out of the closet to the dresser, and answered it.
“Who the fuck—” I started.
He snatched
the phone from me, locking himself in his closet. Oh hell no. I went downstairs, and got my phone from my purse. I hope my aunt is still up being that its midnight. I texted her asking her if I can drop Jasmine off to her, and if she would mind keeping her this week. I let know I’ll break her off with some bread. She sent a text back asking if everything is okay. I responded with ‘no, but it will be’. I told her about our fight and she told me to bring Jasmine over now.
“Don’t do anything crazy, Diamond, please.” Tranquel walked into the dining room fully dressed with a duffle bag over his shoulder.
He kissed my forehead, and was gone with the wind. I peeked from the blinds to make sure he left. I rushed upstairs, packed my baby girl’s suitcase for the rest of the week, I slipped on her slippers, and carried her into the car. The whole drive to my aunt’s house I replayed what Tranquel said over and over and over. It all made sense. My life has been in the palm of his hands for years now. I’ve been conned and played. My frustration got the best of me, I was thinking of ways to get Tranquel back, the way he hurt me.
I pulled up to my aunt’s house, she was waiting outside. She came to the car. I waited a couple of minutes before rolling the window down because I was embarrassed to show her my face. She instantly started crying. I got out of the car and grabbed Jasmine, who is still sound asleep.
I laid her in Nicole’s room, and turned on the hallway light. When I got downstairs my aunt gave me hug.
“Baby, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I should’ve never let you stay with those people.”
“Auntie, never blame yourself for anything. It’s my fault. This isn’t the first time Tranquel laid hands on me. Our marriage hit rock bottom, but he won’t let me leave. He becomes aggressive when I say I’m leaving.” Tears began to roll from my eyes and down my cheeks.
“You have to go back home. Act like nothing has changed. Be the same you, just work harder to save money. I'll get an account in my name. Save all the messages he sends you, and then file for harassment. Then you hit him hard by getting a divorce lawyer.”
She reached in the air to give me high five, I played the whole thing out in my head. I got excited, reaching for my aunt’s hand. Fuck a five I want a hug.
My aunt still kept Jasmine for the week, so I couple put in extra hours at work. Since I told my manager I caught the flu, he allowed me to work from home. He gave me double the projects and responsibility. I made sure to act the same with Tranquel. But the last couple of times that he beat me, I didn’t cry at all. Each time he beat me I went to my lawyer’s office. He took pictures adding to my harassment case. One time I even laughed, he thinks he has control now, but he better wait on it.
I have all my checks going into my aunt’s account, she opened it just for me. My lawyer told me to get rid of a paper trail. Its looks good for court, and he doesn’t deserve any of my money. I went looking for an apartment every day after I picked Jasmine up from school. I found out Tranquel has a tracker on my phone. While he was beating me one day he slipped up and said:
“You be lying about where you’re going!”
I could have smack myself in the face, of course, he would do some stalker shit like that. He doesn’t want me to leave him. Now when I go to pick Jasmine up, I leave my phone at home. It’s the only time I have. I can’t search for anything in the house. I swear I’m beginning to lose my mind. I always feel like I’m being watched, like there's cameras around or something.
Four months went by and I was still keeping up the act. My aunt found an apartment for me. She filed her taxes and redecorated her house. So she gave me all of her hand-me-down furniture. I wasn’t complaining since it would help me out a lot. Although Jasmine and I wouldn’t be moving until my paperwork for the harassment charges went in. I was wishing it would be soon. At the end of the month, I received the phone call I had been patiently waiting for.
“Diamond, this is Patrick, can you talk?” I stopped helping Jasmine with her homework.
Patrick knows he’s the only one with the phone number to my track phone. This is the only way we communicate. I looked around the dining room. I felt like I was being watched Although, I knew Jasmine and I are the only people in the house.
“I’ll be right back. Finish your spelling words.” I stood up from the table, and went into the bathroom.
“Yes, I can talk.” I said while turning the sink on.
“Diamond, are you ready to move out?” He asked with so much excitement in his voice. I didn’t bother to respond to him. He already knew the answer to that question. He went on with the conversation.
“Your paperwork went in today. The police department will be at his job tomorrow.”
I covered my mouth with both my hands dropping the phone in the sink with running water.
“Oh shit.” I shouted.
I quickly grabbed my phone from the sink. I tapped it against my thigh trying to get the water out of it. “Hello, Patrick, are you still there?” I yelled in the phone, watching my screen go black.
All I can do now is wait. I went back to helping Jasmine with her homework. All I could do was smile because I knew my nightmare was almost over.
While Tranquel is away on his so called business trip, I slowly moved our clothes to our new apartment. I’m a little bothered about having to move in the same city, but once I get my money together I'll move out of Jersey City. I will be away from Tranquel and his fake mother.
When Friday came, I brought Jasmine to our new apartment. I explained to her that Daddy wouldn’t be moving with us. At her age she understands a lot, but she didn’t want to move out of her comfort zone. I made sure not to tell anyone about our location. I made it seem like we were visiting someone. I parked my car a couple of blocks away from the apartment. Everything seem to be coming together. I told Jasmine she can sleep in my room until she gets use to her room.
We went to sleep watching Frozen, Jasmine’s favorite movie.
I heard my phone ringing, it was three o’clock in the morning. Who the hell is this, I thought to myself. I didn’t recognize the phone number.
“Hello,” I whispered, trying not to wake Jasmine up.
I slowly slid from underneath her, getting out of the bed, and walking into the hallway.
“So you think you're leaving me you little bitch?” Tranquel sounded like he had way too many drinks. I tip-toed around the apartment to every window checking my surroundings.
“Tranquel, I don’t want no problems. We held on to this marriage to that last strand. I can’t take it anymore.” I said in a gentle voice. I didn’t want to frustrate him any further.
“Didn’t I tell you if I couldn’t have you no one will? You must think it’s a game. And you filed harassment charges against me. That means you’re keeping my daughter away from me. I’ll show you.” he yelled into the phone, ending the phone conversation.
I began to panic. I was scared and worried that he might have found out where we moved. My throat got dry and my palms began to sweat.
I ran to the front and back door, making sure they were all locked. I secured the sticks I put in the top of each window. I turned all the lights on in my apartment. I went back into my bedroom to check on my baby girl. I know Tranquel would never hurt our daughter, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t try to take her away from me.
I dialed the police station’s phone number. I told them about my restraining order against Tranquel. I told them that he just contacted me, threatening my life. They asked exactly what he said, and I told them.
“Ma’am, I’m sorry to say that isn’t threatening your life.” The officer who answer my call sounded fat and sloppy. That’s probably the only job his fat ass can have, a desk job. Sounding like Miss Piggy.
I asked if he could just keep a record of me calling tonight for future references. He agreed and I crawled back in bed and held my baby girl in my arms.
The next week I was preparing for Jasmine’s 6th birthday party. I had to do a huge party to get her mind o
ff of everything we’ve been going through, with the move and her not being able to spent time with her father. Frozen was her party’s theme, and I couldn’t wait to see the look on my princess’ face.
Every day when I came home something seemed a little off or out of place. I didn’t pay much mind to it. I kept telling myself that after Jasmine’s birthday party I would invest in a security system. At times I felt a little safe because I knew the young corner boys on the block. Hopefully if they saw anything weird they would let me know.
Friday I rushed home to set up for Jasmine’s sleepover party. I came home to dead roses on my dining room table. I dropped the bag I had in my hand. I looked around the house to see if anyone was in my apartment, the coast was clear. I picked up the dead roses from the table. I heard something fall on the floor, it rolled until it hit the wall. When I saw what it was I hurried to call the police. I told that them someone had broken into my apartment.
Two police officers came out to my apartment. An old white man and a young black man. The officers checked everything out.
“Do you have security cameras?” the black officer asked.
“No, I don’t. I just moved in the apartment. I left my husband so I haven’t been able to afford one, but within the next couple of months, I’m definitely getting one.”
A Fistful of Love: A Domestic Violence Anthology Page 37