by Lee Crystal
I cleared my throat, “So Ethan, Matt told me you are an engineer?” I said, trying to shift the conversation to him, hoping this might be safe territory, and I wouldn’t get any more ugly stares.
“Yeah, I am,” was all he said. All righty then, I needed salvation right now. Someone, please.
“Carter, you should see the bitch of a Camaro he’s rebuilding, it’s fucking awesome!” Matt said as Taryn’s entire body went board stiff, and she clenched Ethan’s hand tightly enough that her knuckles turned white. What the hell?
Blaine smacked Matt upside the head and muttered “idiot,” as Ethan grabbed Taryn by the shoulders, pulled her into his chest, and whispered something in her ear.
“What did I do?” Matt whined while rubbing his head.
Ethan whipped his head in Matt’s direction, and with a great deal of menace ground out, “Don’t swear in front of my sister again.” He turned back and continued whispering to Taryn, leaving the three of us, well at least Matt and I, completely baffled. Blaine seemed to understand what was happening. I was gonna have to talk to him later.
“Man, I’m sorry. You’re right, that was completely disrespectful of me. Uh, Taryn no offense. I didn’t even realize I said it. Really, I’ll watch it from now on,” Matt rambled. I could tell he was actually worried, and a little distraught that he caused this kind of reaction.
I looked over to Taryn in Ethan’s arms and I had this overwhelming urge to pull her away from him and hold her; to take her the hell out of here, to make her happy. Where the hell were these thoughts coming from? I think her stare might have had some Medusa-like powers, only instead of turning me to stone, she was turning me into a damn schmuck.
I saw her body lose some of its tension, and she pushed up from Ethan. She looked at Matt, and gave a tremulous smile.
“Matt, um it’s okay, and… ah, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry,” she said so quietly, almost as a whisper, but I heard her. Seriously, I think I loved her voice. I could listen to it and never have a need for music again.
Matt gave her his charming smile, but didn’t say anything. He was probably afraid to say anything. Who could blame him? I was as nervous as hell, and honestly terrified to open my mouth.
“I think Tare and I are gonna head out,” Ethan told all of us.
I tried to think of something to say to stall, or make them stay. I needed more time.
“Ethan, I want to stay and eat if it’s okay… with everyone. I didn’t mean to ruin anyone’s supper,” Taryn said, again almost as a whisper. God, she sounded so sweet, and if I was honest with myself, she was breaking my heart. I was turning into a pansy.
“Are you sure?” Ethan asked her. “We can pick something up on the way home. The guys don’t mind either way, right guys?” Ethan looked at all of us, daring one of us say we minded.
“No, I would be happy if you stayed,” I said quickly, maybe too quickly. She looked over at me and gave me a small smile. Shit, I wanted to see her smile again.
“I think it would be a huge bummer if you left, hell—I mean, heck—I would be really happy if you stayed,” Matt said nervously.
“Taryn, you are a part of us, dinner would suck if you left,” Blaine said to her, then glanced over to Ethan. They shared a look, and damn if I didn’t want in on whatever they were sharing.
“Okay, we’ll stay then, okay?” Ethan asked Taryn, who nodded in acceptance. She glanced back at me but quickly looked down, opening her sticky plastic menu and reading its contents. I wanted to be in Ethan’s place, but I was starting to understand that there was far more going on than what I could have ever suspected. I didn’t understand this draw I had to her, and the effect she had on me. It made no damn sense, but damn if I didn’t want to explore it.
The waitress, who I think suspected something was up and held back, made an appearance to take our orders. After everyone ordered and received their drinks, the mood seemed somber, with everyone quiet. I decided to take the plunge.
“Ethan, how long have you been working on the Camaro?” I asked, hoping to stir up conversation.
“About two years,” he replied after taking a gulp of his Coke. “It’s taking longer than I thought, but I have been pretty particular about what I put in it.”
Matt chimed in and started to talk about his Mustang, and they compared everything from engines to exhaust pipes. From that, the discussion changed to the fight last night, then again to colleges, and of course, girls. I remained quiet for the most part, listening, and subtly studying Taryn. I was pleased when I caught her eyeing me several times—I just wasn’t sure what to say to her.
After everyone had finished eating, I saw Taryn putting her purse over her shoulder and whispering to Ethan.
“Blaine, you still want to ride back with us and get your truck?” Ethan asked Blaine.
“Yeah, if that’s all right?”
“No problem, if you’re ready, we’ll go ahead and head home now,” Ethan said as he started to stand up and move off the bench. With Blaine, Matt and Taryn following behind, I got up and pulled out enough money to cover everyone’s dinner and the tip. I put the money on the table, when everyone started to talk at once about me not paying for them. I just shrugged, and left it anyway.
I walked up to Ethan and held out my hand. As he clasped it, I leaned in and quietly, so no one else could hear, told him, “I’m sorry, man. I was just shocked when I saw her. I didn’t mean any disrespect.” I started to back away, when he pulled my hand and leaned in to me.
“She has some issues, and I can’t have her hurt for anything, ever,” he said.
I gave him a nod in understanding, and we pulled away from each other. I held my hand out to Taryn. “Taryn, it was great to see you again, and I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.” She tentatively took my hand, and I drew in a sharp breath as I heard her gasp at the contact.
“Thank you, I’m glad I got to see you, also,” she said, and quickly let go of my hand. Oddly, I missed her hand there, and wanted to grab it again, but I stepped back and started to head for the door. Soon after I climbed in the truck, Matt climbed in the passenger side.
“Dude, what was that shit?” he asked.
“I’m not sure, but I think there are things that Blaine needs to let us in on,” I said in answer.
I started to steer out of the parking lot when I saw Ethan lifting Taryn up into his truck and climbing in behind her. I continued driving toward my house. Since Matt’s car was there, I didn’t have to take him home.
“Hey, text Blaine and ask him to stop by on his way home,” I told Matt.
When we get across town, Matt said, “He says he’ll text when he leaves.”
“Good, I think he knows what is wrong with Taryn, or at least why she reacted the way she did.”
“I know he and Ethan have hung out quite a bit, I mean I’ve hung out with them too, but yeah… I think you’re right. If I would have known swearing would make her freeze up like that… I mean what causes that? I like her, but I’m scared shitless to say anything to her, you know what I mean?” he rambled.
“Yeah, I know what you mean. I like her too, and I want to know why she did that.”
Matt let out a snort. “No shit? You like her? Fuck, man we could all tell that when the two of you were just staring at each other. It was kind of nuts. I think that’s why Ethan was ready to UFC your ass,” he said, and I decided not to respond. There wasn’t anything I could change at this point, and honestly I didn’t know that I could have reacted any differently to Taryn.
About an hour later, Matt and I were sitting in the front room watching ESPN, or rather Matt was watching and I was stewing. I was surprised I could remain seated, I felt like pacing, but I didn’t want to draw more attention to myself. Matt’s phone beeped, and it was all I could do not to snatch his phone from him to see if it was Blaine.
“He’s on his way,” Matt said nonchalantly and continued watching the T.V.
I think something was seriously wron
g with me. Why did I give a shit what was wrong with her? It wasn’t like I really knew her. For whatever reason, she was glued to my brain—her face, her hair, that blank stare—they were all flashing through my mind.
I heard the front door shut. I couldn’t sit anymore, so I stood up to wait for Blaine to make it to the front room. He stepped in, saw me and gave an audible sigh.
“I know what you’re wanting, Carter, but I don’t know what I can give you,” he said a little reluctantly.
“What are you talking about? We just want to know what the fuck happened,” I demanded, trying not to let my temper show.
“Blaine, that was messed up. I don’t want to see that girl do that again, and the fact that I caused it from swearing of all things, really fucking bites,” Matt chimed in. He had shut off the T.V. and was sitting on the edge of the couch, staring down Blaine.
“I know, man. I don’t really know that much, that’s what I’m trying to say,” Blaine replied, looking defeated.
“Tell us what you know,” I demanded, not giving him any quarter. Seeing that shit was scary, and I wanted to know what would make that happen again so I could avoid it. At least, that’s what I told myself. I wasn’t ready to examine all the feelings I was feeling about this girl at the moment.
Blaine glared at both of us. “This goes nowhere. Do you understand?” he said, and we both nodded.
“From what I have noticed, Ethan keeps everything that has to do with Taryn quiet. I don’t know the reasons why, or what all her issues are. I did know she has panic attacks, but this is the first one I have seen. Ethan has warned me to watch my mouth in front of her, and not to touch her. When I made a joke about it, and referred to her as a nun, he got real pissed and threatened to beat my ass if I ever disrespected her again. Later, he told me she has these attacks sometimes.” Blaine paused for a moment and thought before he continued.
“I think she also has really bad nightmares. One night after helping Ethan with his Camaro, we were in the family room having a beer. She started screaming from her room. Man, she screamed so loud, I thought someone had broken in and was killing her. It scared the fuck out of me. After both of us ran to her room, all I saw was her thrashing on her bed and screaming before Ethan picked her up and started rocking her. It took him a while before she woke up, and then she just broke apart. I mean, she just sobbed and hung onto him, it was seriously the saddest thing I have ever seen.” He hung his head and ran his hands through his hair.
I didn’t even know what to say, I was shell shocked, stunned, and at a complete fucking loss.
“She also had some kind of injury, too.” He looked at us both, shaking his head. “She limps, and I have seen Ethan help her walk and lift her up. He tries to be subtle about it, but I’ve noticed. He is extremely protective of her, and so is their grandpa. I have only talked to her a few times, she is really shy.” He snorted. “To tell you the truth, I don’t think Ethan wants any men talking to her, anyway.” He flopped down into the recliner, putting his head in his hands.
I looked over at Matt, who looked as troubled as I felt. I mean, what could I say to that? I felt like I’d just been pole axed. I felt like a lecher for all the nefarious thoughts I’d had since I saw her. I joined Matt on the couch and just sat.
After a few minutes of unbearable silence, I went to the kitchen for some beers. After all three of us had a beer, I quietly asked, “Do you know what caused any of it?”
“Not exactly, I think it has something to do with their dad dying, but Ethan doesn’t talk about his death at all, and I have never asked. He’s really a great guy, and is really fucking smart. I mean, he blows me away with the math he can pop out of his head, and some of the ideas he comes up with are fucking ingenious. But, he has a lot of pent-up anger, on top of caring for Taryn all the time. I don’t think they leave her home alone, like ever, and she hardly goes anywhere either. It’s so messed up, and I feel bad for Ethan, he’s carrying some heavy shit on his shoulders.”
I was starting to get the picture as far as Ethan was concerned, and I couldn’t help but feel respect for him. Whatever Taryn’s problems were, it sounded like Ethan had cared for and protected her for a long time. I felt like my brain was on overload—it was spinning with thoughts that I couldn’t even decipher. Just the thought of that sweet voice screaming out was enough to make me see red. I really needed to pull myself together. I was getting way too emotional over a girl I hardly knew. It was fucking nuts!
Shortly after Blaine did his big reveal, albeit under duress, both he and Matt left. I decided the best thing for me to do was to just call it a night, and what a fucked up night. As I lay in bed, I found my thoughts drifting again to Taryn. What was it about this girl? All my protective instincts kicked into overdrive, and regretfully, so had the lust.
I couldn’t help but feel excitement at the thought of seeing her tomorrow, only I hoped she would at least look at me and not go into a meltdown.
Chapter 4- Taryn
I woke up to the sound of the lawnmower going by my bedroom window. I looked over at the clock to see that I slept in. It was after eight, and I had a crap load of stuff to do for the barbeque. I stepped out of bed and headed to the bathroom.
As I stood in the shower, I couldn’t stop thinking of Carter. He was huge. I mean, like really huge. Of course, a lot of people seemed tall to me, but, it was not just his height—he was stocky and wide, too. Not like body builder wide, but he certainly had muscles. He had a rugged look to him, not classically handsome or Abercrombie model handsome. I snorted at that. Abercrombie was probably too wussy for him.
I think what drew me to him the most were his eyes. Seriously, they were the most sincere eyes, with the most beautiful shade of brown I had ever seen. I never really thought brown eyes were beautiful, but his eyes were more golden in color than brown. His chestnut hair was shaggy and unruly, like he really couldn’t give a crap about styling it, but it worked for him. I could totally see his muscled chest and arms through his black t-shirt, and his hands looked like they were as big as at least two of mine.
I found myself replaying his words in my mind. He had a very deep, masculine voice that had a scratchy quality to it. It was actually soothing to hear him talk. Then I remembered what he said, and everything else that made the event a total frickin disaster. You would think with enough drive and determination, you should be able to conquer anything. At least that’s the garbage that you read on inspirational posters. It was a frickin diner with Ethan’s friends, and I totally bombed—not just any bomb, but Hiroshima bombed.
I really did feel bad for Matt. It wasn’t his fault I couldn’t hear the f-word without freaking out. I mean, who does that? I couldn’t imagine what Ethan thought, feeling like he needed to tell his friend off, and having his sister act like a psych patient in front of them. The one thing of the night that was positive was Carter’s touch. My goodness, it was only a handshake, but when our hands met, intense warmth ran from his hand and bloomed throughout my whole body. It was like lying out in the sun, letting the comfort and overall happiness flush through my skin into every cell of my being.
I mentally shook myself from thoughts about Carter. Between thinking of him and berating myself for my behavior, I was surprised I ever fell asleep. That thought pulled me up short… I didn’t dream last night, or if I did, I didn’t remember it. I didn’t remember Ethan waking me, either. Whoa, and I wasn’t even knocked out with sleeping pills. Stunned, and somewhat happier, I finished with my shower.
It was almost noon, and I’d been spooning salads into serving dishes, arranging cookies on platters, and removing slabs of meat from marinades to prepare them for the grill. Grandpa walked into the kitchen and I couldn’t help the giggle that came out. He had grass clippings in his gray hair and green bits stuck to his face and almost blacking out his glasses. He was a tall man, and at 70, he was still built for working. Dad and Ethan both took after Grandpa in looks and size.
“What are you laughing at?
” he asked with his lips twitching.
“I was just wondering when Sesame Street was going to call looking for Oscar the Grouch,” I shrugged, holding in my laughter.
“Oscar the Grouch?” he asked with a quirked brow.
“Yeah, you know the green fuzzy Muppet on Sesame Street that lives in a garbage can? When I first saw you, I could have sworn I was seeing Oscar.”
He just gave me a perplexed look.
“Never mind, I think you’re too old to know Sesame Street,” I said, making sure to emphasize the key word.
“Boy, aren’t you in fine form this morning? You just remember that you are never too old to get a lickin’ by your grandpa, sweetheart,” he said, this time with a full grin.
I couldn’t hold in the laugh this time. The idea of Grandpa spanking me was ludicrous. I don’t think the man had ever spanked me, and I knew he never would. “Yeah, whatever you say OLD MAN!” I said, still laughing.
“Why, you little smartass! I’ll show you whatever!” He was laughing, too. He grabbed the hand towel off the counter and tried to snap me with it, although I knew he was purposefully missing me.
“All right, all right, you’re not an old man,” I said, still chuckling. He threw the towel at me.
“That’ll teach you to respect your elders,” he retorted, making his way to the laundry room.
“You mean ELDERLY, right? Because that would fit you just fine,” I hollered.
“You just wait, this ELDERLY man is gonna tan your hide,” he hollered back with a chuckle.
I loved that man. He had done nothing but support and love Ethan and me. He changed his whole way of living by taking us in, and had never complained or acted like we were a burden to him. If anything, he had gone out of his way to tell us how great it was that we were here.