by Lee Crystal
“We need to talk,” I said quietly, not looking up to see his face.
“Yeah, we do. Let’s go sit in the living room,” he said, and led the way to the couch. I sat down next to him, afraid of what he was going to tell me, needing the comfort he provided, even if this was the last time I would have it. If he was married, I was going home, alone if I had to.
He grabbed my hand and squeezed. “Look, I’m just going to tell you everything. I need you to just let me get everything out, then we can talk about it. Okay?”
I nodded, squeezing his hand, encouraging him to continue.
“I met Felicia, the girl who was here last night, my senior year of college. We dated for several months. We were… intimate.” He looked at me warily, and I felt an intense pang of jealousy in my stomach, imagining him with another woman. But I smiled, urging him on. “She became real clingy and demanding. She always wanted to know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing. She knew I had money, and wanted me to buy her things all the time. I was fed up, and tried to break things off with her. I was just a couple months away from graduating when she told me she was pregnant, even though I had always used a condom, and she was supposedly on birth control.”
I wasn’t sure I liked hearing about him with her—actually, I knew I hated it. I had never been with a man, so the feelings of jealousy and propriety about a man were new to me. They sat in my stomach like a rock. Carter took a deep breath before he continued. His voice was level and even.
“My Dad always seemed to like her, and I didn’t want a child of mine to grow up in a split home like I did, or be labeled a bastard. So, I married her that next week at the courthouse. Right away, she tried to take control of my house, my money, hell, even the car. I found reasons to stay with my Dad so I wouldn’t be around her. We were hardly even speaking. After a couple of weeks, I came home. When I walked in, the house was a mess. There was trash and empty liquor bottles strewn throughout the entire house. I was pissed, and was going to tell her off, but when I opened my bedroom door, she was in my bed with her ex-boyfriend.”
He was quiet for a moment, rubbing my hair between his fingers.
“I didn’t know what to do, they hadn’t noticed me, and so I went back outside and got into my car. It was filled with belongings of hers—clothes, papers, shoes, make-up. I drove to the lake. I was so furious, I felt like I had just thrown away everything I had been working for to do the right thing, and she was living it up, partying and screwing someone else.
“I just needed to get rid of her, so I started throwing all her crap out of the car, making a pile on the ground. I thought I could burn it. Then I was going to get all her stuff from the house and burn that, too. But, in a pile of papers I was rummaging through, I saw a piece of paper that said Patient Care Instructions.”
Carter paused, looking like he was trying to get control of his emotions. I just waited. “She had aborted the baby, two weeks before… She aborted the baby and I didn’t even know if it was mine. I didn’t understand how she could go from getting rid of a baby to having sex and act like nothing was wrong. I mean, who does that, Taryn? Who lies and takes a baby, the baby she claimed was mine, and just throws it away without a care, without even discussing it with me, her husband?”
I didn’t know what to say, not sure he was really looking for an answer anyway. I just listened.
“I know now, the probability that baby was mine was extremely low, almost non-existent, but even so, I thought that baby was mine. When I pictured the future, I was a dad to that baby. And then, she just ripped it away, not caring or even thinking it might be wrong. She got what she wanted, and that’s all she cared about. She was using me. She had no loyalty or love for me whatsoever.”
My God, I couldn’t believe the horrible things this woman had done to such a kind, gentle man. The pain in his eyes when he talked about that baby, and the carelessness of its mother, broke my heart. I knew tears were sliding down my cheeks. I wanted to comfort him, to hold him, but he asked me to let him get it all out, and so I sat and waited.
“That day, I called an attorney, and was told that I could have the marriage annulled based on fraud. We married because of the baby, she misled me, and then terminated the baby. So, I went through with it, and since I had graduated, I left. I went to South America and Europe for a year. She tried to call, and later she left a message stating I wasn’t the baby’s father and she had relationships with three people while we were together. I knew she said it because she thought it would make me mad, or that I would be jealous. I wasn’t, I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything. I just roamed different places with no real direction.”
He looked directly at me, and he looked resigned. Resigned to what, I wasn’t sure.
“I didn’t like who I was or the things I was doing, and then you walked into that diner. Taryn, you took the wind out of me. I felt drawn to you, like you were everything that was missing. I don’t know if it’s too soon to feel what I do, I don’t know if what I feel is normal. All I do know is that… I love you… and I can’t stand the idea of being away from you. You have become the most important thing in my life, the one thing I look forward to seeing every day… I just felt that since I was already going all in with you, you needed to know that I love you and I pray you can forgive me for not telling you sooner.” He looked down to his lap. “I was worried about telling you. There seemed to be so many things that you were burdened with, and to be completely honest, I was afraid you wouldn’t have anything to do with me after you found out.”
He paused for a few moments, before looking back up to me. I drew in a sharp breath. There were tears in his eyes, with the most sorrowful expression. I squeezed his hands, and felt my own tears as well. I couldn’t stand to see him so sad.
“Taryn, I am so sorry I didn’t keep you safe. You mean the world to me, and your safety is vital to my sanity. I should have never left you alone in the house, if I would have told you about Felicia earlier, maybe you would have had enough warning to get me. I failed you. I don’t deserve any more than you have already given me, but I hope you can forgive me in this too. I don’t want to be without you.” He ended with a whisper, and my heart ached in my chest.
I wasn’t sure how to feel about everything, but I knew there wasn’t a need for forgiveness— he really hadn’t done anything wrong. Love? He loved me? I couldn’t tell if my heart pounding wildly in the back of my throat was euphoria, or terror. I needed to say something, and he was just looking at me. The trepidation and worry on his face made me feel like a total jerk. I needed to say something, but what? What could I say?
I scooted closer to him. I was always able to speak more honestly when I didn’t have to see him watching me. I snuggled into his chest, and was pleased when he wrapped his arms around me.
“Carter, I want you to know how sorry I am for what Felicia did to you,” I began. “She is a horrible person, and she took advantage of your noble nature.” I halted for a moment. I was absently running my hand across his chest, as he continued holding me and nuzzling his nose into my hair. A question came to my lips, and before I could stop it, I spoke.
“Did you love her?”
“No,” he responded quickly. Then there was a long pause. Carter inhaled deeply into the top of my head. “I thought I did, Taryn,” he said quietly. “At first, I thought I did. But it was based on nothing but a lie. I had no idea what love was or what love felt like.” He stilled, and I knew he was going to defend himself. There was no need. I looked up and put my fingers to his lips, stalling whatever it was he was going to say.
“Nope, don’t do that,” I said. “Felicia is a horrible person. What she did to you and that baby is unforgivable. You had no way of knowing that she was going to come here, and you couldn’t have known that she was going to lash out at me. You can’t control everything that might happen or not happen to me, Carter. To hold yourself to such an absurd standard would lead to failure. You did save me, you got me away from her
. We do the best we can, then we hope for the best. That’s all any of us can do.” I embraced Carter, holding him as tightly to me as I could manage.
“You are such an amazing man, and I, too, feel tethered to you,” I continued. “I feel like you have become my salvation from my own mind. I don’t know why or how you could love me. I’m half crazy, but if you are willing to love me, I can promise that I will continue striving to improve, to be worthy of the love you’re gifting me. I don’t know how this relationship stuff works, and I’m often not sure what is right or wrong to do or say.” I took a deep breath to steady the fluttering in my stomach before I continued.
“I agreed to be honest, and I love you, too. You are on my mind when I wake up, you are on my mind when I go to sleep, and…” Tears were pouring down my cheeks, and I could feel his chest shaking with emotion. “Since we meditated at the lake, you have been in my nightmares. When he’s there, so are you. When I cry out, I see you, or smell you, or feel you. You bring me back from the torment, and keep me from going back. So you see? You don’t need my forgiveness, you save me every night.”
He squeezed me to him harder, and I could feel the emotional release between us. We continued to lie like that, soaking in the comfort that we each provided for the other. There was nothing more to say. We both loved each other, wanted each other, and had hope together. Once again, I fell asleep to the beating of the heart that loved me.
I woke up still cradled in Carter’s arms. He was asleep, leaning against the corner of the couch, with his head lolled to the side. I looked at my watch, seeing it was after noon already. My stomach growled loudly. We hadn’t eaten anything since the plane ride, and that tray of rock-hard chicken, cold white rice and oily green beans wasn’t real food. I was starving.
I gently moved from his lap, not wanting to wake him. I made my way into the kitchen, picking up my cup from earlier on the way. I was rummaging through the pantry, looking for what I could make for lunch, when an idea sprang to mind. I wanted nothing more than to get back to the jovial mood we had before yesterday. I needed Carter to forget all that bullcrap about responsibility for my safety, failing, and whatever else was making him so morose. I wanted the teasing, fun guy to make a reappearance. Besides, I still owed him for that cold shower.
While I was making omelets and fried potatoes, Carter walked into the kitchen still in his pajama bottoms, with his hair sticking up everywhere. I grinned. He looked adorable in a sexy-as-sin alpha male kind of way.
“Hungry?” I asked, my grin broadening. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to give myself away.
“Yeah, what’re you making?” he asked as he walked behind me. I first felt the heat of his body against my back, then his taut chest. My head went a little woozy, and with how my breathing and pulse quickened, it took real concentration to stay standing.
“Eggs and potatoes,” I whispered. His hands were rubbing up and down my arms, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. I could have gotten drunk off his nearness.
“I’m starving,” he muttered into my neck, then proceeded to place tiny kisses from my jaw to my shoulder. Oh God, if he didn’t stop, I was going to combust. My body was on fire, and it had nothing to do with the stove. The sensations he evoked in me were frightening. His hands came around my middle, and he was caressing my abdomen, but when his thumb brushed the underside of my breast, I gasped. I thought I was on fire before, now I was an inferno.
“F-food is just a-about done. C-can you get some plates?” I stammered to him. I needed him to stop before I blew it all to hell. He gave a last kiss just below my ear that left me shivering, and backed away to do as I asked. Fortunately for my sanity, he sat down at the table, and after I made quick work of filling our plates, I sat down myself.
“What is the plan today, or rather this evening?” I asked.
“Well, if it’s all right with you, I thought we could hang out here, maybe take a walk and have dinner with my Dad,” he grinned sheepishly. “He is worried about you, and invited us over for dinner.”
“Sure, I don’t mind. He doesn’t need to worry about me though, I’m fine.” I smiled, then lifted a forkful of food to my mouth. I was so hungry, I was sure anything would have tasted awesome, but this was way better than awesome.
After we were both done eating, I picked up the dishes, carried them to the sink, and prepared to clean the kitchen. Carter was behind me again, placing his coffee cup in the sink.
“I’m going to go shower, I won’t take long,” he said. I could hear the worry in his voice, like leaving me alone while he showered was bothering him. Ridiculous.
“Go, Carter, I will be fine,” I said. “Just don’t use all the hot water, I need a shower too.” I wanted him to go, so my payback could start. He nodded, pecked my lips, and headed to the bathroom. Adrenaline and pure giddiness overflowed my body. I grabbed my ingredients that I had procured before he woke, and made my way to the bedroom door.
I waited there until I heard him close the bathroom door, before going in. I stood next to the bathroom door until I could hear the shower running, and waited to hear the interruptions in the water spray, telling me he was in the shower. Slowly, I opened the bathroom door. The way the bathroom was set up, he couldn’t see the door from the shower, but he could hear it if I wasn’t quiet.
This subterfuge stuff was fun. I tiptoed inside, and looked to see the shower glass was completely fogged—this I was counting on. I lowered to my hands and knees and crawled with my supplies to the shower door, thankful that it slid open on both sides. I carefully pulled the door open just enough that I could see the spray. I grabbed my tube of Icy Hot that I had taken from my bag, and carefully squeezed the entire tube onto the tile floor, as close as I could get to the spray. I quietly closed the sliding door, and waited, poised in attack mode. He let out a small cough, then another.
“What the hell?” I heard him say. I was doing everything I could not to break out into hysterics. I could see his silhouette, and hear him coughing more. I really hadn’t factored in that he would be naked, like I would see him naked. Stupid I knew, but I was too focused on getting him good. I saw him reaching for the sliding door, and I was ready.
He slid the door open with one hand, and was pinching his eyes with the other, taking big, gulping breaths. I was momentarily stunned by his nakedness, it took real effort to not look below his waist. As soon as he moved his hand and opened his eyes, I struck. A cloud of white filled the air as I threw an entire sack of flour onto him, covering his face, shoulders, chest… and wow, yep, even down there.
He looked at me like I was an alien there to abduct him. I saw his mouth working, but he didn’t say anything. Then the look in his eyes turned feral, the growl he emitted was scary, and I knew it was time to go. I dropped the flour bag and did what any covert operative would do: I ran like hell.
Chapter 15-Carter
The hot water pelted down on my back. Well, I told her… everything. My mind replayed the scene again. She didn’t scream, tell me she hated me, or run away. Not my sweet girl. Instead, she made me breakfast. Instead of being pissed off, she soothed me and told me she loved me. I was the luckiest bastard ever.
As I hurried to rinse the shampoo from my hair, a minty odor assailed my nose. What the heck was that? It grew stronger as I finished rinsing away the suds. Suddenly it was like I was standing in a menthol factory. I opened the shower gel bottle, wondering if it was coming from there. The minty smell was so strong, I couldn’t even smell what was in the bottle.
My eyes began to sting, and I couldn’t stop coughing. I had to get the hell out. Where the fuck was that smell coming from? I opened the shower door, pinching my eyes closed in an effort to soothe them. When I was finally able to open my eyes, all I saw was a huge cloud of white, then I felt a blast of powder hit me, and stick to my wet body. I stared, dumbfounded, trying to stop gasping for clean air, and saw Taryn with an empty bag of… flour?
It took me several seconds before I understood what
had happened. I narrowed my eyes at the little imp, who took off like a bat out of hell. Yeah, like I was going to let her get away with that. Oh hell no, I was taking her down.
I leaped out of the shower, wet, covered in flour, and buck ass naked and sprinted after her. She had gotten through the bathroom door, shutting it behind her, slowing me down. She was laughing so hard, I wasn’t sure how she could run, although with her limp she wasn’t that fast. I continued after her, trying not to slip on my ass, catching her at the end of the hall.
She screeched so loudly I thought my ear drums were going to burst. I picked her up, turned her and threw her over my shoulder. Her hands automatically landed on my naked ass to steady herself. I chuckled.
“Oh my God, put me down. Y-you’re naked!” she screamed, trying to find purchase for her hands somewhere besides my butt. She gave up and started to pound with her fists in my lower back, kicking her legs wildly.
“Carter, put me down NOW! You are making a mess everywhere!” she yelled.
“Darlin, you have a mess to clean up. And, you’re going to start with me,” I said sternly with the biggest damn smile on my face. She reached her head down and bit me, right on my ass cheek. I pulled her up more tightly and spanked her cute bottom over my shoulder.
“AAHH, you rotten overgrown tumor! Let me down!” She was really getting fired up now. I was enjoying it, and about to enjoy more of her tirade as I stepped back into the shower. I slowly slid her down the front of my body. She gasped as I groaned when my very erect dick passed over her abdomen. Amazingly, she didn’t utter a sound. Her eyes were wide with shock, but I could see excitement shimmering in them, too.
I crowded her until her back hit the wall of the shower, bent down and lowered my mouth over hers. I could taste the chalky, bland flour that had coated my lips, but when she let out a small mewl I didn’t care. I plundered her mouth with my tongue, and slowly started running my hands down her back, stopping on the round curve of her bottom. I pulled her into my groin, and groaned at the contact.