by Tej Turner
I was in for a big surprise: not only for the fact that he was there but also for the state I found him in: leant over of the arm rest of the bench with an empty bottle of liquor tilting from his limp hand.
“Stephan!” I yelled as I ran over, grabbing him by the collar of his robe. He stirred and his head swam around in a drunken haze as he came around. His unfocussed eyes circled around me for a moment before settling on my face.
“What the hell!” I exclaimed. “You’re drunk! Oh shit! Stephan, it’s almost seven o’clock. You’re due back at the monastery soon!”
He smiled and shook his head dizzily. “You came...”
“You need to go!” I yelled, running my hands through my hair as I realised that he was due for his daily three hours of silent meditation and I couldn’t see that going very well, with the swaying and everything. What could I do?
“No,” he blurted, flapping his arm. “Not go back!”
“What?”
He looked me in the eyes. “I left. Gone! Monk no longer.”
“You left?” I gasped.
He nodded.
“But why?” I asked, as guilt crept into my stomach.
I knew why – because of me.
“I think... I love you, Frelia,” he whispered.
I couldn’t get much sense out of Stephan in the state he was in but two things were clear to me: he could not come back to my place (because my homestay had rules about having members of the opposite sex over); and, secondly, Stephan moved here from a different town to join the monastery, so he didn’t have any friends of his own to crash with.
Which left me with only one option: to see if one of my friends could put him up for the night. There was a certain friend of mine who owed me a favour... but it was kind of awkward.
In my early teens I lived with a family who fostered several kids under one roof and one of them was a girl called Pandy. She was a little older than me, and had had a pretty cushy upbringing until her parents died in a car accident. We were like candy and peas, but being girls of a similar age we became friends over time.
Anyway, one night we snuck out to a rave together and there was a big bust up by the police. We were both in possession of various class As but at the last moment I had a flash of conscience and got her to give me hers so I could take the rap for it. (I already had a criminal record by then and there was no sense in both of us going down).
To cut it short: I was arrested, she was escorted home by the police, and the social services stepped in and decided it was best we were separated. But because I took the rap for the drugs she escaped from it all with a clean record, so she owes me a big favour.
After the whole affair was over she went through a sudden transformation and became a born again Christian, and quite an obstinate one at that. Our friendship has been a bit stilted since then.
I rang the doorbell. A light came on and then a shadow appeared at the window. The door opened.
“Frelia?” she said, making no effort to hide the surprise in her voice.
The door opened a little bit more. She was no longer the girl I grew up with, but a creature I did not recognise. Tied back hair, white blouse, plain black trousers – all loose fitting to stop any male eyes being drawn to her figure – and no makeup.
“Hey Pandy,” I said.
“It’s Pandora,” she said indignantly.
“What?”
“Pandora,” she repeated. “That’s what people call me now.” Her eyes drifted to the figure slumped over my shoulder and widened.
“Ok, Pandora,” I said. “Look, I know this is a bit random, but I really need a favour.”
“Who is that?” she exclaimed.
“He’s a monk,” I said, giving him a little jolt to wake him up. He lifted his head, looked up at her and smiled.
“He’s drunk!” Pandora said.
“Yeah... he’s a drunk monk. Anyway, I—”
“Just come in! Quickly!” she said, her gaze turning to the neighbourhood self-consciously. She ushered us both inside.
“Look, I’m sorry,” I said once we were inside and she shut the door. “But this is an emergency. He left the monastery and he has nowhere to go. I can’t—”
“Just put him upstairs,” Pandora said, sighing. “In the spare room. Second door on the right.”
Once I had put Stephan to bed – safely lying on his side – I went back downstairs, and found Pandora in the living room.
“Thanks, Pandy,” I said. “Sorry! I mean Pandora.”
“It’s okay,” she sighed grudgingly. “I still remember what you did for me, Frelia.”
“I’ll find something for him tomorrow,” I promised.
She shook her head. “Don’t worry, I won’t send him off into the streets! As long as he behaves himself, mind.”
“Thanks,” I muttered. I looked around the living room and considered sitting down somewhere, but the chairs, carpet, walls and everything were all so clean and white. It was like she had built this pristine world of purity around her; a world I wasn’t welcome in.
“So...” she said. “Who is he?”
“Well... I met him at the park a couple of weeks ago. He’s—”
She raised an eyebrow. “Are you having relations with him?”
“Relations?” I repeated, not quite knowing what she meant at first. When I did, my face must have given me away because she gave me a look of grave disapproval.
“Oh don’t look at me like that,” she said, fingering the crucifix at her throat. “Is it difficult for you to accept that I might feel concern for you? I know your lifestyle is your way of dealing with… all that stuff that happened to you, but I just hope that you can overcome it all and stop being a victim of your circumstances.”
“Spare me the amateur psychoanalysis,” I said, folding my arms across my chest. “I’m a bit more complicated than some leaflet you’ve read.”
“Sorry,” she said, turning away. “I love you Frelia... I just find it hard to respect the way you live your life. I turned mine around and, trust me, it gets—”
You think you would’ve got your lovely job at the bank if I hadn’t taken the rap for you! I thought, biting my tongue. I just couldn’t get how she could be so high and mighty about it all when I could remember her when she was a fifteen year old girl dancing around wildly in a short skirt which barely reached her thighs at illegal parties, making out with older guys, chewing her gums because she had taken way too much Ecstasy – I was actually the sensible one who had to tell her to calm down a lot of the time.
“You weren’t always so perfect,” I said, flatly.
“I sinned,” Pandora admitted, solemnly. “But I am a better person now. If only you could see—”
“Look,” I interrupted her. “Can we not do this? I don’t want to fall out with you, Pandy. I’m sorry, but this is me. I’m pretty aware of myself and I’m not going to change. Hell, I actually like myself now, and it took me a while to get there, so just be happy for me.”
She studied me for a few moments and then nodded her head resignedly and patted the space beside her on the sofa. “Come,” she said. “Sit down.”
We talked for a while. She told me about her job, her church friends, the voluntary work she does to help disadvantaged children in the community, and a few other things. I admired her for all the time she devoted to various charities but I got a general impression that she wasn’t letting herself have a social life anymore and she was turning into a very lonely and repressed woman. In the last two years she had dated only one guy, and he was from her church and ran for the hills when he found out she wasn’t a virgin (I guess when women become ‘born again’ their hymen is left behind, but far from forgotten).
I told her about college, the new home-stay I was living in, and my plans to travel the world after it was all done. Every now and then we would both laugh about something, and for a fleeting moment I caught a flash of the Pandy I used to know when we were young girls sharing a dorm together
. It was a bit of a relief because this Pandora person felt like an alien sometimes.
A lot of the people I know who have siblings complain about them all the time, and it often seems to me they don’t actually like each other very much but are woven together by a habitual bond in their childhood. I guess in many ways this complexity would make Pandora the closest thing I have to a sister.
I called in at Pandora’s the next day after college and found Stephan comfortably making himself at home in the living room, dressed all smartly in a white shirt and black trousers. He looked up at me from a newspaper he was reading and smiled.
“What’s with the new look?” I asked, suddenly realising that I didn’t even know what his ‘look’ was – I had only ever seen him in robes.
“She took me shopping,” he said. “I’ve got to look respectable if I’m going to get a job.”
“You’re getting a job?”
“We’re going to need money if we’re travelling the world.”
“Really?” I exclaimed, with an unexpected surge of elation. “You want to travel with me?”
He nodded. “You said you wanted to and so do I! Who better to do it with than you?”
I jumped onto his lap and we touched noses for a few moments. Then he kissed me hungrily.
I then heard a throaty “Ahem” from nearby, and tore my lips away from Stephan’s to see Pandora standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips.
“I know I can’t stop you doing that sort of thing altogether,” she said, her eyebrows joined together into one hard line. “But I would appreciate none of that business under my roof.”
“Sorry, Pandora,” Stephan said as I pulled away from him.
“Aren’t you supposed to be looking for jobs?” she said, turning her eyes to the newspaper he had dropped on the coffee table.
“Yeah!” he said, smiling at her politely. “I’ll get right back to it!”
“Would you like a cup of tea, Frelia?” she said. “The kettle’s boiled.”
“Yes please,” I said.
“So... I can’t kiss you here?” Stephan whispered when she left.
“Not unless you marry me,” I replied dryly.
He then looked at me and, for a moment, it looked like he was actually considering it.
“Don’t you dare!” I exclaimed. “Anyway... I’m going to help her make tea.”
I got up and walked over to the kitchen where Pandora was pouring steaming water into three cups.
“You’ve got him well trained,” I joked.
Pandora shook her head but there was a strange expression on her face, like she wanted to smile but was desperately trying not to. “Well the quicker he gets a job, the sooner he can get his own place.”
“Thanks for doing this for me, “I said.
“It’s no problem,” Pandora shook her head. “‘Deal thy bread to the hungry, and that thou bring the poor that are cast out to thy house. When thou seest the naked, that thou cover him; and that thou hide not thyself from thine own flesh’. He can stay here until he lands back on his feet. This is what Christians do, Frelia. Can you help me carry these over please?” she requested, indicating to two of the cups on the counter.
“Plus,” Pandora whispered just before we reached the doorway. “After spending the day with him I have to say; he’s not too bad. He’s clever and thoughtful, and he can’t stop talking about you. It’s quite annoying, really,” she smiled. “I think he’s a keeper, Frelia. He’ll be good for you.”
The following weeks fell into a steady routine. I had college, and Stephan spent most of the days searching for jobs and attending interviews. We usually met up in the afternoons and evenings.
Now that the whole monk issue was over we seemed to be making up for lost time and our sex-life went on a turn for the better. We mostly made love in the evenings at the park, and other secluded areas around the town, which added an element of danger that I actually found exciting. I sometimes went to see him at Pandora’s place, but not as often because the strict no-more-than-a-foot-of-proximity-under-my-roof rule kind of stuck and we were still in the honeymoon period, and finding it hard to stay away from each other.
Pandora mothered him. Cooking meals and giving him advice on interviews and job applications were tasks she performed with a heavy sigh of exasperation and an air of condescension, but I think she secretly enjoyed it. She would never admit it but I think she was actually quite lonely, and Stephan’s presence was having a positive effect on her: she steadily became more relaxed in her demeanour, a sense of humour occasionally surfaced and, even though she knew that we were most likely having premarital sex, she stopped trying to chastise me for it because she saw Stephan as a good influence on me.
One day I went over to see them and Stephan opened the door with a gleeful smile. He pulled me straight into the living room where Pandora was in the process of opening a bottle of wine.
“You’re drinking?” I asked, staring at her.
She smiled. “Oh, I do have a little bit of fun sometimes you know. Just not in excess. Anyway, this is a special occasion!”
“I got a job!” Stephan exclaimed, no longer able to hold back the news. In a moment of elation he put his arms around me. Pandora narrowed her eyes, but said nothing about the slight transgression.
“Well done!” I said, pulling away from him. “Where?”
“With Pandora!” he said, beaming at her. “She got me one at her place. It’s only as a clerk,” he said. “But it’s a start!”
“I was only a clerk a few years ago,” Pandora said as she passed me a glass of wine.
We all clinked our glasses together and drank.
Don’t ask me how it happened, but after a few more glasses I managed to convince both Stephan and Pandora that they should come out to Janus with me for a couple of drinks. Pandora seemed far from impressed when we got there and I led them through the derelict corridor but she relaxed a little by the time I got her settled into one of the rooms around a table with my friends.
It was a Tuesday, so it wasn’t very busy but Namda was there with a load of her gang from art college. I knew her friend Tristan quite well but didn’t really recognise any of the others. I soon gathered that the handsome guy with his arm around Tristan was his new boyfriend whom I had heard about.
I was a little worried at first how Pandora would react to having a gay couple in her midst, as I was not quite sure how strong her new convictions where when it came to homosexuals. Luckily though, Harry turned out to be some sort of businessman involved in trade and investment, so he and Pandora soon found common ground and were chatting about stock markets and many other things that generally made me want to yawn. Stephan – with a great amount of enthusiasm for his new job – listened to their conversation intently.
“So this is the new man,” Tristan said, as he drank from a cocktail he had just purchased from the bar. “He seems nice.”
I smiled. “He is.”
“Does he still have his robes?” Namda asked, winking at me suggestively.
“I think so... unless Pandora burned them,” I replied, shrugging. I looked over to see that she and Tristan’s new boyfriend were still droning on about conversion rates. Something about that guy and Tristan being together didn’t quite ring with me: Tristan, with his wavy blonde hair, faded jeans, tie-dyed t-shirt and denim jacket, barely scraped by on the sale of his paintings and had very little interest in money – he was the very essence of bohemia.
“Who is that girl, Frelia?” Tristan asked, I could tell that their conversation was boring him to death as well. “You’ve never mentioned her before.”
“It’s... complicated.”
“You know... I was a bit surprised when I found out that Harry and Tristan were... well, you know, that way... but I quite like them,” Pandora said.
She had spent most of the walk back from Janus in a thoughtful and contemplative silence, and it was only when we reached the edge of her neighbourhood that she finally sp
illed out what was on her mind.
“Your friends are really cool, Frelia,” Stephan said, siding up next to me. “And I like Janus.”
I smiled. “We’ll go again sometime if you like.”
He nodded eagerly.
We were now outside Pandora’s house and she walked up the pathway to open the front door. As she was unlocking it I pulled Stephan close to me. “You’re not in the house yet,” I whispered mischievously before kissing him.
When we parted Pandora was staring at us.
“I’ll get my own place soon,” Stephan promised, just as he followed her to the front door. “I’ll meet you at the park tomorrow. After work.”
“If you ask me,” Liam said. “The Design Argument is proof that God exists. One only needs to look outside to see that God made the world for us. The trees, plants, animals. They were given to us by God.”
It was our last Religious Studies lesson of the year, and Mr Harrison had just sparked off a debate around the Design Argument – a philosophy focused on the premise that the complexity of our world points towards intelligent crafting.
Liam was one of those pompous zealots who’d been getting on my tits all year (not literally, he is far too perfect and precious to debase himself with a carnal sin; plus there is the fact I would rather eat my own face). Our debates had mostly been formal and polite up till now, but there has always been an air of arrogance about him that vexed me. I could tell from his mannerisms and the way he looked at other people that he considered non-believers lesser people.
“The Design Argument doesn’t prove anything,” I said. “There are just things about the world we don’t fully understand yet. To say the only explanation is God is a great jump. I also don’t like the whole mentality that things exist merely for us to use; it’s just that sort of attitude which makes people believe that abusing animals with cruel farming methods, and doing nothing to stop global warming is acceptable. Plenty of animals and plants have the ability to – and do – harm humans. We just happen to be the dominant species at this moment in time—”