“Angela, you may never know why he acted in that way. The only true way to forgive is to let it go. Knowing you cannot know why, perhaps ever.” Henry said, his dessert on the table was untouched. He was glad to see Angela at the table but he could tell the chair was causing the young girl discomfort. He glanced to his wife and they wordlessly communicated that they needed to move her.
“I agree, and tell my heart so every day... Many times.” Angela said with a tired voice. They had an invalid chair they borrowed from the fort infirmary that was made of walnut and had three wheels to get her around the house easily.
“You are doing so well, Angie, God is healing you inside and out.” Edith said and stood to help Henry get Angela wheeled safely back to her bed.
“You both take such good care of me. I hope you know how much it means, more than the care; also the listening. I know I am a burden but I pray every day for God to bless you for all you have done for me.” Angela said with full sincerity. Finding kindness after many years of struggle and abuse was humbling and awe-inspiring.
* * * * *
Watching the men do their formation drills had become a favorite part of her day, even if it was a distraction for the men. The invalid girl in their midst was a sweet breeze in a barren land for them. Angela’s health was improving and her coloring had recently switched from the pale sickly to a pinker healthy glow. Many young soldiers took notice and thought of many ways to visit the Captain’s home after the first week of Angela being allowed outdoors.
She was now considered the Fort pet. After week two of being outside her confinement she had several new friends who were constantly buzzing around her. Edith kept a close watch and Henry gave many verbal warnings to keep the young soldiers at their posts. He insisted that the young woman remain safe and untouched in every way. There was no need for the warnings though. Those soldiers would have protected her with their lives.
Chapter 2 - Angela
July 1848
It was time to start walking again. Angela woke determined to do more than stand. Two weeks ago she had tried to walk but the deep bruise on her leg was not ready for her body weight. She had felt the trickle of fear run up her spine that maybe she wouldn’t heal properly and be unable to walk again. It was only fear. She prayed, then confessed her fears at breakfast to Edith and Henry. After her nap later in the day there was a card on the nightstand in Edith’s bold handwriting.
As I wait on the Lord, with good courage, He will strengthen my heart. - Psalm 27:14
It was just the thing she needed to bolster her patience. God had not left her behind. He was with her through every moment, especially the painful ones, He saw her through them. Angela said a prayer of thanks and then called for some help into the invalid chair. Once she was in she could push the wheels around and move through the house somewhat effectively, but the wheels were forever catching on things. Eventually Henry dragged most of the rugs out of the place for the small bits were always getting pulled into the wheels and snagging. It was never fun trying to get the little strings unraveled from the stubborn wheels.
A few weeks later she tried standing with a chair nearby to hold onto. Now she wanted some greater momentum. The breeze through the window in her room was warm and dry and as she lay in bed she could see no clouds through the windowpane.
“Edith, I am ready when you are.” Angela called. She was patient and within a few minutes she could hear Edith’s distinct steps across the hard wood floor. Angela had her covers pulled back and was sitting up waiting for Edith to help her get dressed. Her left arm had been broken and was healing but the help to get tricky clothing on was still needed. Even after nine weeks. Edith suspected that her healing was going to be jumping forward in huge leaps soon. Angela was grateful for less pain and better sleep at night. For anything else she was willing to wait and see. All she had to do was remember the pain of that one day jostling in a wagon after her accident to be thankful for healing even if it was slow.
Edith and Angela made quick work of getting her dressed. It always warmed Angela’s heart to hear Edith humming softly under her breath as she did any work at all. It was so quiet and barely there. A shy song but it added a moment of joy to Angela’s morning, being so close to her and hearing her soft whispery humming. Just another thing to look forward to today, she thought. That and walking!
“I want to get outside today. Seems a lovely summer’s day.” Angela’s voice was chipper as she ate her ham and eggs. Henry had slaughtered a pig just two days before and all enjoyed the fresh meat, the cafeteria would be sharing some of the fresh pork with the men today and everyone was buzzing about it around the small town. Venison was much more common, pork was luxury to the soldiers of the fort.
“I could see us getting out for a bit today. After morning exercises the main courtyard would be ideal to try out a few steps. It’s open and flat and there is a pleasant breeze. I am sure you want to get out of this hot house. I have been meaning to put in a summer kitchen for Edith. Perhaps I should do that this year.” Henry said and grabbed one of the women’s fans that were on a nearby stand. He spent more time near the home while Angela was there. He could lift her better than Edith. “Edith, now that I know how hot your kitchen gets in the summer, even now in the cool morning it’s hot as hades in here.”
Edith hushed him from talking about such places with a chuckle. “Well, a summer kitchen is something I do dream about, perhaps a nice place just in the back of the house with a nice awning. A small cook stove would work just fine. I even saw in one magazine how some women use a mesh screen around the place to keep out bugs. But a simple awning would be a delicious start.” Edith grabbed at any empty dishes on the table and was softly humming again. She plunked the dishes in the wash water and then wiped at a few with a wet rag.
Henry left to check on his soldiers and keep them drilling. He had a new training officer and liked to keep an eye on how his new man did things.
* * * * *
A few hours later Angela was in the courtyard where the soldiers usually did their marching drills and morning exercises. The ground was even and the breeze was nicer out in the open instead of the hot kitchen. Henry and Edith were very supportive and as soon as they got her invalid chair in place Henry made her wait so he could get her a chair to lean on.
“No need for you to fall when a chair could steady ya.” Henry said practically.
Angela nodded and waited patiently for him to come back with a sturdy kitchen chair. He placed it next to the invalid chair and held out an arm. It was time. With a few wobbly movements trying to get out of the wiggly chair she was standing. Once she felt secure on her feet Henry brought the chair closer. She used the chair back to balance and put her weight on the uninjured leg. One step down, she could feel the muscle weakness in her good leg even from just all the lying about. Soon she got brave and swung the other leg forward and put her full weight on it alone. The bruised muscle did protest but it was bearable. She let go of the chair leg and Henry took a few steps closer. She looked at Edith and was almost certain that her caretaker wasn’t breathing.
“It’s okay, it hurts but it is manageable.” Angela said.
With her arms free she stepped back to her stronger leg then before she lost her nerve she took five steps as normally as she could without thinking. She was surprised to hear the whole place erupt in cheers as the mess hall doors opened and the fort men made their presence known.
Henry moved the chair over to her and she gladly took a seat. Her legs were wobbly from her first attempt. All the soldiers ran over and did three cheers for their favorite fort pet.
“I see you have made a few friends here at Fort Kearney” Edith said while chuckling.
Angela was stunned. She was used to a lifestyle in the background. Being invisible was part of her job in her former life. People being nice to her and actually being concerned for her welfare was something that Corinne did but not many others. She had only started feeling welcome with some folks on
the wagon train, the Grant family and Clive Quackenbush. Now she had all these other souls that were not only noticing her but actively helping her. She was profoundly moved.
“Thanks everyone.” Angela said with a meek voice, sounding lame in her own ears.
“Alright men, back to your grub. There are duties to be done.” Henry used his Captain voice and got the men to scoot back into the building. Angela loved hearing the two sides of Henry Sparks.
Chapter 3
Dear Angela,
We are arriving at a fort tomorrow and I wanted to get word to you. My heart is still broken. I know yours must be too. When word came that we could send letter by post I knew I had to write. I thought I would have so much to say but I find myself stumbling for words. I miss you. But I missed you when you were traveling with me, Andrew’s cruelty eats at me and daily I have to work at forgiving him. I am so glad he is away most days.
The days have been better; the Grants and Clive have been watching over me. I have such guilt about leaving you behind. I should have stayed. I wonder every few days if perhaps I shouldn’t turn around and go back for you. I do not know what the right thing to do is.
My dearest friend, forgive me. I should have fought Andrew harder that night. I should have stayed in Independence, Missouri with you and never left with Andrew. We could have stayed behind and written to my father that Andrew was cruel and he would have found a way to come for me and we would be safe. I think of a thousand ways that this situation could be reversed and they hurt my heart daily.
I pray that your body is healing. That God will ease your pain and help you forget that horrible night. I wish so much that it had never happened or happened to me instead.
Chelsea and Brody both send their love and Brody told me to send a hug to you. We all will be waiting for you in Oregon.
Sincerely,
Corinne
Angela read the letter and cried over her friend’s pain. She had wondered how Corinne was fairing and said a quick prayer for her, for her to let the pain go and not carry any guilt about leaving her behind. She knew God could comfort her friend. The Grants and Clive would talk her through the separation. Angela could write but it would take so long for her word to reach Oregon territory. Most likely her letter would never reach Corinne. The West was still hard to reach and the post was not very consistent. She would just pray.
* * * * *
September 1st, 1848
Angela was helping Edith in the garden. Her arms and legs covered in sweat but she felt good to be at work. She got tired some days but every day was a little better. It was her sixteenth birthday today! Edith had a treat planned for later and the soldiers were teasing her all week about her needing to be kissed at her birthday party. She would just laugh and blush.
Angela saw the stores of potatoes and carrots they had hoed out of the garden that morning and felt good for her help in it. She felt useful and that was a excellent feeling.
Edith braided Angela’s hair in a fancy twisted braid with bright white ribbons. It was the fanciest her hair had ever been and Angela smiled in the mirror. The evening was planned out for a dinner in the main hall. A few of the men played instruments and agreed to put together a small musical in honor of Angela’s day. Edith made three cakes to have enough for everyone. Edith only allowed Angela to help with the frosting of the cake. So Angela sat in the kitchen and kept Edith company in the afternoon.
The dinner and musical evening was perfect. Angela was asked by several of the soldiers to dance when the music was playing but she declined. It was still a little painful to walk. She knew that dancing would only irritate her poor leg even more. The soldiers all took it well when she explained. Soon the food was served and everyone was making a fuss over her. Edith and Henry stayed with her all evening watching to make sure she didn’t get worn out with the activity, but Angela seemed fine.
The time came and a few gifts were brought out. There was no fancy wrapping to be had out here in the wilds of Missouri but several soldiers had little gifts for her.
“Treasures!” Angela declared over them. Several young men had quite a talent for whittling. One made her a horse and another made a cute little dog standing at attention.
From Henry and Edith she got a few gifts as well. The first was a stack of soft cotton handkerchiefs, all of them with dark green initials in the corner. AH.
The next gift was a leather bound journal. On the front page was a summer daisy pressed into wax paper. The bright white and yellow standing out against the paper was beautiful.
“So you can take a piece of this summer with you. As I will in my heart.” Edith said with tears in her eyes. “By next summer I know you will be gone from me but I will never forget you.”
Angela accepted the gift and the embrace from the woman who had done so much giving to her. Bittersweet tears mingled for both women. Henry handed her the last gift from a small box.
It was a silver pendant watch with white mother of pearl behind the watch hands. Angela gasped at them when she realized it was the first piece of jewelry she had ever owned.
“You don’t know what you both mean to me.” Angela said with a tight throat.
“You say it with your eyes, lass.” Henry said and patted the girl’s shoulder.
Edith laughed though she still had tears in her eyes. “Ya do, Angie dear. No one can know ya without seeing it. You probably don’t even know you do it. But you show love with every look.”
Angela was overwhelmed and speechless. She just accepted the gifts and love with a humble heart.
* * * * *
The next day Angela was up early and excited to help Edith in the garden again. The work was making her stronger. She needed to be stronger for what lay ahead. She couldn’t do the work standing all day, at some point she pulled a crate out and sat while working until she got stiff and sore. But she knew with every day that passed she would eventually get her full strength back.
She was counting down now. She would be leaving in six or seven months, give or take. She had discussed it with the Sparks family at length and they would strike a deal with a nice Christian family that was coming through. If they had no takers in the first train that went through there would be others. Western expansion was on the rise and every newspaper was talking about it. Every time the post would come by, the newspapers were pored over for news, even if they were old by weeks or months. It was treasured out in the wilderness. Though several families now lived near the fort. A few weary souls gave up the Oregon Trail and squatted near enough to the fort and built sod homes. Anyone that applied for land was usually granted the right to build and farm the land, but it was a dangerous business. There were lots of wild animals and this place was the hunting grounds for several different tribes of Indians. The fort was there to keep the Indians from warring as its main existence. The Indians traded with them at the Hudson Bay store and it had a pony express post and a telegraph office now but it was not any type of society. Having neighbors was exciting to Edith but she had little hope of any kind of town life.
Angela and Edith spoke wistfully of the Sparks moving west when Henry retired from his post at the fort. They had grown close and Angela felt a small bit of sadness at leaving them behind.
“I have heard of a lovely Valley in Oregon.” Angela hinted with a few sly winks.
“I feel suddenly drawn to know all about this Oregon. We shall send for more news on it. I have friends in Illinois that would gladly send me any paper or pamphlets I asked for.” Edith said and winked back, her hands busy cleaning the caked-on dirt from the potatoes, carrots and other vegetables.
Edith grabbed a few potatoes for their dinner that night. Fried potatoes would go lovely with the roasted venison. She was teaching Angela all she could about cooking and survival. She felt a motherly affection for the girl and her heart ached already over the thought of losing her. She would not pressure to girl to stay, though. Her prayers were thorough about it and she felt truly that the child’s pa
th was to go west. Edith knew that Angela’s brother was there, and somehow they were meant to meet again. Edith prayed for the young man, only knowing his name and the tidbits from Angela, but somehow her heart ached for them to re-unite.
After supper Angela pulled out pen and paper and worked a bit more on the letter to Corinne. She had been crafting it for weeks. Wanting it just right. Angela claimed her penmanship had been better when she was younger but she was working on it daily. Edith was encouraging her to keep writing and reading.
“You are a smart gal. It will come back to ya darling. I only learned to read as a near adult. I felt so lost and ignorant as a child trying to survive in a world that I couldn’t fully participate.” Edith shared more about her life. The stories gave Angela a deeper respect and love for this woman. God was showing her in small ways that good people can break free of hard upbringings.
* * * * *
It was over a month later that the post came through saying they were heading west with parcels and letters, they had several mules and bragged that there was now several post offices at other forts, they would get fresh horses and mules and continue all the way to Oregon then to California. They were charging extra, but Angela finally had a letter for Corinne that she was proud of, the cost was worth every penny.
Angela's Hope (Wildflowers) Page 3