by Shan
Hated by Many, Loved by None 2
1: Honey
Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever
"Arghh! Why the hell are they playing all this sad shit tonight?" I hissed as I reached to turn down the radio.
Chh! Chh! Chh!
"Oh, no! No! No! No! No! ¡No ahora!"
I slammed my hand against the steering wheel and pulled over to the side of the road. The gas light suddenly flashed on, and so did every gauge that meant something suddenly wasn’t working anymore. The car sputtered and stuttered along before it finally came to a complete stop. I shook my head in disbelief. This was not the time for my car to be running out of gas. Reaching into my purse, I pulled a cigarette from my pack of Newports and quickly lit the end of it. After a few minutes of sitting, I tried my luck and attempted to start the car back up.
"Yes! Yes! Yes! Right to the gas station!" I cheered.
Just as I put the car in drive it began stuttering and, once again, died on me. I slammed the gear back into park and just melted away in my seat. As I took a puff on my square, my thoughts went back over the past twenty-four hours.
“Why are you doing this, Honey? What do you think you’re going to solve by hurting Jahzara like this?” Tomeka asked.
“She is a traitor. She sided with them! She was supposed to have my back, but, when it came down to it, she chose Imran’s side! He wanted to hurt me, and she chose him! She’s just like my mommy!” I began to cry, sounding like a little girl all over again.
“I understand that, Honey, but this is not the way to handle this. You can’t—”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do! She shouldn’t have chosen his side! She’s just like my damn mommy. I messed up when I let my mommy get away, but I’m not letting her get away with it. She’s gotta pay for allowing him to hurt me!”
“He didn’t hurt you, you lying bitch! You made it all up just like you made up all those lies in school! You psychotic-ass bitch!” Jahzara yelled.
Jahzara was on all fours, trying to climb to her feet when I ran over and kicked her in her face, causing her head to snap back in slow motion. Jahzara was more than determined to keep fighting and wouldn't give up no matter what I did to her.
Suddenly, I was grabbed from the back and thrown across the floor. Tomeka, who had developed a damn conscience, reached down to help Jahzara up. When she suddenly switched sides, she made it seem as if I was the one in the wrong. She knew we had a score to settle when we asked Jah to meet us, so why the fuck was she acting brand new?
Pow! Pow!
Tomeka turned in my direction with pain dripping from her eyes and blood seeping through the tiny holes in her chest.
“Oh, my God! Tomeka, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…you were trying to help her. I’m sorry. ¡Te amo mucho! ¡Te amo mucho!”
Tears cascaded down my face as I remembered the reason I'd been driving for a day. My relationship with my friends, my best friends, was over, and I was the one that caused our demise. I felt somewhat guilty, considering I’d taken Tomeka's life and damn near took Jah's. I allowed my past to resurface and affect those that I love.
"Why am I like this?" I questioned aloud.
I fired up another cigarette and tapped my foot impatiently against the floor of the car. There was a sign a few feet ahead of me that said a gas station was located a few miles up the highway. I contemplated whether or not I should get out and walk or flag someone down to help me. I took a couple more drags from my square before putting it out in the ashtray. After jerking the keys from the ignition, I climbed out of the car and walked to the back of it. I checked over my shoulder and then used the key to unlock the trunk. I reached inside and grabbed a gas can. Then, I closed the trunk back.
Whoop! Whoop!
Just as I was about to take off in the direction of the gas station, the familiar red and blue lights flashed in the darkness, and the sound of the siren caused my heart to damn near jump from my chest. Slowly, I turned around to see the Tyler police squad car, pulling up and parking closely behind my Impala. I placed my hand up as a shield, doing my best to block out the bright lights that were shining directly into my eyes. I tried not to tremble and let my fear show but it was impossible knowing what I’d done back in Dallas.
“Officer,” I stated nervously.
“What’s going on?” the first officer asked, shining the light of his flashlight into my face. He was a light skinned black guy that stood about five-eleven with a solid frame.
“I just ran out of gas and was about to walk to the nearest station,” I said, holding up the gas can that dangled by my side.
The first officer glanced at the gas can and then shined his light into my car, checking the front seat as well as the back seat. He, then, turned his flashlight off and walked over to me where he reached for the gas can.
“Jackson,” the other officer called out to his partner.
The officer near me drew his hand back and turned his glare in the direction of his partner who was standing directly behind my car. My heart began to thump, no, leap inside of my chest and sweat began to profusely fill my forehead. Each of them shined their lights onto the trunk of my car and then down at the ground where huge droplets of blood had fallen to the ground.
Cling! Clung!
I dropped the gas can to the ground and took off running in the other direction. The only thing that was on my mind was getting away from the pigs and heading out of state just as I had planned to do before I so foolishly ran out of gas. I had been so focused had been on running away from what I’d done that I didn’t once think to stop and refill.
“Freeze! Stop right now!” one of the officers yelled behind me.
I could hear the steps of the officers gaining on me, and I put all my might and strength into running as fast as I could, but smoking damn near a pack of Newports a day was starting to catch up to me. In the end, I stumbled to the ground, skid across the hot pavement, and scratched my arms and knees. Forcefully, the officer grabbed both of my arms and pulled me from the ground to my feet, and then pulled me back in the direction of the Impala.
“Why the hell are you running? What are you running for?” the black officer asked as he threw me into the car.
“Let me go! ¡Déjeme ir!” I screamed.
The officer placed his foot between my feet, forcing me to spread my legs apart. He tucked my hands behind my head and began to run his hands down and around my body. He pulled my car keys from my pocket and handed them over to his partner.
"Why are you running?" he asked again as he searched me.
From the corner of my eyes, I watched as the second officer walked to the back of my car and stuck the key inside of the trunk. He pulled it open and suddenly jumped back like he was scared something was going to jump out at him.
"What the fuck?" the second officer yelled. "There's a body in here."
I held my head down in shame as the metal bracelets were cuffed tightly to my wrist and I was taken to the back of the squad car. I didn't want to get rid of Tomeka's body until I was far away from Texas. I never anticipated that I would run out of gas and be caught by the damn country-
ass police. I began to resent Imran and Jah all over again. This was happening because of them.
2: Imran
It was all a dream
I used to read Word Up magazine
Salt'n'Pepa and Heavy D up in the limousine
Hangin' pictures on my wall
Every Sat
urday Rap Attack, Mr. Magic, Marley Marl
I let my tape rock 'til my tape popped
Smokin' weed and bamboo, sippin' on private stock
Way back, when I had the red and black lumberjack
I cruised through the streets bobbing my head to the classic, feeling like “fuck the world” right now. The system thumped hard, sounding like I had a world-renowned theater in my fuckin' trunk. Days like this I felt like I could be the king of the muthafuckin' world for real. I had the resources and had the fuckin' city practically eating out of my hands, so taking over the damn world shouldn't have been so hard. At least, half of it any damn way.
I'd been getting paper since I was little boy, so I wasn't new to the game at all. Ain't shit about it changed besides the players and prisoners. Other than that, it was all the same. I was raised by my Uncle Dom, and his brothers, who were only a few years older than me. My mom was too busy chasing pipe dreams and who the fuck knew who my daddy was. Everything I learned, I learned from Dom. The minute I was old enough to step off the porch, I hit the pavement hard, emulating everything I saw my uncle do.
He had started off with the small shit just like everybody else, but it wasn't long before he and his brothers, my other two uncles Braylon and Davion, controlled shit from the north of Texas down to the very south. Just a few years ago, Dom decided that his run was over and took his brothers with him. They were now on some organized crime type shit, black mafia in the making. I wasn't with the idea of increasing my body count unless absolutely necessary and was cool with just taking the keys to the city.
I pulled my car into the lot of the Butler Brother's Entertainment Park and quickly went inside the building.
"How may I help you? Oh! Hi, Imran. Mr. Butler is expecting you. Go right on in," the receptionist said as I entered the building. I followed the curve of the building until I reached my Uncle Dom's office.
"You late, nigga. I told you I take my lunch at 12:30," Dom said with a smirk.
I looked down at my cell phone and noticed it was only 12:31. Looking back at my uncle, I frowned, not really feeling like joking around with him today. The fact that he called me in the wee hours of the morning, saying he needed to see me, already had me a little frustrated.
"Roll up while we wait on B.B.," Dom said as he tossed me a sack full of Kush and a cigarillo.
"What's this all about?" I asked as I began breaking the cigar open with my fingernail.
"Don't be in such a fuckin' rush. You damn sure weren’t in one trying to get here."
I shook my head and continued rolling up the blunt. I’m not sure what the hell this nigga's problem is, but I really hope he don’t have me here long. I had Jahzara back at my crib recovering from the fucked up shit her so-called girl had done to her a couple of days ago. At that point, she hadn't said a word to me, to the doctor, or the nurse that I’d hired since we left her parent's block following the shoot out between me and her ex-husband. I had tried to explain to her the deal between me and Quin, but, each time I opened up my mouth to say something, it felt as if I was speaking to a ghost. She was so damn out of it, lost in another world, suffering, most likely, from post-traumatic stress.
"My bad, bruh. What's up, Imran?" B.B. said, snapping me from my thoughts. We dabbed fists and both sat down.
I felt closer to B.B. than I did any of my uncles because we were the closest in age. He was twenty-five years old, and I had just turned twenty-four. Dom had his hands full with the both of us, but I think he did a pretty good job.
"What up, B.B.? What's good with you?"
"Just trying to make—"
"You clowns walk up in here late and then wanna converse on my damn time. Save that shit for after this damn meeting!"
Both B.B. and I looked at Dom and then each other, but we didn't say a word. "Now Imran, I'm confused on the when, where, why, and how of a situation that was brought to my attention a few days ago. Ice informed me that you told him his services were no longer needed but yet you're still hustlin'. Put me up on game real quick like."
"That's what this is about? You still getting yours off the top so what does it matter?" I sighed in frustration.
"Nigga, I'm asking the muthafuckin' questions!" Dom yelled, slamming his fists into the desk.
His six-foot, three hundred pound frame paced the area behind his desk. "Who gave you permission to cop from somebody else? We have a nice lil' coalition going here, and I don't need you fuckin' it up!"
"I made a decision to change up the connect. He had the better product, the shit we've been trying to get our hands on for years. Dom, I've—"
"Who the fuck is this connect?" Dom asked, while folding his chubby arms across his chest.
I wiggled in my seat a little, not sure if I wanted to reveal Tamar's name this early in the game. There was no doubt in my mind that my uncles could be trusted, but I didn't want them fuckin' up the shit I just built.
"You just gonna turn into a mute case on me now?"
"Dom the money is coming in far better than before. I got everybody copping from me now. Everybody was complaining about how lame Ice’s shit was."
"Who is the connect, Imran?"
"Dude name Tae…Tamar."
My uncles looked at one another, silently speaking with their eyes. Dom finally stopped pacing the floor and sat his wide body back into his chair. I finally sparked fire to the blunt I had rolled and quickly took a toke.
"Imran, that's not gonna work. You gonna have to let that go," Dom said after a long moment of silence.
"Unc, come on! This here is working real well for me. Maybe, something…"
"Nah, it's not gonna work. Let the last contact you had with him be just that."
****
"Hey, how is she doing?" I asked Nurse Kira.
"Her wounds are healing nicely. The dentist just left moments before you got here. He stitched up her mouth where her teeth had fallen out at, but he said she will need to come to his office so that he can get an x-ray and properly check her," Kira stated.
She placed her blood pressure cuff on the nightstand and adjusted the covers over Jahzara's body. I took a seat next to the bed and grabbed a hold of Jahzara's hand. Her beauty was what did it for me every time I laid eyes on her. She was scarred from head to toe, but the beauty that she held within was what captivated me. I placed a kiss on the back of Jah's hand and stared into her lost eyes.
"How long you gonna sit here in silence, Jah?" I asked, hoping that she would say something. "You gotta say something, ma."
She continued to stare into space, still wouldn't open her mouth to speak. I kissed her hand once again, leaned in to kiss her lips, and then her forehead. I found myself staring into an open space as well, thinking about what my Uncle Dom had requested of me. I didn’t know what kind of beef he had with Tamar, but I was not about to let that connect I had with him go. I had the best product in Dallas, the shit that niggas had been thirsty for for years but unable to get their hands on. This grade of coke was the reason Quin was able to step into the forefront and seem as if he was top dog around this bitch. He had lucked up, but in the end fucked up when he tried to get rid of me.
I knew that it may have seemed that I used Jahzara to get Quin's connection, but that was far from true. The night that Jahzara pulled me out of the club to help her move the weight, I had no idea who she was. I'd never met Quin's lady and didn't even have the slightest idea that he was married. It wasn't until she moved in with me and I spotted her divorce papers and a picture that was buried inside of a duffle bag that I knew exactly who I was dealing with. I should've spoke up then and let her know the situation between Quin and me, but money got in the way. I was still developing a relationship with her, as well as one with Tamar. The last thing I wanted was for an old beef to come between any of that.
Jahzara and I had a lot of things to work on, trust wise, but I was glad she chose to come with me. The feelings I had for her were true, and I really did love her and wanted to spend a lifetime
with her.
After sitting with Jahzara for a few hours, I left and got back into the streets. There was so much on my mind, so many obstacles I need to overcome to get things back to flowing easily. I had to convince my uncle that the business I had with Tamar wasn't one that would affect his coalition. This was guaranteed money for us.
"What's up? Get in," I said to Jay, one of my homies from the block. He walked around to the passenger side, got in, and shut the door behind him.
"What's good with you, Imran?" Jay asked, firing up a piece of a blunt.
"Too blessed to stress, but, of course, you know it's always a nigga out here trying to stress me.”