She thought back to the conversation she had just had with Marie. Marie was convinced that there was something romantic going on between Kristina and Keith. A few weeks ago, Kristina herself might have thought the same thing, but that had quickly changed. Since the day that they had had sex in her dorm room, nothing remotely romantic or sexual had taken place between them. It was as though Keith had shut down and put a wall up between them.
He still initiated meeting up with Kristina, but it confused her because she got the feeling that he didn’t really want to be there. He was always a little distracted, prone to daydreaming and deep thoughts that he never shared with her. Sometimes she felt almost as though he were being forced to spend time with her, but his mind was always elsewhere when he did.
Kristina wondered why she continued to accept his invitations and encourage his company. She wished that she had the will power to simply cut him off or ask him outright what he wanted from her. There was one time when she actually came close to asking the question, but then she stopped herself at the last minute. She was terrified that bringing up the topic would result in an end to their meetings, and Kristina realized that this was the last thing that she wanted.
She was going over the memory of the hike they had shared a few days ago when she heard the familiar roar of Keith’s engine. Within seconds he had driven up in front of her, and she watched as he removed his helmet to reveal waves of his ash blonde hair.
“Been waiting long?” Keith asked.
“No,” Kristina said, as she shook her head, rose, and moved towards him.
“You look cold,” Keith observed.
“I’ll be fine when we’re inside the theatre.”
Keith ignored that and shrugged out of his large leather jacket. He was wearing a t-shirt that put his impressively muscular arms on display. Kristina had to resist the urge to touch them. “Here,” he said offering it to her unconcernedly. “You need this more than I do.”
“I can manage,” she said.
“Take it,” Keith insisted firmly. “It’ll be colder when we’re on the road.”
“Thanks,” Kristina said, as she accepted his jacket and put it on. It was much too large from her, but it was deliciously warm, and it smelled of Keith. She breathed in his scent without being obvious and put on a helmet before hopping onto the seat behind him.
“How fast do you want to go today?” Keith asked.
“Fast,” Kristina said with a laugh.
“You got it,” Keith nodded as he revved his engine.
Kristina wrapped her arms around Keith’s waist, and within seconds, they were whizzing through the open road. She had always loved it on the back of his motorcycle; it was the most literal sense of freedom that Kristina could think of. There was nothing as satisfying as feeling the wind slam against your face while everything around you became a blur of images that had no hold on you.
They were at the theatre in less than no time and Kristina hopped off, wishing the ride there had been longer. Keith seemed to notice the direction of her thoughts. “You should try riding one day,” he said with a smile.
Kristina laughed. “I’d never be able to manage it. It’s too big for me to ride.”
“I don’t know… I think you’ll be able to manage it fine.”
Kristina felt a blush come on as she thought of an alternate meaning to those words, and she wondered if the same thought had occurred to Keith. She turned her face away from him so that he wouldn’t notice her discomfort and waited for her blush to settle before she looked at him again. They walked into the movie theatre, and after getting their tickets, they sat down and waited for the movie to begin.
As the lights dimmed, Kristina was unbelievably aware of a young couple a few rows down. They were locked together, their tongues entwined and their bodies pressed up close together. Kristina tried hard not to look at them, but her eyes kept flitting over to them constantly. She noticed after a moment that Keith had angled his body away from her as though he was scared to get too close. She wondered momentarily if that was just her imagination or if there was really something to it.
Kristina didn’t look at Keith even once throughout the movie, and still, it amazed her how much he dominated her thoughts. She was so engrossed in thinking about him that she completely forgot to pay attention to the movie. By the time the end credits were rolling and people were standing up, Kristina knew only half of what had happened to the characters.
“Did you like the movie?” Keith asked, as they made their way back up the isles.
“It was… good,” Kristina said with a distracted smile.
They walked back outside, and Keith led her to his bike. She hopped on behind him, and within minutes they were back on her campus. She had hoped that he would suggest they go out for dinner, despite the fact that she wasn’t the least bit hungry, but he said nothing.
“Are you going home now?” Kristina asked the moment he had dropped her off.
“Yes,” he said shortly.
“Did you have dinner?”
“Not yet,” Keith replied. “I’m gonna go get something right now.”
Kristina was about to suggest that they get something together, but she had the strange feeling that he would turn her down. “Ok,” she nodded. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”
“Yeah,” Keith nodded. “I’ll see you at Lee and Seton on Monday.”
“You’re not going to be hiking tomorrow?” Kristina asked. “Or Sunday?”
“No, I don’t think so,” Keith said, as he put his helmet back on. “I’m kinda sick of hiking actually. Might avoid it from now on.”
Kristina wasn’t sure why she felt so hurt by that statement. She nodded once and took a step back. “Guess I’ll see you at Lee and Seton then.”
Keith nodded once, and then he was gone, speeding away, leaving Kristina standing there in his dust.
Chapter Fourteen
Keith
Keith hated the lingo his life was fast becoming. He knew what he should do, and he knew what he wanted to do, and they were two entirely different things. He spent time with Kristina because he simply could not help himself, but his mind was never at ease. The only thing he could think of to do was to avoid touching her. He knew that if he touched her, he would be tempted to kiss her, and if he kissed her, then it would be all over.
Lying in his bed, Keith remembered the night before and their strange and silent movie date that wasn’t actually a date. He had been the one who suggested they go together, but it was mostly because spending time with Kristina in public was the only thing he could condone. If they were in public, he was less likely to push her up against the nearest flat surface and fuck her until she screamed his name.
It had been difficult last night however. Even though people surrounded them, Keith’s mind was on her the whole night. Instead of concentrating on the movie they were watching, his mind kept imagining a number of different circumstances in which he and Kristina were locked together, breathing deeply and completely naked.
He kept imagining what it would feel like to slip his hand underneath her dress while her eyes were trained on the screen. He imagined her eyes would go wide with surprise, but he felt sure that she would not push him away. His mind went wild with possibilities, as he imagined sliding his fingers into her until she was good and wet. Perhaps he would have even made her come amidst the crowded theatre.
His mind would veer off in those directions, and with the greatest difficulty, he would pull himself back and try and focus on the movie. It didn’t help the situation that there was a couple sitting a few rows down playing tongue hockey. Keith tried to ignore them, but even when they were outside his line of vision, he could still sense them close by, almost as though arousal was contagious.
Every so often he would glance at Kristina, but she never once looked in his direction. He wondered if it was because she simply didn’t want to look at him, or if it was because she was completely engrossed in the movie. Even in ne
ar darkness, she was so pretty, and Keith cursed himself again for being so weak that he could not stay away from her. It should have been easy, especially given what happened to Natalie, but for some reason, Keith’s iron will had turned to putty.
He had made some small amount of progress last night when he had informed Kristina that he was giving up on the hikes that they had come to enjoy together. It had made him feel like a complete asshole when he saw her face fall, but he had stopped himself from taking back the words. Instead, he had revved his engine and taken off into the night, leaving her in his wake.
Keith got out of bed, and after a quick shower, he rode down to Seton and Lee Motors. It was Sunday, so there would be no chance of seeing Kristina there. He ignored the little kernel of disappointment and walked into Miles’s office. Miles was already there, looking through a bunch of papers with a frown on his face.
“Hi,” Keith greeted, as he sat down opposite Miles.
“You’re here early,” Miles observed, raising his head.
“I could say the same about you,” Keith pointed out.
“I can’t seem to get any sleep with the baby, so I figured while I was awake I’d get some work done,” Miles said.
“How is little Mike?”
“He’s got a set of lungs on him,” Miles said. “But he’s great.”
“And Erica?”
“Happy and tired,” Miles said. “But worried all the same.”
“Because of the charters?”
“That and Kovic,” Miles explained. “The Chains are becoming a real danger.”
“You told her about that?” Keith asked.
“I had to,” Miles sighed. “She always knows when something’s up… especially when it comes to the Dragons.”
“How are things going on that front?”
“Things are looking complicated,” Miles said, with his eyes full of worry. “But I haven’t really heard much about Kovic recently. I don’t know what game he’s playing.”
“The lowest one possible,” Keith said through gritted teeth. “That motherfucker plays dirty.”
“I’m aware—and that’s what I’m afraid of,” Miles said. “Timothy is staying with us until this whole thing blows over.”
“Timothy?”
“Erica’s brother,” Miles explained. “He’s a big guy, and he can protect her and the baby if any of the Chains happen to be close by when I’m not around.”
Keith felt his chest grow cold. “You think they’d actually do that?”
“This is Kovic we’re talking about, Keith,” Miles reminded him. “You, more than anyone, should know what he’s capable of. And he did make the threat, didn’t he?”
“He did,” Keith said, remembering his last encounter with Kovic. He had been left bruised and bloodied by the side of the road, and it was Kristina who had found and helped him. “Kristina,” he said under his breath.
“What was that?” Miles asked raising his eyebrows.
“Nothing.”
“Did you just say Kristina?”
“I… yes,” Keith said unable to backtrack.
“You have been seeing her, haven’t you?”
“It’s not like that,” Keith rushed to explain. “We’re just friends.”
Miles looked at him skeptically. “I’m serious. We’ve spent the last few weeks together…and sex has not been involved.”
Miles looked as though he wasn’t sure if he could believe Keith.
“I’m not lying, Miles,” Keith said. “I said I didn’t want another relationship—and that hasn’t changed.”
“It’s your life Keith,” Miles said. “And it’s your choice. Just… be careful. Kristina is not used to this life.”
“I know that.”
“And there is a possibility that she could get caught in its cross hairs.”
“I know that, too,” Keith said, as he nodded grimly.
Miles nodded and said no more on the subject. Within an hour the whole gang had come together for the meeting, and everyone congregated together in the largest room at Seton and Lee Motors, the one that had become known as the Meeting Room.
Keith found it hard to concentrate on anything Miles or anyone else said throughout the entire meeting. His thoughts kept falling to Natalie, and from Natalie they inevitably led to Kristina. He had to put some distance between them, but with Kovic’s threat still ringing in his ear, he wondered how he was going to manage that without being close to her.
After the meeting had been adjourned, Keith got on his bike and headed towards his mother’s house. He wasn’t sure if he needed to talk or not; all he knew was that he needed some sense of familiarity, some sense of comfort that would hopefully lend him some clarity. Emma was in the garden, pruning her hedges, when Keith pulled up.
“Keith,” she exclaimed, her eyes lighting up at the sight of him. “I didn’t expect you today.”
“Am I interrupting?”
“Don’t be silly,” Emma said shaking her head. “Come inside, let’s get out of the sun.”
Keith settled into the sofa while his mother brought them some lemonade. It amazed him how the same place could hold such competing memories. He remembered the time that his father had left town for a few days and his mother had baked him a cake and celebrated his birthday so that it could be just the two of them. In the same spot, a few years later Keith remembered how his father had stood over Emma and threatened to squeeze her neck till her eyes popped out.
“What are you thinking of so hard Keith?” Emma asked, as she came into the room with a pitcher of lemonade.
“Just… stuff.”
“You’ve seemed awfully distracted lately… as though there’s always something on your mind.”
“It’s just the gang war,” Keith said.
“No, it’s not,” Emma said surprisingly.
“What?”
“I know you, son,” Emma said with a smile. “There’s something other than the gang war that’s got you concerned.”
Keith hesitated for a moment.
“Does it have something to do with Natalie?” Emma asked cautiously, knowing that Keith hated to talk about her. “Is this upcoming conflict bringing up bad memories?"
Keith nodded slowly. “I suppose so….”
“Do you still have dreams about her?” Emma asked gently.
“Not anymore,” Keith said, realizing that it had been quite a while since he dreamed of Emma. “I still dream… but they’re different now.”
“Have you ever…” Emma started, and then she faltered somewhat before her sentence died away completely.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“Mom,” Keith coaxed. “What were you about to ask?”
“Well, I just wondered if… you might be a little happier… if you met someone?” Emma suggested.
Keith felt his face grow hard, but he kept his tone gentle. “What makes you think I’m not happy?"
“It’s in your eyes, Keith,” Emma said calmly. “There’s no true contentment there. The only thing that I can recognize is pain and loss and bitterness. I understand you’ve been through a lot, and I understand that has made you protective of your heart… but there’s no point closing yourself off to every opportunity that comes your way.”
“I see women,” Keith shrugged.
“You sleep with women,” Emma said, giving him a pointed look. “Don’t think I am under any delusions as to what that kind of relationship really is. You’re just hiding, Keith.”
“Hiding from what?”
“From life,” Emma said bluntly. “You’re scared to get hurt again, so you’re refusing to live.”
“I’m refusing to have a relationship with anyone,” Keith corrected her. “That’s only a part of life.”
“It’s the most important part of life, son,” Emma said gently. “The whole point of it is to find someone you can trust, someone you can live your life with, someone to share in your joys and sorrows.”
“It
didn’t exactly work out for you did it, Mom?” Keith asked. “You bought into that whole romantic notion, and what did you get for it? An abusive husband and bruises all over your body.”
“You’re forgetting the most important part,” Emma said with a smile.
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