by Pamela Ann
A cat-like smile crossed her face. “Just double-checking,” she murmured before leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. Then she strutted down the hallway and out the door.
Right, I thought as I realized what that was. Obviously, she had spent the night here—that was why he was in his undressed state, doing God knew what before he had come out to greet me.
It was infuriating, and I wasn’t sure why I was feeling the way I was, but somehow, I felt insulted. It was as good as a slap to the face. The fact that the woman was beyond gorgeous didn’t help much at all or the fact that she had openly dismissed me as if I weren’t worthy of her attention, which wasn’t a surprising attitude when it came to women these days. Whatever.
Back home, he had been into cheerleaders. He now had upgraded to models, it seemed. If that didn’t state how particular he was with the kind of women he dated, well, ponder no more. There was the answer.
“That was totes awkward,” I commented before taking tedious steps toward the door and grabbing the handle, a hella sure sign that I wasn’t up for company. Regardless, he remained still, silent, as if he were in the throes of deep thinking. “Drew?” I raised my brow, hoping he would get the blatant message that he was the last person I preferred to be around. Call me bitter, but I needed to regroup. STAT.
“Chloe …” he murmured, gazing at me with those eyes that devoured me alive. It was one of those rare moments when he used all of their power, their intensity to capture me, leaving my mind muddled, my body in feverish excitement, and my heart in serious overdrive.
This is a trap. Think, brain, fucking think. I wasn’t in panic mode, although I was near to it. He was just too close for comfort, too naked, too everything for me to sanely handle him without hyperventilating. I felt like a deer caught with the headlights as he zoned in on me with his eyes before his body followed suit. He was a hairsbreadth away, and when his male scent hit my nostrils, I almost groaned in protest.
“Stop this—”
“Only if you promise to play nice.” Those eyes exclusively focused on my lips as if he were about to kiss me.
My body was a lost cause, but my mind hadn’t given up yet. “Don’t you fucking dare. Don’t even fucking think it!”
“Funny how these things work .Not so long ago, you welcome it without protest.” He was relentless, rattling me further.
I gave a mocking laugh. “Funny, isn’t it? I’m sure, with the hoard of women you’ve had daily, they all sound and feel the same to you.”
His breathing became ragged, holding me captive as he tried to rein himself in. “You’re the only virgin I’ve had, Chloe. Trust me, you felt different than the rest.”
“Ah, at one point, I was wondering if I had imagined all of that, because you vanished into thin air. You fucking left without saying anything. So, no, you don’t get to do any of this shit. You have no right.” The sarcasm couldn’t quell the bitterness I tried to hide away from his knowing eyes.
“Someday, you’ll thank me for that.”
He would never know how much his rejection had affected me. It had changed me forever.
“Somehow, I doubt that.”
His closeness, his warmth, and the familiar scent of him that used to drive me wild with lust and everything else… I knew I had to compromise somewhere in this, whatever this was, before it spiraled out of control. That was the last thing I needed at the moment.
“This is going to get really uncomfortable if we carry on this way, so I’m offering to start over. Let’s forget that night and pretend none of it happened. It was nothing. It meant nothing. So let’s not make this into something it wasn’t, all right?”
“You’re right,” he murmured as he slowly raised his eyes to meet my troubled ones.
Words that couldn’t be spoken out loud conveyed the ghost of our past. And that was where it should belong—in the past. We were now in the present. No point in turning back the time. No sorry or any form of apologies were spoken. Silently, we understood each other.
When he finally moved his intense, possessive eyes away from me, his body followed suit, quietly leaving me in the room as he shut the door behind him.
It’s over. I should breathe easy now. But even though I tried to reassure myself, the last thing I felt was calm and collected. The potent connection I’d had with him seemed as though it had unintentionally drained my soul, giving me the urge to cry.
How did one forget there was someone out there who had the power to unman one’s heart, one’s soul by merely looking at you?
Chapter Two
The confrontation took up all of my energy. So much so that, after I took a quick, hot shower, I barely made it out to put a large comfortable shirt on before I passed out on the bed with my hair still wrapped in a towel.
I awoke thirty minutes past three in the morning, still feeling the remnants of the emotional upheaval. So much for those who said sleep cured everything.
Taking a moment to wake myself fully, I twisted to my side to switch on the Swarovski crystal lamp on the side table. It took me a bit for my eyes recover from the offensive brightness. Surprisingly, there was a small note left on the table.
Didn’t want to wake you. There’s Chinese in the fridge.
Jackson
He was a good brother, but something was amiss with him. He seemed more distracted than usual. Then again, he had a new life here. Time and setting did affect one’s personality. Add growing pains to the top of the list, and well, there you had it. The last thing I wanted was for him to pick up on the bad vibes between Drew and me, so it was a wise decision that we had tentatively decided on a truce.
Thoughts about my brother aside, I took a moment to take a breath before slipping out of the bed to use the bathroom. It wasn’t much of a surprise when I saw the dire haphazard state of my hair since the towel had unraveled during my doze. My hair reminded me of that Gary Busey mugshot photo, but oh, well. It was too late to do anything with it since I would simply go back to bed after I had food in my growling tummy.
It was Friday night, so I doubted anyone was home. They would both most likely be out at some bar with their friends, surrounded by women. Same old, same old.
After washing my hands, I lazily moved toward the door, yawning as I yanked it open before stepping out in the dimly lit hallway. If there were any trace left of sleepiness before opening the damn door, rest assured, everything vanished the moment my eyes witnessed Drew in the midst of thrusting in between a woman’s legs with his bedroom door half open. From the looks of it, they had been at it for quite some time.
I stood there, flabbergasted by what I was seeing. He had his lights on, so I could very well see everything from this angle. Frozen in place, I saw the woman he was having sex with was the same woman I had seen earlier today. From memory, Drew was somewhat gentle with me, the polar opposite of what he was doing with this chick. The word pummeled came to mind as I watched with disgusted awe.
So this defined the word fucking, while what I’d had with him resembled the words vanilla sex. As bewildering as it was, what I hadn’t expected to feel was the pain that crept out of nowhere, seizing my entirety. The back of my eyes burned. My breathing became erratic. Most of all, my chest ached so much that I thought it mimicked a mini heart attack.
It took every ounce of me to retreat into my room. And even though my closed door shielded me from him, the memory of what I had seen came alive in my mind. My eyes kept seeing him, flashing the images of his skin, the image of his muscled buttocks working each time he thrust between her legs. It was all too much to take. Traumatized didn’t cover it. No, I was beyond that.
Resuming sleep was clearly out of the question. After an agonizing hour of flashbacks, I knew I couldn’t keep torturing myself, so I dragged myself over to unpack my belongings from hanging my clothes to placing little mementos from home and my friends around the room that reminded me of happier times.
Although the pain was overbearing, I somehow consoled myself into b
elieving this was a good thing. If I had held a hint of expectations, I knew now that there was nothing left to resurrect. If that hadn’t been a clear enough of sign to move the fuck on, then I was the densest person to ever exist.
This too shall pass. My mind pressed on, but my heart knew better.
Jackson finally made it home at half past noon. After hearing his jumbled excuse that he was with Yvonne, I wondered if things were getting serious between the two. It was so unlike him to be with the same woman for four weeks. I supposed that reinstated my belief that people changed along with the circumstances. And in some ways, I was glad he had found someone to commit to. It was long overdue.
When I pressed him to meet this woman, he made some odd excuse that it was too early for any of that. Therefore, I left the subject open for future invitations.
Much to my surprise, when Jackson knocked at Drew’s door, wondering if he wanted to come out to lunch with us, he wasn’t there. Upon that realization, I kicked the sinking feeling I had to the curb. Bad energy be gone.
Jackson and I spent some quality time together as he introduced me to his go-to café named Little Collins that was within walking distance from the apartment. It was a cozy spot with metal stools and a heady aroma of good food and fresh coffee grinds. From the brilliantly brewed cappuccino to their house cured salmon with mascarpone and arugula, I knew this sweet spot would be at the top of my list, as well. My brother and I were alike in a lot of ways, food tastes included.
“You mentioned boys at the airport yesterday. Are you seeing anyone?” Jackson’s question made me pause while sipping my coffee.
“I’m dating, but nothing serious since, you know, I knew I was moving, anyway. Getting into a relationship wouldn’t be fair for either party.” All of that and the fact that it had been difficult to connect with anyone since each guy had fallen short when compared to Drew Cavendish. It was all so idiotic now, but oh, well. At least the thin veil, if there ever were one, had truly come off.
“So, I’m guessing Courtney stayed around town for school?” he casually asked while he busied himself with his meal.
Courtney was my best friend and the only person who had an idea of the demons I had chased away. She and I were inseparable, so she knew Jackson and Drew very well.
“She decided to go UCSD ’cause, you know, it’s close but not too close to home. I guess she and Dave are getting serious, so it works for them.”
“Dave …” he trailed off, frowning.
“Dave Stanton.”
Jackson wasn’t in the same circle of friends as Dave, but they knew each other because they were in the same grade level. We had both grown up with these people, and it was no shocker when Courtney had finally dated the guy who had been in love with her since she was a freshman.
“Good for them, I guess.” Jackson shrugged before drifting to other subjects.
After our lunch, we had to head back to the apartment because his friends were apparently coming over to chill for a while until it was time for them to head to wherever these guys went on a Saturday night.
“This is Chloe, my sister I was talking about,” he introduced me to Chris, Benson, and Spencer who all seemed more preppy than his usual crowd. Nevertheless, they were nice, good-looking guys who happened to be quite pleasant to be around.
Their afternoon consisted of playing video games, watching sports, munching on junk food, smoking, and whatever else guys were into these days.
With little sleep, it was odd how much energy I had. As a result, while they were in the living room, I busied myself with finishing up my room. Every once in a while, I paused and wondered where in the world Drew was, but I was too cowardly to ask Jackson. Besides, it was none of my business what he chose to do with his time, whatever that might be.
Glancing at the clock, I noticed it was almost six at night. The late lunch had helped stave off my hunger, but I craved a good cup of java. With that in mind, I sprinted out of the room and into the kitchen, passing the guys as they fought each other in a popular Xbox game. A smile crept up my face while I fixed myself a cup of coffee. I was surprised to find Spencer hovering around the kitchen counter, intently looking at me with his boyish good looks and a shy, playful smile across his face.
“How does it feel to live with two guys? I kind of feel sorry for you,” he stated in a friendly yet neutral manner.
I paused a moment, considering him for a second. “I’m coping. I guess it hasn’t really hit me yet, but then again, I grew up with them so … you know,” I responded as I scrutinized him further. I came to realize he sort of reminded me of one of the guys from One Direction sans the British accent. Boy bands weren’t my thing, though they weren’t that bad to look at.
“It has its ups and downs. I’m sure having guys over is going to be a big problem.”
“Pfft. I don’t think Jacks will mind. I mean, I’m almost twenty; I can date whomever I want.”
He beamed at me, flashing those straight, pearly whites, making me rather conscious of my own periodontal state. Mind you, I’m meticulous when it came to my hygiene, but I was two months past-due for my six-month cleaning, so I was rather hesitant to smile in case he was one of those guys who nitpicked everything about a woman. Normally, I wouldn’t be this self-conscious around a guy, not even Drew, but I had this odd intuition that Spencer was the type who expected such things. Maybe it was the fact that he was too stylishly put together. Of course, this was New York, so I should get used to it. Gone were the days where I was surrounded with laid back surfer dudes with their flip-flops, board shorts, and Hawaiian shirts.
“So, what do you do, Chloe Armstrong, apart from attracting men wherever you go? Because, come on. You’re, like, fucking flawless.”
This guy was majorly flirting with me, unbothered by my brother being in clear view. If Spencer thought boosting my ego would get him somewhere, he could think again. Shitty lines like that shouldn’t be allowed when trying to get women. It was all around cheesy and unappealing.
“I’m the ultimate box of fun. You know, like the crazy psycho kind.” Although I smiled while stating it, I made that odd expression that I was half-joking and half-meaning it.
His brown eyes sparked with mischief as he pressed his lips together. “Ooo, I do love the crazy, psycho kind.”
Well, hell. What the fuck was this? I wasn’t sure if he meant it or if he was goading me more just to see if I would fold. Whatever it was, he and I made banter like that for a bit.
“Why don’t you come with us tonight? We’re going to this rooftop party on the Upper Eastside. You might just like it.” He casually threw out the invitation just as I finished with my coffee. “It’ll be fun… unless, of course, you have other grand plans for tonight your Saturday.”
Yeah, grand my holy patronizing ass. He knew I didn’t have any friends around here.
“All right, count me in,” I relented, smiling while giving him the evil eye.
Chapter Three
My brother didn’t mind that I was tagging along with him and his friends. Although, I wondered where Drew was since I hadn’t seen him all day. Wasn’t he a part of Jackson’s circle of friends? Not only was that surprising, but none of them seemed to mention him, either, which was extremely odd. I made a mental note to ask Jacks about it at a later time.
I wasn’t particularly excited to go out tonight, but it beat staying home and seeing Drew plowing someone’s YouTube channel. Ha, that was sort of innovatively funny.
Quirkiness aside, I took a moment to study my closet. Black and white. The contrasting hues blatantly screamed at me. A thought came across me that Spencer had a far more fun and interesting wardrobe than mine. Hell, maybe if I hung out with them often enough, his cool, effortless style would rub off on me. My usual black numbers would be such a bore. Maybe I could mix it up some other night. Tonight, I needed to wear white. It could be quite tricky to pull off, but since I had lost a fair amount of weight, my confidence had been off the charts.
&
nbsp; It was disheartening to think of how many girls and women out there who were beyond conscious of their appearances. It was a twisted thing, but that was the world we lived in, as saddening as it was to admit. It had taken a good amount of weight loss for me to find that happy medium with my body and my mental health. Missing pudginess aside, I surely wasn’t skinny; my still chunky bottom made sure of that.
After opting to wear a white, short pleated skirt and an off-the-shoulder sleeve body suit top in the same shade, I then braided my hair on one side before sweeping it up into a loose bun and finishing it off with the south sea pearl studs my mother had given me on my sixteenth birthday. The white, three-inch strappy sandals completed the ensemble. Fun, cute, and sexy.
I silently admired myself from all angles in front of the floor to ceiling mirror. “Definitely sexy.”
The skirt showed off my toned, tanned legs, credited to swimming and hiking. The length of it just stopped at the point where demure met vulgar.. And as for makeup, I simply used dual coat mascara and a peach matte lip gloss. Thanks to my good genes, my eyebrows were highly defined and thick. The same went for my lashes; they were quite long without any artifice, but I liked them to be dramatic since the rest of my face was unadorned. I had to choose the best asset to enhance. They were dramatic, indeed. My eyes did the talking, and they were talking seductively, loud and clear.
Satisfied, I then grabbed my purse and left my room, heading toward the living room. I hoped I hadn’t kept them waiting for long.
“Damn,” Benson muttered under his breath, his eyes roving all over my body.
My brother looked mighty uncomfortable and a little ticked off. “Behave, you morons. She’s my sister; don’t you guys fucking forget that.”
I could have blushed, but Jackson’s reaction to his friends made me hide a laugh.
The guys barely shrugged before muttering that we should head out. Since they’d had pizza, wings, and a few bottles of beer already, dinner was out of the question. I made a mental note to stop by a café later to get a sandwich, something light to tide me over for the rest of the night.