My gaze shot up to hers. “What is this? I can’t take your money.”
She sat back down. “It’s not mine, it’s yours. Every time you paid me for minding Tilly, I put it in there. I knew money was tight, and I didn’t think you’d be able to save much.” She shrugged again. “I don’t need it. I live modest because that’s the way I like it. I look after Tilly because she’s a sweetheart and I like spending time with her. I don’t need paying to help out a friend.”
I hadn’t cried, hadn’t let myself cry, since Rebecca’s funeral. Tears welled in my eyes now, tears that I didn’t think I was going to be able to choke back. “Fay, I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Nothing to say, honey. Not one thing.”
I hugged her tight.
My good mood dissolved a short time later, though, when I went home and discovered Jude was gone, and he’d left some guy I didn’t know in my home.
“Be finished in about an hour,” Cage told me, when I made it clear I wasn’t happy about the situation, not one damn bit.
I went back to the kitchen, pulled out my phone and opened my messages, hitting Jude’s name.
You left a stranger in my house, without me here. Not okay.
His reply came while I was making my bed. He’s a friend and a professional. You can trust him.
His reply was arrogant and presumptuous. Like I should just take his work for it. Like I should trust some stranger in the house I live in with my niece because he said so.
I don’t even trust you, like hell am I going to trust some random guy you brought here. I fired back.
Maybe I was making a bigger deal over this than was necessary, but this was Tilly’s safety we were talking about. When it came to her, I could never be too careful.
His reply was almost instant.
You don’t trust me?
I stared down at his reply half-pissed, and weirdly, a little guilty. I had no idea why. I shoved that aside. Could the man be any more arrogant?
I tapped out my reply. I don’t know you.
And that was the honest truth. Did anyone ever really know someone. I’d had a handful of interactions with this man, and suddenly, he was demanding my trust. Yeah, he’d been good to me with the rent, and helping out when Tilly had her migraine, but he couldn’t be serious?
My phone beeped again.
Do you want to get to know me?
What the hell did that mean? My heart started racing faster, my lower belly getting all squirmy and warm. I didn’t like it—mainly because I did. Way more than I should. Okay, yeah, he was hot, but I didn’t want anything more to do with him than landlord and tenant. If that was what he was getting at, I didn’t need it. Maybe I was reading too much into his words, but then again, maybe I wasn’t.
I typed out two words and stared down at them. Too blunt? Should I add more? I didn’t want to piss him off, but I also didn’t need him hanging around, playing the white knight, especially not when I had Trent to deal with. If he was fishing for more, he was looking at the wrong girl. All the men in my life had left or let me down, or both. Why would I want to put myself in a situation that was doomed to end in disappointment? I wouldn’t do that to myself or Tilly.
And you made a promise to Rebecca.
I ignored the weird, kind of queasy feeling in my stomach, left the text as it was, and hit send.
Honestly? No.
I stared down at my reply, watched as Delivered popped up. Then Read. I waited for several minutes, but no reply came.
A phone rang in the other room. Cage’s phone. He talked for a couple minutes then got back to work.
I winced when my phone beeped a short time after that.
I fucked up leaving Cage there without telling you. The last thing I want is to make you feel unsafe. He’ll show you how to change the codes before he leaves.
I read it two more times. He’d owned his mistake and he’d dropped the getting-to-know-you talk.
My message had been received loud and clear.
Good. That was what I wanted, right?
I ignored the instant feeling of regret, the unhappy twist in my stomach, and sat on the edge of my bed, pulling the card Fay had given me from my pocket.
I got the feeling Jude wasn’t the kind of guy to abandon a woman in need. And that’s how he saw me. That’s how he’d keep on seeing me until I got my finances sorted out and paid my rent.
I wanted things to go back to the way they were. Jude Wayland just being a name on a deposit slip. Trent to disappear and stay the hell gone. But if Fay saw him hanging around, she’d call Jude like she had last time. That couldn’t happen.
Which meant I needed money, and lots of it, fast.
I tapped the card against my knee, staring at the gold script.
Shit.
5
Willa
“You won’t make as much working the day shift,” Raul said. “But you’ll still make a hell of a lot more that you were at that bar.”
I nodded, trying not to look as completely terrified and out of place as I felt sitting in this club. “Day shift works better for me with my niece.”
Raul nodded. “Tilly sounds like a good kid. She’s lucky to have you,” he said, eyes kind. “Fay talks about her, both of you, a lot. She likes having you next door.”
Despite my nerves, I smiled. “We’re so lucky to have met her. She’s an amazing lady.”
“That she is.” He nodded, jaw tightening a little before he leaned back, tapping a finger on the table. “Okay, honey, we’ll give you a trial run. Fay likes you and that’s good enough for me.”
“You will?” I didn’t know what I was expecting Raul to be like. A business man, yes. I’d met him in passing, waved hello when I saw him going into Fay’s, but I hadn’t expected him to be this…nice. He wasn’t sleazy or creepy. His eyes hadn’t been on my tits the whole time we talked. I kind of expected him to take me to his office and get me to strip in front of him, to show him “the goods” like you see on movies or whatever. Instead he’d given me a Coke and we’d been chatting for the last hour. Raul had a way of getting you to open up to him without even knowing you were doing it.
I’d told him more about myself and my situation, excluding the Trent issue, than I had almost anyone since everything fell apart.
I swallowed the bolder in my throat. “You know I’ve never done this before, right? Fay told you I’ve never danced before?”
He gave me a steady look, gaze moving over my face, hair, but again like he was assessing, not being creepy. “You’re an attractive girl. My clientele come in here to look at pretty girls, they’re not judging you on your moves,” he said, saying similar to what Fay had. “You have a look, an edge. And I like the pink hair, makes you stand out. I think you’ll do fine. We’ll get you up on stage, see how you do, and go from there.”
On stage? Of course, I knew this was what came next, but still, I thought I might throw up.
“Steph!” Raul called to one of the other dancers. She’d been swinging around the pole on stage when I walked in. She had fiery red hair, and fine features. I tried but couldn’t decide on her age, maybe mid-twenties, possibly a little older? She was wearing a red sparkly G-string and a tank that she’d put on to cover her bare chest after she’d finished her set. The woman was beautiful.
She came straight over and grinned at Raul. “What’s up?”
“Get Willa something to wear, will you? I’m giving her a trial this afternoon. Give her some pointers, make her feel welcome.”
“Will do.” Steph turned to me. “Okay, honey, let’s go.”
My eyes, that I knew were as big as saucers, shot back to Raul. “Now? You want me to dance right now?”
He shrugged. “Unless you got somewhere you need to be?”
I didn’t. Tilly didn’t finished school for another three hours. I glanced around the room. I had no idea so many people spent their lunch breaks at strip clubs. It wasn’t packed, but there were still a lot of people here, es
pecially for lunchtime on a weekday.
Could I really do this? Could I get up there and dance? Take my clothes off in front of everyone.
Raul gave me a knowing look. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Willa. Do this or don’t, it’s up to you, honey.”
But it wasn’t up to me. I had no choice. I needed money, and I needed it now. Trent had texted last night, reminding me what was at stake if I didn’t get him his cash. He said I had a week. That if I didn’t cough up some dough by then, he was going after visitation. Tilly had just started to settle. I wouldn’t let him use her like that, only coming back into her life to get at me, throwing her world into a tailspin all over again. He’d been in and out of her life since she was born. I wasn’t going to let him do that to her again. “No. No, I’ll do it now. Now’s good.”
“You’ll be fine,” Raul said, patting my shoulder, then excused himself and headed toward a bunch of guys who had just walked in. Taking a deep breath, I followed Steph through the dimly lit club, the music throbbing through me, as we headed out the back to the dressing room.
“You didn’t know you’d be dancing today?” she asked me.
I shook my head. My jaw seemed clamped shut and I was having trouble opening it.
“It’s going to be all right, I promise,” she said. “All you need to do is move to the music. It’ll get easier.”
I drew in a deep breath, but the nerves only increased. “Really?”
“I promise.” She smiled. “You have a kid?”
I nodded. “My niece.”
Steph opened a drawer and pulled out a Pepto Bismol-colored bra top and a matching G-string. They still had the labels on. Thank God for that.
“These will work great with your hair.” She smiled, wide. “I don’t have any kids, but I can guess how hard it is. Raul’s great to work for and he looks after us. Coming here was a good decision.”
I nodded again, not feeling good about anything right then. “I hope you’re right.”
“We’ll keep it simple for your first dance, okay? Put these on and you can borrow one of my dresses.” She pulled out a tiny black bit of fabric.
She told me the best way to take it off on stage, and that I could keep my back to the audience when I took off my top if I wasn’t comfortable, so they didn’t actually see my tits.
“Do you need to shave?”
My brows shot up. “What?”
“Your bikini line,” she said on a soft chuckle.
I felt my face heat. “Oh, no. I’m, ah, all good.”
“Excellent. Get these on and we’ll get you out there. The sooner you get this first dance over with, the better you’ll feel.”
Steph left to do something and I shakily got dressed.
I stood there and looked at myself in the mirror. My pale pink hair was a little wild and my lips were puffy from my nervous biting. My breasts were on the small side, my round ass more than ample on my small frame. I tried to look at myself critically. Would this body make me the money I needed? I didn’t have the kind of curves that Steph did. I was definitely no hourglass. Would the men out there find me attractive enough to throw money at me?
I did my best to slow my breathing, to get control over my racing pulse, but it was no good. There was no calming down at this point.
Ignoring the dread curling low in my belly was impossible. I’d never understood what people meant when they said that they listened to their gut. I did now. And right now, my gut was telling me I needed to get the hell out of there. Or maybe that was just the nerves. I had no damn clue what I was thinking at this point.
I just knew I had no choice but to ignore whatever it was.
There was a tap at the door and Steph poked her head through. “You ready, Willa?”
I nodded and she smiled at me, eyes warm, and held out her hand. Surprisingly, I took it, needing the contact, the support, and let her lead me out into the hall and to the back of the stage. I wasn’t sure how I managed to stay upright with the way my legs were shaking, not to mention the skyscraper heels she’d given me to wear.
You can do this. You have to do this.
I tugged on her hand, and she turned back to me. My mouth opened, ready to tell her I’d changed my mind, when an image of Tilly, of Rebecca, flashed through my mind. I’d do anything for that little girl, to keep her safe, even humiliate myself. So instead of making a run for it, I gave Steph a nod, and hoped like hell I wouldn’t throw up as soon as I stepped out there.
Steph pulled me up behind the stage, just off to the side. The song playing was coming to an end, the woman out there had the audience’s rapt attention as she gyrated on the floor topless. Her body was perfect, full and curvy as well. I watched as she crawled on her hands and knees to the edge of the stage, and guys shoved bills down the sides of her G-string. I stiffened, and Steph gave me a reassuring squeeze, then pointed out to the floor. Several big, burly guys stood by, expressions hard, gazes moving around the room in a detached, intense way.
“Those guys are there to protect us. Anyone touches something they’re not supposed to, security will be all over them.”
Okay, that was good.
The song ended and everything in me seized. The dancer on the stage strutted off. She looked at me and her eyes lifted to Steph.
“New girl,” Steph said. “Willa, this is Josie AKA Flame.”
Josie stood in front of me, topless, and did a little shimmy, making the bills in her G-string flutter. “They’re feeling generous today.” She gave me a wink. “You be fine, girl,” she said, obviously not missing the terror I was feeling, then walked toward the dressing room.
Another song started and Steph took my shoulders and looked into my eyes. “You got this, honey. It’s just three minutes. After this, it’ll be plain sailing, I promise.”
“Right,” I said, nodding. “Three minutes.”
I got this.
Steph gave me a little shove and I took a step out onto the glossy black stage. The lights were blinding and I could only see the guys closest to the edge, nothing farther back than that. That was good. The song was slower, moody. I recognized it. It was a song I liked.
Okay, Willa, you need to move now.
Instead, I stood there like a statue, startled by the lights, by the eyes on me, by the ones in the back that I couldn’t see. I needed to move.
God, I needed to move.
Tilly. This was for her.
I bit my lip, my nerves at fever pitch now, but I forced myself to move farther out onto the stage.
I was shaking, so hard the guys closest had to see.
Move! My mind roared.
Then someone was behind me. I jumped and started to spin around.
“Move your hips, honey,” Steph said against my ear. Her hands slid down to them and she started moving, encouraging me to dance with her. There was a hoot from the crowd, and I hoped like hell they thought this was part of the performance.
“Think of the man of your dreams, Willa. You’re dancing for him. Only him,” Steph said, her hands moving up my sides.
I’d been trying to think of anything but the fact I was here, that I was about to take my clothes off in front of these strangers, and she wanted me to picture the man of my dreams? I didn’t know how. I’d never allowed myself to think like that, not even when I was a teenager.
“Think of him, honey. He’s watching you, wanting you,” Steph said against my ear. “Show him what you’ve got.”
Jude’s face popped into my head without my say-so.
And God help me, I clung to it. I let the image give me strength, let those soft brown eyes, that I saw clear as if they were right in front of me, give me courage. I sucked in a deep breath when I started to feel the music move through me, and tuned out the faces, only seeing those eyes. Jude’s eyes. Imagining them moving over me, encouraging me, making me feel beautiful.
I started to get into it, letting myself get lost in the music.
Steph’s hands sli
pped from my hips, and then she moved sensually around me, backed away, did a little half dance, walk around the stage and disappeared out the back.
I was on my own, but that was okay. I kept Jude in my mind as I tugged the straps of my dress over my shoulders, sliding the stretchy fabric down, doing a little ass shake as I took it to the floor, reaching for the pole to steady myself as I stepped out, and kicked it aside.
There were more whoops and wolf whistles.
I didn’t know anyone here. They didn’t know me. I was just a woman, a woman they knew nothing about. I could be someone else. I could pretend that the nightmares of my life weren’t mine.
I moved closer to the edge, using all of my body now, my hips, my hair, and all the while I saw Jude in my mind, watching me, wanting me.
I felt…I felt like for the first time in a long time, I had the control. That I was in control. It wasn’t something I expected to feel. I liked it. Needed it.
I went down to my knees, remembering what Josie did, and moved like a cat, twisting, gyrating my hips to the music, then crawled to the edge. I tried not to stiffen when the first bill was slid down the side of my G-string, forcing Jude’s face front and center again, and then I kept going, letting them give me their money.
Letting the cool touch of those bills against my skin ease away my nerves.
Jude
Jesus fucking Christ.
We’d come to Stilettos for a meet with Raul. He was a guy with a lot of contacts and helped us out at the agency from time to time. He was also the closet thing Van and Hunter had to a father.
When Willa had walked out, I’d sat there, stunned, everything else around me ceasing to exist. My next instinct, which was fucked up, had been to storm the stage and drag her off it.
Now? Now, I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and I wasn’t the only one. I didn’t like that. Which was also messed up, but apparently I had no control over it. No, I had the strong and fucked up urge to pluck every fucker in the club’s eyeballs out for daring to look at her.
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