Tilly and I looked up at him.
“A party?” she said, eyes wide, excited. “What kind of party?”
Jude smiled down at her. “A birthday party, and I have it on good authority that there will be cake.”
Jude wasn’t looking at me, and I could tell without even staring into his brown eyes, that he was doing his best to keep cool, to keep things light, for Tilly. That he wanted to know more, that he was pissed that he hadn’t been here for us.
Tilly looked at me. “Can we go?”
I looked at Jude and his intense gaze finally came to me. “There’ll be other kids there. Just a low-key kind of thing.”
How could I say no? When my niece was beaming up at Jude, like he was her own personal hero.
I stood and shoved my hands in my jeans pockets. “Are you sure it’s okay? Us crashing your friend’s party?”
His stare got even more intense, and my belly fluttered. “I told Zeke I was bringing my girls. He and his woman Sunny were looking forward to meeting you both.”
His girls.
My belly whooshed.
I quickly looked away. No way could I hold his gaze after that. Not only were those words presumptuous, they scared the shit out of me. They also thrilled me in a way I didn’t know how to deal with. My body tensed, a battle going on with my mind. The latter telling me to call him out on what he said, to tell him we weren’t his anything, while the former wanted to run to him, jump in his arms, and absorb every bit of the comfort, warmth, and strength he had to give us.
To be his girl.
I glanced down at Tilly and my heart melted. I wasn’t the only one affected by what Jude had said. Her cheeks were flushed, eyes bright, and her smile; God, it was blinding.
“I need to pick out party clothes!” she said, and tore out of the living room.
Jude was closing in on me as soon as Tilly’s bedroom door slammed shut. One of his hands curled around the back of my neck and he tugged me in gently, wrapping me in a warm hug.
“How you doing?” he said against my hair. “Sounds like a tough day.”
Goddammit. Tears sprang to my eyes. I stayed there, pressed against the heat of his chest, so he didn’t see that I was close to losing it. So he didn’t see how much his kindness affected me.
I cared for this man. More than I should. Somewhere along the way, I’d lost control of the situation. Taking a little bit of something good for myself had turned into something far more complicated, and I didn’t know how to stop it. If I could stop it.
“Yeah,” I said against his chest.
“He went away for drugs?”
I nodded. “I’d stupidly hoped he’d leave us alone when he came out. But no such luck.”
His hand started moving, sliding up and down my back. It felt good, really good, and I burrowed closer.
Jude lifted his head, cupped my jaw, and looked down at me. “Tils, she looked afraid. Has he ever hurt her?”
His voice was steel when he said this. I actually felt him trembling with rage. It made me like him all the more. “Not physically. But he could be verbally abusive to her and Rebecca. Tilly saw both of her parents use drugs, lived in that hell for a lot of years. Watched her mother get clean, then fall off the wagon repeatedly. I don’t have proof, but I’m pretty sure Trent put pressure on my sister, made it hard for her to stay clean, maybe even forced her to use. It was the only way he had any control over her. The drugs he could give her were the only thing keeping them together, and he was obsessed with her. Had been since they met when she was fresh out of high school.”
“Christ. And Tilly saw all of this?” Jude asked.
I nodded, shame filling me. At the time, I thought I had everything under control, that I was doing all I could, but now I knew more about the situation. I’d let Evan convince me that there was nothing more I could do, that I was doing all I could for them. I’d let him get in my head. I let my feelings for him cloud my judgement.
And I’d failed Rebecca and Tilly.
Jude’s expression turned fierce. “No, Willa,” he said.
I blinked up at him. “What?”
“Don’t you dare blame yourself for any of the shit that happened. Not any of it, you hear me?”
“Jude, you don’t…”
“Beautiful, I know you. You might still be trying to hide from me, but I see you, and I know there is nothing you wouldn’t do for the people you love. Nothing.”
I wished that were true. I’d thought it was. But finding out about the verbal abuse Tilly had suffered, that I’d missed it—I knew he was wrong. If I’d been there, if I’d done all I could, I would have known.
“You want me to look into this asshole? See if there’s anything we can do to get him out of the picture for good?”
If I said yes, he’d know who Trent was, that he was the guy from the poker game. And as much as I knew he wanted to help, there was nothing he could do, not legally, and I would never ask him to do something that could end with him behind bars. I had a plan. I knew what I had to do. How to get Trent out of our lives. Yes, it would cost me. But having him sign his rights away, never having to see him ever again, was worth every cent.
“Thanks for the offer, but I doubt we’ll be seeing much of him again.”
Jude frowned. “Yeah? Why is that…”
“I’m ready!” Tilly said, running into the room in her favorite dress. She pulled up short when she saw us, and I thought she was going to say something about the way Jude was holding me. Instead, she said, “Willa, you haven’t changed. You can’t go to a party dressed like that.”
I looked down at myself.
“It’s just casual, Tils,” Jude said. “What she’s wearing is fine.”
Tilly shook her head. “She needs to make a good impression. I want your friends to like us.”
Jude’s expression softened. “They will, sweetheart. You just have to be yourselves.”
She shook her head again, harder. “Please, Willa, please put on something nice.”
There was a desperation to her voice I hadn’t heard before. My stomach clenched. She really wanted me to look nice for Jude’s friends, and I thought I knew why.
She wanted Jude to stick around.
God, I needed to be so careful. I didn’t want to get her hopes up. I didn’t want her thinking Jude would be around for good. Even if we stayed, that wasn’t an option.
I threw my hands up and rolled my eyes at her, trying to lighten the moment. “You’re going to give me a complex, kid. I suppose I can get all gussied up.” I headed for my room. “I’d planned on getting changed anyway, so there.” I spun back to her and we poked tongues at each other, both of us laughing as I walked into my room.
Maybe going to this thing with Jude wasn’t such a great idea, but my main priority after what Tilly had gone through today—after that awful visit with Trent—was making her happy.
So I got changed.
Jude pulled his SUV to a stop outside a warehouse. The area was mainly industrial, but this place, with its flower filled pots by the door and windchimes tinkling away in the breeze, was definitely a home, warehouse or not.
Jude climbed out and came around, opening my door before I had a chance. No one had ever opened my door for me like that; not even Evan, with his rich-boy upbringing and snooty parents. It made me feel special, important to Jude, and I liked that feeling a whole lot. Those feelings only strengthened when he opened Tilly’s door for her and lifted her down from the high vehicle.
Was there a nicer guy in existence? I really didn’t think so.
He draped an arm around my shoulders and said against my ear, “You look beautiful.”
I’d chosen a pair of Levi’s, spike heeled boots, a pale pink tank with a shelf bra, and a dove tray sweater that hung off one shoulder, since it had been getting cooler in the evenings. Nothing special, really; one of the outfits I’d worn when I was seeing Evan, when I’d spent most of my paychecks on nice things to impress him and his famil
y. Dressy casual. I hadn’t worn anything like this in a while. I was either schlepping around the house or stripping. Not much cause for pretty sweaters in my new line of work.
“Thanks.” I tried not to preen, but having Jude look at me like that made my belly squirm and my heart race.
He hit a buzzer by the door and grinned down at me, looking like the cat that got the cream.
“What’s with the grin?” I asked.
He shrugged. “I’m spending time with you. Makes me happy.”
I stared back at him, caught in the heat and tenderness of his gaze. The man made my heart skip a beat. Dangerous. So dangerous.
The door opened and I jumped.
Jude’s grin widened before he turned to the woman standing there. “Hey, Sunny. Happy birthday.” He handed her a gift-wrapped box, that looked like chocolates, and gave her a quick hug.
She beamed at him. “Thank you! You didn’t have to get me a gift.” Then her eyes came to me and her smile got impossibly bigger. “You must be Willa, and this must be Tilly,” she said to my niece, who was also smiling.
The other woman was beautiful—curvy figure, wild wavy blonde hair, wide gorgeous blue eyes, delicate features. I felt a little like a brown autumn leaf beside a spring daffodil, she was that stunning.
I took her outstretched hand. “Thanks for letting Tilly and I crash the party.”
She shook her head and stepped back, inviting us in. “I’m so happy you could come, everyone’s dying to meet you.”
I blinked up at her and realized I’d frozen at the threshold when Jude gave me a squeeze and tilted his head toward the open door.
I forced my feet to move me forward. We followed her into a huge open space, people milling about. There was a cluster of guys by the couch in the middle of the room. One of them was holding a baby with golden hair, and eyes that were an identical blue to our host. There was also a little boy, about three or maybe four years old, running around with a toy plane. Standing around the kitchen island were several women sipping drinks and chatting, eating the finger foods that had been set up there.
They all turned to us when we walked in, and despite my current profession, I didn’t like having all of their focus aimed my way, not one damned bit. How much did they know about me? What had Jude told them about us? Did they think we were an “us”?
I glanced up at him, hoping to catch some kind of clue. I got nothing; he seemed completely unfazed. My eyes slid the group of men when one broke away and started toward us.
Every muscle in my body tensed.
The guy from the poker game. Mr. Dark and Handsome. Jude said he worked at the agency with him. Oh God. I’d assumed…I had no idea this was a work thing…
“Are these people your coworkers?” I asked as heat crawled up my neck.
Jude frowned, obviously seeing the change in me. “Well, yeah, but we’re more a family…”
No. No. No. “These guys were with you at Stilettos? When I had my audition dance for Raul?”
He curled his fingers around my bicep. “Baby, there’s nothing to worry about…”
My breath punched from my chest. “Are these the guys?”
He frowned. “Well, yeah.”
Mr. Dark and Handsome had reached us and I shrank back, my humiliation so fierce there was no hiding, no concealing it.
“Get me out of here,” I said under my breath, tone urgent. “Now, Jude. I want you to get me the hell out of here.”
What had he been thinking? These men had seen me practically naked, had seen me at my most vulnerable, and the guy now standing beside Jude, looking down at me with concern, had seen me passed around at that poker game like a cheap hooker, had had me in his own goddamn lap, trying to protect me. He thought I’d put myself in that situation. That I was some idiot who would do anything for money, even put herself in dangerous situations like the one I’d been in that night.
The women standing in the kitchen, still looking at me, were their wives, partners. They must hate me. God, they must think I’m some desperate, grasping, skank.
“Willa. Christ. What’s going on?” Jude asked, looking genuinely confused.
I held my hand out for Tilly. “We have to go.”
Her face dropped. “Why? We just got here.”
Jude grabbed my wrist. “Hang on a minute…”
“You’re not going, are you? You just got here,” Sunny said, her smile still bright, but also concerned, eyes sliding between me and Jude.
I shook my head, backing up. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know who…I didn’t know…You must be…I’m just…yeah, I’ll leave.”
Sunny looked at Jude, now totally confused, and I felt ill. Had I made it worse? Did these guys keep their visits to Raul’s a secret? Had I just thrown them under the bus. Shit, I couldn’t get anything right.
A woman with sharp blue eyes, black-rimmed glasses and dark hair with a purple streak down one side, strode over, joining the scene. She was dressed kind of like me, but instead of a sweater, she was wearing a leather jacket. She lifted her hands to me, like she was approaching a wild horse about to bold.
“Okay, everyone back up, give the girl some room,” she said, then turned to the little boy still running around the room with the toy plane. “Hey, Josh, why don’t you show Tilly here where the cupcakes are?”
Josh raced over, grabbed Tilly’s hand, and led her to the kitchen and the stack of mint green frosted cupcakes.
The woman with the purple-streaked hair held out her hand. “I’m Ruby, I work at the agency, and that”—she pointed to one of the men standing by the couch, who was also now watching the show—“is my fiancée, Neco, also an agent.”
I had no idea what she was getting at, but I braced, expecting the vitriol, a disgusted look, an accusation.
“Let’s just go ahead and get this out in the open,” she said.
“Ruby,” Jude gritted out. “What the hell…”
“Seriously.” She scowled at Jude. “What do you think I’m gonna say?”
Jude scowled back. “With you, fucking anything.”
Ruby turned back to me. “Ignore him. Look, I don’t know you, but I know a kindred spirit when I see one. You like things straight up, yeah?”
I straightened my spine and dipped my chin. If she wanted to make this a thing in front of all of these people, so be it. I wasn’t going to slink off with my tail between my legs. When I walked out of here, it would be with my head held high.
“Right, so everyone here knows you’re a dancer,” she said. “And everyone except Sunny and Lulu have seen you dance.”
I truly thought I was going to throw up. I refused to let her see how humiliated I was, and drew forth all the attitude I could muster. “Lucky you.” I smirked and weirdly, she grinned wide when I did this. “You have something you want to say about that?”
She nodded. “Yep. I sure do.”
“Go ahead, I’m all ears,” I bit out.
“First, I like your attitude. I think you and I are going to be good friends. And second, and most importantly, will you teach me some of your moves?” Then she just stared at me, waiting for me to answer.
I stared back. “What?”
Jude shook his head and cursed under his breath.
“Me too,” Sunny said, moving closer. “I hear pole dancing is excellent exercise, and I’m having trouble shifting this baby weight.” She turned to the guy holding the baby. “Zeke, you’ll put a pole up in our room so I can work out?”
The guy grinned. Wide.
Another woman moved in and held out her hand. “I’m Lulu, Hunter’s wife. Josh, the little boy over there with his fingers in the frosting, and trying to feed your niece another cupcake, is our son.” I took her outstretched hand, still in shock. “It’s really nice to meet you. I know this…” She motioned around the room. “All of us…can be kind of overwhelming, but we’re not all bad.” She nudged Ruby. “Okay, some of us are weirdos, but that’s just Ruby.”
Ruby shrugged,
laughter in her eyes. “I refuse to confirm or deny my weirdo status. I’ll leave that up to Willa to work out for herself.” Then she looked at me again. “Seriously, though. No judgement here. None. I promise you that. And we’re not just blowing smoke up your butt, that’s not our style.”
A laugh escaped before I could swallow it back. I liked Ruby. I couldn’t help it. And I had a feeling I’d like all of them if I got to know them.
I glanced at the door. I had a choice to make. I could go out on a limb and choose to believe what these women were telling me, or I could walk out of here and not look back.
I looked at Jude and I could see he was willing me to listen to these women. He trusted them. And I trusted Jude. I knew he was a good guy. He’d shown me repeatedly. I had to believe he would surround himself with good people. As hard as it was for me to comprehend that people like this existed, I believed in Jude.
A stunning realization, but one that couldn’t be denied.
Which left only one choice.
18
Jude
I looked down at Tilly, asleep in my arms, then at Willa, as she took the stairs beside me to her apartment, at the smile curling her gorgeous mouth, the brightness in her eyes, and knew I wanted more than what we currently had going on.
I never thought I’d want something real, something permanent, not after losing Kate and Louis. I didn’t think I was capable of that kind of feeling, of any deep emotion for another person, or people. That I deserved it.
At first, I thought what I felt for Willa was all twisted up in my feelings of failure, my need to protect every woman and child I came across. But I knew that wasn’t it. What I felt for Willa, shit, I’d never felt like this before, and I wasn’t going to let it go, let her go. Christ, I couldn’t.
Willa unlocked the door and held it wide for me. I walked in and carried Tilly to her room, sliding her in between the sheets that her aunt held back for me. Willa took off Tilly’s shoes and socks and pulled the covers up.
Silently, Willa took my hand and led me to her bedroom door, and looked up at me. The woman dazzled me, had my head spinning, had me pining for her all damn day. She made me high as fuck, drunk on her, when I finally got my hands on her at night.
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