I watched her watch him as he walked away, the look in her eyes. She was happy. Happier than I’d ever seen her. She saw me then, and her face turned pink.
“Get in here,” she said. “I need a coffee and by the looks of you, so do you.”
A few minutes later, I was sitting at her kitchen table, a mug in front of me, squirming under Fay’s direct, all-knowing stare.
“You’re staying?” she asked.
I paused, I don’t know why. “Yes.”
Fay sipped her drink. “What about Jude? Does he know?”
It was like the woman could read my mind, and just like that, just the mention of his name had a wave of emotion hammering me. The good kind. And it overwhelmed me. I gave her a soggy grin. “God, I’m so damn sick of crying.”
She took my hand. “You know what I’ve recently learned?” She squeezed my fingers. “You can’t let your past hold you back from happiness. It’s what I’ve been doing, it’s what you’ve been doing for the longest time. It’s only natural all that emotion you’ve been locking down is going to come out now. Let it. Don’t be afraid to feel.”
I was struggling to breathe all of a sudden. “I made a promise to Rebecca. Do you really think I can let it go? That I won’t spend the rest of my life thinking I let her down?”
“I made a promise to Mateo, but he’s gone now, and so is Rebecca. We can’t live for the people we lost, we have to live for the now, for ourselves. We have to live our own lives. Raul and I, we missed a lot of time together because I didn’t understand that, because I couldn’t let Mateo go. Because I felt guilty for loving someone else. Don’t make the same mistake I did.” She gave my hand one last squeeze. “Don’t waste a damn single second of the time you have on this earth.”
I bit my lip. “You really think it’s that easy…”
“No, but it’s worth it, I promise you that.” She sat back in her chair. “What do you think Rebecca would have thought of Jude if she’d met him?”
“She wouldn’t have trusted him,” I said honestly. “She would have told me not to either.”
“And did you…trust him when you met him?” she asked.
“No.” I’d let him know it as well.
“Exactly. Jude worked for it, he showed you time and again, that you could believe in him. If Rebecca was still here, knowing how important she was to you, you know damn well he would have worked to gain that trust from her as well, and he would have succeeded. He won you over, didn’t he?”
Fay was right. He would have, he would have won Rebecca over, because above all else, Jude was a good man, the best. People who wore masks, hiding who they truly were, couldn’t hide forever; eventually the ugly showed though. Jude had never worn a mask, not ever. Those kind eyes of his hid nothing. Rebecca would have seen that, even if she hadn’t wanted to.
“Does he love you?” Fay asked.
“Yes.” I knew that truth down to my soul.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. But it wasn’t about me. As much as I wanted this, and as much as I trusted Jude, I had to play my own devil’s advocate. It was hard to change the habits of a lifetime. “What about Tilly, what if this doesn’t work out, what if…”
Fay held up a hand, shutting me up. “Do you want Tilly to grow up like you and Rebecca? Never trusting anyone, never letting anyone close enough because she’s afraid they might hurt her? Or do you want her to see what real love and respect looks like? How a man should treat a woman? How a relationship is supposed to be? Choosing a life filled with love and joy is the best lesson you could ever teach her, honey, it’s a precious gift.”
Fay always knew the right thing to say, but she hadn’t finished.
“Keeping promises are important, Willa, but not at the expense of your and Tilly’s happiness. No one, not even Rebecca, would ask that of you.”
Rebecca hadn’t believed love existed, not between a man and a woman, but if she’d had a chance to see it, to see Jude and me together—I knew she would have wanted this for me, I knew it with everything in me. And most of all, she would have wanted it for Tilly.
I shot to my feet. “I need to go.”
Fay laughed. “Go, girl, you go find him,” she called after me as I headed out the door.
When I walked into The King Agency, my heart was sitting in my throat. I don’t know why I was so anxious, I knew Jude would never hurt me. I also knew that he wanted this, me…us. But I couldn’t contain the nerves fluttering their wings in my stomach.
Lulu was at the reception desk. “Hey,” she said, and shot to her feet. “I’m so glad to see you.”
I believed her, the expression on her face was one of serious relief. “Good to see you, too.”
“How’s Tilly doing?” She squeezed my arm. “How are you doing?”
God, these people, how were they so damn nice? So genuine. “She’s getting there. We’re both getting there.”
Lulu smiled. “That’s good. We need to get together soon, yeah? Have some girl time. Let the kids hang out, ’cause seriously, Josh doesn’t stop talking about your girl.”
I swallowed, hard. I wanted that. I did, more than she could ever know. “I’d really like that.”
She gave my arm another squeeze. “Awesome. I’ll give you a call later, and we’ll work out a time.” Then she turned me, directing me toward a set of stairs. “Man, I’m glad you’re here. Jude’s been a surly, snappy pain in the ass all day. The guys don’t know what to do with him.”
My stomach twisted. “Oh, well, I…”
She gave me another little shove toward the stairs. “He’s down in the gym. Go. Go kiss the frown off his grumpy face, would you. I can’t take much more.”
Lulu hustled back to her desk and I headed down the stairs. The sounds of muffled grunts and growls came through the door, and I hovered there for a moment, trying to sort out what I’d say. I wanted to do this right.
He’d said he wouldn’t give up on me. And after all the drama and uncertainty, I hoped like hell he still felt that way.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed the door open—and froze at the threshold.
In the middle of the floor, Jude and Zeke were locked in some kind of hold. Both were hissing through clenched teeth, muscles straining, as they both tried to take the other down.
Zeke finally broke away and Jude came back at him again like a bulldozer. Both were shirtless and sweaty. Jude’s massive body glistened, every bulging muscle displayed to perfection, rippling and rolling with every brutal move.
His head suddenly twisted toward me, like he’d sensed I was there. His intense, wild stare locked onto me, and my breath stuck in my throat. He looked…savage.
And sexy as hell.
I’d missed him. Missed him touching me. Missed his arms around me at night.
Missed the feel of his big body covering mine, moving inside me.
Jude’s nostrils flared and his eyes darkened, like he’d read my thoughts.
Zeke took advantage of Jude’s lapse of concentration, and took him down. I was sure the floor shook beneath us when the pair of them hit the mat with force.
That’s when Zeke spotted me.
He jumped to his feet, and offered Jude a hand. Jude took it, standing as well, then after a hello chin lift to me, and a back slap for Jude, Zeke headed out the door, grabbing a bag from one of the benches in his way out—leaving us alone.
The door closed with a click and the room was engulfed in silence.
We stared at each other. Oh yeah, I’d definitely missed him. And I couldn’t get enough of the sight of him like this.
“Hey,” I said, and curled my fingers into a tight fist, so he wouldn’t see how much they were shaking, how overcome I suddenly felt.
Jude’s gaze moved over me. He’d missed me just as much. I saw hope in his eyes. I also saw a wariness I’d never seen when he’d looked at me before. I hated it.
Did he actually think I was still leaving? That I could ever
leave him now?
“Hey,” he said.
This was the first time we’d been alone together for weeks, and I felt self-conscious all of a sudden. I’d never done anything like this before. The only thing I’d ever truly fought for in my life was Tilly. I was so used to being shit on and abandoned. When someone walked, I let them. Nothing had been worth the pain of more rejection.
Until I met Jude.
Yeah, I’d been a bit slow to figure it out, but I realized I’d do whatever it took to make him happy, to make sure he knew how much I loved him. I’d fight for him until my last breath.
His hands went to his hips, his chest still pumping from excursion. Big and sexy and beautiful. “Is everything okay? Tilly?”
“Everything’s fine. I, ah…I wanted to talk to you, actually.”
He drew in a breath, like he was preparing for a blow, and I hated that I’d made him feel that way. That I’d given him any reason to doubt my feelings for him. I wasn’t the greatest with words. I could only be my flawed self and hope that was enough.
So I stopped chewing my lips and took the plunge. “I, ah, I talked to Tils this morning, about going, about us moving away.”
His nostrils flared, and he sucked in another of those sharp breaths.
“She thinks it’s a terrible idea,” I said.
Jude didn’t move a muscle, those brown eyes still locked on me. “That’s because it is.”
I started trembling, all over now, with the force of my emotions. “I also talked to Fay. She, ah… she had a few things to say.”
“Yeah?” he said, voice rougher.
“She actually made some very good points…on why I should stay.”
His breathing seemed to get harsher. “She did, huh?”
I nodded. “I won’t bore you with the long version right now, but the short version was along the lines of, my sister would want me to be happy, that she would have loved you almost as much as I do, and I’d be a fool not to keep you around.”
He took a step toward me, just one. “And what do you think?”
I was trembling so hard now, there was no way he couldn’t see it. “I think she’s right.”
“Come here, Willa,” he said, feet planted apart, hands still on his hips.
I didn’t even have to think about it. I ran at him, jumping into his arms. He caught me like I knew he would, holding me up against him with one powerful arm, the fingers of the other hand thrusting into my hair, gently fisting it, tilting my head back.
“Beautiful,” he rasped out, a second before he kissed me.
He claimed my mouth, his tongue thrusting roughly against mine, deep and honest and perfect.
Finally, he lifted his head, looking down at me. “I could never get bored of you, or feel smothered. I’ll never walk out on you, you know that, right? I need to know you know that, believe it.”
“I do.” I cupped his face. “I know it.”
“I promise you, baby, I will never risk your heart, or Tilly’s. Not ever. I’ll protect them with everything I have. Fucking everything.”
I pressed my forehead to his, and when I lifted my head again, and he saw the happy tears rolling down my face, his hold on me tightened.
I brushed my thumb over his beard covered jaw. “I never thought a man like you existed. I thought you couldn’t be real, that no one was that good and kind and sweet. I know it now, Jude.” I leaned up and kissed him, like he had me, with everything in me.
Jude stumbled back several steps, and dropped to one of the benches, so my thighs were straddling his.
“Missed you so damn much. These last few weeks have been fucking torture,” he muttered against my lips. “Are you all right like this…your stitches are okay?”
All I could do was nod as he shoved my dress up and I yanked down the front of his shorts. Jude shoved my panties aside and then he was there. I bit my lip and sank down on him, taking him all the way, until he was fully seated, stretching me in a way that made me feel complete and perfect and home.
I tightened my arms around his neck, and rode him, my mouth against his, breathing each other in as I rolled my hips, his hands on my ass as he fed me his growls of pleasure.
I started shaking again as the intensity of my orgasm flew through me, so hard and fast it took me by surprise. Jude growled again and he was coming with me.
When I finally had the energy to lift my head, I kissed him. “You changed my life, you know that?”
He hugged me to him tighter. “You made mine worth living, beautiful.” His brown eyes softened. “Thank you, for letting me love you.”
Then he kissed me again.
Epilogue
Jude
Twelve months later
I shut my bike off and winced as I swung my leg over the seat. The skip Van and I had taken in tonight had given us a fight, and he’d brought along several of his friends. My ribs had taken a hit by some little prick with a two-by-four. Nothing broken, but it hurt like hell.
All that pissing around meant I was late home, and I felt like shit because I’d promised my girls I’d be home by seven-thirty so we could eat together, and it was now close to ten.
I took the stairs as quietly as I could. I didn’t want to wake them if they were already asleep.
The last year had been the best in my life, so much had changed.
Willa and I had done some grief counseling; she also needed to talk to someone about what happened that night. Our losses had been huge, but talking to someone, talking about our guilt, how to deal with the way we felt, it had made such a difference. It had made us even stronger, when I thought that was impossible. And Tilly, that little girl, our little girl, had grown in confidence. Christ, she shone so bright, she lit up my world.
I’d also converted the apartment on the first floor into a hair salon for Willa as a surprise, it hadn’t been easy, but it had been so damn worth it. I’ll never forget the look on her face, her reaction. Just thinking about it still took my breath away. She’d built up her client list over the last twelve months and was now in hot demand.
Trent was back inside and would be for a long while yet. Jennifer was as well, and was never coming out. So everything right now was fucking perfect.
Well, almost perfect. I hated disappointing my girls, and with this job, it happened more than I would like.
I unlocked the door, moving too quick, and gritted my teeth when pain shot down my side. My ribs felt like someone had been playing them like a xylophone, only with a sledgehammer.
I shut the door and when I turned back, Willa was standing there, Tilly at her side, both looking at me with identical frowns creasing their foreheads.
I straightened, not wanting to alarm Tilly. She didn’t like it when I got hurt. “Sorry I’m late,” I said, kissing the top of Tilly’s head, then tugging Willa closer and planting one on her soft lips. “Things took a little longer than expected.”
Tilly rolled her eyes. “You hurt yourself again, didn’t you?”
I tried to think of something to say. “No, I was just…”
“Save it,” Willa said. “Ruby called and told me to get the ice packs ready.”
Goddamn it, Ruby. “It’s nothing really,” I said, as Tilly took my hand and led me to the living room.
Willa disappeared into the kitchen.
Tilly’s eyes narrowed. “Did you get hit by one of the bad guys?”
“Yeah, but it was a cheap shot,” I said, grinning to lighten the situation.
“Did you at least kick his ass?” she asked.
I chuckled and tugged her in for a quick hug. “Oh yeah.”
“Nice,” she said, and leaned against me. “Willa said I could stay up until you got home. Guess that means I have to go to bed now?”
Willa walked in with an ice pack. “Sure does, kiddo.”
“Fine,” Tilly said, giving me a hug, then planted a kiss on my cheek. “Night, Jude.”
“Night, honey.”
After she hugged her au
nt and left the room, Willa took the spot beside me on the couch and held up the ice pack. “Where am I putting this?”
I lifted the side of my shirt, and she winced. “Ouch.”
“I hope you at least kicked this guy’s ass,” she said.
“Christ.” I leaned back and laughed. It fucking hurt, but I couldn’t help it.
“What?” she asked, grinning, while she carefully placed the ice pack over my bruises, then handed me some painkillers.
“Tilly basically said the exact same thing.”
Willa frowned. “Hmm, maybe I need to talk to her about her language again.”
I stared at her, her hair down, wearing one of my shirts, legs bare, and so damn beautiful I ached. I swallow the boulder forming in my throat. “I think my girls are two peas in a pod.”
“I think you might be right there.” Willa snuggled up beside me and rested her head on my shoulder. “Are you in a lot of pain?”
“I’ll live.”
Willa looked up at me, her delicate face pale, eyes bright. “Good, because I’m not sure what we’d do without you.”
I brushed her hair back and gently kissed her lips. “Beautiful, you won’t ever have to find out, I promise.”
We sat there in silence for a few minutes, then she stood and took my hand. “Come on, big guy, time for bed.”
“And what else?” I asked, unable to hide the hunger in my voice. I always wanted her. Always. A few bruised ribs didn’t change that.
She looked at me over her shoulder, eyes wide. “You can’t be serious. Your ribs are every color of the rainbow.”
“How about some kissing?”
She smirked. “Fine. I’ll allow kissing.”
“And touching, is touching allowed?”
“I’ll allow touching.”
We walked into the bedroom and around to the side of the bed, where Willa started stripping me out of my clothes.
“You know if I’m kissing and touching you, I’m gonna need to fuck you,” I said.
She giggled and stared up at me. “Oh, all right, if you insist, I’ll allow fucking as well.”
Willa helped me onto the bed and shook her head when I reached for her.
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