Plastic gloves?
Surprised, Akin thought for a moment. They might have gloves made of some kind of plastic. I havent seen plastic that soft, but it could exist. But once you understand the plastic it cant hurt you.
Neci probably doesnt realize that. You said she wasnt smart. That makes her more dangerous. Maybe if other people stop her from cutting us tomorrow, shell get angrier. Shell want to hurt us just to prove she can.
After a time, Akin agreed. She would.
We have to go.
I want to go with you!
Silence.
Frightened, Akin linked more deeply with them. Dont leave me here alone!
More silence. Very gently, they held him between them and put him to sleep. He understood what they were doing and resisted them angrily at first, but they were right. They had a chance without him. They were stronger, larger, and could travel faster and farther without rest. Communication between them was quicker and more precise. They could act almost as though they shared a single nervous system. Only paired siblings and adult mates came to know each other that well. Akin would hamper them, probably get them recaptured. He knew this, and they could feel his contradictory feelings. They knew he knew. Thus, there was no need to argue. He must simply accept the reality.
He accepted it finally and allowed them to send him into a deep sleep.
18
He slept naked on the floor until Tate found him the next morning. She awoke him by lifting him and was startled when he grabbed her around the neck and would not let go. He did not cry or speak. He tasted her but did not study her. Later he realized he had actually tried to become her, to join with her as he might with his closest sibling. It was not possible. He was reaching for a union the Humans had denied him. It seemed to him that what he needed was just beyond his grasp, just beyond that final crossing he could not make, as with his mother. As with everyone. He could know so much and no more, feel so much and no more, join so close and no closer.
Desperately, he took what he could get. She could not comfort him or even know how deeply he perceived her. But she could, simply by permitting the attachment, divert his attention from himself, from his own misery.
Aside from her original jerk of surprise, Tate did not try to detach him. He did not know what she did. All his senses were focused on the worlds within the cells of her body. He did not know how long he was frozen to her, not thinking, not knowing or caring what she did as long as she did not disturb him.
When he finally drew away from her, he found that she was sitting on a mat on the floor, leaning against a wall. She had gone on holding him on her arm and resting her arm on her knees. Now as he straightened and reoriented himself, she took his chin between her fingers and turned his face toward hers.
Are you all right? she asked.
Yes.
What was it?
He said nothing for a moment, looked around the room.
Everyones at breakfast, she said. Ive had my regularly scheduled lecture about how I spoil you and a little extra to boot. Now, why dont you tell me exactly what happened.
She put him down beside her and stared down at him, waiting. Clearly she did not know the girls were gone. Perhaps no one had noticed yet, thanks to the morning grazing habits of all three children. He could not tell. Amma and Shkaht should have as much of a start as possible.
Its too late for me to bond with my sibling, he said truthfully. I was thinking about that last night. I was feeling
Lonely wouldnt really be the right word. This was more like
something died. Every word was true. His answer was simply incomplete. Amma and Shkaht had started his feelingstheir union, their leaving
Where are the girls? Tate asked.
I dont know.
Have they gone, Akin?
He looked away. Why was she always so hard to hide things from? Why did he hesitate so to lie to her?
Good god, she said, and started to get up.
Wait! Akin said. They were going to cut them this morning. Neci and her friends were going to grab them while they were eating and hide them and cut off their sensory tentacles.
The hell they were!
They were! We heard them last night! Yori wouldnt help them, but they were going to do it anyway. They were going to give them corn whiskey and
Moonshine?
What?
They were going to make the girls drunk?
They couldnt.
Tate frowned. Were they going to give them the moonshinethe whiskey?
Yes. But it wouldnt make them drunk. Ive seen drunk Humans. I dont think anything we could drink would make us like that. Our bodies would reject the drink.
What would it have done to them?
Make them vomit or urinate a lot. It isnt strong or deadly. Probably they would just pass it through almost unchanged. They would urinate a lot.
That stuffs damn strong.
I mean
I mean its not a deadly poison. Humans can drink it without dying. We can drink it without vomiting it up wrapped in part of our flesh to keep it from injuring us.
So it wouldnt hurt themjust in case Neci caught them.
It wouldnt hurt them. They wouldnt like it, though. And Neci hasnt caught them.
How do you know?
Ive heard her. Shes been asking people where the girls are. No ones seen them. Shes getting worried.
Tate stared at nothing, believing, absorbing. We wouldnt have let her do it. All you had to do was tell me.
You would have stopped her this time, he agreed. She would have kept trying. People believe her after a while. They do what she wants them to.
She shook her head. Not this time. Too many of us were against her on this. Little girls, for godsake! Akin, we could waste days searching for them, but you could track them faster with your Oankali hearing and sight.
No.
Yes. Oh, yes! How far do you think those girls will get before something happens to them? Theyre not much bigger than you are. Theyll die out there!
I wouldnt. Why should they?
Silence. She frowned down at him. You mean you could get home from here?
I could if no Humans stopped me.
And you think no Humans will stop the girls?
I think
I think theyre afraid. I think theyre frightened enough to sting.
Oh, god.
What if someone were going to cut your eyes out, and you had a gun?
I thought the new species was supposed to be above that kind of thing.
Theyre afraid. They only want to go home. They dont want to be cut.
No. She sighed. Get dressed. Lets go to breakfast. The riot should be starting any time now.
I dont think theyll find the girls.
If what you say is true, I hope they dont. Akin?
He waited, knowing what she would ask.
Why didnt they take you with them?
Im too small. He walked away from her, found his pants in the next room, and put them on. I couldnt work with them the way they could work with each other. I would have gotten them caught.
You wanted to go?
Silence. If she did not know he had wanted to go, wanted desperately to go, she was stupid. And she was not stupid.
I wonder why the hell your people dont come for you, she said. They must know better than I do what theyre putting you through.
What theyre putting me through? he asked, amazed.
She sighed. We, then. Whatever good that admission does you. Oankali drove us to become what we are. If they hadnt tampered with us, wed have children of our own. We could live in our own ways, and they could live in theirs.
Some of you would attack them, Akin said softly. I think some Humans would have to attack them.
Why?
Why did Humans attack one another?
Suddenly there was shouting outside.
Okay, Tate said. Theyve realized the girls are gone. Theyll be here in a moment.
Almost before she had finished speaking, Macy Wilton and Neci Roybal were at the door, looking around the room.
Have you seen the girls? Macy demanded.
Tate shook her head. No, we havent been out.
Did you see them at all this morning?
No.
Akin?
No. If Tate thought it was best to lie, then he would liealthough neither of them had begun lying yet.
I heard you were sick, Akin, Neci said.
Im all right now.
What made you sick?
He stared at her with quiet dislike, wondering what it might be safe to say.
Tate spoke up with uncharacteristic softness. He had a dream that upset him. A dream about his mother.
Neci raised an eyebrow skeptically. I didnt know they dreamed.
Tate shook her head, smiled slightly. Neci, why not? Hes at least as Human as you are.
The woman drew back. You should be out helping to search for the girls! she said. Who knows whats happened to them!
Maybe someone decided to follow your advice, grab them, and cut off their sensory tentacles.
What! demanded Macy. He had gone into the room where he and the girls and his wife had slept. Now he came out, staring at Tate.
She has an obscene sense of humor, Neci said.
Tate made a wordless sound. These days, I have no sense of humor at all where youre concerned. She looked at Macy. She was still pushing to have the girls tentacles amputated. Shes been talking to the salvagers about it, Now she looked directly at Neci. Deny it.
Why should I? They would be better off without themmore Human!
Just as much better off as you would be without your eyes! Lets go look for them, Macy. I hope to god they never heard the things Necis been saying.
Amazed, Akin followed her out. She had put the blame for the girls flight exactly where it belonged without involving him at all. She left him with a salvager who had injured his knee and joined the search as though she had every expectation of finding the girls quickly.
19
Amma and Shkaht were not found. They were simply goneperhaps found by other resisters, perhaps safe in some trade village. Most of the resisters seemed to think they were deadeaten by caimans or anacondas, bitten by poisonous snakes or insects. The idea that such young children could find their way to safety seemed completely impossible to them.
And most of the resisters blamed Neci. Tate seemed to find that satisfying. Akin did not care. If Neci left him alone, he was content with her. And she did leave him alonebut only after planting the idea that he must be watched more carefully. She was not the only one who believed this, but she was the only one to suggest that he be kept out of the pit, kept away from the river, be harnessed and tied outside the cabins when everyone was too busy to watch him.
He would not have stood for that. He would have stung the rope or chain that they tied him with until it rotted or corroded through, and he would have run awayup the mountain, not down. They might not find him higher up. He would probably not make it back to Lo. He was too far from it now, and there were so many resister villages between it and him that he would probably be picked up once he headed down from the hills. But he would not stay with people who tied him.
He was not tied. He was watched more closely than before, but it seemed the resisters had as great an aversion to tying or confining people as he did.
Neci finally left with a group of salvagers going homemen and women carrying wealth on their backs. They took two of the guns with them. There had been a general agreement among new salvagers and old that Phoenix would begin to manufacture guns. Tate was against it. Yori was so strongly against it that she threatened to move to another resister village. Nevertheless, guns would be made.
Weve got to protect ourselves, Gabe said. Too many of the raiders have guns now, and Phoenix is too rich. Sooner or later, theyll realize its easier to steal from us than carry on honest trade.
Tate slept several nights alone or with Akin once the decision was made. Sometimes she hardly slept at all, and Akin wished he could comfort her the way Amma and Shkaht had comforted him. Sleep could be a great gift. But he could have given it only with the help of a close Oankali-born sibling.
Would raiders begin raiding you the way they raid us? he asked her one night as they lay together in a hammock.
Probably.
Why havent they already?
They have occasionallytrying to steal metal or women. But Phoenix is a strong townplenty of people willing to fight if they have to. There are smaller, weaker settlements that are easier pickings.
Are guns really a bad idea, then?
In the dark she tried to stare at him. She couldnt have seen himalthough he saw her clearly. What do you think? she asked.
I dont know. I like a lot of the people in Phoenix. And I remember what raiders did to Tino. They didnt have to. They just did it. Later, though, while I was with them, they didnt really seem
I dont know. Most of the time, they were like the men in Phoenix.
They probably came from someplace like Phoenixsome village or town. They got sick of one pointless, endless existence and chose another.
Pointless because resisters cant have children?
Thats it. It means a lot more than I could ever explain to you. We dont get old. We dont have kids, and nothing we do means shit.
What would it mean
if you had a kid like me?
We have got a kid like you. You.
You know what I mean.
Go to sleep, Akin.
Why are you afraid of guns?
They make killing too easy. Too impersonal. You know what that means?
Yes. Ill ask if you say something I dont understand.
So well kill more of each other than we already do. Well learn to make better and better guns. Someday, well take on the Oankali, and that will be the end of us.
It would. What do you want to happen instead?
Silence.
Do you know?
Not extinction, she whispered. Not extinction in any form. As long as were alive, we have some chance.
Akin frowned, trying to understand. If you had kids in the old way, your prewar way, with Gabe, would that mean you and Gabe were becoming extinct?
It would mean we werent. Our kids would be Human like us.
Im Human like youand Oankali like Ahajas and Dichaan.
You dont understand.
Im trying to.
Are you? She touched his face. Why?
I need to. Its part of me, too. It concerns me, too.
Not really.
Abruptly he was angry. He hated her soft condescension. Then why am I here! Why are you here! You and Gabe would be down in Phoenix if it didnt concern me. I would be back in Lo. Oankali and Human have done what Human male and female used to do. And they made me and Amma and Shkaht, and theyre no more extinct than you would be if you had kids with Gabe!
She turned slightlyturned her back to him as much as she could in a hammock. Go to sleep, Akin.
But he did not sleep. It was his turn to lie awake thinking. He understood more than she thought. He recalled his argument with Amma and Shkaht that Humans should be permitted their own Akjai divisiontheir own hedge against disaster and true extinction. Why should it be so difficult? There were, according to Lilith, bodies of land surround
ed by vast amounts of water. Humans could be isolated and their ability to reproduce in their own way restored to them. But then what would happen when the constructs scattered to the stars, leaving the Earth a stripped ruin. Tates hopes were in vain.
Or were they?
Who among the Oankali was speaking for the interests of resister Humans? Who had seriously considered that it might not be enough to let Humans choose either union with the Oankali or sterile lives free of the Oankali? Trade-village Humans said it, but they were so flawed, so genetically contradictory that they were often not listened to.
He did not have their flaw. He had been assembled within the body of an ooloi. He was Oankali enough to be listened to by other Oankali and Human enough to know that resister Humans were being treated with cruelty and condescension.
Yet he had not even been able to make Amma and Shkaht understand. He did not know enough yet. These resisters had to help him learn more.
20
Akin was with the people of Phoenix for over a year. He spent most of this time in the hills, watching the salvaging and taking part when the salvagers would let him. One of the men set him to cleaning small, decorative itemsjewelry, figurines, small bottles, jars, eating utensils. He knew he was given the job mainly to keep him from underfoot, but the work pleased him. He tasted everything before he cleaned it and afterward. Often he found Human leavings protected within containers. There were bits of hair, skin, nail. From some of these he salvaged lost Human genetic patterns that ooloi could recreate if they needed the Human genetic diversity. Only an ooloi could tell him what was useful. He memorized everything to give to Nikanj someday.
Once Sabina caught him tasting the inside of a small bottle. She tried to snatch the bottle away. Fortunately, he managed to dodge her hands and withdraw the thin, searching filaments of his tongue before she broke them. She should have gone back to Phoenix when her group left. She had done her share of what she called grubbing in the dirt, but she had stayed. Akin believed she had stayed because of him. He had not forgotten that she had been willing to take part in cutting off Ammas and Shkahts tentacles. But she seemed brighter than Neci, more able, more willing to learn.
What was this called? he asked her once there was no chance of her injuring him.
It was a perfume bottle. You keep it out of your mouth.
Adulthood Rites x-2 Page 15