by J. Naomi Ay
****
I was sent to the kitchens where I was made to stand before the largest woman I had ever seen. She was as round as she was tall and had more chins than I could count that flopped about when she opened her mouth to speak.
"Look at me, girl," she ordered slapping the counter top with her wooden spoon. "When I speak to you, I want to see your eyes so I will know that you are listening. Take off those filthy clothes and go wash yourself completely. When you have done so, I will cut your hair, which undoubtedly is crawling with lice. In the cupboard near the stove, you will find an old uniform. Put it on and then you may start to work. You'll be finished at 11PM. You may sleep in the closet by the back stair. There's a drawer in there for your few things. I will expect you to be wide awake and sweeping the floor when I arrive at 6AM."
"Yes, Ma'am." I dipped into a curtsey in the way that I had seen other girls do before.
"Go!" She cried and hit me with the spoon. "I don't want any of your vermin in my kitchen." I bathed in a Palace tub that was more filthy than the bath tub at home in our flat. Then I returned to the kitchen to have my curly tresses removed with a scissors. I cried as my beautiful hair ended up in tufts along the floor and then was swept out to the gardens by me with a wicker broom. Not only I swept my hair but I swept every inch of the kitchen floor, and when that was done I swept the stairs on every floor of this building.
"Your job is to sweep," the fat woman told me and sweep I did do in this building and eleven more. Six days a week, I swept out two buildings each and on the seventh day my broom was allowed to rest. I began again the next day, but I was not the only one, for there were six other girls just like me in the Sweeping Service. We each had our own broom, and we each lived with it in a closet, along with a small boy who was charged with our dustpans.
Once a week, we attended services in the servant chapel where we knelt on our knees and prayed to the Saint. So tired I was from my daily sweeping excursions that inevitably, I passed out and slept. My dustpan boy sat by my side for he was younger than myself. He had run away from an orphan home in the oldest part of the city. His future, if he did well, was to move up the ladder to the point where he might be cleaning windows. If he really was diligent and made friends with the staff, someday he might even cut the lawn. When he was grown up, assuming he did, he might join the Royal Guard or Royal Navy. Then he would be given a nice uniform and a room in the barracks instead of my closet floor where he slept now.
During chapel services, one morning when I was sound asleep as usual, my dustpan boy nudged me in the ribs.
"The Father's coming," he whispered loudly. "Wake up, Meri and look attentive otherwise you'll lose today's dessert and I heard it's chocolate pudding with whipped cream." Quickly, I rubbed the sleep from my bleary eyes and the spot of drool that had dried near my mouth. I finger combed my hair and tried to look presentable for his esteemed imminence as he paraded. I must have done well as the Father stopped before us and knelt down to pat my hair.
"Hello young one," he said in his eloquent and resonant voice. "You are a beautiful young woman, as comely as any I have seen before. I recommend you leave this Palace and become a Sainted Lady. Only the most virtuous of girls shall be honored in this way for the Blessed Saint is particular in his selection. I can see you are a candidate, and I will personally recommend you to the staff of the Old Mishnah Orphan Home where I reside."
"Thank you, kind Father," I replied with a bow of my head as my dustpan boy nudged me again.
"Don't do it," he hissed. "It took me seven years to escape from there. You're much better off working here."
"I shall consider your offer, kind sir," I continued as the Father was waiting for an answer. "I am enjoying my work, but if it comes to the point where I need a change, I shall certainly contemplate the life of a Sainted Lady." After that, the Father moved on and left me alone. Little did I know that it would not be forever. I was still young then at fourteen years and had the entire future to look forward to. My hair was thick with luxurious curls. When I looked in the mirror, I realized I was more beautiful than before. The window washing boys all thought I was fetching. The sweeping girls all wanted to be my friend. The dustpans boys all begged to assist. I could not imagine I would ever wish to leave this Palace.
In the three years that I lived at her home, I saw the real princess exactly twice. Once was in the courtyard as she ran around playing games with her brother. The second time was on a Saint's day when she gave a coin to every sweeping girl. To her I was merely an invisible cleaning servant and not a candidate at all to be her friend. My dreams of our companionship were figments of my imagination. They would never be anything more than just my dreams. My tenure in sweeping ended eventually one day when the under, under secretary of the Lord Chamberlain noticed me.
"You're quite pretty," Lord Walter remarked as I swept the floor that he had graced, "for a servant girl of no account. Perhaps you'd like to join my staff and improve your station."
"Of course, m'lord." I curtseyed as I had once been taught by the head of the housekeeping staff. "It would be an honor to serve you, sir, and I should be very happy to retire my broom." I was moved from my sweeper's closet despite the protestations of my dustpan boy to the basement of the lower servants building where the most lowly of the office staff resided. I shared a cot with one other girl which was fine as she worked the opposite hours. Whilst I slept, she did my job, and whilst she slept, I did hers. Our task consisted primarily of answering the calls coming in on the vid. Occasionally, I was given something to type into a document or email. Most often I smiled and batted my eyes at the Lord Chamberlain's guests whilst providing a pot of coffee for their refreshment. My roommate became very jealous as I was moved to the daytime staff. She was forced to stay up all night and sleep all day as I had done.
"We want you to be the first person in this office anyone should see," my young boss explained. "You’re the most beautiful girl we have and just looking at you puts one in a jolly mood." I was glad that my boss appreciated my charms and even more so when the Lord Chamberlain himself complimented me. My roommate became quite hateful and instead of sleeping she began to pull pranks. Every day, I discovered something dreadful in the bed. First it was a sock all filled with sand. On the next day, I found a spilt jar of honey. On the third, I discovered wet sheets and the fourth, therein lay a dead rat. I could not sleep at all after that, choosing to lie on the floor instead of the bed. I tossed and turned all night never achieving a single wink. I came to my desk in the morning, eyes bleary, my head swimming with fatigue. I snapped at the callers and made silly mistakes in the typing. The coffee I brewed resembled mud.
"Meri," Lord Walter said pulling me into his office. "The Lord Chamberlain is concerned with your work. Is there a problem you wish to discuss? Are you feeling unwell? Tell me and I'll help you out."
"No, nothing," I demurred out of a false send of loyalty to the roommate I despised. She was a peasant like me with nothing but this job. It wasn't her fault she was not blessed with my beauty.
"Meri." Lord Walter put his hand on my chin and lifted my eyes to his own. "You're quite lovely, like a rose about to bloom. I'm attracted to you and I don't want to see you get hurt." Then he bent down and kissed me in a way I never had but recalled from watching my mother's treatment sessions. It turned my heart cold for I remembered what my mother had done with all the filthy stinking men she had brought home. I pushed my boss away and ran out the door to the safety of my office chair.
"Meri," he said following me. "One does not refuse the attentions of their lord. I'm the under, under secretary to the Lord Chamberlain of the realm. It would be to your advantage to please me in whatever way I would like. It could benefit you immensely in this job."
"But, sir, I'm a receptionist not a nurse. I make coffee and answer the vid. I have never given therapy before, and I really don't wish to try."
"Even better." He smiled like a cat and waved for me to join him again in his offi
ce. Once there, he shut the door and pulled me over to his couch. He proceeded to unzip his trousers and expose himself. Now, I knew the time had come to leave this place for good and, unfortunately, that meant I'd be leaving the Palace forever. It was a choice I clearly had to make, learn to be a nurse or escape with my dignity intact. I chose my dignity as other than my looks; that was all I really had worth saving. I screamed at the top of my lungs which alerted the Lord Chamberlain himself who only a moment later knocked upon the door.
"Walter," he cried. "What in the Saint's name are you doing with this young girl?"
"Nothing, sir. Nothing at all it seems." Walter tucked himself back into his trousers. "I'm sorry, Meri, but we shan't be requiring your services anymore."
"Does that mean my office services, too?" I looked from Walter to the Lord Chamberlain. "You know, the ones I do when I sit and answer your vid?"
"Perhaps, I can find you another posting," the Lord Chamberlain murmured gazing at me through his oversized glasses. "Is there anything else you can do besides sweep the floor and make coffee?"
"Not really," I apologized. "Though, I think I can learn very fast. Is there a chance I might be able to serve the Princess?"
"Her Royal Highness doesn't have a vid. She doesn't have an office with a coffee machine, and her floors are swept by the maids who have served her since birth. I'm afraid Meri there is no other job. Take these coins and be on your way. Good luck to you and thank you for your service to His Majesty, the King of Mishnah."
A short time later, I stood alone outside the Palace gates. I had the three coins in my purse and the clothes upon my back. I had nowhere to go but home, to the flat back in the old city where hopefully my mother and Jayne still resided.
****
"What do you want?" The old woman glared at me from the door. Her hair was grey and hung in ragged lengths. Her skin was scaly and worn, her eyes bulged from the sockets of her head. There were scabs and other sores upon her cheeks. The Disease was clearly eating away at her.
"Mother?" I whispered half afraid. I dearly hoped it was another not my own.
"Meri? Is it you? My darling girl, you're looking well. How old are you now is it fifteen or sixteen?"
"I'm nearly seventeen, Mom, can I come in?" She stood away from the door and let me inside. The apartment looked the same. It smelled of trash and rotting food as well as the sickly odor of one suffering from the Disease. On the couch, Anson still sat in front of the vid. He was fatter than before though his face was grey. He had the same sort of sores and his hair was nearly gone. It was clear he had acquired the sickness, as well.
"Did you bring money, Meri?" My mother held out her hand. "This place isn't free, you know, and neither is our food, which you'll want to eat." I handed her two coins but kept the other in my pocket for myself. Then I went to the bedroom I had shared with Jayne. It was empty save the few things that I had left three years ago.
"Where's Jayne?" I ran back to the living room.
"Who?" Anson asked. "Oh. You mean your sister."
"Poor ugly Jayne," mother sighed. "She's living somewhere on the streets in the old city." My heart nearly froze in my chest. Jayne was the smarter of us two and could have gone to college. She wanted to be an engineer solving mathematics equations all day but instead she was walking the streets and giving treatments. I had to find her and help her fix her life, so I headed out that door once again. I walked the streets all day and night calling my sister's name and asking everyone I saw if they knew of her.
On a corner in the oldest part of the city where homeless bums congregated around empty drums burning trash for warmth, I entered a shop with broken glass doors and a bell tinkling on the end of a string. A man was sweeping the cracked cement floors of his empty aisles.
"Can I 'elp ye, miss?" He called displaying four broken teeth. He couldn’t be ten years older than me, but he looked like he was at least forty. "We're all out of stuff today, but our delivery comes on the morrow. The only thing I got in stock is cigs. Can I reach a pack fer ye?"
"I'm looking for my sister, Jayne, have you seen her? She's pale and blonde with fair skin and light blue eyes? She's very smart and speaks good Mishnese. Would you tell her that her sister Meri wants to bring her home?"
"Of course, Meri," the shopkeeper replied. "Though there's twenty girls or more 'round 'ere that match that description. Come to think of it, she might be the one who is living in a cardboard box three stoops down. She's got a little tyke name of Reggie? Cute kid, if ye asked me." I raced out that door on flying feet, the bell tinkling as it swung at my exit. I headed three doors down in search of a cardboard box. To my surprise, there were more than a dozen. In fact, entire families resided like that, huddling under the boxes and wearing rags.
"Coins, 'ave ye got coins, me girl?" They all cried. "If ye give me a penny, ye can share me soup."
"I'm looking for Jayne." I pushed them aside. "A blonde girl perhaps with a small boy named Reggie. Has anyone seen my missing older sister?"
"I'm here." A woman in the back of the alley climbed out of her box. "It's me, Meri. This is what I've become." She held a child straddled against her hips. He lifted his hand in a little wave. "This is your nephew, Reggie. Please take him and give him a home."
"No, Jayne, I couldn't," I cried. "I've come for you. You must return to our flat with Mother and Anson." Jayne scoffed and shook her head.
"I've got the Disease now. None of us has much longer in this world. Take him." She thrust the baby at me. He held out his arms and laughed with a silly toothless grin. "Please Meri, give him a life. Get him off these streets otherwise the both of us shall perish." I could not beg or plead with my sister. She turned her head and ears away no matter how much I tried. I took Reggie in my arms and gave Jayne my last gold coin and then I walked back to our mother's flat.
"What is this?" My mother cried when I opened the door.
"It's your grandson. Let us in."
"I don't want a baby in this house," Anson grumbled. "There shall be less food for the rest of us. Take him away and, in fact, take away yourself."
"I'll care for him and feed him." I went to my room and put the baby on Jayne's empty bed. Then, I went back to the streets and found a mission that was run by the Sainted Ladies. I begged them for food and infant milk. They gave me diapers and worn but clean baby clothes so as it turned out, Reggie was fed and dressed better than any of us. He thrived under my care but, unfortunately, I couldn’t get a job. Anson threatened to throw the baby out to the street whenever I left. Baby Reggie stayed with me all day and all night. I took him to the park and pushed him on the single swing. I set him in broken pram that had three wheels but still rolled enough to walk about the neighborhood and visit the Sainted Sisters.
"You could come live with us," Sister Lena offered as she scooped a bowl of soup for me to drink. "We run the orphan home. Your sister's baby will be cared for, and you will have a life beyond this dismal street."
"I'll consider it." I did consider it, but I wasn't ready to commit to the cloistered walls. I could raise Reggie as my own for truly I loved him like a son and perhaps someday I might find a good man to marry.
One day, I was walking up the stairs to mother's apartment with Reggie holding my hand as he took each step. I had a bag of new worn clothing that Sister Lena had set aside as he was growing rapidly into a big and rambunctious toddler. We counted the steps as we climbed each one.
"Two and three and five," sweet Reggie sang.
"You forgot four." I leaned down to kiss his curly head when I discovered Anson waiting at my mother's door. He had a look in his eye that frightened me. It was a look that I had once seen in Lord Walter's office.
"Meri," Anson said. "You're looking fine and you're getting old. It's time you learned how to please a man older than two years."
"Go inside." I pushed little Reggie past Anson's frame. "Go to your room and lay down for your nap."
"No, Meri," Reggie protested. "No nap. Reggie n
ot sleepy." Then Anson took out his hand and hit the boy. I screamed and grabbed at Anson's arm as he sought to hit the boy once again.
"Go inside, Reggie! Get away from here right now!" The boy scampered through the door as Anson turned his attention back to me.
"That's better, Meri," he said holding my arms. His breath was foul from rotten teeth that had never been brushed. "Now kiss me first and then we'll go inside and get to work."
"Mother!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "Mother, come here and save me from your man."
"Your mother's begging on the corner and she wants me to teach you this so that you can start making money by giving treatments."
"No!" I declared and tried to fight. I twisted and pulled although Anson held me fast. I spat in his face and stepped on his feet, but he only laughed and kissed me more until I lifted my knee and jammed it where it would count. Anson roared and fell against the door in pain. Then he brought his fist into my face before I could get away. The impact broke my jaw and sent me tumbling down the stair where I crashed into the pram that I had parked at the bottom. I lay crumbled in a mess upon the floor. My back was broken, and I could no longer move. I watched as Anson followed me down growing angrier as he took each step until he hovered like a giant over me and spoke.
"You think you're too beautiful for an ugly man? Let me tell you girl, you won't be pretty any longer." He lit a cigarette and tossed the match upon my dress where it promptly caught fire and began to burn. I felt the flames eat at my hands and face. They spread down my dress as if it were made with kerosene. After that I could feel no more. I assumed my life was ended, so I raised my arms and called to the Saint to take me home. In the air, hovering above me a man appeared. It had to be the Saint for that was whom I had beseeched. He had long curly black hair and a short black beard. When he opened his eyes, I saw them flash with silver light.
"Live Meri," he ordered touching my head with his hand and then he vanished as quickly as he had come. I closed my eyes and went to sleep waking days and weeks later to discover I was in a hospital unable to move.