I nodded. "Yeah, it feels like he's always been my best friend. Even though we've been apart all these years, the way things were when we came together… It was like no time had passed, like we'd always been there for each other. Does that sound weird?"
The smile on my mother's face radiated happiness and understanding. "No, that's how it was for me and your father. At least in the beginning."
"I mean he does travel, but we were able to work that out. When he was home, he spent as much time with me as he could, and I even met him when he was on the road after he played a game in Atlanta so we could see his brother and sister in concert. It was wild."
"Wait, so you saw the other Barneses, the twins?"
"Yeah, and they were amazing. I wasn't really sure how good they would be, which may just be me being prejudiced against them because of their TV show and how popular they are,…you know how not everybody gives them credit for really having talent, but they do! Their music is great. Leo is a musical genius, and the dancing was amazing, especially Ivy. She really connects with the audience. They really blew my mind."
"I’m glad to hear they are doing so well for themselves. Did you see Lucinda?" I noticed she taken her hand back, now clasping them in her lap. Gone was the smile.
"Yes, I did see her in Atlanta."
"How was she? How does she feel about you and Nick dating?"
"I'm not sure. She seemed a little fake, but maybe that's just her. She's all about her TV show, and she wants everything to be filmed. She definitely seems more interested in being their manager than their mother, if that makes sense."
Mary Lou rolled her eyes. "Exactly what I would've expected from her."
"But I don't guess any of this really matters."
"Why? What do you mean?"
"Nick was recently traded to the Fresno Fever. He left a couple of weeks ago."
"Is Lucinda still his manager?"
"You mean his agent? Yeah, I think so. He talked about switching representation, and I don't know if he's done it already."
"So, she finds out that you guys are involved, and all of a sudden he's traded?"
"I guess. Why do you say it like those things are related?"
Mary Lou crossed her arms over her chest. "Because I wouldn't put anything past her, including trying to break you two up."
“Why would she care?"
"You know Lucinda and I have history, right?"
"Yeah, I never really understood what that was all about."
"Well, I never thought you would need to know. Of course, I never thought you would be dating her son either."
"It's complicated. I think what we had is over."
"But it sounded like you really connected with him. Why would you end things, why would it be over?"
I could feel the sweat starting to form on my hairline. The moment I'd been dreading was finally here, but I might as well get it over with. "The thing is, mama…" I hesitated.
"Eden, what is it? Tell me. You're starting to worry me." She tucked my hand between hers.
I closed my eyes and just blurted it out. "I'm pregnant."
"You’re what?"
I opened my eyes. She looked more confused than angry. I continued, "I'm pregnant, and Nick is the father."
Mary Lou shook her head. "I'm not following you, honey. So, if you are going to have a baby together, why are you making it sound like the two of you don't have a future together?"
"It's what I've been telling you. I can't have a family with an absentee dad the way I did growing up. I also know there were other women in dad's life, and I don't want that kind of marriage for myself, or that type of father for my child."
"Has he cheated on you before?"
That was a good question. I had no reason to believe that Nick had been bedding other women. Besides my own experience, that's what men in that sort of position did. I couldn't help but think about his hands on me, his lips brushing against mine, his amazing athlete’s body, and I knew I wasn't the only woman who desired him. In fact, there were probably armies of women who would love to get their hooks into Nick, if even for a night. And the man was only human.
"First of all, congratulations, sweetheart. This isn't exactly how I'd hoped to become a grandmother, but I am thrilled for you, nonetheless. Having you was the greatest gift your father ever gave me. If all Nick Barnes ever gives you is a child, you will most likely be better off for it."
This was not the reaction I was expecting. My mother was something of a hippie, but I expected her to be irate, disappointed in me. "So, you're not upset?"
"What good would that do? A new life is always something to be celebrated. I'm not sure yet how I feel about Nick being the father, but from what you've said, it sounds like he has turned out to be a good man."
I shook my head. "Oh, I don't think you get it. I don't want Nick to be involved with raising this baby. He's in Fresno, and I expect he’s basically out of my life now." At least that's how it should be. That would be the easiest way.
"He doesn't want to have anything to do with his child?" My mother straightened her spine indignantly.
"No, it's nothing like that. I haven't told him."
"You haven't told him?"
"No, I mean I just found out myself. It's not like I need his money. And it would just be awkward having him around."
My mother shook her head. "Eden, you're not thinking straight. If this baby belongs to Nick Barnes, don’t you think for one minute that Lucinda and that family will not want him or her to be a part of their family." I think I knew that—in the back of my mind, which might be why I didn't want Nick or his mother trying to control anything to do with my baby.
"Maybe it's time to tell you the reason for the rift between me and Lucinda."
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Eden
"Your rift with Lucinda?"
"Yes, because I'm afraid this may affect my grandchild and the way Lucinda handles all of this."
"What are you talking about?"
"I never wanted you to know about this, honey, never thought it was important for you to know, but since the woman is about to be the other grandmother to your baby, I should probably tell you."
I bounced in my chair with impatience. "Mama! What is it?"
"Your father had an affair with Lucinda Barnes."
My jaw dropped. That was not what I was expecting her to say. "Dad and Lucinda?"
"Yes," she sighed. "I found out about it a few days before the crash. Your father and Ziggy were heading out on tour, and I said some pretty harsh things to him before he left. That was the last time I saw him alive, and honestly, I have resented her ever since."
I sat in stunned silence for a minute before saying, "Does she know you know?"
"Yes. I made it very clear that I was furious with both of them. You know, Lucinda and I had been friends for many years. It wasn't just your father and Ziggy who were close, it was all of us. I felt so betrayed when I found out, and when I confronted Lucinda she only made it worse by intimating that she and your father had plans to be together."
I couldn't imagine why my mother had always talked about my father's affairs as if they’d been inconsequential, irritating aspects to their marriage. Like a mosquito at a cookout—you wished it wasn't there, but you weren’t going to skip the entire meal because of it. But this, this was a completely different situation. My mother must've been devastated when she found out, and then to have had her husband die before anything ever got resolved…
"After the crash, and we were mourning both Ziggy and your dad, Lucinda took the attitude that she and your father were truly in love. She behaved like she should be the queen mourner of both men, instead of the woman who intended to wreck two families for her own selfish desires. And now you are going to have our grandchild.”
My hand covered my belly, as if that could form some sort of protection from Lucinda. "I can't believe this."
My mother got up from her chair, stretched, and refilled her wi
neglass. She took my cup and filled it up to the top with tea and set it down in front of me before sitting back down. "You can see why I didn't mention it before. There was no need to poison you against Lucinda or the Barnes, turn you against your father. He wasn’t a bad man, just a weak one when it came to women. In some ways, over the years, I’ve started to feel sorry for him.”
“Because he died so horribly?”
“That and because once Lucinda set her sights on him, he didn’t have a chance. Had he lived, she would have ruined his life.”
“His and a lot of other people. How do you think Ziggy would have reacted?”
“Oh, he would have killed them both and then probably himself with drugs. Now do you see why I wanted to get you away from all that?”
I nodded.
“I thought moving back here with you, raising you in a different environment, was my only option. Lucinda went her way, and I went mine.”
"Until I decided to fall for her son."
"So you've fallen for him? You're in love with Nick?"
"I think so. But I can't be, and this makes it even worse."
My mother shook her head. "It doesn't have to, Eden. What happened in the past with your father and Lucinda, heck—any of the past, it doesn't have to affect you and Nick. Your relationship is between the two of you, and if I thought my history with his family was negatively affecting something that you two could possibly have, something that could be special, I'd never forgive myself."
"But Mama, he is a professional basketball player. And I know Ziggy was a cheater. What if he’s like his dad? And mine? You know what that's like. "
She reached out and touched my cheek. "I do, and I remember what it was like to be in love with the man that everybody wanted. And when he thought I was the special one, it made me feel like the most beloved woman in the universe. There's something about that that still stays with me. The love your father and I had was incredible, and even though in the end it cost me a lot of heartache, if I had to do it all over again I would. How else would I have you?" She smiled, and I felt tears spring to my eyes.
Damn pregnancy hormones. "Well, whatever happens with Nick, I'm going to need your help. Is that okay?"
"Are you kidding me? I'm going to have a grandbaby and you want to know if I’ll help. Girl, just try to keep me away.” She got up and came and stood behind my chair, wrapping her arms around me. "Honey, you can always count on me."
Gratitude filled my heart, because the further into this baby journey I got the more I knew I was going to need her.
***
When I got back to Austin, I knew I had to tell Dynassy. I talked to her almost every day and keeping the pregnancy a secret from her was becoming too stressful. It was awful keeping it from Nick too, but more and more I’d been avoiding his phone calls and texts, distancing myself from him and hoping he’d get the hint. Unfortunately, so far it had only increased his ardor.
Dynassy was in town for a charity event. Apparently, the governor of Texas was a big fan of hers so she was invited to a big shindig tonight at the governor's mansion. It was unusual for Dynassy to do charity events. Lucinda normally booked her for club openings and the like, appearances that lined the Barnes’ coffers and not somebody else’s. Curious, I asked her about it. “What’s up with you doing a charity event?” I spoke to her as I surfed the internet, browsing baby site after baby site.
“Ugh, I know, right? Boring as hell, but Lucinda and I met the governor and his wife when we were in Greece last summer. Their kids love the twins, but since they’re on tour and couldn’t make it, I’m the second choice. Did you ever think we’d live in a world where I would have to come behind my little twin siblings?” She laughed.
“Never.” I knew she was kidding, but it was strange to see the twins become as big of stars as they were. Dynassy had always been a star, but the twins—it was so easy to see them as “the babies.”
“I just hope this event isn’t a complete snorefest. Hey, we need to get together before I head back to LA Nick says you've been acting weird lately, and he wanted me to come down and check it out. See what's going on with you."
An icy chill ran through me. Nick noticed I was acting weird? Maybe I should just come clean. Tell him and Dynassy about the baby. But what if I did that and he didn’t want to be involved? Nick had told me numerous times that at this stage in his life basketball had to be the number one priority. His mother might get her legal team involved, come up with some sort of crazy custody arrangement. I definitely wouldn't put that past Lucinda.
The big question was going to be—could I trust Dynassy not to tell her brother? I would have to feel her out, but she and I had been friends long enough that I thought she would keep my secret, at least until things cooled off between me and Nick, and he found someone else. Or multiple someone elses.
Dynassy extended an invitation to the charity event, but I declined. These days by eight at night I was absolutely exhausted and asleep. The last thing I wanted to do was stand around in high heels making small talk with politicians and socialites until the wee hours.
So, the next day we had lunch at a greasy spoon just down the road from the campus of the University of Texas.
Dynassy scanned the menu, looking for something green while I scarfed down a humongous strawberry milkshake, a prelude to the cheeseburger and double order of fries I planned to order.
"I can't believe they don't have salad here," she complained.
"Sorry, I should've brought you somewhere else." I felt somewhat guilty, but my craving for that milkshake had been so strong that a salad place might have had me chewing on the side of the table.
She finally decided on the club sandwich and asked for extra pickles on the side, determining that would suffice as a vegetable. The waitress brought our food in record time, and I wasted no time digging into my cheeseburger.
"Okay, I'm going to ask you something, but please don't get mad. I mean, I love you no matter what." Dynassy’s face bore the expression of someone who was about to deliver bad news.
"What is it?" I asked, fiddling with the napkin in my lap.
"Okay now this has nothing to do with Nick. This is just me.”
She paused.
“Go on,” I prodded. The suspense was killing me.
She plowed forward. “I know you said you quit cheerleading, but I am wondering if maybe…"
"What? You're wondering what?"
Dynassy shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "This is hard to say because I love you, but I notice your face is getting a little fuller and well, look at this meal you're scarfing down. I just wondered if maybe you’d gained a little weight… I know how strict they are about how the uniform fits. So, I thought maybe you were let go." The last part she delivered as more of a question than a statement, and I couldn't help but laugh.
Relief washed over her face. "Oh, thank goodness. I thought you would be mad, I mean offended."
"Why would I be mad?"
Dynassy rolled her eyes. "I don't know. Some people are very sensitive about their weight." This was probably a reflection of her career as a model and having Lucinda for a mother. I couldn't imagine that Lucinda was very tolerant of her children carrying around a few extra pounds, especially the daughter who earned much of her income wearing a bikini or even less.
I smiled nervously. I hadn’t planned how I was going to tell her, and I certainly didn't intend to do it in a public place, but while we were on the topic of me gaining weight… "I've been meaning to tell you," I started but she cut me off.
"I knew it. I haven't heard anything about the team in weeks. Do you want the name of a good trainer? I know Nick was working with somebody here."
"No, Dynassy. You don't understand. But speaking of Nick, if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell him. Can you do that?"
Her perfectly coiffed brows delicately formed a “v”. "This is about my brother?"
I made a face. "Partly."
"So, you're
really not going to tell me unless I promise not to tell him?"
"Right. It's not something I want to tell him, at least not now."
"What do you mean not now?"
"It's just that…" How could I explain this to Dynassy? She was his sister. She wasn't going to understand my reservations about him being a good father and husband. "Well now that he's moved to Fresno, I'm just not sure what the future holds for us. I think we may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves."
"So, what is it you don't want me to tell him?"
I scarfed down the last bite of my fries, and when I finished chewing, took a long gulp from my milkshake. She hadn’t exactly agreed yet, but if I didn’t tell someone soon I was going to explode. Carrying around this secret was about as hard as carrying around this baby. Before I could stop them, the words came tumbling out. "The reason I'm eating like this is because I'm pregnant."
Dynassy’s dark eyes rounded. "You are what?"
Pregnant," I hissed.
"And it's Nick’s?"
I nodded.
"And you don't want me to tell him?" she hissed back.
I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. That was becoming more obvious every day. "Just let me figure out when to tell him," I begged. "I am going to tell him,” I insisted.
“Well, I should hope so!”
“I just need to figure out the best way.”
As I wilted under Dynassy’s inquisitive gaze, I started to wish I hadn't said anything. Suddenly, I was itching to get out of there and I flagged down the waitress indicating “check please.” The temperature in the room felt like it rose twenty degrees, and I couldn’t get enough air.
"How did this happen anyway? My mother is constantly after Nick to use protection. She is going to kill him." That ratcheted up my anxiety a couple of notches. That’s all I needed was a pissed-off Lucinda.
“The condom broke. It happens.” I shrugged. At first, I thought this was bad luck, but the more attached I became to the little person growing inside me, the less it felt that way. Now it felt like more of a blessing.
“And you’re sure it’s his?”
The Barnes Family Romances: (Books 1-3) Page 10