"Yes, it's yours."
As I said the words, I railed at myself for the way this was happening.
Why had I been so stupid? This could have been a beautiful moment. I could have told him in some creative and clever way the way people do in movies or on Pinterest. I could have delicately placed my hand over my wineglass when the sommelier came to pour our wine one night over dinner. Instead, my big fat belly comes barreling out of the bathroom like the world's worst April Fool’s Day joke.
"Are you sure?"
"What do you mean am I sure? Am I sure I’m pregnant or am I sure it's yours? What kind of question is that, you son of a bitch?" My voice reached a high pitch I wasn’t used to using, and I feared I was becoming completely irrational.
"I'm sorry. Forgive me if I have a few questions. Seeing as how no one bothered to tell me about this. How the hell am I the son of a bitch in this scenario? From where I'm sitting you look like the dishonest one here. When were you going to tell me about this? Is this why you've been avoiding me for the past few months?"
I nodded.
"Eden, why didn't you tell me?"
My arms reflexively crossed over my belly. "I don't know."
"Of course you do! Things were going so well between us, and then you just broke things off. You barely gave me an explanation. I didn't understand what had gone wrong between us, and now I find out that you're carrying our child? That's what went wrong?"
"I just can't see building a life with someone with your lifestyle. It will never work. I didn't want to bring a baby into that situation."
"What ‘situation’ are you talking about? That I travel a lot?"
"Yes, but also all the temptation that comes your way in your job."
"You mean like groupies and shit?" He waved a hand, pushing my concern aside as if it were of no more substance than the fluff of a dandelion.
"Yes dammit! And it's not just nothing. I know how it feels to have a father who cheats. I know what it's like to have a dad who doesn't come home to my mother every night. My father broke my mother's heart over and over again, and in turn he broke mine. I vowed then that I would never have a marriage like that. That I would never have a relationship like the one my parents had."
"What makes you think that’s the way things would be between us?"
"Oh, Nick. How could it be any different? There is so much temptation in what you do. How could it turn out any other way?"
"I really resent that you won't even give us a chance, Eden." His eyes flickered with anger. “Especially since you’re having my baby!”
"Come on, Nick. Everywhere you go women are happy to drop to their knees or spread their legs for you. You are only a man. No human can resist such constant temptation. And when you're on the road even you, with your higher moral standards, will have a day when things don't go well, and there's a cute little slut standing there ready to make you feel all better. Even if you don't think so now, there will come a time when you will falter in your resolve and that will be the beginning of the end. I just chose to spare us the pain that goes along with harboring the false hope that things won't go down that way."
"I can't believe you. You're such a pessimist. The fact that you would deny your child a father because you’re afraid it won’t work out—it blows me away! You and I both know what it's like to grow up without a father. The fact that you would willingly inflict that upon your own child, how could you do that? How could you be so selfish?"
I did know what it was like to grow up without a father, and it was horrible. For the first ten years of my life my father was barely around. Between traveling with the band and the other women—we hardly ever saw him. But the times he wasn’t around were better than after he was killed. I had to admit that during my teenage years I wished he was still around, even if it was simply to pick up the phone and talk to me. As much as I didn't want to acknowledge it, Nick had a point. An absentee father was better than no father at all.
"I'm sorry. I don't have all the answers. This is my first time to be pregnant out of wedlock with the baby of a professional basketball player, okay? Maybe next time I'll do a better job of handling it," I snarked.
"You don't have to have all the answers, Eden. But you do need to share things with me. This is going to be the first time in many instances over the next eighteen years when we have to make some decisions together so you’d better get used to it. Because if you think I'm going to let you cut me out of my child's life, you are sorely mistaken."
And with that he stood up and stormed out of the room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Nick
"Man, that is some fucked up shit." Legion took a long draw on his drink.
"Are you for real? Like, she has a belly sticking out to here?" Dwayne asked, holding his arms out in front of him to mimic a pregnant lady.
"Yes! That's what I'm telling you," I said.
“You’re a lucky man,” Dwayne said.
“How the hell does any of this make me lucky?”
“Because Eden loves you. She’s not just some gold-diggin’ opportunist, and you’ve seen plenty of those.”
Dwayne had a point. If the condom had to break with anybody, I was fortunate it was Eden. If I was going to be tied to someone for the rest of my life, there were definitely worse possibilities.
“Don’t worry. She’ll come around. That’s just the hormones talkin’.” Legion had two kids who lived with his baby momma in New Jersey.
“Is that what happened with Crystal?” I asked.
“Nah. She’s always been happy with our arrangement.”
“So, why’d you say Eden would come around?” I was pissed off, and every little thing was irritating me, and that included Legion’s bullshit.
“Because she will settle down and get happy. What? That’s the life, bro. If they wanna hop on board the gravy train, they learn how it is.”
“What do you mean, ‘how it is’?” I felt like punching him right now, but I refrained, seeing as how I’d probably get fined by the league and would have to sit out the game on Sunday if I did.
“I mean, she’s got a point.”
“What—that I’m an animal and can’t control my urges?”
Legion and Dwayne broke into a gale of laughter. “Man, I fuckin’ can’t. Don’t know about you. Up top.” Legion laughed and he and Dwayne slapped hands.
“Why would you even want to, bro?” Dwayne asked.
I shook my head. “You two—you don’t get it.”
“That’s right. We may not get it, but we get plenty of ‘it.’” They died laughing again, and Dwayne signaled the bartender to refill our drinks.
"Fuck you. I'm trying to build a life here. And all you guys can talk about is crap that destroys everything." I downed the rest of my drink.
"Man, I'm just being real with you. My girl, she don't ask a lot of questions. She takes what she gets and she is happy with that. Not every woman is cut out to be the wife of a baller. Know what I'm saying?”
"I do, but just because you can't keep it in your pants doesn't mean I'm the same way. I like to think I am a little more evolved.”
“Hey, did you hear that, Dwayne? He’s evolved and shit.”
The pair of them broke up laughing again.
I threw some bills on the bar. “Fuck you guys. Good luck with your divorces, alimony, and fucking child support.”
Glassy-eyed my friends raised their glasses to me, but they kept on laughing.
“No, seriously man. Kids’ll change your life. Congratulations!”
“That’s what I’m talkin’ bout.”
Needing time alone, I walked out of the bar and headed down the strip, hoping I wouldn't get recognized, but that was tough when you were six-foot-seven. As I meandered down the street trying to get lost in the crowd, steam rose off the sidewalks and I got caught up in the mass of humanity who had come to sin city hoping to make dreams come true, or at least some of their fantasies. When I entered one of the crosswa
lks, a short, bearded man tried to hand me a flyer with a naked girl on it. The shirt he wore said “Girls Girls Girls” on it, and I started to understand why Eden had concerns.
Sure, most basketball players engaged in extramarital affairs. In general, men were the weaker sex. My teammates were always being manipulated by one woman or another. Some of them played the women, and some of them got played. I'd seen both sides of it. I had friends who’d been wrongly accused of rape, and I had seen friends of mine treat their wives like garbage.
When you spent as much time on the road as we did, relationships were even more of a challenge. And Legion was right about one thing–the guys who seemed to be the most successful at it had wives who turned a blind eye to their husband’s occasional infidelity.
But I understood what Eden was talking about, and an open marriage wasn't the kind of relationship I wanted. That wasn't the kind of family life I dreamed of having.
I wanted a partnership where we could trust each other, where my wife was the only woman I confided in, the only woman I slept with, the only woman I shared my hopes and dreams and sorrows with. Fuck me—I was old-fashioned. I didn't want a different girl in every city. I only wanted one–Eden.
Except that I couldn't trust her. She’d lied to me about the most important thing in the world—the existence of my baby.
And she would never believe me that I’d remain faithful to her.
There was no hope for us. Not the way she saw things. She thought I would be a philanderer just like her dad, and there was nothing I could do about it.
I stopped in a liquor store and picked up a bottle of tequila. Then I sat down on a bench across from the Bellagio fountains and started to drink. I knew it was a bad idea. We had practice the next day. But I didn't give a shit. I was beyond frustrated. The idea that a woman could take my child and raise it without telling me really chapped my ass, and I envisioned myself having to get Barnes’ family lawyers involved. That would be a shitshow.
And fuck—once Lucinda got hold of this information, who the hell knew what she would do?
A few hours later, I stumbled back to our suite at the Venetian and passed out on one of the beds.
The next morning Dwayne woke me up with some guy in scrubs poking me with a needle.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
"Chill man,” Dwayne said. “He's just giving you an IV. You have practice this afternoon, and there's no way you're making it in the condition you're in right now."
That was probably true. Dwayne could be a pain in the ass on occasion, but it was times like these that he proved his value as a friend and an assistant.
"You got anything for a headache?"
The orderly looking guy nodded and handed me a couple pills, which I proceeded to drink with a big bottle of vitamin water. Damn, my fucking head hurt. And all of a sudden the news about Eden came flooding back to me.
She was having my baby because she wanted to. Hell, she could have aborted it, if she had wanted. I guess I should be grateful she didn't do that. But without me in her life, some other guy would come along, marry her, and raise my child. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
Some Austin lawyer or doctor would set his sights on the lovely Texas Scorpions former cheerleader with the adorable baby. The part that hurt the worst was that I knew she'd probably be better off with a guy like that. A guy who would be home every night, who could keep her feet warm and go to all the kid’s basketball games. The thought of another man teaching my son how to play basketball felt like a punch in the gut. But his stepdad wouldn’t be like me—gone half the time and worrying his mother to death.
What kind of life could I offer Eden and our child? Yeah, I had money, but so did she. The girl was smarter than hell and already made a great income. When it came to family, fame like mine could be more of a liability than anything else. What woman wanted to be at the center of the circus that was the Barnes family with all its cameras and paparazzi and his controlling mother at the helm?
Maybe some attention seeking fame whore, but not Eden. Eden's world had been marred by fame in more ways than one. No, she and our baby would be better off with someone else.
I grabbed for the nearest trashcan and vomited into it. When the heaving subsided, I wiped my brow. "Sorry," I said to anyone in the room.
"You've got a pretty good excuse, bro," Dwayne said then nudged the med tech guy who was making sure my IV ran smoothly. “His girl is pregnant.”
I gave Dwayne the stink eye, but he didn't seem to notice. After my IV was finished running and the guy left, I asked him, "Dude, what were you thinking? I can't believe you told that guy that."
"Fuck me. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking."
"You know who the first person is that will find out and make my life a living hell don't you?"
Dwayne shook his head.
"Lucinda."
"Oh, crap. You’re fucked."
***
I survived practice that afternoon, barely. Afterward, Lebron found me and we started to catch up.
"What's up with you, man?" he asked.
Legion came up behind us and answered for me, "Nick just found out he's going to be a daddy."
"That's awesome. Kids will change your life, man. For the better."
"That's what everyone keeps telling me," I said.
"What? You not excited?" Lebron asked.
"It's just a surprise, that's all. And I'm not sure it's going to work out with the mother."
"I see, so it's complicated," Lebron said.
"You could say that. It just pisses me off how the woman has all the power. She can do whatever she wants, and I just have to take it."
Lebron laughed. “That's one way of looking at it. On the other hand, she has all the responsibility. She's going to be the one staying up all night with that baby, taking care of things while you’re off playin’ ball."
"Yeah…"
Legion laughed. "He doesn't want to hear that. He just wants to hear women are bitches."
Lebron laughed "Alright, women are bitches, aren't they, Barnes?"
I nodded, not sharing their enthusiasm or seeing the humor in the situation.
That night I hit the gym even though I felt like shit. I'd already tried drinking my problems away, and it hadn't worked for shit. This time I went for the endorphins. Not that it helped me forget Eden and the baby, but it did improve my spirits a little.
I hadn't talked to Eden again, but Dynassy texted me that Eden had gone back to Austin. It was probably just as well. Talking wasn't going to change our situation.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Nick
As I dressed for the game on Sunday, I couldn't have been more distracted. It was a good thing for muscle memory because I floated through the pregame warmup and barely remembered stretching or shooting lay-ups. I just kept thinking about becoming a father. What would that mean for me?
There was no way in hell I was letting any child of mine grow up without knowing me, but how would it work if Eden lived in Austin, and I was in Fresno, or on the road eight months out of the year?
Maybe I could get an apartment in Austin, spend time there during the off-season. Fortunately, that was during the summer so when he got old enough to go to school maybe I could have him most of that time. It wouldn’t be enough, but it was all I could offer, especially if his mother didn’t want me around.
Legion nudged me with his elbow on our way back to the bench just before the game started.
"You all right, man?" he asked.
"Yeah. I’m good,” I responded, bumping my fist down on top of his.
The game started out well. On our first possession Legion did a crazy no-look bounce pass right to me, and I was able to take it to the hole, makin’ it look easy. Of course, it wasn't easy. It was the result of hundreds of hours of practice together, but it felt good to be on the court, to have the ball in my hands and to be able to work and play with a teammate with whom I had great chemistry.
Some of the fans were disappointed that Froggy Jones had tweaked his back and chose to skip the All-Star game to heal. Personally, I was thrilled. The last thing I needed would be to run into Froggy as fucked up as my head was right now.
As the game progressed, it became clear there wasn’t going to be a lot of defense in this game. This game was for the fans, and the fans only wanted to see high-flying offense. So we let each other put on a show, scoring lots of crazy dunks and alley-oops from pretty passes at both ends of the court. At the end of the second quarter, I caught a really long outlet pass from one of the West’s premier guards and was able to finish with a two-handed dunk that would later get over a million views on YouTube. The crowd went wild, and I started feeling a whole lot better.
Halftime was more about goofing around with the other players than it was about getting instruction from our coach. Coach Ronnie Blake was the head coach of the Seattle Ravens. His team had been the West’s representative in the championship series, and he was a damn good coach.
He’d also been a college coach who recruited me back when I was in high school, so we went back a long way.
“How's your mother?” Coach Blake asked.
"She's good."
"My wife watches her TV show. Never misses an episode."
I smiled, never sure what to say when people said that to me. Thanks?
"And my girls, there absolutely crazy about your brother and sister."
"They are something else." Part of me longed for a life where just being me and having my basketball skills would be enough. As it was, I felt I was always having to compete with my siblings. I loved them, and I was proud as hell of their accomplishments, but sometimes I just wanted to be Nick Barnes, not Nick—one of the Barnes family.
I was sitting on the bench when the third quarter began. It was time for some of the other guys to play, but when one of our forwards lost a contact and needed to go back to the locker room to get another one, Coach Blake put me back in.
On the very next play my right foot accidentally slid on a wet spot on the floor. My knee bent sideways, a sharp pain ripped through my kneecap, and I fell to the ground.
The Barnes Family Romances: (Books 1-3) Page 12