by K. S. Adkins
“Sorry,” I say, stirring the sauce again. “I’ve never had a woman here. I’m just taking you in.”
“You’re telling the truth,” she says, surprised by it, although, why would I lie about something like that? “Thank you.”
“You’re thanking me for telling you the truth?” I ask, filling our bowls and serving her. I’ve never served a woman dinner either and found it slightly alarming that I wanted to do it again.
“I take the truth where I can find it.”
“I think truth may be the most powerful force on the planet,” I tell, her sipping the wine she poured, watching her do the same. She considers me before answering and I like that too.
“I thought you believed love was?”
“I said it’s powerful, but I’ve never been in love to say for certain but, it’s right up there with the truth.” When I look up, I see her glass is frozen in her hand.
“Do you think lies are powerful?”
“I do,” I tell her, reaching for her hand. “But they still don’t trump the truth, Lina. Nothing can do that.”
“They can if you believe them,” she whispers. “If you convince yourself that a lie is the truth, it becomes the truth for you. People don’t buy magazines to read truth. They want to get lost in the lies by believing them. They like to feel better about their own lives so they immerse themselves in the misery of others. Oh look, JLo is on her third marriage, I’m only on my second. Therefore, I’m not as fucked up as JLo. Only, you are because she makes millions and you make excuses on why you couldn’t work out today or get your husband to look at you again. He doesn’t want to because all you do is bitch, plus you haven’t combed your hair in three days, whereas every morning his secretary compliments him and inflates his broken ego and she isn’t even pretty.”
“I’m not exactly sure where this is going, Lina.”
“Really? I thought that was right on point. Anyway, I’m saying it starts with you. People lie to make themselves look better, feel better, make others feel worse or even because it’s easy. Take that stellar JLo analogy and apply it to everything. Nobody cares that maybe she’s had her heart broken. They don’t ask if she’s okay. They don’t know why something unpleasant happened to her. They’re just glad it did. People think because she’s in the public eye, it’s okay to use her problems as the reason not to fix their own. You know, because clearly everything in print is true. Lies are a disease that infect us. Most don’t even want the cure, Anthony, because they lie so much it’s become who they are. In most situations a lie is more palatable than the truth. No one wants to step up and take a look at themselves because they fear not liking what they see.”
Seeing that I’ve unraveled another layer to her and the fact that it hit too close to home, I decide to change the subject. “Halina Tomek,” I start, “Russian and Polish?”
“Subtle subject change. Czech and Polish actually,” she says, smiling. “Anthony Gallo, pure breed Italian?”
“Gallo was my mother’s name,. My father was Polish. After their deaths, I changed it for obvious reasons. My given name is Gryza. I’m afraid Anthony is universal. My mother’s name was Vera, my father Anthony, which makes me a junior.”
“Named you after your father then, that’s beautiful,” she says quietly then winces like she hadn’t meant to say it aloud. Recovering, she moves on. “Cases fuck with my head. Every case, no exceptions. Each case takes something from me. My head isn’t right in the first place so while I’m working there will be times I’m distant. I just wanted to prepare you for that and ask that you to allow me the space I need to work through it.”
“It’s that emotional for you?”
“Not always,” she admits, taking a bite of spaghetti. Then she considers me again. “When I’m in the field, yes because I have to see it. When I’m at a desk, I get lost in the evidence letting it take me where it needs to go. Jules calls it floating and I have yet to find a word that is more fitting. I get caught up, pulled under and turned around. Sometimes, it just gets the best of me.”
“If at any time it becomes too much, you just have to say so,” I tell her, filling her glass. “I mean it Lina, had I known your ability affects you like this, I wouldn’t have asked.”
“Thanks.”
“For what?”
“Being honest,” she says. “I’ll be fine. I always find my way back eventually.”
“I’m not going to lie to you, Lina. Please stop thanking me.”
“We’ll see.”
Sitting there watching her eat, I had to ask myself if she is lying or does she really believe she would come out fine on the other side. Needing to switch to a lighter subject I ask her about her parents, only that didn’t go as planned either. Judging by the remote look on her face, the woman hasn’t known much happiness and in her case it started at home.
“What to say about Aron and Ana? I imagine they’re well, doing what empty nesters do although, I haven’t bothered to check since the day I left.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Senior year of high school.”
“You left your parents’ home in high school? It was that bad?”
“Let’s see,” she says, resting her head on one hand. “They stopped speaking to me outside of giving orders when I was in third grade. I may have outted my mother by calling her a liar in front of my father. Grocery shopping my ass, she was fucking her chiropractor which is cute because we didn’t have insurance. I outted my father about his gambling debts too thinking it evened things out. Anyway, I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. So instead of divorcing or whatever it is married people who hate each other do, they teamed up. They weren’t in the wrong, I was. I suppose if they denied what I could do they could deny what they were doing to each other.” Switching positions she continues. “I didn’t have friends, I wasn’t allowed to. I was left home alone while they travelled, dined out, went to games and for the most part, they pretty much forget about me. I met the girls when I switched schools, crashed between houses, though mostly ran the streets with Jules and focused on graduating. College was my ticket out. This knack I have for getting the truth led me to where I am now. Even as much as I hate it sometimes, it’s still all I’ve got. It’s what I can count on. So as far as those two go, I suppose they’re happy, at least I hope they are.”
“You hope they’re happy? Lina, these are your parents.”
“Listen,” she says, grabbing a smoke for both of us. “You had parents that loved you. I didn’t. As a kid if anyone lied, I called them out on it because I thought I was supposed to. It was compulsory for me, still is, although I can curb it some now. When you were growing up, you were rewarded for telling the truth. I wasn’t rewarded, I was beaten. If getting rid of me made them happy then yeah, I hope they are happy because, no one was happier I left than I was.”
“How old were you when you left?”
“Just shy of seventeen,” she says with a laugh. “Jules and I had an impressive rap sheet even before we graduated. No one gave a shit what happened to us. Funny how times change though. Back then the good captain was someone I thought I could trust. He was still a detective hoping to climb the ranks, saw my antics as an opportunity and used me to close cases for him in exchange for my freedom. I used to think he did it to keep me off the streets because he cared about me, but it wasn’t for my benefit. It was for his.”
“He knows the depth of your skills. I see why he rejects having you around now that the department’s that fucked up.”
“He should,” she says, inhaling “He’s the biggest liar of them all.”
“Explain.”
“Not yet,” she says, inhaling again. “But soon.”
“Lina, if you know something you have to tell me.”
“Uh, no I don’t. I have theories Anthony nothing more, until I have something I keep it to myself, that’s how this works. Dinner was amazing,” she says, taking her dish to the sink to rinse it off. “I’m not tired yet so,
I think I’m going to start working, care to join me? You can tell me about your parents while I set up.”
Jumping out of my chair to follow, I don’t even care that we left the dishes in the sink. Growing up we never left dishes dirty, but the urge to clean them isn’t there. Every second I spend in her company has the rope around my neck getting tighter. This one could strangle me to death and I wouldn’t complain.
She has a grip so tight, my biggest concern is that she didn’t notice for one or care in the other.
“Lina come on, fuck,” he groans, pulling me back into bed. “I won’t talk anymore if that’s what you want, just don’t leave me like this.” Pulling my pants up I look him over wondering what I was thinking by even coming here. “Leave you like what? Desperate to come?” I say, pushing him off me. “Now you know how women feel every day, dickhead.”
“You leave now, you’ll never have this again,” he warns me.
“Promise?” I throw back at him as I snag my bag and head for the door.
Jumping out of bed he beats me to the door getting in my face. “Fucking whore,” he spits at me and giving him my best sneer, I bring my knee up and acquaint his balls to it. When he goes down, I grab his hair and look him in the eyes “Excuse me, while I go rub one out on your welcome mat.”
Slamming the door behind me, I instantly forgot what’s his name. Jumping back into my truck, I couldn’t brush his insult off so easily, mostly because he meant it and I knew it was true.
Last night we spent hours in his spare bedroom putting the pieces of his case together. As I said, I have theories but I will not say anything until I know for sure. Knowing him, if I so much as mention it, he’ll take it and run and I’ve learned to keep my mouth shut until I have facts. Believe me that was a lesson you don’t soon forget.
Here’s a fact for you; we shared a bed last night. His bed. I woke up wrapped around him like a virgin after prom who wanted to talk about it. What’s worse, I hate the fact that I couldn’t stop it. He hasn’t kissed me again, but he looks at me like he wants to fuck me to the bridge and back, but always stops himself. He is constantly in my space, touching me and sniffing me, which weirds me the hell out, so I can’t wait to bust out of here. I have practice this afternoon and because it seems like he’s going to continue playing this game with me, I’m heading to the bar after. I can’t do hot and cold, which is why I don’t date. Dating isn’t a world that interests me. So much pretense and bullshit. Fucking though… I can always make time for that. Fucking is simple. Fucking is primal. Fucking, I know.
I may be crashing here for the short term, but I don’t do curfews and cuddling. I have to stay focused. Grabbing my bag, throwing him a goodbye while I fly out the door, I hope to make it out of the driveway before his call ends but my keys aren’t in my pocket. Shit.
Coming up behind me he pulls my back to his front which seems to be becoming a habit. “Forget something?” he asks me, dangling my keys in front of me like a carrot.
“You took my keys,” I accuse, turning around. “Do not touch my shit.”
Pushing me up against my truck, he secures my arms to my sides, does that weird sniffing thing and hovers inches from my mouth. “I will touch whatever I want, whenever I want,” he teases, but I’ve had enough.
Pushing him back in effort to set him straight, I keep it simple. “Either stop fucking around with me, or bend me over the driver’s seat,” I warn. “I’m simple like that. You can even think of someone else if it helps, I know I will. Trust me when I say that cock is cock. One is no better than the other as long as I get what I want.”
Stepping back, he tosses me the keys looking satisfied. Yep, fucking with me. My speech was for nothing too, he saw right through my bullshit.
“I expect you back here directly after practice Lina, we have work to do. Don’t make me come after you, I will find you.”
“Look whose balls dropped today,” I say, walking to the door. “We should get you a cake to celebrate.”
Backing out I notice he doesn’t take his eyes off of me from the back door. What is his angle? Fuck this noise, I say to myself. Reaching for my smokes, I turn my music, getting lost in it until I realize I didn’t even bother with the Masonic. True to form, I went straight to the bar.
Oh well, drinking is exercise in some countries, I’m almost sure of it.
Finding a table near the back, I don’t even bother checking out the local talent. Right now I just want to be left alone. The server drops off two shots and a chaser as requested then leaves. At least someone around here listens to me.
Throwing the first one back my eyes water, it hurts so damn good. Feigning the chaser, I throw the second one back just as quickly. The sooner this hits my bloodstream the better for me. Checking my phone I see the usual texts from Jules. She’s been keeping me updated on the Lush situation, but from where I’m sitting it’s getting out of both hands and feet. I don’t know why she’s holding back on taking Hank down but, if I had to guess, it’s to spare Max until she can’t spare him anymore. If she isn’t careful, her team is going to show up and really get the party started without her. I can’t say I didn’t warn her but whatever, she’s the boss so until then I keep an eye from here.
When the server catches my eye, I hold up two fingers then sit back and close my eyes. Doing some cranial aerobics, I think briefly on what data Anthony has so far. Shit, all I can think about are his parents and hers. I can hardly wrap my head around that. The second I do get a grip on it, all I see is Venessa just shutting down right in front of us. When she was released from the hospital the only one she could tolerate was Macy. For Jules and me that stung, but I got it. Macy is my Jules, but we wanted to help. Thing was, she didn’t want any help. Hell, she still doesn’t. Out of all of us she had the hardest time being around me and I knew it so, out of respect, I gave her space.
The death of her family fucked her up hard core. It’s safe to say it’s done a number on Anthony too. Both of them had good parents, solid parents, normal parents. If I had even an ounce of that, I’d go ballistic burying every person involved. Answers I can get. People always want them at least until they get them. In cases like this, they don’t want the truth because the truth won’t change shit. They want to feel justified for their anger, the hate and the need for revenge. No one likes to be stolen from and that’s what happened to them both. I should have never asked him about his parents. I don’t need this to be any more personal than it already is. But I did ask and even though he said little, I knew he had the kind of parents a man would dedicate his life to avenge. In truth, I can’t even guess what that’s like. So instead of trying to figure it out, I make a list of places to visit and people to question tomorrow.
Throwing back the last two shots quickly, I sit back and wait for it to happen. It needed to happen now because every time I blink, breathe or closing my fucking eyes, I’m assaulted by all things Anthony Gallo. I knew when I continued to do the very things that kept him in my head, I was fucking myself. Removing him wasn’t an option, but getting hammered was.
Nothing in my life is ever that simple .Clearly drama is my new best friend and she wants to be besties, because when I open my eyes, my past was there to haunt me. “I never thought I’d see you here again,” he says, joining me minus the formal invitation. “But now that you’re here I’m afraid that I can’t leave you leave,” he pauses, leaning in. “Alone.”
The appeal he once held is no longer there for me. I liked fucking him, sort of. He was good at following orders, even the unconventional ones like mine. Unfortunately, he also liked talking and trying to analyze me. We were not a good fit. Oh and did I mention he wanted to wife me? Yeah, no dick is that desirable.
“Sorry,” I tell him, feeling my buzz creeping in. “Your shelf life expired.”
Coming to sit even closer to me and clearly not taking no for an answer, he tries yet again. “We were good,” he coos in my ear. “Admit it.”
Pushing him away, I fess up. “
I was good, you were available.”
“You’re serious.”
“Am I ever not serious?”
“I was just a fuck for you, wasn’t I?”
“Keyword being was. I’ve been super honest. You just refuse to quit listening to your dick.”
“I wanted a future.”
“I wanted an orgasm.”
“You could get an orgasm with anyone, I did what you ordered me to do,” he growls, pulling me closer.
“I know,” I say, standing up but, he grabs my wrist to pull me back down.
“I wanted to give you the god damn world, Lina!”
Pinning him with my eyes, I quietly tell him the truth. “And all I wanted was a few minutes to forget it existed.”
Before he had a chance to let go of me, he was literally sent flying from his seat to the floor thereby, taking me with him. Once my eyes clear and I can somewhat focus, I see a very pissed off Anthony hovering over us. He wants to kill him, but I can’t figure out why. Me though, he may want to kill me too, you never know with this guy. Looking over and helping him up, we both face Anthony and then the two of them have a stare down. Every girl loves to feel like a fucking dog bone at least once in her life, right?
“This was fun, but I have a thing…” I say cheerily, making my way to grab my stuff, but then I wasn’t allowed to leave. “How do you know him, Lina?” Anthony asks, jerking me to his side. “Answer me,” he growls. “I asked you a fucking question.”
“Listen, I’m rather buzzed and extremely confused,” I offer, “Why don’t you just tell me the answer you’re looking for? Save us both some time.”
“Do not,” he says, latching onto my wrist and getting in my face, “play games with me. Last time, how do you know him?”
“I don’t know him,” I say, taking my wrist back and rubbing it. “I used to know him in the biblical sense, not ‘check his resume’ for typos.”
“Is this true?”