by K. S. Adkins
“Let us know the time and place,” Anthony says, snatching the phone and sneering at me. “And my apologies for my girlfriend’s mouth.” He pauses and listens while I keep jumping up, trying to snatch the phone back. But he just turns and I miss my chance. It’s pathetic how easily I’m shot down. Deciding to play dirty I hear him speak with Rogan from the other room, but I want my damn phone back and I’ll focus on his compliments later. Using my good arm, I hoist a kitchen table chair under my arm and hobble into the living room with it. Standing on it, I reach for him again and he moves just before I make contact, sending me to the floor.
“She just face planted,” he mumbles, then, “spirit isn’t the word I’d use. Tornado or steamroller, maybe. Spirit is too tame.” Bending at his knees, he offers me a hand up. I take it and signal him to lean in with the phone.
“Rogan? It’s Lina again.” Like he doesn’t know? “Listen, you don’t know me, but just put me in hearing distance, okay? Can you do that for me?”
“Here,” Anthony says, handing me the phone and taking the chair back into the kitchen so I don’t break my other hand. “You still there?” I ask him when it’s quiet.
“Are you?” he asks back and I decided I really like this guy. He’s good news for my friend. “I wander, but I almost always find my way home.”
“I’ll set it up,” he says. “Ain’t so sure Angel is gonna be cool with hanging back, but I’ll ask. I don’t speak for Macy either. But I’ll get you what you need.”
“Listen to me, this won’t be pretty and none of you are going to like it,” I confess. “Do what you want with this info, but I’m really trying to spare Venessa. The fewer voices I hear, the better, but hey you get him in a room with Tigers fans after another loss and I’ll still make it work.”
“Lina,” he says, possibly laughing. “I see why they love you.”
“Oh fuck,” I mumble uncomfortably. “You have feelings too, don’t you?”
“Don’t know who’s spreadin’ those rumors,” he groans. “But we take care of each other, is all I’m sayin’.”
“Well in that case,” I tell him, smiling, “I’ll text you my Christmas list.”
“Heard a lot about you over the years. Never got to work with you, but you’re solid,” he tells me, making my chest puff up, which drawing more attention to it.. “Glad to be on the same side.”
“This was enlightening, but I have to go vomit now,” I tell him. “Later Rogan.”
Disconnecting I look over at Anthony who is staring at me. Christ, I feel a lecture coming on.
“Something has come up at the club,” I told him casually. “I need you to keep an eye on her for a few days.”
“I can do that,” he said, pouring each of us a glass of red. “Any idea where she’ll be?”
“Tomorrow she’ll be working a case,” I told him, handing him the address. “Do not approach her, Julian. She’s jumpy. Just keep an eye on her and report back.”
“Jumpy?”
“Yes,” I told him. “She isn’t very friendly or trusting at all.”
“Sounds like someone else I know.”
Little did I know he would take my absence as an opportunity to follow her to the bar, get her drunk and fuck her. I also had no idea if saying no actually crossed her mind.
Rogan called about two hours after they hung up and gave her the time and place. Six pm tonight at Rogan’s place. Mind you, that call was three days ago and since then she’s been so busy logging calls, she’s even gotten me helping full time. This meeting tonight is important. Seeing where his allegiance lies is important too. Making sure she’s safe during this is the most important of all. We have pages and pages of cops from all precincts that heard about what she’s doing and want to play for our team. Staying alive seems to be a motivator. Listening to the voicemails, reading the text messages, and having her keep her phone on speaker, the way she puts these guys at ease is miraculous. She doesn’t bribe or bullshit, she tells it like it is and they respect that. Her friend Rion also gave her a list, a rather long list, of cops that owe a debt but here’s where our last fight came in. Lina took that list, called the cops who owed, who were vulnerable to being paid off, and made them agree if she squared their debt, they’d swear allegiance to the good guys and they fucking did it. Especially, when the alternative was probably a slow death.
Initially, I was pissed because a few grand here and there is one thing. Adding up that list, she squared up almost thirty grand in debt. Now her phone is fucking blowing up in gratitude. If they even suspect anything, they call her. It’s nonstop and she can’t keep up. So now we’re dispersing the info to everyone. Rogan, Rafe, Max, Jules’ team, and the two of us. Many of these guys were approached and had turned the offer down. They didn’t want to borrow more trouble and these were the guys we’re counting on. The guys that can’t be bought. Problem was, how much time did they have?
Yeah, we’ve been busy.
Grabbing us another cup each, I open the door and see her eyes glued to the screen. She’s in float mode. Sitting across from her, she reaches for the cup and taps my hand to get my attention. Showing her I’m listening, she turns the screen toward me. So not work then.
“Would you get me pregnant to trap me?” she asks, sipping her coffee.
I don’t bother hesitating with my answer. “Yes, although I prefer the word ‘bind’.”
“Why?” she asks, simply. She’s not angry or accusing but curious.
“Why? Because the thought of a piece of you in the world feels right. Us creating something together feels right. I’d hope that it would convince you to stick around and build this with me.”
“You do know women pop kids out and leave all the time, right? Last time I checked, men do too.”
“True,” I admit to her. “But I like to think a bond between us would give you a chance to think before you acted. As for me, I’m not leaving.”
“Did you ever wonder how I feel about kids before treating me as a flight risk?”
“It’s crossed my mind,” I say, lighting up. “But you are a flight risk and you would also make an amazing mother.”
“Of course I would,” she throws at me. “That isn’t the point. I’m just getting to know you. I’m just getting to know me, too. Do I see kids and want one so bad I’d consider snatching one? No. I’ve never had a boyfriend, Anthony. This kid stuff weirds me out. Can’t we just be selfish with each other for a while?”
Reaching forward, I pull her chair toward mine. “Yes Sherlock,” I say, kissing her softly. “We can be selfish.”
“So you’ll bag it up then?”
“No.”
“No? Are we even having the same conversation?”
“We are,” I tell her. “We agreed to be selfish, however in the event of a pregnancy…”
“Abstinence it is, then,” she says standing up. “You want to knock me up, so I’m closing up shop. Maybe eBay sells chastity belts; they sure as hell sell everything else.”
“I’m not trying to knock you up,” I growl, pulling her back to me. “What I’m saying is, if it happens, it happens.”
“Bullshit,” she argues, trying to pull away but when she can’t, she puts one hand on a hip and waves the casted one around to prove her point “Answer me this, what's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?”
“I honestly have no idea.”
“You can unscrew a light bulb.”
“Sherlock,” I say, soothingly, “I need to be inside of you right now.”
“Shop’s closed coach,” she says, trying to act unaffected. “And I’ve got to hit the road soon. Wait up for me?”
“I won’t need to wait up for you,” I tell her grabbing her ass. “I’m going with you.”
“There’s no talking you out of this, is there?”
“What's the difference between a light on and hard on?” I ask, tickling her arms.
“You stumped me, coach.” Smiling down at her, I whisper in her ea
r. “You can sleep with a light on.” When she starts to laugh, it’s not just any laugh, it’s the kind that takes over your whole body until you can’t breathe laugh.
Inhaling her, I stand us up and walk us toward the door. “We have hours before we have to be at Rogan’s place,” I say, licking her neck. “Let’s go enjoy the fresh air first.”
Reaching for me, she rubs her palm over my cock and licks her lips. “Someone’s ready to take a swing,” she moans into my mouth.
“I’ll be on deck all day, but you need to stretch your legs for a bit.”
“Okay coach,” she says, following me downstairs. “Let’s go. These legs won’t stretch themselves.”
Getting her settled in my car, we both light up and make our way to a place everyone loves. A place full of families and fun. If you had told me weeks ago I’d find a pint sized woman, stalk her then want her to bear my children, I’d have shot you. Now, nailing her down has become my life’s mission.
See? Plans.
“Shut the fuck up!” she screamed, then backhanded me for talking to Jules on my cell phone. When I stumbled I made sure to not lose the phone I worked so hard for. Instead, I knocked over a plate that was perched on a stand which always seemed stupid to me. It’s a plate. A plate from Sears no less. Putting it on a stand seemed ridiculous, but once it crashed on the tile, I guessed the internal plate debate was over.
Grabbing my hair from underneath, she pulled up with all her strength, making me . “Look what you did! Do you ever just shut up?”
“Is this one of those times you want me to answer you, or do you prefer silence? Wait,” I said, reaching for her wrist and applying pressure like Jules taught me. “Or do you want me to shut you up? Because I’ve told you what will happen if you touch me again and I hate repeating myself.”
She goes ballistic, scratching me, screeching at me and finally, she stormed away. Grabbing my bag, I bolt out the back door knowing if he came home and I was there, I’d be done, like walking with a limp, done. I have to say, Momma is learning, though. She knows she isn’t the alpha female around here anymore which also tells me I need to move up my plans to leave before one, or both of them, silence me forever.
The screaming is just too much. I keep trying to cover my ears, but he keeps moving my hands away. Do parents really think that talking it out when your kid is on the ground flailing around is effective parenting? I’m not saying beat the kid, but seriously, there has to be a middle ground in there somewhere. When I stop and leer, he takes my hand to keep us moving but, I can’t move. I’m mortified. I see his game. I know why he brought me here. Warm the female up to the idea of children by showing them in their most basic form.
Dare I say he missed the mark on this field trip? These heathens are bat shit crazy and I bet the majority were even planned. I just don’t get people.
I appreciate the Detroit zoo. It’s been here forever and it’s also in Royal Oak which makes me laugh every time I say it. What I don’t appreciate or understand is the look of utter defeat on the parents’ faces. Your kid is an animal, so bring him to the zoo? What, to make friends? Meet his descendants? What, are they planning on leaving them here and making a run for it? These parents aren’t enjoying themselves. In fact, I’ve passed several where I wanted to hand them my gun just to see what they’d do with it.
Anthony insists the kids are just tired, that when they get tired, they get cranky. Okay, I can see that, but then take the little fuckers home! Why should the rest of us have to suffer? My parents brought me here once when I was about four. They both explained if I so much as frowned, they would light my ass up, so guess what? I made sure I behaved and my reward was being able to sit down on the ride home. Leading me into the cave of penguins, we take a set on a bench and people watch. Luckily it’s quiet and I take advantage of the reprieve. Anthony watches me while I watch the kids and it’s a comfortable silence. I will say this, there is nothing like seeing wonder on a kid’s face. To them, the world is safe, there are no wars, your parents are your constant heroes that never leave you, and you get to have ice cream when you don’t feel good. Kids start out unblemished. Sadly, as they grow, the world hardens them and before you know it, their innocence is gone. Smiling at one little girl in particular, she squeals when she sees a penguin dive in and swim past her. With her thumb stuck firmly in her mouth, she’s jumping up and down, thrilled the penguin noticed her. Then she turns in a circle with wide eyes looking for her parents. I find myself looking around too.
Where the fuck are they?
Her little eyes fill with worry, the penguins forgotten. Christ, is it really that difficult to remember where you left your own kid? Being forgotten is terrifying. I know this first hand. Leaning forward, I get her attention. “Psst,” I try, making a noise with my mouth. “Your penguin is trying to get your attention.” She turns back to the glass quickly to see what her penguin is doing. She’s half interested, half worried. Standing up, I walk over to her and kneel down and point. “He looks like a Frankie to me,” I tell her. “What do you think?” Popping her thumb out, she nods her head in agreement. “What about that one?” I ask, pointing to a penguin sunbathing on a rock.
“Sunshine,” she says with a smile.
“I believe you’re right” I tell her. “And that one?”
And so it goes, sitting on my knee with one arm around my neck, she puts her trust in me without thought. She has no walls, no barriers and no fear. She successfully named most of the inhabitants when her mother walks over with her phone to her ear. Not even caring that a strange woman is holding her kid, she moves the phone enough to order her , “Let’s go Allison,” she says, holding out her hand. Everything in me revolts at the thought of this woman coming back for a gift she’s clearly forgotten. In life you don’t get take backs and I want to hurt this stranger for making Allison frown. She’d deserve it. For some odd reason, I held her just a bit tighter, afraid to let her go. I couldn’t let go even though I knew that I should. “Allison,” he mother snaps and reluctantly I loosen my hold and watch as she takes her mother’s hand, and for her, all is right in the world again. “Bye Allison,” I whisper and with her thumb safely back in her mouth she pinky waves to me with it.
Closing my eyes, I turn back toward the tank to watch them again. Then I look over to my right and see her mother still on the phone effectively ignoring her daughter. I want to scream at her, hit her and take Allison home with me. As soon as the thoughts and feelings hit me, I swear I could hear Father Time winding my clock up.
Shit.
“She’s safe now,” Anthony says, sitting next to me on the ledge and when I’m quiet, he continues. “What was her name?”
“Allison,” I whisper. “And that’s Frankie and Sunshine,” I tell him pointing to the first pair we named.
“Her mother likely knew where she was Lina, but I can see you’re upset about it.”
“Of course I’m upset,” I tell him in a loud whisper, while using my hand for added measure. “Her mother should have been here, naming penguins with her not taking a damn call.”
Standing me up, he kisses my nose and takes my hand. “A natural,” he says, leading me back out into the sun. “I knew it.”
Problem was, now I knew it too. I also knew what I was missing out on and like cake, I wanted a piece of it. I wanted to gorge myself on it. I wanted cake more than I wanted anything. Fuck, I love cake.
I also underestimated my opponent.
Watching my parents for some reason, never got old. My father was the provider and protector and my mother seemed fine with it. My mother needed my father and had no qualms about saying so. I was fortunate to have a very candid discussion with him one afternoon while fishing. I asked him if it ever got old, when she depended on him for everything. His answer as always was wise and I was smart enough to listen.
“Son,” he said, casting his line. “Your mother needing me is what I live for. Don’t mistake her neediness for what it isn’t. Recognize it for w
hat it is. She is a very strong woman and even though she needs me to reach a bowl or change the oil in her car, she never takes advantage. She keeps me calm, she takes care of me and lives for my happiness. If repairing things or sitting through a movie that only makes her cry, makes her happy, I’m all for doing it. I watched her give birth to you, nurse you, stay up with you round the clock so I could sleep and she never once complained she was tired or needed a break.”
“So what you’re saying is, you need her more than she needs you?”
“No,” he corrects me. “We need each other. There has to be a balance. Running a household, being a wife and mother are far more challenging than anything I do at work, son. What we do for each other is done so the other can function properly because Anthony,” he says throwing a hand on my shoulder, “without her, I couldn’t function at all.”
The drive to Rogan’s was unusually quiet. No music, no small talk, nothing. I didn’t want to be the one to interrupt her silence in case she was mentally preparing for the captain or, in case she was still stewing about that little girl and her mother. Watching the two interact might be the most poignant thing I’ve ever witnessed with her so far. Lina is closed off in so many ways, but watching her with that little one, for a minute there, I thought Lina herself was able to be a kid again. For her, children represented everything she searched for. Children were truth in its purest form.
It was obvious how much she hurt for that little girl. Odds are her mother is probably very hands on but, that’s not what she knows as parenting. What she witnessed today, in her mind, was a mother neglecting her child, so she stepped in. That’s why I said she was a natural. Lina would smother our child with love, attention and affection. She was so engrossed in the little girl, she didn’t notice me taking pictures, then again, she usually doesn’t. When the mother appeared, my heart broke when she tightened her arms around her in protection. At her core, Lina is a protector.