by Amy Andrews
‘Are you going to carry me all the way?’ Rilla asked, not really objecting terribly much any more. She relaxed into him, snuggling her head against his shirt, just too weary to care.
‘No, just to my car,’ he said as he came up alongside it and pushed the button on his keys to open the central locking. ‘I’m putting you down now. Will you be OK?’ he asked.
Rilla was vaguely aware that he was talking to her and she murmured, ‘Yes.’
Luca lowered her to the ground reluctantly. It had felt good to hold her in his arms again. She had felt warm and soft against him and her breath had been warm against his neck, her lips almost touching it.
He kept hold of her as he opened the passenger door and she swayed into him, her hip and breast rubbing against the fabric of his clothes. ‘Hop in,’ he said, a husky note threading through his voice.
Rilla roused herself as he gently guided her into the seat. ‘But I have my own car,’ she said, resisting.
‘You are in no fit state to drive,’ Luca said firmly as he coaxed her into his sporty BMW. ‘It’ll be safe in the General’s car park overnight,’ he said patiently as he knelt beside her and lifted her legs into the car. ‘I’ll drop you back in the morning.’
Rilla blinked as the car door closed and she inhaled the fragrance of leather as she settled into the soft bucket seat. She waited for the nausea and was relieved to discover it was gone. Luca climbed in beside her and didn’t say a word as he buckled up and started the engine.
Rilla was asleep in less than thirty seconds. The low growl of the engine hummed like a lullabye around her and she couldn’t remember ever having felt this tired. She stirred slightly, her eyes heavy as she realised Luca didn’t know her address, but then the thought slipped out of her grasp and disappeared into the blissful oblivion.
Luca drove calmly, despite the emotional squall lashing his insides. He was excruciatingly aware of her beside him. Even after all these years she still had a power over him that he’d thought he’d exorcised long ago. Of course, sleeping with her again hadn’t helped in that regard.
Her head lolled towards the window and he swallowed as his gaze tracked the olive column of her neck. His fingers itched to stroke the skin there and he tightened them around the wheel. His eyes were drawn to her hands clasped low across her stomach, and he felt something stir inside. Their child had once grown there. He gripped the steering-wheel harder.
A thought occurred to him as he decelerated approaching a red light. Maybe it wasn’t a virus? Maybe it was something else?
Tiredness and nausea. Two very common, classic symptoms of pregnancy.
He felt his pulse pound through his abdomen. Could it be? Luca tried to stay calm and rationalise. It probably was just a virus. She’d been keeping long hours the last month, longer than him, and prior to that there had been the stress of Bridie’s illness. Maybe she’d left herself susceptible to an opportunistic infection.
But then he did a quick calculation—it had been a month since their night together in his bed.
And they hadn’t used protection.
Luca didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the way she had her hands, as if she was cradling a fragile little life, or maybe it was the damn papers in his desk drawer that taunted him every day, but suddenly he had a very strong feeling, a gut feeling, that Rilla wasn’t suffering from a virus.
If she was pregnant, did she know? Was she hiding it from him? Luca frowned. He didn’t think so. She genuinely thought she was run down—he’d stake his life on it. He passed a late-night pharmacy and quickly pulled the car over. Rilla murmured but didn’t wake, and he was in and out in two minutes.
‘Rilla.’ His voice was annoyingly husky in the hushed confines of the car and he cleared his throat. His brain had been formulating plans for the last few minutes and he was eager to get the ball rolling. ‘Rilla,’ he said again. Firmer. Louder.
‘Hmm?’ Rilla stirred.
Luca watched as her eyes fluttered open and the slumberous look tinted her amber eyes an amazing shade of gold. She looked vulnerable and he felt a fist claw at his gut.
Rilla almost sighed when she saw the soft black of Luca’s eyes staring back at her. ‘Are we here?’ she asked.
Her sleepy voice and lazy smile were a potently sexy combination and Luca had to physically draw back from the temptation. ‘At my place, yes,’ he said, unbuckling his seat belt and getting out of the car before he did something truly insane like kiss her.
Rilla sat up and looked out the window. Luca’s flat. Their flat. ‘I thought you were taking me home?’ she said as he opened the door and she allowed him to take her elbow and guide her out.
‘My place was closer.’ He shrugged. ‘You’re not well. I want to be able to keep an eye on you.’
‘But—’
‘Rilla!’ Luca interrupted. ‘Just humour me, OK?’
Rilla knew she shouldn’t. She knew it was dangerous but would it hurt to let him take charge for one night? She was tired down to her bones and her stomach ached from being empty and ejecting its contents.
‘You know you really need to work on your flattery, Luca,’ she grumbled as she shut the car door and pushed away from the car.
‘Hey,’ Luca said, putting a hand on her elbow and drawing her back towards him so he could pick her up.
‘Oh, no,’ Rilla said, stepping out of his reach. ‘I’m fine now. I can walk.’
‘You’re weak,’ Luca insisted.
‘I’m fine,’ Rilla repeated, jutting her chin and staring him down.
Luca saw the determined look in her eyes and he acquiesced, but kept a guiding hand beneath her elbow. He unlocked the front door and pushed it shut behind them.
A vision of him taking her against it swamped him and he took a deep steadying breath before he turned back to her.
‘We need to talk,’ he said.
‘Not now, Luca, please. I’m tired and desperately need a shower,’ Rilla said.
‘In a moment,’ he said, steering her into the lounge and towards the couch.
‘Luca,’ she protested weakly.
‘Sit,’ he ordered, giving her a gentle push, knowing that she was so out on her feet a puff of wind could have blown her over.
He held out the brown packet in which the pharmacy had put his purchase. ‘This is for you,’ he said.
Rilla gave him an exasperated look as she took it. ‘What is it?’
‘Open it.’
Rilla rolled her eyes but opened the bag, not remotely curious. She could barely keep her eyes open. She pulled out a long rectangular box and looked at it for several moments through bleary eyes before it made any sense. It was a home pregnancy test kit.
‘What the…?’ she said, her tired brain not quite computing the meaning as she looked at him.
Luca knelt down. ‘You’re tired. You’re nauseous. And it’s been a month since we had sex. Unprotected sex. Are you still on the Pill?’
Rilla stared at the box in a daze. ‘No. But…I had my period,’ she murmured, her brain coming awake now.
Luca’s face fell. He felt stupidly disappointed. His planning on the drive hadn’t involved the not-pregnant contingency. His gut feelings had always been spot on.
‘It was pretty light, though. Didn’t last long,’ Rilla admitted. ‘I just put it down to all the stress with Bridie and work.’
She was fully awake now. ‘Do you think…?’ She looked into Luca’s deep black gaze. ‘Do you think I could be pregnant?’ She didn’t even dare hope.
‘I think it’s a possibility. I think we should find out.’
Rilla looked at the box. The one thing she wanted more than anything else. More than Luca to sign the papers. More than the NUM position. Could it be true?
‘Is your bladder full? Why don’t you go and use it?’ Luca suggested. The suspense was killing him but he could see Rilla was still processing the idea. He waited for a few more moments to prompt her. ‘Rilla?’
‘Hmm?’ she said, looking at him. His
gaze was carefully neutral but there was a betraying nerve jumping under his left eye and she could tell he was clenching his jaw. The outcome would affect him as much as her. ‘Oh, yes, right.’
She rose, clutching the box for dear life.
‘I’ll be right out here,’ Luca said as Rilla shut the toilet door on him.
Rilla’s heart pounded and her hand shook as she opened the box. Could she really be pregnant? She pulled the toilet lid down and sat on it for a moment, absorbing the idea. Her hand found her abdomen and she placed it there, hoping for some psychic impulse to overcome her.
Luca paced for five minutes. What was taking her so long? The test only took two minutes, for crying out loud. He knocked lightly on the door. ‘Rilla? Everything all right?’
Rilla came out of her daze. ‘Er…yes, everything’s good.’
‘Have you done it?’ He tried not to be impatient but he felt excluded from the first indication of his baby and he needed to know.
‘Sorry…Hang on, doing it now.’ Rilla took a deep breath, almost too frightened to carry it out. What if it was negative?
She rose and performed the necessary procedure but when it came to looking at the little window, she just couldn’t. It was like her whole future depended on one little cross and she couldn’t bear to look.
She opened the door and thrust the test at Luca. ‘Here, you watch it,’ she said, brushing past him to wash her hands in the bathroom.
Luca’s eyes were drawn to the plastic stick with the two windows. The test window had its pink line clearly visible to prove that the test was viable, and before his eyes a pink cross slowly appeared in the other window.
It took a few moments for the implication to sink in to Luca’s consciousness. It gradually took hold as a reality and Luca felt a joy welling in him that he couldn’t deny. It started at his toes and worked its way through his body like a series of fireworks on New Year’s Eve. His heart beat with the pop and swirl of light and colour.
Could it really be true? After all their history, all their misery, could something so wonderful actually have happened? He could barely move for fear the moment would disappear.
He wanted this baby. He wanted this baby more than he’d ever wanted anything.
It was impractical. Inconvenient. They were almost divorced. But he wanted it anyway.
Rilla came out of the bathroom to see Luca holding the test up, a wide grin breaking across his handsome face. His eyes were glittering like moonlight on water. A little pink plus sign stared back at her.
She was pregnant.
She stared at the test, wanting to believe it but too afraid to allow herself, quashing the excited flutter dancing through her heart. ‘What if it’s wrong?’ she murmured.
‘It’s not,’ Luca said, and grinned again. Modern urine test kits were widely used in all kinds of medical facilities as a reliable, quick, cheap method of confirming pregnancy.
He wanted to pick her up and twirl her around. The distance between them on such an intimate occasion seemed all wrong. But this was a big event and he didn’t want to put one foot wrong. Especially when she still seemed so disbelieving.
Rilla shook her head as it slowly sank in. She was pregnant. The baby she’d coveted for the last few years was now a reality. She placed a hand on her belly. She was going to be a mother. Luca’s child was snuggling into her womb and as the news finally permeated she allowed the joy full rein.
She felt light. Lighter than she’d ever been. And happy. Stupidly, crazily, insanely happy. Despite a hundred reasons to be the complete opposite.
She reached for the test and took it from him. ‘I don’t believe it.’ She shook her head.
‘Believe it,’ Luca whispered.
She looked at him. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
Luca grinned at her dazed expression. ‘We need to talk. Why don’t you go and have that shower and I’ll fix us something to eat?’
Rilla nodded, on autopilot again, her brain utterly preoccupied with the stunning news. The fact that all she’d wanted when she’d walked into the flat fifteen minutes ago had been a shower and bed was completely lost on her. But she went through the motions anyway. Undressing, getting under the spray, applying soap.
She turned off the taps a few minutes later and found a pair of Luca’s cotton boxers and a T-shirt hanging next to a towel on the rail. Not even the thought that he’d been in the room while she’d showered was enough to shift her focus from the baby.
She cleared the condensation from the bathroom mirror and inspected her reflection, turning to one side, smoothing her hand against her stomach. Water droplets beaded her skin but all she had to show was the same slight rise that always greeted her in the mirror.
Soon, though, it would blossom with Luca’s child and she couldn’t wait to see it grow large and full. Or for her breasts to become lush and spill out of her bra as they prepared to nurture Luca’s baby. She pushed out her stomach as far as it would go and grinned stupidly at the woman in the mirror.
Oh, how different she felt this time round. She flattened her stomach as thoughts of her first pregnancy intruded. She remembered looking at the stick with its two pink lines and feeling a gamut of emotions. She’d been twenty-two and married for just one month.
And then there’d been the dreadful end just five weeks later. A miscarriage that had not only halted their parental dreams but had been the beginning of the end for their marriage.
Rilla clutched her stomach, feeling fear break through her joy. The thought of losing another baby, of losing this baby, was too heart-wrenching to bear. She couldn’t go through that again. She just couldn’t. She didn’t know anything about what the next few years would hold or what this baby meant for their impending divorce. She just knew she wanted it more than life itself.
Suddenly depressed, she dressed in the clothes Luca had put out, tying a knot in the T-shirt at her waist. Then she rummaged around in the bathroom drawer and located a packaged toothbrush. There were tears in her eyes as she watched her reflection. Please, let nothing happen to my baby.
She found Luca in the kitchen, preparing some food as soft strains of music swirled through the air. She watched him from the doorway, enjoying how he moved. He’d taken his tie off and undone the top two buttons of his shirt, and her fingers, tricked into some renegade sense of déjà vu, itched to push through his hair and bend his head down for a kiss.
Thinking about the miscarriage had dampened her mood and she could feel her earlier debilitating tiredness returning. Suddenly she didn’t know what to say to him. She needed time to absorb the situation. To think. To be alone.
‘I think I’m going to hit the sack,’ she said casually.
Luca looked up from his chopping. She was wearing the clothes he had put out for her. His shirt was too big, falling off one shoulder and exposing her smooth olive skin to his view, and the way she’d tied it emphasised her waist and pulled across her braless chest. It had never looked so good.
He swallowed. ‘You need to eat something first.’
Rilla’s stomach revolted and she placed a hand over it. She shook her head. ‘I can’t.’
Luca watched the movement and itched to walk over to her and place his hand over hers. Over their baby. ‘You have to eat, Rilla.’
Rilla was growing wearier by the second. It had been a day of huge climaxes and she was coming down from the high, feeling oddly disconnected. ‘I just feel a little too delicate at the moment. And I’m tired, Luca.’
‘It’s only eight. We need to talk.’
‘I know,’ she sighed.
‘What are we going to do?’
Good question. Very good question. ‘Tomorrow, OK?’ She knew they had to sit down and discuss things but, early evening or not, she could barely keep her eyes open. ‘I promise.’
Luca nodded reluctantly. He could see her weariness and he didn’t want to push her in her condition, but there were things he needed to know. He needed a plan. She was havin
g his baby. His baby. And he wasn’t going to mess it up this time.
‘The spare room’s made up.’
Rilla locked gazes with Luca for a brief intense moment, sensing his struggle. ‘Thank you.’
Less than a minute later her head hit the pillow and she slept instantly.
CHAPTER SIX
LUCA woke the next morning to the sound of Rilla retching. He sat bolt upright as he looked at the clock. Six a.m. He was out of bed and striding to the bathroom before any other coherent thought had formed.
She was kneeling on the cold tiles, her forehead on the toilet seat. ‘Rilla!’
‘Go away,’ she groaned as another urge to vomit took hold and she dry-retched into the bowl.
Luca knelt beside her, feeling helpless, and rubbed the small of her back. He lifted a strand of hair that had fallen forward and tucked it behind her ear. He murmured soothing words in Italian to her as she continued to be sick.
Rilla heard them through her primal noises and even though she had no idea what they meant, the low rumble of his voice was so comforting she just wanted to crawl onto his lap and feel his arms around her.
God, she felt awful!
It was another few minutes before the nausea released her from its grip and she felt hot tears well in her eyes and track down her face as she sat back on her haunches. She couldn’t have stemmed them had her life depended on it. Great. As if it wasn’t bad enough that Luca had to witness her vomiting, now he was being treated to a fit of self-pity.
‘Hush,’ he crooned softly as he rose to wet a washcloth and then gently wipe her blotchy face.
Rilla felt the reviving effects of the cool cloth instantly and her sobs soon died to the odd hiccoughy breath. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, almost falling into his soft velvet gaze.
‘Hey, it’s OK,’ Luca whispered, and drew her head onto his shoulder while he continued to rub her back.
Rilla became conscious then of what he was wearing. Or rather what he wasn’t wearing. He had on a pair of boxers and that was it. Her head lay against his bare shoulder and she had a bird’s-eye view of his magnificent chest and flat abs. His powerful thighs thrust out before him were a pleasure to look at and she knew what lay beneath those boxers was just as enticing.