She’d had soft sex before, gentle sex, manageable sex. But this.
Shelby’s back arched, she moaned, howling, delivered into a faraway place where she no longer belonged to herself alone, but was joined forever with Sawyer. And as if he understood this in the same moment she did, Sawyer’s body stiffened, he thrust his head back, his eyes closed and let loose with a roar that was half growl, half shout, and terrified the birds.
Chapter Fifteen: Keep Your Friends Closer
THEY LAY beside each other on the pile of clothing. He had wrapped his tee-shirt around her to keep her warm. Morning rose around them.
He was beautiful, Shelby thought, watching him sleep. Sunrise had carved him in gold, shadowed his muscles with silver. Before, when he was standing over her and his attention was momentarily diverted, Sawyer looked like a statue come to life. His face was strong and handsome, his body lean and muscled from his life or his job—Shelby didn’t know. She knew facts about Sawyer—she didn’t really know him at all. He was beautiful, that much she did know. Clutch-at-her-heart beautiful, black hair and eyes that were a color beyond blue or sapphire or any word in the English language to describe them. A breeze passed over her naked flesh. The birds were wide awake now and singing. The earth around them pulsed with life.
He had told her he loved her and then he was inside her. They did what they’d both wanted to do, probably for years. It was hard to say. Animosity had come between them, numbing them to what was really going on beneath the surface. Aha, Shelby thought, understanding for the first time what their feud had really been about. It wasn’t sibling rivalry. It was this. They’d been protecting themselves from doing this for a long time.
“Lust,” she said out loud.
Sawyer, half-asleep, pulled her to him for warmth. “Hmm. Lust. For or against?”
“How long do you think we’ve wanted to have sex with each other?”
“Ah, you were seventeen, maybe eighteen. I was fresh out of the academy and I caught you necking with some loser at the Ridge. All I will tell you is I had trouble sleeping that night.”
“That was Don Gregory and he wasn’t a loser. He’s a very important something-or-other now. He was a good kisser Don Gregory was. Wow. I haven’t thought about him for years.”
“Don’t think about him now.”
“I had lustful feelings for you once too. I was in my second year of university, coming home to spend Christmas with Dolly. All my friends had gone skiing. I think you and I were the only ones left in town under the age of fifty. Anyway, I was driving outside Mandrake Falls and I slid off the road and got stuck in a ditch. I didn’t have a cell phone and the snow was falling hard. You were still a deputy then, out on patrol. You came along and rescued me and ... well ... let’s just say I had some pretty intense fantasies about you that night when I went to bed.”
“And all I had to do was pull you out of the ditch?”
“We were alone. It was snowing. It was a combination of things. I was scared and there you were and you looked different than I remembered. You followed me home after pulling me out in case I went off the road again. It’s hard to pin down what it was. After the holidays, I went back to university and forgot all about it.”
Silence fell between them. Though Shelby knew it was wrong, or at least cowardly, she wished could go back to the time before she knew she loved him. It was one thing to dream of love. The real thing was usually attached to acres of hurt.
“You must be cold,” she said. “We should be getting back.”
Sawyer twisted in her direction. “This isn’t like that, Shelby.”
“What isn’t like what?” Startled, wondering what she’d said out loud.
“This isn’t me rescuing you from a ditch in a snowstorm. I’m not going to go back to being the guy who resents you and you’re not going to go back to being the girl who distrusts me. This wasn’t just sex. This wasn’t something we got out of our system and now we’ll go our separate ways.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “I know. Why are you telling me this?”
“Because I don’t think you do know. I think you’re going to wreck this for us, either consciously or unconsciously. I think you’re doing it now.”
“I’m not! I’m really not. But ... how can we know for sure how we feel about each other? We started this thing from the worst possible place, from a lie that was convenient or not as uncomfortable as telling the truth. And now we’re in love, or so we say, because we wanted to have sex and it’s more comfortable to be in love than just lust. It’s definitely more convenient than going out for a month to see where this is leading.”
“I’m in love with you. I love you. Wait ten minutes and I’m still going to love you.” He rolled to his back and stared at the sky. “I’m not building a case here. You either feel the same way or you don’t. As Dolly said, I’m not an exciting guy.”
“You’re a complicated one though.” Shelby sat up and pulled his tee-shirt on over her head. “What makes you so sure I’m going to sabotage our relationship when that was the furthest thing from my mind?”
He squinted up at her, against the sun, and grinned. “You’re kidding, right? You get this look on your face when you’re in a tight spot and you’re trying to navigate your way out of it. I’ve seen you with that look dozens of times. You had it just now. Law enforcement is more than just knowing the law—it’s reading people. You’re in love with me, I’m in love with you and your first thought is ‘holy shit how do I get out of this?’”
“People say they love each other all the time,” she said irritably. “It’s a regular thing. It doesn’t mean anything. My parents told me they loved me. You know where they were going the day they abandoned me? To the grocery store to buy roast chicken for dinner. My absolute favorite food in the world. We only had roast chicken when they were trying to get clean. So you see? I had absolutely no idea they weren’t coming back. Not a clue. Exactly the opposite, in fact. I thought we were finally okay. I had no standards for ‘okay’ other than never going back into foster care. I haven’t been able to eat roast chicken since.”
“Which is good because you’re a vegetarian.”
Shelby laughed a little and raked her fingers through her hair. “I’m being serious.” Her eyes darted across the field to where the sun had dipped behind a cloud, and shadows moved over the tall dying grasses. She was thinking about Sawyer, surprised and a little distraught that he saw her as clearly as he did. She loved him and she had a tiny hope that he really did love her as well.
And there it was. The wall. She felt her soul bang up against it and skid to a stop. He was right. She would find a way to wreck this.
“I can’t get past that moment when I realized they weren’t coming back,” she said miserably. “I can’t grow up and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t think I can be any closer to you than I am right now. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
Sawyer reached up with his long, strong arms and pulled her down on top of him. “Then this will have to do.” She rested her head on his chest. His body was warm, so warm as though the sun had baked him. “I’m not going anywhere, Porter.”
But he’d have to eventually. Sawyer couldn’t be happy with a relationship that was less than what he was designed to have. He wouldn’t leave her but he wouldn’t be happy and she loved him too much to allow him to squander his life waiting for her to drop her defenses.
She kissed him deeply. “I guarantee you, McIntyre, you’re going nowhere for the moment. I want to hear more about when you were a deputy and you found me necking at the Ridge. I want to know what your dirty mind concocted from that innocent situation that messed with your sleep.”
Shelby reached down between them. His penis was already thick and hard against her belly. She took him in her hand, stroking the engorged muscle firmly and rhythmically. Sawyer drew her face to his and kissed her but Shelby disengaged from him, sliding down the length of his body to crouch between his legs. “Was it
this?” she asked silkily, and took him in her mouth.
Sawyer moaned and reached down, winding his fingers in her hair. “Who has the dirty mind now ... oh god, Porter, get up here before I ... before ....”
She didn’t need a second invitation. She was ready, desperate for him. Shelby straddled his cock and he entered her effortlessly. They were fused as one and she gasped and held on, moving with him in silent ecstasy. Her thighs trembled. His tee-shirt pooled around her hips. Sawyer reached up and yanked it off over her head. She was naked above him. He pressed a hand between her legs and fingered the hard pearl bud of her sex that was already slick with her fluid. Shelby lurched but he caught her at the waist with his large hand and held her, forcing her to grind the sensitive nub against his thick calloused finger with every downward thrust. Shelby gripped her thighs, her eyes closed and she threw her head back. She was riding him but with every molecule of pleasure she was bringing him, he was delivering threefold to her. She felt the change in him, the transition and she knew he was near his climax. Her body’s response to the signals coming from his cock was electric; she opened wider, thrusting faster against his fingers that flicked and fondled until Shelby lifted her face to the sky, to the wind and the sweet smelling meadow and came with a power that took her out of herself.
Breathing hard, she stared down at Sawyer, dazed and wondering. With both hands he held her in place as he bucked and shuddered, his face contorted and Sawyer came with a howl that brought tears to her eyes.
She was a fool. It was over and she was a fool.
“SHELBY, LOOK at me.”
They were drying off from the swim they took in the frigid pond. Shelby had rustled up a towel from the back of the van and was busily drying her hair with it. Avoiding a real conversation, yes, she knew this. It was better this way.
“Shelby.”
She looked. His eyes were dark and unreadable.
“I’m never going to stop loving you. Don’t tell me this is good-bye.”
She lied one last time.
“This isn’t good-bye.”
SAWYER RETURNED to find his brother sitting behind the sheriff’s desk, blithely sipping a cup of tea. He rolled his eyes and jerked his head in the direction of the open cell door.
“Who let you out?”
“Paula. She brought me breakfast served with a severe tongue-lashing.” Ryan indicated the tray stacked with dirty plates on his desk. “But I was hungry and she was right so I accepted my punishment with humble thanks. Good thing too. I could have starved waiting for you to get back. Isn’t it against the rules to leave your prisoner unattended?”
“I didn’t think you were a flight risk and seeing as you’re still here, I guess I was right.”
Ryan took a slow sip from his mug and eyed Sawyer. “So is Shelby still mad or did you two kiss and make up?”
“What makes you think I was with Shelby?” He hung his windbreaker over a chair.
“You have meadow grass and dried pond mud stuck to your coat. She was staking out the pond at construction site wasn’t she?”
“How do you know that?”
“We practically grew up together. I know how her mind works. She’s like the little sister I never had.” Ryan glanced pointedly out of the window. “Besides, she looks worse than you do.”
Sawyer followed his brother’s gaze and caught sight of Shelby entering the Gazette’s office.
“Her hair is a mess, as if she spent the night rolling around on the ground.”
“Watch it, Ryan.”
“I’m glad, Sawyer! I’m very happy for you both. Maybe she’ll go easy on the expansion now that the two of you are an item.”
“We’re not an item and Porter is obligated to report the news as she finds it. Get used to it.”
“Oh, I’m used to it—it’s you who had the problem. I didn’t enjoy being hauled over printer’s ink coals every week, but at least I got it that Shelby was just doing her job. It’s you who read something more into it, convincing me that her reporting was biased.” Ryan’s eyebrows lifted. “So I guess I didn’t imagine it at the Harvest Dance last night. This is the real deal. You are head over heels in love with her, brother.”
Sawyer shrugged. He was tired of denying the truth. “Being in love with Shelby Porter has nothing to do with it. I prejudged her based on a scrap of information I overheard when she was a kid and I led you to mistrust her too. She belongs in Mandrake Falls as much as we do and if we screw up, we’ll have to take our lumps in the Gazette just like everybody else.”
“I’m not worried. I’m going to become the most environmentally friendly builder in the free world. I have some ideas actually. I’ve been thinking about a way to save the pond by integrating the natural world with the manmade one. Today’s consumer wants a more authentic experience. Our casino will be unique, a waterfowl habitat, natural landscaping, organic wines and Vermont cheese. What do you think?”
Sawyer nodded absently, his mind on the pond. Maybe Porter was right and it was better to end it then and there. “Sounds good, Ryan. Much better than your original plan. Even the Gazette will like it.”
“Great! So when can I welcome my future sister-in-law to the family?”
“Amending your plan will be good for Mandrake Falls. It won’t fix a thing between Shelby and me. Too much has happened. She has too many barriers. I can’t force her to trust me.”
“You sound just like dad—the sky is falling! Nothing’s going to work out because I didn’t get what I expected! No, Shelby doesn’t trust you. She doesn’t trust me either. But I’m going to win her trust one day at a time. I’m going to succeed too because I like her and I know I hurt her and I’m genuinely sorry for that. You have a shorter distance to go than I do and you’re already giving up? Throw caution to the wind for once in your life and go after her. All of Shelby’s life, people have walked away when the going got tough. Don’t be one of those people.”
Sawyer shook his head. “If I sound like dad, then you sound like mom. The eternal optimist. Sometimes you amaze me, Ryan.”
“Do you still have Mom’s ring?”
Sawyer’s gaze traveled to the window and beyond to the Gazette office. “You’re not listening. She won’t have me. I’ve tried.” He pushed his brother out from behind the desk and sifted through the week’s paperwork. He knew if he worked long enough and hard enough he’d almost forget her. Sawyer’s eyes wandered back to the window.
There wasn’t enough work in the world.
*
SHELBY FLUFFED up her hair as she opened the door of her office. A twig was snarled at the base of her neck. She pulled it free and stared at it, frowning.
The Gazette offices were empty. Everyone was taking Sunday off. Good. She needed to be alone for a few hours. She promised Jason she’d have the editorial for Monday’s print run and she had no idea what to write. She dropped into the chair behind her desk and booted up her computer. “What am I going to do?” she groaned aloud to the blank screen.
“That’s what we were wondering.”
Shelby shrieked. Jason, Andrea and Trevor were standing in the doorway. “Hi guys,” she smiled weakly. “How long have you been standing there?”
“Not long,” Andrea said. “We just wondered how you were after last night.”
Jason sat on the corner of her desk, a frown furrowing his brow. “What have you been doing? Your hair is stuck all over with meadow grass and is that mud on your sweatpants?”
“I’ve been gardening,” she said quickly.
“Looks like pond mud to me.” Andrea crooked an eyebrow.
“It isn’t,” Shelby said decisively. “Thanks for checking on me, guys, but I’m fine. I have a lot of work to do.”
“You’re fine, you’re fine—of course you’re fine! We don’t believe you but if that’s the way you want to handle it, we’re good with that, right guys?”
Trevor and Andrea nodded, their mouths compressed, their eyes pitying and at the same time, stern. A
breakdown would be very inconvenient right now. They had a paper to get out.
“Look, are we going ahead with the McIntyre Construction story? In my opinion, you can’t kill it. After last night, everyone in town will be picking up the Gazette for this story. I don’t understand this deal with your aunt and Ryan McIntyre and the sheriff, and I could give a rat’s bum for who your parents were, but I do care about council being used to grease the wheels for big business interests to take over.”
“It’s more complicated than that, Jason. There are factors to consider.”
“Factors? Okay, let’s consider the factors.” Jason ticked them off on his fingers. “Ryan McIntyre was arrested for public mischief last night. He was pretending to be a whistle blower at McIntyre Construction to bring down this paper. He tricked you into almost marrying his brother to silence the press. He threatened to put your aunt’s health in jeopardy if you didn’t stay out of the council meeting.”
“And how high up does the cover-up go?” Andrea chimed in. “Did the mayor know what was going on? Was the Sheriff’s Office in on it too?”
“Stop. Hold it right there. I agree with everything you’re saying but I need solid evidence of wrong doing and I don’t have any. I have a developer who pulled some dirty punches to get an expansion to his plan introduced into new business—big deal—and a council that’s been embarrassed not for the first time.” Shelby scowled and tapped her pencil against her desk. “We have to be careful how we handle this. It can’t look like I’m out to get Ryan McIntyre.”
Lie For Me: Autumn (Mandrake Falls Series Romance Book 2) Page 18