He released the suction, stroking the pearl with his tongue before leaving that breast. “Good girl,” he praised, and kissed her lips again.
Turning his attention to her other breast, Nyxie relaxed back into the sofa and tried to figure out why he praised her. It seemed so rare that she met his expectations, that she replayed the moments in her head, until she realized that she had reacted to pain in a way that he could read. A slight smile dimpled one cheek as she basked in his approval.
It only lasted for a few seconds before his hand slipped into her folds. Her breathing amped up as she fought not to give into the slippery friction on her clit.
“Say it, Onyx. We both know it already. You only have to admit it.”
Nyxie’s whole face contorted as tears filled her eyes and she fought the last shred of dignity she owned. Of all the horrible things Nyxie knew about herself and where she came from, she had always been proud of the fact that she had grown out of her teen years without the reputation that followed the other females in her family. But every time she reached between her legs to self-medicate her hormonal itch, she had known she had just found a safe way to give in to the urges that had labeled others as lacking morals.
“I’m a not a good girl, sir,” she cried. “I’m a horny little slut like my mother and sister. Please, fuck me. Put your beautiful cock inside me and fuck me hard, the way I deserve.”
The tears ran down her temples into her hair, but Declan’s body reacted as it always did when she cried. His cock hardened into steel. When he lifted his body from hers and quickly stood up to divest himself of his underwear, Nyxie managed to free the leg folded beneath her body.
“Not until I tell you,” he said, in that way that made her want to please him.
He lowered his mouth to her folds, his tongue bringing her to the brink in seconds. Unlike when the capsaicin made her breasts feel raw, her vulva began burning in earnest. She didn’t know if it was because the skin was different there or because the ointment he had put on earlier was reacting with it, but it was almost unbearable.
“Sir!” she shrieked, knowing she was on the verge of climaxing. She didn’t want to disobey him.
Declan withdrew immediately. With his hand on her hip, he rolled her on her side and slapped her ass cheek with a stinging blow. He let her fall back to her backside and returned his attention to the place that was the center of her world at that moment.
Nyxie didn’t know if the spank had been meant as punishment, pleasure or distraction. It felt like all three to her. As twisted as it might seem, it felt like love to her. The initial sharp smack mellowed into radiating heat, radiating love. She hoped it left a bruise so she could look at it in the days before his next call, and could revisit this moment.
His fingers entered her as his tongue lapped hungrily at her swollen nub. She hoped her long moan conveyed both her pleasure and how tortured she felt by her difficulty to postpone the inevitable. With the added stimulation of the butt plug, she felt incredibly full, much like the first time he had penetrated her.
As his fingers curled forward, the sensation sent her to the edge. “No!” she cried to her traitorous body, her hands forming fists behind her back as she struggled to free herself. She bucked her hips in an attempt to dislodge him. “Stop!”
He froze, removing his fingers. “Excuse me?”
The tone of his voice unnerved her, as she tried to figure out what she had done wrong. Fuck. Not only had she told him what to do, but also, she hadn’t call him sir.
“I’m sorry, sir. You told me I couldn’t come without permission. What else could I do?”
“You fight it, or you start begging me to let you come. Or better yet, you trust your Dom.”
Nyxie fought her conflicting emotions. She wanted to please him by doing everything according to his rules, but no matter what she did, she screwed it up; she seemed incapable of making him happy.
“Do you want me to go home?”
He shook his head. “If I didn’t want you here, I wouldn’t have invited you over,” he said. “I will make this easy on you, and I will tell you when to beg me.”
“Please, don’t make me go home like this,” she said, certain that she would orgasm whether she meant to or not. Would he know if she tried to fake not having an orgasm? Was that a thing?
“Ultimately, it’s your body, your orgasm. You control it…or maybe I should say, you should make an effort to control it.”
How could she explain that when she was with him, she had no control, that he so overwhelmed her, that she was helpless to stop her body from reacting?
Declan kissed her gently. “I’m going to help you,” he said. “We are going to bring you up and then back off. Then we’re going to do it again and again.”
“Why? Why can’t I just come? It’s not as if you have to stop because I finished.”
Declan threw his hands up in the air in frustration. “Because, Nyxie, when my dick feels your tight little vagina pulsating around it, it sends me over the edge. Men aren’t like women. We can’t keep going forever. We need time to recover.”
She looked up at him wide-eyed, not understanding the issue. “So what’s the problem? We both get ours.”
“The problem is, I only get to see my new wife every now and then, and I get to fuck her even less. And when I am inside her, I actually feel as though maybe she does love me. Sorry, if my desire to prolong that, inconveniences you.”
If her hands hadn’t been bound, she would have reached out and touched his face. “Declan, I do love you…sir.”
His eyes narrowed at her. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to decide if it were true. He looked angry.
“Well, let’s get to the fucking, so you can get it over with.”
“Declan….”
He rotated her hip to the side and gave her a hard slap on her butt cheek. “Sir! It’s fucking sir to you. That’s the way you wanted it.”
He entered her fast and hard making her gasp at the sudden invasion. The sensation hit every pleasure point at once, and yet what normally sent her into undulating spasms of ecstasy, made her feel hollow.
She turned her head toward the back of the sofa, unable to look at him. For the first time, Nyxie was beginning to understand the depth of the hurt she had caused him by opting to be his submissive instead of his wife.
“Look at me,” he demanded. “At least pretend to be present.”
Her head slowly came back to center and as her tear-filled eyes blearily met his, a sob hiccupped in her chest.
Buried deep inside of her, Declan froze. “Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “Don’t be mad at me, sir. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.”
Resting his weight on his elbows and forearms, Declan wove one hand in her hair and kissed her. “How am I supposed to fuck you hard when you look all soft and dewy? You know, I can’t resist you when you cry.”
His hips began to rotate, slowly drawing out and pumping into her in long deliberate strokes.
“Don’t hate me,” she said between kisses.
“Never.” Declan suddenly froze. “What the…?”
He pulled out completely. Looking between their bodies at his penis, his breath caught. “Jesus, I’m on fire.”
“I think we transferred some of the heat from the pepper from my mouth to yours.”
“You felt it, but you didn’t give me a head’s up?”
He looked at the empty yogurt cup and headed into the kitchen for more, cursing with every step. With the force that he opened the refrigerator, she half-expected the door to come off the hinges.
“Are you kidding me?” he yelled into the fridge. “That was the last yogurt.”
He grabbed the milk from the shelf, nearly slamming the door, as he rushed to soak a kitchen towel in the milk and apply it to the burn. “It’s not working.”
Nyxie had managed to get herself up off the couch and was now standing at the end of the counter. “No, you drink skim milk. I
t’s the fat in the milk that helps.”
He grabbed his cell phone, dialed a number, put it on the speaker and set it down on the counter as he looked for something else. Emily Saunders answered on the second ring.
“Stryker?” she asked.
“How do you neutralize capsaicin? I’m out of yogurt and my milk is skim.”
“What did you do, get it on your dick?” When he didn’t answer right away, Emily started laughing. “Ever think of washing your hands between handling jalapeños and pulling out your Johnson?”
“It’s my fault,” Nyxie said.
“Oh, hey Nyxie, are you guys…Oh my God, you were….”
“Do you know how to neutralize it or not?” His tone bordered on yelling.
“Citrus, dumb ass. Lemons, limes—”
“I know what citrus is. You sure that will work? It won’t spread it around?” He was back at the refrigerator in seconds.
“Yes, and since it’s external, you could try dishwashing soap, the kind with the degreaser. It’s effective too. Next time use a condom after Mexican food. At least you didn’t get it into Nyxie’s vagina.”
Declan’s head jerked up and met Nyxie’s eyes.
“I’m okay.”
“Christ, Stryker, seriously? Maybe both of you should come in and we’ll flush the area with saline. We’re not too busy. I bet we could have both of you in and out in an hour or two.”
“If this doesn’t work,” he said, pulling a pair of oranges from the crisper. “Keep this to yourself, Emily.”
Chapter 14
“New rule,” Declan said when they had managed to deactivate the heat from the peppers. He put two fingers under her chin and raised her face so they were looking into each other’s eyes. “You will tell me if I’m getting ready to put my cock in danger or if you detect any heat from my saliva. Furthermore, you will tell me if you have been eating anything that might contain capsaicin.”
“I wasn’t the one who introduced those chilies into it. I told you I don’t like spicy food.”
“Yes, but I can see by all these red splotches on your breasts that I was spreading it around long before I made it to your girlfriend. Or are you going to tell me you didn’t feel it?”
Nyxie chewed the inside of her lip. “It didn’t really occur to me that it would hurt you like that. I’m really sorry, sir.”
“Don’t apologize—not for this. This was my fault. I should have never introduced anything like that into any kind of play. But I think we are done for the night. Go up to my room and present until I can get up there. I’m going to clean up and shut off the lights before I come up.”
“Okay,” she said, and quickly corrected herself when she saw his brow lower. “Yes, sir.”
She headed toward the stairs on stocking feet, her arms still bound behind her back, while he retrieved the tray from the coffee table.
“Nyxie, come put on your shoes.”
She tried to keep from showing the annoyed attitude she felt as she returned for the impossibly tall shoes. She was beginning to hate those shoes, almost as much as he loved them. Declan helped her slip them on and watched her walk away until she disappeared up the stairs.
~*~
“Declan!” he heard her yell as he placed the last ramekin in the dishwasher. It was the kind of tone that instantly conveyed panic.
He took the stairs two at a time in his race up to his room, thankful that he had pulled his running shorts back on. Nyxie wasn’t on the floor where he told her to wait, but he heard her retching in the dark bathroom. He ran to her, nearly tripping over one of her shoes in the middle of the floor. He flipped on the light as he entered the large bathroom.
“Fuck,” he cursed, seeing her bent at the waist over the toilet, still bound with her arms behind her back. “I’ve got you,” he said, putting one arm around her waist. He could see it was too late to pull her hair back, but he scooped it back with both hands and held it anyway.
As soon as she finished emptying her stomach, she began fighting her bindings. “Asshole,” she shouted, erecting her posture. “Fucking asshole.”
He worked the leather strips through the cuffs’ buckle “Nyxie, I’m sorry. I had no clue how hot that pepper was until I kissed you.”
He freed her arms and she groaned at the pain of moving her shoulders after being immobilized for so long.
“No hot peppers in sex play ever again. Hard limit!” She shoved him away and began pulling at the corset still around her. “You should have known how hot that pepper was. You should have tested it yourself, asshole.”
“Stand still and I’ll get the corset.”
“Get away from me.” She pushed him again and walked awkwardly to the sink on one shoe. With a smirk, she reached into the drawer, pulled out his toothbrush and toothpaste, and began brushing her teeth and tongue. “That wasn’t just mean,” she said, pulling the toothbrush out of her mouth and spitting once. “It was fucking sadistic.”
Declan reached into the shower and turned on the water. One by one, he released her the garters from her stockings and reached for the front closures of the corset to remove it. She was rinsing her mouth when the leather garment fell to the floor and he divested her of the remaining shoe and her stockings.
“This is exactly why I don’t want to be married for real. At least if I’m your sub, there is an end in sight. Marriage has no finish date.” He guided her to the shower, reaching his hand into the water to test the temperature before he let her enter.
He gently pushed her inside, dropped his running shorts to the tile and stepped in with her as her tirade continued. She didn’t seem aware of him pulling out the butt plug, dropping it on the floor, or washing her hair. “This is all too new for me. I don’t have any point of reference. I don’t know anything about a normal relationship. I barely know how to have a friendly relationship with a coworker. I don’t know what it’s like to have friends. I don’t know how to be the person you want me to be. I don’t know how to be a wife.
“Do you want to know what I grew up thinking a wife did? She picks up her husband under his shoulders to put him in the bed when he passed out because she was the biggest one—or maybe cause Melinda and I were smaller and could only handle a leg each. She pours each kid a bowl of cereal before she goes to work and puts the box up high so no one gets into it while she’s gone, otherwise you won’t have any breakfast the rest of the week. She puts back two of the cans of beer from the case that she brought home the night before, one so the dad won’t be sick when he wakes up, and one for her. She opens the closet door when you start annoying her, and if you don’t get in it fast enough, she kicks you in the ass so hard you fall. She earns the money and pays the bills, and screams at everyone that she has to do all the fucking work and she hates everyone, especially the ugly buck-toothed rabbit and the drunk asshole.
“Sometimes, I wait on couples at the diner and they are so happy that you know they are in love,” she continued. “I believe my parents loved each other before I came along. I don’t know what happens in between the time when two people are in love and when they hate each other. Will a time come when we hate each other? How will that manifest? We argue and you punish me already. Will a time come where I’m trapped in a life I hate? Will it lead me to an affair with Jack Daniels and Johnny Walker?”
He squirted shampoo into his hand and work it through her hair before grabbing the handheld shower head and rinsing the foam.
“I don’t know if I like pain, but you’re right about being submissive. I’m a fucking wimp because I’m scared of everything. I always have been. It’s the part of myself that I hate the most and fight against every day. I cave on nearly everything. Part of why I married you, is because I didn’t know how to say no. You could tell me the sky is green and I wouldn’t dispute it, even though I know it’s not, because I would rather be wrong than stand up for myself. That’s just the way it is for Onyx-the-doormat. When we got married, I didn’t know you wanted a real wife. I thought
you were just helping me to get my kids back.”
“Yes, I know that now,” he said, looking up from his task of squirting body wash onto a washcloth. Declan may have sounded distracted by his task but he didn’t miss a word of her tirade.
He lifted her arm and scrubbed the sudsy wash cloth over her arm brusquely and moved on to other parts of her body. She gave no resistance. So intent on what she was saying, she seemed only vaguely aware they were even in the shower, much less that he was washing her.
“You need to take the blinders off and see me the way I really am. I am just a high school dropout who neglects the kids I’m responsible for. But god-damn, I love those kids. I don’t understand how you can push your parents away the way you do. They obviously love you. Your mother wasn’t trying to hurt you by rejecting me. She was trying to protect you—that’s what normal mothers do. You’re too close to see anything clearly. But your parents see the truth. I’m not good enough for you. God gave me those kids because I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m supposed to be alone.”
“Are you finished?” Declan asked, wrapping her in a warm towel.
She didn’t even realize they were out of the shower until he spoke and barely remembered him washing her hair and body. She must’ve had an out-of-body experience, because she had no idea who was ranting at him in the shower.
“Did you put drugs in my food?”
He would’ve laughed if she hadn’t looked so perplexed. He only smiled indulgently at her. “No, baby. I didn’t drug you. Maybe you are just beginning to know me well enough that you can speak honestly with me. But what did I say I’d do to you if you talked about yourself like that again?” He used his Dom voice and the chill of apprehension shot through her.
Her shoulders sagged as she realized he meant to punish her again. “You didn’t hear a word I said.”
“I heard every word, Nyxie. I heard you say, I need to be a better Dom before you can trust me, and I know you’re right. I’ve made mistakes; tonight was one of them. Too many times, I’ve let my temper control my actions. But not all of this is on me. How many times have I asked you to stop hiding your pain from me? Even now, I don’t know if you’re still experiencing discomfort from the pepper oil.” He stopped and waited for her to tell him, but when she just stared at him, he lifted his hands in an open-palmed shrugged. “Nyxie,” he said very deliberately. “Are you still in pain?”
The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2) Page 13