“Am I really going to be here that long?”
He lightly tossed an envelope on the desk in front of her. It was addressed to her from the university’s GED program. The seam at the top had been cut open.
“You opened my mail?”
“It came to my address and I needed to know your deficiencies, so I can help you with them.”
She stared at him, all excitement from the moments before, gone. “You couldn’t have given it to me and asked to see it after I looked at it?”
“Would you have shown it to me if I asked?”
“Of course.”
“Then what difference does it make if I opened it?”
Nyxie wasn’t going to argue. She had learned as a child, there was no glory in being right. It was just easier to let others have their way. With ill-concealed annoyance, she pulled the sheets from the envelope and began perusing her scores.
“Considering you went in cold, you did really well. You did great in all of your English and social study type tests, you squeaked by in biology and chemistry, but you failed miserably in calculus.”
“I never had calculus,” she mumbled, her attention on the big fat zero after Calculus. “Everyone else had a calculator; I just stared at the test trying to figure it out.”
He placed a heavy blue textbook, graphing calculator and notebook on the desk in front of her.
“You made me dress up like a schoolgirl, so you could teach me calculus? I thought we were going to have fun.”
“Would you prefer to be naked?”
His tone stopped her complaint immediately.
“No, Headmaster.”
“Besides,” he said, sitting down next to her. “I have plenty of fun planned for my little Lolita.”
Her head jerked around. “I’m no Lolita. I turned eighteen just last week,” she said, playing her role. “You’re just a dirty old man after my nubile body.”
Who said romance novels were a waste of time if she could throw out words like nubile now? She hoped she had pronounced it correctly. She stopping chewing her gum long enough to bat her eyes at him.
“Are you chewing gum?”
She looked him boldly in the eye and lied. “No.”
“Swallow it.”
Her eyes widened. “Won’t it stick in my intestines for seven years?”
“That’s a wives’ tale. It’ll pass through you in a day or two.”
Holding his gaze, a mischievous grin grew on her face. She reached into her mouth with her finger and thumb, pulled out the offending item and stuck it under his desk.
“You did not just do that!” he said, ducking his head to look under the desk at the glob marring his pristine and rather pricy desk. “Get up.”
He was out of his seat before she could rise, and moved his chair to the middle of the room before he sat back down.
“Drop your panties to your knees and lie across my lap.”
Her eyes were fixed on his as she peeled the white cotton panties down to her knees, and then braced one hand on the chair between his legs as she lowered herself to his lap. With a look over her shoulder at him, she dragged her hand across his thigh.
Declan lifted the plaid skirt up to her waist, revealing her small but shapely bottom.
“I am completely fascinated by your ass,” he said, rubbing the orbs of her butt cheeks. “All that walking you’ve done has given you a great ass and you’re so lean, I can see the play of your muscles through your skin.”
She tightened and released her muscles a couple of times and tried to form a bicep muscle by flexing her arm. “Maybe I should become one of those female bodybuilders.”
“You want me to trade you to another master?”
“Since you’re into fitness, I thought maybe you’d like that.”
He gave her a swat on the fanny, not hard, but enough to get her attention.
“One, Headmaster.”
He caressed the spot as he spoke. “I’d like to think you know me better than that. It’s one thing for a woman to be fit and toned, it’s another thing when women start looking like men. I don’t find it attractive in the least. I like women who are soft and yielding. Although I’ll miss the definition of your glutes, I look forward to seeing you a little rounder. Don’t get me wrong, I feel very protective of you when you’re this small. I want to put rocks in your pockets every time the wind picks up.”
She chuckled. “You say that, but here I am over your knee.”
“Not the same thing.” He put his left hand on her back and could feel her ribs expanding as she breathed and he could feel her heart beating through his fingertips. Without warning, he brought his hand down on her left butt cheek. She hadn’t been expecting it and she gasped.
“Two, Headmaster.”
He could feel the increase in her breathing and the quickening of her heart. Her skin bore a pink handprint. With splayed fingers, he caressed everything but the spot where he had struck. Suddenly, he spanked her twice more in the same spot.
She started to give the count but he stopped her. “I want you quiet this time. I want to listen to your body.”
Her heart beat harder. Her body became taut and still. He knew her bottom hurt because his hand stung, and the edges of the handprint were welting. Over the next minutes, he landed a few more in the same spot, then gave her a reprieve and began spanking the other side. He could feel her tensing as her pain level went up and he felt the way she relaxed slightly after a lighter hit.
“God. Yellow,” she said suddenly, after another hard hit in the same spot.
Her voice nearly startled him. He was so absorbed by gauging her reaction, he had taken it further and longer than he intended. Had it been ten, or twenty, or could it have been double that? He silently cursed himself. Nevertheless, he finally felt he could measure her pain by her body’s reaction. Too bad not all punishments were in these ideal conditions, where it was quiet and he could take his time.
It surprised him when she safe worded him. Surprised him because she’d never done it before, other than when she was trying to gain control of the scene. Surprised him, because he knew they had taken it much further many times before. He held perfectly still, feeling the cadence of her heart and lungs. Leaning over, he kissed the abused side of her bottom, and then tenderly stroked it, feeling the raised ridges.
“Are we finished?” she asked quietly.
Declan nodded before he answered. “Yeah, that’s enough.”
Sagging with relief, her whole body pliantly molded over his lap. When he felt her release her grasp on his leg, he suddenly realized how tightly she had been gripping it. He hadn’t even noticed. Christ.
“Come sit on my lap for a minute, Nyxie.”
It took her a moment to start moving, but when she managed to find her shaky footing, she pulled up her cotton panties that had fallen to her ankles.
She found her perch on his lap and leaned her body into his with her head on his shoulder and her arms around him.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, a little wobbly, but okay.”
He kissed her forehead and held her for a few minutes before he spoke again.
“I don’t understand you. You tell me you’re not into this in one breath and then you intentionally bring punishment on yourself.”
She stretched toward him and kissed him long and lingeringly, but although he allowed it, he didn’t participate. When Nyxie realized he was not going to return the kiss, she withdrew, and a small sigh escaped her lips.
“Are you trying to distract me?” he asked, taking her by the upper arms and holding her away.
“Is it working?” She tried to reengage the kiss but he took her by the shoulders, holding her back.
“Dammit, Nyxie, stop. Present.”
She wanted to ask if he was serious, but his tone answered her question before she asked it. If he saw her look of frustration, he made no indication.
“Do you want me to take off my clothes?”
/> “No,” he said. “You can sit there like that until you’re ready to tell me.”
“There’s nothing to tell.”
“Don’t lie to me, Onyx. Why can’t you trust me enough to tell me the truth? Do you think I’ll be angrier than I am now?”
She found a small area between the side of the desk and the wall and got into her prescribed position.
Declan frowned, realizing she had found the smallest spot available. It gave him pause. Why would she intentionally provoke him, try to distract him and then confine herself in a small space. She felt safe in small places, but why did she feel she needed that safety now?
“Do you want some ice for your bottom,” Declan asked.
“No, sir,” she said, not lifting her gaze. “I’d rather have a damp towel.”
It took a few minutes for Declan to return. He brought a pair of towels, one wet and one dry to protect his carpet, and two glasses of ice water.
“Are you ready to tell me what’s going on?” he asked, handing her both towels. They were folded already so she only had to rise up to put them under her bottom. Nyxie’s eyes closed briefly, as the cooling wetness soothed her sore flesh.
“Why am I not allowed to keep some things to myself?”
“You can, but not this. This affects me too, when you intentionally provoke me into punishing you.”
“I can’t.”
You won’t, he thought. “Why do you put me into this position? If I let you get away with not telling me, it gives you control. If I make you stay there until you’re worn down, I’m a bully.”
When she continued staring at the Berber carpet, his breath huffed and he sat down in his office chair—more accurately, nearly fell into it with the seat lowered for her. He swore and raised it to its normal position. As he thought about checking his e-mail to pass the time, waiting for her to tell him, his eyes fell on the textbook.
“Is this about me teaching you calculus?”
After waiting a few seconds, he took her silence as unspoken agreement.
“Okay, so that’s a yes,” he said. “Are you afraid I’m going to punish you if you make a mistake?”
A fat tear rolled off her cheek, making a semitransparent spot on her blouse where it landed. “I’m not afraid of your punishment. I’d rather just do it on my own.”
“Baby, I’m not going to punish you for getting an answer wrong. It’s part of learning. But I have some pretty sweet rewards planned to celebrate your accomplishments.”
A slight smile tightened at the corner of her lips but disappeared as quickly as it appeared.
“I want to do it myself.”
He swiveled his chair and stared down at her. “I’ll only consider it if you tell me why—otherwise get yourself up off the floor and let’s get to work.”
Nyxie neither got up and moved, nor opened her mouth.
God damn, the woman could be stubborn. At that moment, if he had some sodium pentothal, he would drug her just to get it out of her. But she had already safe-worded him, so he could hardly turn her over his knee again. “Spanking is not the only way for me to punish you. I can withhold my love. I can send you to your side of the house and not speak with you until you tell me. Is that what you want?”
“No,” she said. “I don’t know how to tell you where it makes sense.”
“Don’t worry about whether it makes sense or not, just tell me.”
Nyxie’s lips clamped shut in a mulish line. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. “You have this image in your head of who you think I am. I’m like a toy you always wanted but you could never have. Now that you have me, you love me because you finally have what you think you wanted. But you’re getting closer and you’re seeing the toy is not as much fun as you thought it was going to be, and when you realize it’s fundamentally broken, you’re going to stop loving it and cast it aside.” Her eyes dropped back to the floor. “Until you, my kids were the only ones who have ever loved me. I didn’t know what I was missing. Now you’re going to find out how stupid I am, and you won’t love me anymore.”
Declan stared at her, not knowing if he should laugh or be mad. All this fuss because she thought he’d think she wasn’t smart enough. Did she really think she’d fall out of favor if she struggled with calculus?
“A lot of people struggle with math. Frankly, if you were planning on remaining married to me, I’d probably let you take your time and do it your way. But all I see in my mind, is this countdown clock, ticking off the days until you leave and I can’t stand the thought of you struggling to feed yourself again.”
“When you talked to Mr. Vaughn last night, did he tell you how much?”
“Two years, unless we add in the adoptions.”
Her eyes met his. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “Don’t you think we should?”
“It’ll add another two years unless you want to pay me back the $3,000 overage.”
“It’s costing you $63,000?”
He nodded, a grin coming to his face. “You did that math pretty quickly.”
“God, I didn’t know it would cost you that much. I’m sorry. I’ll pay you back.”
He reached out his hand to her and helped her to her feet. “I wanted it to be more. I wanted to keep you for the rest of our lives. That’s why I married you. Don’t get me wrong. I love the prospect of owning a sex submissive. It’s nice to know I can have my fill of the kind of sex that turns me on. But I also want a relationship with a woman on a deeper level than just fucking. I had hoped that woman would be you.”
He pulled her between his legs and wrapped his arms around her. She put her hands in his hair.
“Why me? I don’t belong in your world. Everyone can see it. Why can’t you?”
“My parents are not everyone. No one is going to be good enough for me in their eyes. They’d like to see me with someone like Emily. Everyone else thinks we make a good couple.”
“Mr. Vaughn doesn’t like me either,” she said, then bit her lip.
“Junior is a lawyer. He would have liked to see me hide my assets or at least protect them with a prenup. By the way, we have an appointment with him Wednesday morning before I go to work. Friday night when I get home, we have a date. It’s the fundraiser for the Garrison Center. I’m hoping they’ll announce who gets the fellowships. The other residents are getting letters from other schools and hospitals with offers.”
“They’ll offer you the position,” she said confidently, sitting on his leg. “They’d be nuts to pass up a great doctor like you.”
“Are you ready to get to work now?” he asked abruptly. “We’ll go at whatever pace you feel comfortable.”
“Promise me you won’t stop loving me.”
“Promise me you’ll give more thought to staying married.”
Chapter 18
Declan looked down at the display of his vibrating phone and frowned at Nyxie’s name. It had only been twenty-four hours since he had seen her and now she was calling him at work.
“Is this an emergency?” he asked in lieu of a greeting.
“I’m at the OB/GYN clinic for my follow-up and Dr. Saunders has rotated out.”
“She’s on her emergency medicine rotation with me. Who is performing the exam?”
“Bubba.”
Declan heard the panic in her voice. “Calm down. Put your clothes on and come to the emergency department. I’ll arrange for Emily to do it.”
“I’m not undressed. As soon as they said Dr. Lannister would be with me in a few minutes, I called you.”
“Get your stuff and leave.”
Nyxie hadn’t set her purse down, so she just turned around and weaved her way back until she found the entrance. She apologized profusely to the reception nurse and was still muttering her apologies over her shoulder as she left the office.
~*~
“Since you fainted the last time,” Emily said after she finished the exam, and the nurse had administered the HPV vaccine, “I want you to stay s
eated for a few minutes before you get up.”
Nyxie sat up and wrapped the sheet around herself. “Better safe than sorry,” she said, remembering the last time. Declan was quick to blame her passing out on her lack of eating, but Emily said it sometimes happened from the vaccine.
“I guess you two are getting along better?” Emily said. “I can always tell by his mood.”
“A little bit. He’s still staying on his side of the townhouse, but obviously we’ve spent some time together,” she said, knowing that Emily knew about the mishap with the hot pepper.
An enigmatic smile curled Emily’s lips slightly as she pumped the dispenser on the wall for some hand sanitizer and began rubbing her hands together. “I tried to get him to call you one day last week, but he didn’t want to call you inebriated.”
Nyxie had been staring at her toes peeking out from beneath the sheet, but her head jerked up and she met Emily’s eyes. “He was intoxicated?”
“Believe it or not, he drunk-called me. Declan’s a hoot when he has been drinking. He seemed to think you would freak out.”
Nyxie pulled back a bit. “I told you my parents were alcoholics,” she said, thinking the word sounded polite. Her father was a drunk. Her mother wasn’t much better. “I could have dealt with him.”
Instinctively, she knew that was the night she fell asleep waiting for him in his bedroom. If he hadn’t been drunk, he would have awoken her and sent her home.
“May I ask you something?” Nyxie asked. “Is it true the implant in my arm could cause blood clots?”
“Maybe for some people, but I don’t remember you having any other risk factors. You’re young and healthy, but if you’re worried about it, just get up and move around regularly.”
“Declan wants me to take it out. He says I don’t need the hormones when I’m not having a period to begin with.”
“But that will put you at risk of pregnancy.”
“He’s made no secret that he’d like to start a family right away.”
There was a soft knock on the door before it opened, and Declan put his head in. Seeing Nyxie dressed only in a sheet, he stepped all the way in, shutting the door behind him.
The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2) Page 16