Before the judge could bang the gavel, Melinda was on her feet wanting to rescind her relinquishment of her parental rights. The judge told her that was a matter for Family Court.
But there it is. She wants her girls back.
And Clete—well, he hasn't relinquished his rights to Lotus—if he is Lotus's father. Declan has had Junior Vaughn fighting against allowing the DNA paternity test.
I haven't told Declan yet. He's invested so much money into adopting all three kids, I hate to tell him. If we fight it, his bank account will be even more depleted. I feel guilty enough about all the money I've cost him—and if Melinda is able to live sober and be a good mother, I have fewer objections to the girls going home to her. She and Clete have been visiting the girls regularly since she came out of rehab—taking them to the movies or to McDonald's. From what I’ve seen, he will be a good father.
Whether to fight it is not a decision I'll make on my own. If Lotus and Reina want to live with Melinda, I don’t know if I could bring myself to force them to stay here. I mean, it's not as if I won't be able to see them anymore. As long as I know they are safe, happy and well cared for, I will probably not stand in the way if they want to return to their mother.
Yes, I am a doormat. But this is not about me. I love those girls, but Melinda has first claim because she gave birth to them.
As long as she can stay clean.
Please, God, help her stay sober for Lotus and Reina's sake.
Those girls don't need to be exposed to a life of booze and drugs again. Jeez, I sound as if I have already given up. Maybe that's because I know the only way for the girls to heal from being abandoned is to allow Melinda to make it up to them.
As a family, we've come a long way from where we were a year ago. I will of course be devastated if it happens. But I know this is not about me. This is about the girls. I also know Declan will be there for me, and with his help, I will be there for Cody because I know he will feel the loss also.
I just caught myself daydreaming and smiling about how Declan would comfort me. He will lend me his shoulder to cry it out, then take me to the bedroom. Sometimes, I think it is worth whatever thing has upset me to wind up in bed, getting extra special treatment from Declan. But I know if I lose the girls, no amount of consoling would be worth the heartache I will feel.
I have yet to tell Dr. Luniper about the nuances of our relationship—and frankly, I don't intend to put it on paper here—other than to say sex is great, but we don't "play" as much as we used to—and sometimes, I try to make him mad on purpose. He might give me a good swat in passing, but rarely breaks open his toy chests. I am not sure what to make of it. We have made a habit of asking Kylie to take the kids out most of the day on Saturdays. They eat lunch out—usually pizza, burgers, or pancakes, then they go to a movie, followed by the park. Or sometimes they go to an afternoon ballgame, play miniature golf, or go fishing, so Declan and I have the afternoon to ourselves.
Declan is getting frustrated that I am not pregnant yet. I'm not. Despite it all, I am not in any hurry. He doesn't know how much work a baby is.
He is so funny about it. Every time he thinks my tits look bigger, he has me peeing on a stick. Of course they're bigger; I've put on more weight. Slowly, but surely, I'm closing in on 118—the weight he thinks should be my minimum. I had to buy new jeans the other day. Sometimes I worry that he won't be attracted to me at this higher weight since he so rarely does his thing anymore, but he assures me that is not true. In fact, he promises I have a bit of leeway to go over my weight goal before he would say something. When I imply he just wants me fat so he can see the target better without his glasses—he does not deny it. If he can get away with it, he will grab my butt or grope me or even swat my behind to prove it. It makes me laugh every time.
I like him in his new glasses. He looks sexy and bookish. Is there a male version of the sexy librarian, maybe the sexy collegian, or sexy doctor? He has a scar through his eyebrow, and his nose bears a small bump where it was broken. None of which detracts from his looks at all, as far as I am concerned.
Oh, something weird happened today. Before the court started, Melinda and I were talking. I don't remember what we were talking about, but I said something like "before Momma died," and Melinda gave me the strangest look. Surely after all these years, she doesn't think Mandy is still alive. She loved Melinda and Cody. She would have been in touch with them if she were still among the living. I realize Melinda wasn't there when Daddy did what he did, and I guess she and I have never discussed it. Still, it just seemed odd that that was her reaction.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR
I just wanted to thank everyone for reading my books, and for the kind words of encouragement. As you might have guessed, Nyxie and Declan’s story is not quite finished. I wish I could give you a date when the next one will be out, but honestly, I have no idea. The first book took less than six months, the second two years. But like most of you I work full-time. If you would like me to notify you, please send me an email at [email protected]
Again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Gemma
The Love He Craves (The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Book 2) Page 41