Let Me Love You

by Lily Foster

  Caleb

  Rene was meeting me at the hotel and she looked like heaven itself when she walked in the lobby. Her eyes sparkled and she smiled when she saw me. I couldn’t help rush towards her and grab her into a bear hug. “Two weeks is a loooong time to be away from you.”

  She was laughing. “I could get used to this kind of welcome. You’ll have to do it every time you see me.”

  “No problem. I was just going to order room service and keep you locked in the room with me all night but you look too nice. Let’s go out.”

  After I ran her bag upstairs, I took her to a great place I knew on Newbury Street. We wound up running into a friend of mine who was out on a date with the gruesome Danielle. What was Marty thinking? I squeezed Rene’s hand for support as we approached them and I needn’t have. Rene didn’t need any help standing her ground with this one. I looked between them. “Hey, Marty, how are you? I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Rene. Danielle, how’s it going?”

  Marty stood, took Rene’s hand and said hello while Danielle looked like she’d just sucked on a lemon, bitter as always. She addressed Rene with false sincerity, “How are you? Wow, it’s been such a long time. But you two…I’m confused…Caleb weren’t you dating Lauren this summer?”

  Rene narrowed her eyes and cocked her head to the side. “Really, Danielle, is that the best you’ve got? Yes, Caleb and I did break up for a long while. We both dated other people. Now we’re back together. You up to speed now or are you still…confused?” Rene looked to Marty and then me. “It was really nice meeting you, Marty. Can we sit now, Caleb? I’m starving.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. There were times when I wished Rene was someone who needed me to be the man who rescued her and protected her but I was in awe of this girl. She just knew who she was. She was polite and elegant but didn’t take any crap. “Yeah, let’s go. Good seeing you, Marty. Have fun.”

  I saw Marty give Danielle a disgusted look before he sat back down. As we walked towards the table I touched the small of her back. “Sorry about that, Rene.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like her. She is so nasty. How on earth did you ever see anything remotely attractive about her?” As I went to answer she raised her palm to me. “Don’t. I don’t want to talk about her and I don’t want to know who Lauren is.”

  “Rene, I’m just going to tell you that the thing with Lauren was short and it was nothing. She was just someone I was attempting to use to get over you, same as Cherry. It didn’t work. I was still miserable.”

  As I took her hands she said, “I don’t need to know and I don’t want to. I’ve been waiting two, long weeks to see you. I don’t want to think about anyone or anything else, ok?”

  “I have to say you handled Danielle pretty well, Rene.”

  Rene waved me off. “She’s her own worst enemy.”

  I hoped Danielle hadn’t managed to sabotage our night. I was also looking forward to this weekend and I didn’t want Rene thinking of me with anyone else and I certainly didn’t want to picture her with that guy Tanner. Which, sitting eating dinner, I now was. The question had crossed my mind whether or not they’d slept together. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t. I mean, who was I to be angry or feel betrayed about it? I certainly hadn’t been celibate.

  “Caleb, I love this place. These are the best mussels I think I’ve ever had. Hey, what are you so lost in thought about?”

  “I was just thinking that your hands are so beautiful. I was looking at the ring and thinking that you have really beautiful hands.”

  I had thought that in the past so it wasn’t a total lie. I wasn’t about to ruin the night by telling her I hoped to heaven that no other guy had touched her.

  She looked at her hand. “I love this ring, Caleb. You can’t possibly understand how much. I catch myself looking down at it all day.”

  After dinner we walked the length of Newbury back to the hotel. When we entered the room and closed the door, she turned to me and said, with authority I might add, “Sit down.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I will do whatever you say.”

  “Good boy,” she laughed.

  Rene was wearing black boots with a stiletto heel, a black skirt, and a really beautiful silky blouse that clung to her in all the right spots. First the boots came off. She never broke her gaze as she shimmied out of her skirt. She undid the buttons on her silky blouse but didn’t take it off completely. “Come here,” I said to her.

  When she stood in front of me I slid the blouse off her shoulders and smiled. “You went shopping for me. You look incredible.”

  She gave her most innocent looking face as she looked down and then back up at me. “Oh, you like these?”

  “Do I like them? I like them so much I can’t wait to get you out of them.”

  I stood then and nibbled at the skin by her exposed strap just like I’d wanted to the first day I saw her. She was working on my shirt buttons and then had my belt undone and pants sliding down my legs in no time. As I nipped at her skin I told her, “You know the first day I saw you, Rene, in that restaurant, I couldn’t look away from you. I wanted to bite this skin right here.”

  As I slid her bra off she gasped and said, “I felt like I couldn’t breathe when you looked at me.” I hooked my thumbs in the side of her panties and slid them down as I kissed the soft, taut skin of her belly and then caressed her breasts. “Caleb, you make me feel so good.”

  “That’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to make you feel good.”

  I knelt before her and tasted her. Sweet, beautiful Rene. She ran her hands through my hair and arched into me over and over. She moaned my name as I touched her and her head fell back as she tightened around me. Rene looked down at me with the kind of sexy, innocent look that only she gave to me. She told me to lie down and then she straddled me. She ground her hips against me and then took my hands, putting one on each of her full breasts. She was so inexperienced but by far, the hottest girl I’d ever been with. She looked at me and said, “I want you…I want you deep inside of me, Caleb.” I was going to come before I was even inside her. I slid on a condom and then pushed into her hard. I ground into her over and over, feeling as good as it was humanly possible to feel. I was dripping sweat by the time I felt Rene let go and then I went with her. We were quiet for a few moments and then she looked at me. “I never, ever want to be with anyone else, Caleb. No one will ever make me feel like you do. It’s only ever been with you.”

  Had she read my mind? I didn’t want to ask but I couldn’t help myself. “You’ve only been with me, baby? There’s been no one else?”

  She laid her head back down on my chest. “Only you.”

  I held her close to me. “I love you more than anything, Rene. No matter what happens, I want you to know that. More than anything.”

  “Sometimes I wish it was a year from now. I want to see you every day, Caleb. I want to sleep next to you every night. I feel like we were apart for so long and now I miss you so much whenever we’re not together.”

  I was hopeful. “Are you saying you’ll live with me next year?”

  She snapped back to reality and slapped my chest playfully. “No! I’ll have my crappy apartment and then just stay with you when I so desire!”

  I slapped her backside. “No, you’ll stay every night because I’ll command it.”

  “All right, but you’ll have to cook for me, do my laundry, service me whenever I am needy…”

  The night went by like this, talking and playing around with each other in bed. The best place on earth was next to her.

  Sunday morning I mentioned that it was odd being in Boston and not popping in on Darcy. I could tell something was off when Rene suggested that I go see Darcy before I head to Drew’s. “She seems like she could use a visit from you.”

  I eyed her suspiciously. “What’s up with her, Rene? Is Tom treating her ok?”

  She thought for a moment and then said, “Tom is definitely a good person, you don’t
have any worries there I’m sure. I don’t know, they’re just all in a funk; Darcy, Jenna and Beth. Darce and Tom just seem like they’re, I don’t know, hitting a bump in the road. But you know what, Caleb? This is what’s not right about me living with Darcy and seeing you at the same time. I really shouldn’t be telling you stuff about her private life unless she’s in trouble. And she’s not.”

  That didn’t exactly make me rest easy but I knew Rene wouldn’t leave me in the dark if there was anything serious going on.

  The weekend went by too fast. Rene was hell bent on working Sunday instead of going to Drew’s. I wasn’t really disappointed because I figured this was a Super Bowl party and would be mostly a guys’ thing. I was wrong; turned out to be a total couples’ affair.

  Rene asked me to tell Chloe she was sorry she couldn’t make it and when I did, Chloe seemed genuinely disappointed and said, “It’s partly because I really like Rene and partly because Marty will be bringing Danielle and I’d like to see her consumed with jealousy.”

  “I wish you would have told me Danielle was going to be here, I would have bailed.”

  As I went to grab a beer from the fridge, Danielle and Melody approached and Danielle tapped me on the shoulder. Melody looked uncomfortable but Danielle had the same acidic look she always sported. “You would have bailed if I was here? Nice, Caleb.”

  Guess she has big ears to go with that big mouth of hers. “Danielle, what was your deal the other night? Why did you say that shit to Rene? Have you really aged that quickly into a sour old bitch?”

  Melody’s eyes went wide and Danielle spat, “You’re just mad that I let your little friend know how you really are. Hope explaining who Lauren is ruined your night.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you but it didn’t. Was I really that good, Danielle? Are you so mad you can’t have me that you have to act like that whenever you see me with someone else?”

  “Don’t flatter yourself. Whatever, I’m so bored with you.”

  “You could have fooled me.”

  I noticed then that Marty was off to the side and had taken this all in. He was an ass if he was looking to get with this. As I walked away I shook my head and said, “Sorry, man.”

  Chloe waved me over and alerted me that Lauren was there, cringing in anticipation of my reaction. I rolled my eyes. After Danielle I had no energy to deal with any other disgruntled females. “I’m about ready to head back to the hotel, Chloe.”

  “No. I’ll run interference for you. Go over by the guys. You’re not leaving. Drew will be disappointed.”

  I’d already checked out of the hotel anyway and was planning on crashing at Drew’s tonight, so I was kind of stuck. Sitting there thinking about how much I wanted to leave oddly had me sporting a grin on my face. I realized that with Rene was the only place I really wanted to be.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rene

  I walked in and saw Darcy flitting around her room, throwing things in her duffel. When I asked her where she was going, she pulled me into the room, closed the door and told me Kate was in labor and that she was catching the next shuttle to New York.

  I didn’t feel the sense of gloom that I thought I would. Instead, I was excited and wondered why she was being so quiet about the whole thing. I hugged her. “That’s so exciting, Darcy! Hey, why are you whispering?”

  She shook her head. “I’m, well, I think Jenna’s lying down. I just want to get there!”

  “Can I take you to the airport? Beth won’t mind if I borrow the car.”

  “No, thanks. Tom’s taking me.” I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face and she noticed it as well. “Yes, I’m happy about it too.”

  “I just love you two together, Darcy.”

  We hugged each other tight and then she was off.

  The few weeks leading up to that moment had been rough for Tom and Darcy. I was torn over how much I should, or needed to share with Caleb. There were rumors Tom was cheating but I never believed them given the source¸ a truly nasty girl who had always had a thing for Tom. Things had finally started to return to normal for them and I was glad. They were meant to be. He loved her and she loved him; you couldn’t be in their presence and not feel it.

  After Darcy left I told all the girls. Everyone was excited and waiting for word from her.

  Caleb was sending me updates from the hospital. I reached out to him first, as soon as Darcy had told me. I wanted him to know I was ok and that he didn’t have to walk on eggshells around me about this. I could tell he was relieved.

  At two in the morning I got a text from Caleb:

  Didn’t want to wake you, sweet Rene. Mom and baby are doing great. Rebecca Rose Donovan. She’s tiny and really cute. I love you.

  I didn’t reply until the morning although I was wide awake when I got the message. The sadness came and hit me like a rough wave. I had to just be in it and let it wash over me. And it passed eventually, like it always did.

  I went out for an early run and although it was bitter cold, the sun was shining. I thought to myself, that’s how life was, bitterly cold and painful at times but then warmth-filled and joyful at others. Right now, I was feeling the warmth and happiness that Caleb’s love wrapped me in so, all in all, life was very good.

  When I got in I replied:

  You mother’s name, how beautiful. I’m so happy for them. Call me when you can. I love you.

  My phone rang less than a minute later. “Morning, gorgeous.”

  His voice always made me smile. “I thought you’d still be asleep.”

  “No, I’d already left the hospital last night when I sent you that text. I’ve been up for a while. Already took a run.”

  “Me too. I just got back.”

  “I’m impressed, Rene. It’s cold out there. Ah, just think, soon we’ll be able to run together. Sunday mornings along the West Side Highway, then me peeling your clothes off before we shower together, leisurely brunch afterwards…I have it all figured out.”

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up with you. Darcy basically kicks my ass whenever I tag along with her. Hey, no pictures yet? I’m waiting to get a look at Miss Rebecca Rose.”

  “I’m heading over there today when visiting hours start. I’ll send you a picture then. Rene, I know I tell you all the time but I love you, so much.”

  I felt the warmth of the sun bathe me. “You can never tell me that too many times. I love you too, Caleb.”

  It was an odd Saturday morning in that I didn’t have to be at the restaurant, I was ahead on my schoolwork and I wasn’t seeing Caleb this weekend. I had an entire day to myself. I hardly knew what to do.

  I was thinking about Caleb at the hospital today with his family and how happy they all must be. I decided I’d go shopping and pick out a gift for the baby. Luke and Kate knew about us so it wouldn’t be weird if Caleb gave them a gift from me. I had an urge to shop for the baby; I didn’t feel sad or wistful over what might have been. This baby wasn’t mine and I was happy for Luke and Kate. I knew they’d been down a long, painful road and now they must be overjoyed holding their baby.

  Shopping for the baby was actually cathartic. Caitlin came with me and also got into sifting through the sweet, tiny little pink things. I settled on a beautiful blanket and two outfits that were delicate and beautiful while still looking soft and comfortable. I was with Caitlin, so of course I was steered into Neiman Marcus. I was glad for it, though, as they wrapped the gifts so beautifully.

  While we were shopping, Caitlin and I simultaneously got word from Darcy about the baby. Caitlin laughed as she said, “I’m so tempted to write her back telling her this is old news!”

  My next weekend in New York was still a few days away. I had already sent an updated resume to Meredith Carey and was hoping to hear from her soon. I couldn’t think of a job that would be better suited for me or a boss that would guide me as well as I knew she would. You just get that feeling when you meet a kindred spirit.

  Kindred spirit
s, I lived by the idea of my life being filled with them. Over the years I had met people, not often, but when I met them I knew it was for a purpose. People who knew me, got me, saw me and still loved me. My childhood friend, Lily, was the first. Her house was a home—I ate most of my dinners there between fourth and sixth grades until she moved away. Also Miss Parsons, my magical, inspirational English teacher, who saw in me what no one else looked close enough to notice, and Caitlin, my dearest friend in the world. Caitlin helped me in such a way that I could accept help without feeling indebted or ashamed.

  I first read that phrase, kindred spirits, in Anne of Green Gables. I’ve probably read the book ten times cover to cover. As a kid, I was a big fan of books where the orphan girl made it out and rose above her circumstances: Anne of Green Gables, Jane Eyre, The Little Princess. Those books—all books—were a refuge to me growing up. I could lose myself in them; a temporary reprieve from my own miserable surroundings, from my loneliness.

  Caleb

  I realized, while holding Rebecca for the first time, that I’d never really had a clue about what Rene had gone through. My feeling when I first held that warm bundle in my arms was a crushing sense of sadness, of longing. It was the first time I actually felt the loss of what Rene had been carrying inside of her. It was the first time I acknowledged there was a baby involved, a life. Was it a boy or a girl? My son or my daughter? I’ll never know. Back then, when I was in it, I was consumed with losing Rene and that’s all. The thoughts shook me and though they did pass, I felt the need to hug Rene, hold her close to me and never let her go.

  As I looked around the room and took in the joy and love there, I became wrapped up in the love I felt for this little miracle and the love I felt for my entire family. I knew…no, I hoped with everything I had that Rene would be a part of it someday.

  Luke looked like he could have jumped over a building in a single bound. He was bursting with pride and joy. Everyone, as we stood in that hospital room celebrating, was overjoyed.