by Lily Foster
Sara gave me the name of a good framer. I was going to head there one night this week after work so the picture would be ready by his birthday.
Monday came quickly and then the next several weeks flew by in a blur. There was no easing in period at work and I was glad. I wanted to shoulder responsibilities from day one and Meredith definitely expected that from me. After handling production issues during the broadcast, I spent my days researching, planning the logistics for upcoming guests, and reaching out to snag guests for future broadcasts.
About one month in, Meredith asked me to lunch. She asked for my feedback and I asked her for a performance review of my work so far. She was constructive and generous with her praise. She also gave me guidance and pointers on how to handle some of the other duties she was going to ask me to shoulder in the coming months. She switched to French about halfway through lunch and I was happy that I’d been working on improving my fluency since returning from Paris last year. She asked if I still remembered our conversation about Chamonix and then told me she’d just received her tentative schedule, which included two weeks broadcasting live from the winter Olympics. I couldn’t hide my excitement when she told me I would need to clear a month on my schedule, as I would be heading over two weeks early to prep. When I thanked her again for the opportunity, she laughed and said I might be cursing her by the end of the assignment. Meredith told me that assignments like these were around-the-clock work, anything but glamorous. I didn’t care. I was just thrilled to be invited to be a part of it. I knew I could make myself indispensable there, as a translator in the very least.
I woke Caleb up on his birthday by crawling underneath the covers and taking him in my mouth. He gently fisted my hair and I couldn’t tell by his moans if he was fully awake yet but either way, I knew he was enjoying this. Before his release he lazily dragged me up over him and entered me as he kissed me slowly, with purpose. The first few months we were together we never went without a condom, even though I was on birth control. Both of us were gun-shy about taking even the slightest chance. But now there was nothing between us and the warm surge of him when he came deep inside of me was a feeling best described as being completely joined to him. He didn’t move for a few minutes and I was glad he held himself inside me; I didn’t want to break the connection between us. “Best birthday present ever, Beaumont.”
“Wait, I’ll be right back.”
I went into the bathroom to clean up and then came back out wearing only a pair of lacy boy shorts. I knew Caleb loved to look at me topless so I indulged him as I went to go get his present from the closet.
As I moved around he whined as he stared at my breasts, “Get back in here so I can get my hands on those.”
“Patience, Caleb.”
I plopped back on the bed and handed him the package. I couldn’t look at him as he read the note I’d attached. I tended to lay it all out when I was writing and now I felt a little bashful at what a mush he must think I’ve become. But his eyes were wet when he raised my face to his and laid one gentle kiss on my lips. He then opened the paper on the frame and just stared at it for over a minute before he looked back up to me with wonder in his eyes. “How did you do this?”
I told him the story about Beatrix Drew and then grabbed the rest of the pictures that I had printed. The one I had framed was a black and white where we were sitting close, face to face. The framer steered me towards a driftwood-like frame that was perfect. This was a smaller picture, for his desk. I also framed a larger, different print for his apartment. It was the one where he was standing behind me, holding on, as we were looking out at the ocean. I think I liked that one because, no matter how much I fought against it, there was a part of me that loved the idea of this strong, capable man standing behind me, holding onto me, keeping me safe.
Caleb
That was, by far, my best birthday ever.
Just having Rene in my life was the best gift I could hope for. But having her here, living with me for at least a few weeks, being able to hold her in my arms through the night—it was just so good.
After a lazy morning we took off for the beach, where my entire family was already set up. Darcy had Rebecca in her arms most of the day. I think she took Darcy’s mind off her troubles. Luke and Kate, my parents, me and Rene all spent the day in and out of the water and then had a barbecue at the house. Not the usual drink-ups of my previous birthdays but so much better.
I spied Rene holding Rebecca a few times during the day and wondered when that desire would strike her. I didn’t think it was a question of if she wanted children because she had made offhanded comments here and there that indicated she did. I did think that she was not in any particular rush and that was fine with me. I wanted time as a couple, time to travel, and wanted her to feel as if she’d achieved a certain level in her career before we took that step.
As the summer transitioned to fall, Mick and I were setting the groundwork for our venture. I was killing it at work, hoping for a giant bonus as a send-off as I went out on my own. I really didn’t fear the financial repercussions of not having a paycheck, as I had a trust from my mother’s estate to fall back on. It was just my competitive nature. I always wanted to beat my personal best. Last year’s bonus was a huge number to top and I was making it my mission.
Chapter Fifteen
Rene
It was a sad day for me when I moved into Maureen’s. I know Caleb would have preferred I stayed put. I would have preferred it too. Living with him was like playing at being married to him and I liked it. I actually cooked for him a few times with passable results and curling up with him at night was familiar and comforting.
After I moved out I pretty much stayed at Caleb’s every weekend and spent at least one night during the week with him. Caleb was working long hours lately so on those nights it made more sense to stay at my place, closer to the studio. Maureen was a great roommate. We commuted together, usually went to the gym after work and Thursday nights we always went out with our work friends. Just about everyone we worked with was young so it almost felt like an extension of college.
As I had hoped, Caitlin was averaging at least one trip to New York per month and I had made it out to Chicago twice, once on my own and once with Caleb. Caitlin was busy with grad school, traveling, shopping and boys. She combined her talents with her love of retail therapy by starting an online store that specialized in upscale, but lesser known, up and coming designers. I had no doubt she would grow the business into a success. For someone who came off as totally carefree, Caitlin had razor sharp instincts and wasn’t afraid of hard work.
Whenever Caitlin came into town, we would try to get Jenna down and the four of us girls would make a weekend out of it. Sometimes Darcy’s high school friend, Kasia, joined us and she was a great addition to our group. Caitlin and Kasia immediately hit it off, as they were both into fashion and merchandising and I also just found Kasia easy and fun to be with. She started coming to spin class with me and Maureen; I felt as if another kindred spirit had drifted into my life.
Everyone was in a good place. Darcy and Jenna were teaching. Both seemed like they were made to work with kids. Darcy’s life had become pretty hectic, as she was teaching and taking care of James with Tom. It was a lot of responsibility but she seemed truly happy. She loved being a mother.
I couldn’t see myself as a mother yet but one day I wanted children. I could see Caleb being a great father. I wasn’t nearly there yet, though. I was loving work, having fun living in the city and was just enjoying being part of a couple. Caleb was as attentive as he could be between spending long hours at work and planning the new business with Mick. We spent most nights off together at his place or out with friends.
To be with Caleb in New York was to be on his home turf. On occasion, it was unnerving. After the rugby matches, when we were out at clubs, when we ran into his old high school friends—not often—but sometimes, an old flame would approach him and overtly flirt. He always shut the girl
down right away but it sometimes bothered me when it happened. How much of a player was he before we had gotten together?
“What’s wrong, Rene?”
I always kept it to myself, as I wouldn’t allow myself to be a whiny, jealous person, but one night after a few drinks, I let it fly. “I wish, just once, you knew what it felt like. I wish you had to endure one of my old fuck buddies sidling himself up against me looking for a hook-up for old time’s sake.”
His lips formed a surprised O and then he laughed at me. When he saw that I was not amused, he looked slightly annoyed. “You think I don’t know what it’s like to feel jealous of guys looking at you?”
I gave him my most bored, petulant look. “No, I don’t.”
He nodded with sarcasm in his eyes. “Right, Rene. Finn practically eye fucks you every time I take you to a work function. I’d like you to stay home after the rugby games because I often want to slap guys senseless when I see the way they look at you. Come on, Rene, I don’t get mad because I trust you. Am I encouraging any of those girls?”
“No.”
“I will never hurt you like that, Rene. You have to let it go.”
I remembered those words bitterly after leaving Caleb’s office Christmas party one Friday night in the middle of December. Caleb had asked me to go but I said I probably wouldn’t be able to make it, as Meredith was taking a few members of her team out for a holiday dinner and I didn’t feel like I could miss it.
This was Caleb’s last holiday party at the firm and he was looking forward to it. Only Ed knew that Caleb was leaving after the New Year.
When our group broke after our late dinner, Dana, one of my friends from the show, came with me downtown last minute to meet up with Caleb. I saw Ed when I first walked in the room. He was well on his way. He greeted me loudly, grabbed me in a big hug and spun me around. I really liked Ed and knew that Caleb was looking to poach him away from the firm after he was established. Ed went to grab drinks for Dana and me. We took in the scene. Dana was commenting on how gorgeous all of these finance guys were when my eyes landed on Finn. When our eyes met I went to smile but his eyes went wide, panicked, and then he looked in the direction of the dance floor. My eyes followed. Caleb was dancing with a redheaded girl who I immediately knew had to be Cherry.
I don’t know how long I stood there staring. It was probably a total of one minute but it was enough time to fully take it in and I was now on the verge of a panic attack. Caleb’s arms were around her waist, resting on the swell above her ass, and her arms were around his neck. Their bodies were close. They were talking, smiling at one another and swaying to the beat of the slow song. I felt like the room stopped and I was about to retch. My hand instinctively reached out and grabbed Dana’s wrist. I practically barked, “We have to go.”
She started to protest for a second but when her gaze followed mine, she snatched our coats off the chair she’d slung them over and followed me out of the trendy, Meatpacking District spot and back out onto the cobblestone street. “What the fuck was that, Rene?”
“Dana, was I overreacting? Would you consider that being way too cozy with an ex?”
“That was an ex? She looked like a Playboy centerfold.”
“Thanks.”
“Sorry, Rene.”
“So?”
“Um, yeah, that would have totally upset me if I were in your shoes.”
My phone pinged with a text:
Where r u?
Don’t worry about it. Keep dancing.
Come back in.
Fuck no. I mean, fuck u.
“You up for a late one, Dana?”
She plastered a smile on her worried face. “Yep, lead the way.”
We hit a bar close by that was packed with good-looking twenty-somethings. I was filled with anger that was born out of hurt and embarrassment. Not only did I feel like he was a dishonest shit, I felt ashamed. The way Finn looked at me, like he also thought Caleb had been caught in the act, burned me. I didn’t think of myself as a stupid girl who believed in fairy tales but I had believed in Caleb and now felt like I’d been conned.
I drank shots, danced and flirted right back when guys hit on me. I wanted to hurt him. Go home with one of these guys. No making love, just a straight-up fuck. I wouldn’t do it. That just wasn’t in my DNA but he would have deserved it. I did drink more than twice I would have normally. Dana was a good friend. She stayed out with me, rallied when she was tired, but kept her wits about her. I think she was afraid I could get myself into real trouble tonight and she was right.
It was probably four by the time we made it back to her apartment in Chelsea. I woke up the next morning on her couch feeling like my mouth was the Mojave Desert. My head was killing me. I dragged myself to the kitchen and drank nearly a liter of water. I grabbed my phone off the floor and turned it back on. I needed to text Maureen so she didn’t worry. There were about twenty missed calls from Caleb. Screw him. And multiple texts. The font was too small for my eyes to focus on in my current condition. I shot a quick, likely misspelled text to Maureen and my phone rang a minute later.
“Where are you? Caleb practically busted down the door last night. What the hell happened?”
Her voice resounded like a gong banging in my head. “I’m at Dana’s. Maureen, I can’t get into it now or I’ll be sick. I’ll tell you later but I’m going back to sleep now.”
“Please text him. He looked like he was going to freaking cry when you weren’t here by three.”
“I can’t. Can you just text him that I’m at Dana’s. Don’t tell him you know where she lives, ok? I just need a break. I’ll be home later.”
I woke several hours later to Dana gently tapping me. “Hey, stay and crash as long as you like, Rene. I’m going out with my sister in a little while. I wanted to make sure you were ok.”
“Sorry, Dana. I feel like I dragged you into my downward spiral last night.”
She waved me off. “You’d do the same for me.”
I felt the tears well up again as I asked, “Dana, be straight with me. Do you think Caleb was cheating on me?”
She let out a pained sigh. “Rene, I don’t know. I would have felt the same as you did. It didn’t look so innocent. I mean, her tits were practically right up under his nostrils! But last night you told me Caleb was leaving the firm after several years. You think maybe that was just a goodbye between two old friends who shared a past?”
“Yeah, but the way they were dancing, holding each other. It hurts.”
“I know, sweetie. Promise me no drinks for you tonight though, ok? I think we both may have permanently damaged our livers last night.”
Caleb
I thought Finn was looking to cut in. I shot him a look that said, “Are you kidding me?” over my shoulder. I was annoyed he was interrupting us. I didn’t have any lingering feelings for Cherry but she had heard the gossip that I might be leaving. I asked her to dance when she came over and we were talking about old times; it was no more than a proper goodbye. Cherry had been in the middle of telling me that even though it didn’t end as she wanted it to, she was happy for me.
“Caleb?”
“Can it wait, Finn?”
He looked pissed and shrugged. “Yeah it can wait. I just thought you’d want to know that Rene was here and she left. Ok, carry on. Don’t want to interrupt whatever this is any further, asshole.”
My throat went dry instantly. I mean, I wasn’t doing anything wrong, technically, but as I looked down at Cherry’s body then, I saw it pressed up close enough to mine to make this look messed up. My arms dropped to my sides. “I gotta go.”
“Caleb, do you want me to call her to explain?”
As I was grabbing my suit jacket I shook my head. “No, Cherry, I don’t think that would go over big.”
“Finn, did she say where she was going?”
All of a sudden he looked disinterested, like I was bothering him. “Nope.”
“You don’t have to be a total dick ab
out it. I wasn’t doing anything.”
He rolled his eyes, nodding sarcastically. “Yeah, that was nothing. If you were a millimeter closer you would have been fucking Cherry on the dance floor. I’m sure Rene will be very understanding.”
“Can’t say I’m going to miss you, Finn.”
I didn’t wait for him to shoot off a snotty retort. I bolted. On my way downstairs I texted her and got a reply that made me panic—to say that she sounded angry was putting it nicely. I didn’t see her on the street outside. My calls went straight to voicemail and she didn’t respond to any more of my texts. I called Maureen but she hadn’t heard from Rene.
It was after midnight. I started walking, poking my head into clubs and bars. There were a dozen places on each block in this neighborhood. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack. Midnight turned to one, then two. I headed uptown to her apartment and when Maureen let me in and said she still hadn’t heard from her I practically lost it. Where the hell was she? Who was she with? At three I left, thinking maybe she’d gone to my place.
Empty.
I was furious, proof being the fist-sized hole in my living room wall. I was mad at myself and I was also scared knowing that Rene was drinking and could be putting herself in a dangerous situation.
The next morning, on about two hours sleep, I woke when my phone vibrated with a text. I was disappointed when I saw it was from Maureen.
Hi. Didn’t want u to worry. R stayed at Dana’s last night.
She home now?
No, still there. Bye.
The “bye” was clear and intended to end the conversation; don’t ask me anything, don’t attempt to explain yourself and that’s all the help you’re getting from me, douchebag.
I knew the drill. Rene would shut me out now. No communication. She would keep it up, too. I wasn’t going to get to tell my side of it—and I wasn’t exactly sure what that was—until I tracked her down and cornered her.
Rene
I finally showered, threw on some of Maureen’s workout clothes and flip flops and headed home. It was December but I didn’t even feel the cold.