Luke sunk back into his chair, which gave me hope that this issue between us could be repaired. Although, I wished he didn’t have to be threatened to do so.
To lighten the tension, I cracked a joke. “Since when did you become Dr. Phil?”
“I have more wisdom in my left pinky toe than that bald headed quack does,” she sniffed.
“He has a PhD in clinical psychology,” Luke pointed out.
My grandmother levered a stare at him that could make a grown man cry. “I have a PhD in life and that is far more valuable than any fancy-ass paper embossed with gold lettering.”
Luke shut his mouth real tight and dropped his gaze to the white tabletop.
Satisfied, she folded her hands neatly in her lap, slipping into the role of a dignified woman. “ Now, who wants to go first?”
“Grandma…”
Ignoring my warning, she swiveled her head over to Luke. “You look like somebody pissed in your tea, so if I had to guess, Marlene did something to warrant that.”
“Hey!” I said, offended. “Maybe it was his fault.”
My grandmother arched an eyebrow. “Was it?”
“No, but it could have been. Luke isn’t a saint either.”
He scoffed. “I’m more of saint than you are. You haven’t gone with me once to the homeless shelter to give out food.”
“I went with you last year for Christmas. Don’t tell me you forgot that too.”
He straightened in his chair, ready to tangle. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“The garbage, your socks and underwear littering the floor—should I go on?”
My grandmother whistled loudly, putting an end to our futile argument. Luke and I glared at each other across the table.
“This hurt you are both experiencing isn’t about mundane house chores,” My grandmother assumed correctly. “It’s about something that cut to the core.”
The number one rule about pregnancy was that you don’t tell anybody for at least ten to twelve weeks, when the risk of miscarriage drops. If my grandmother found out, so would my mother, which would incite a barrage of unwanted advice and meddling. However, if by some miracle my grandmother could patch the hairline crack that had formed in our foundation, I would do just about anything.
Sighing, my gazed centered onto his face. “Can I? If not, then that’s fine but I don’t see the harm in it besides fueling the gossip mill.”
He shrugged. “I guess.”
Irritation at his childlike behavior simmered through my veins. When comparing his fuck up to mine, his won. Competing in the comparison game though was equally as childish.
I turned to Grandma. “You have to promise not to freak out.”
Her fingers swept in the pattern of cross my heart and hope to die.
As I opened my mouth to speak, Luke beat me to the punch.
“Marlene is pregnant.” As pissed off as he was at me, the note of pride in his tone couldn’t be dampened.
My grandmother squealed, then, remembering her promise, bounced silently in her seat while she golf clapped. I couldn’t help but laugh at her infectious joy.
“Oh! How exciting. This is wonderful news,” she cooed. “Another child. What a blessing.”
“It is a blessing but unexpected,” I said.
She waved my statement away with a flick of her wrist. “Pish posh. Life is unexpected, but it works out in the end.”
Her positive attitude used to annoy me as a teenager but as a grown woman, it was refreshing. She didn’t allow tragic events, like her late husband’s death, jade her. I should yank a page out of her handbook.
“Have you made an appointment to see a doctor yet?” she questioned.
“Not yet. I found out quite recently and haven’t gotten around to it.”
“Not that recently,” Luke mumbled.
Grandma’s head whipped around and she glowered at Luke.
This time, he met her stare head on. The tension skyrocketed in the room, neither willing to break eye contact. They had the stubborn gene in common.
“Ok, enough,” I smacked my hand on the table, putting an end to this madness. “Luke is pissed off because he wasn’t there when I peed on the stick, but Camille was. She knew before him which I have to agree isn’t right but at the time, I wasn’t thinking. I was freaked out to holy hell and unprepared for the two pink lines that appeared.”
“You forgot somebody,” Luke interjected.
My head titled the side. “What?”
“I said you forgot somebody.” His cutting tone slashed my heart into ribbons. “Matthew also knew about our child before I did.”
Gob-smacked, my eyes blinked rapidly. “How did….”
“He called me when I was in the basement. While we were discussing the tour, he asked if I was sure I wanted to leave, of course he realized his mistake and ended up backtracking but anybody with half a brain would know that he knows. So tell me, when did Matthew find out? Was he also in the bathroom with you and Camille, sharing in the joy and excitement?”
Luke had the ability to be a royal asshole but it had been a long time since I have been at the receiving end of it. My grandmother for once held her tongue and remained mute.
Finding my voice, I spoke. “He has a lot of experience with pregnant woman and figured it out by my symptoms. Doesn’t that say something?”
“What are you implying?”
Anger was by far the most infectious and toxic emotion. It seeped into your blood stream, riddling your body with wickedness.
My narrowed gaze matched Luke’s. “I’m implying that maybe if you weren’t so self involved with your own bullshit you would have seen the symptoms too, but then again, how would you recognize the signs? It’s not like you were around the first time.”
The screech of his chair sliding backwards was like nails on a chalkboard. He planted his palms on the table and leaned forward. Sadness no longer resided in his eyes but something far worse did. Aloofness.
“I’m done with this conversation.” A few seconds later, the basement door slamming shut rattled the house.
“Okay, that went well,” I mumbled, sarcastically. “Piece of advice though—don’t quit your day job.”
Grandma took Luke’s old seat, which offered a clear view of the pity that lined her face. In a perfect world, the crumbling demise of my relationship wouldn’t have any witnesses. That was impossible to ask for in this family though.
“You messed up,” she stated bluntly.
“I’m your granddaughter! You are supposed to have my side, not his.”
“Yes, but Luke became family once you gave birth to Nil.”
“Fine, but to be fair he is overreacting a tad bit. I mean who cares who knows first and who doesn’t? What’s important is that we have a healthy baby.” The justifications of my actions were weak, however, I had a hard time admitting I was in the wrong.
“That’s true, but have you thought about the fact that maybe it’s not the act itself but the meaning behind it?” Grandma asked.
A light bulb clicked on over my head. Luke did say he wanted to be my support system yet I’d run to my best friend instead of him during a state of panic. Old habits die hard.
My duh moment must have shown because my grandmother patted my hand. “He can’t stay mad forever.”
“How could I be so stupid?” I bemoaned.
“Pregnancy hormones. They are a killer on relationships.”
I lifted myself from the chair, determined to set things right between Luke and me. We both said things that should have been kept in the privacy of our own heads. Lesson learned, now we move forward and enjoy the future that awaited us.
My grandmother tugged on my sleeve. “Don’t act rash. He needs to calm down and so do you.”
“I’m calm.”
“You are emotional.”
“I’m always emotional. That isn’t going to go away.”
Her mouth set in a thin line, she forcefully pointed to my chair.
I plopped back into the hard wooden seat and crossed my arms.
“Do you want to know what will prevent divorce?” she asked.
“Never going to bed angry?” I guessed.
“The opposite. Whenever your grandpa and I fought, we walked away before it got too heated and didn’t speak until the storm blew over and the seas were calm.”
“Isn’t that called sweeping things under the rug?”
“No that’s called forgiveness.”
Her infinite wisdom killed my cheekiness in its track. My knees jangled restlessly while I battled against the desire to talk to Luke. Most likely, he was lost in a world of music. He retreated there whenever he got upset. I should dip my toes into his coping methods. Mine involved copious amounts of chocolate, which sounded amazing right about now. Walking to the fridge, I grabbed a dark chocolate bar from behind the milk and leaned against the counter as my teeth bit off a chunk.
“You should eat healthier, Marlene. The baby requires nutrients,” Grandma lectured.
“My fiancé is currently avoiding me. I’ll eat a salad after we kiss and make up.”
“It’s your body.”
Her statement made the candy bar I was enjoying suddenly taste like chalk. Cursing, I threw it in the trash and settled for a green juice. Grandma pretended as if she wasn’t delighted that her tactic worked.
“I promised Nil I would sneak her a piece of cake if she stayed in her room while we discussed grown up things,” she said.
“We don’t have cake. Only that healthy gluten free, dairy free whole-wheat zucchini loaf that mom sloughed off on me.”
She tapped the side of her nose with a mischievous grin. Catching onto her game, I laughed. Nil couldn’t be fooled with imitation cake, trust me, I’d tried, but if my grandmother wanted to give it a go, she had my permission. After I cut off a thick slice, she grabbed the plate along with a glass of chocolate milk and retreated to Nil’s bedroom. When there weren’t any cries of despair, I deemed my grandmother’s trickery a success.
Hours later, Nil had gone to bed and Luke still hadn’t shown his face. Sitting at the dining room table, I stared blankly into my mug as if it held the answers to life.
“Hey.”
My chin jerked upwards. His hands buried in the front pocket of his vintage sweatshirt, Luke wore a sheepish grin.
“Hey,” I breathed. “You’re alive.”
“Yeah, although starving. The mini fridge in the basement only contains beer and an old packet of hot dogs, which is weird because there isn’t a stove down there. I’m starting to think we should do that, though. Put a kitchen in. It would make for a nice addition if anybody wants to stay with us.”
Luke’s nervous ramblings put the butterflies in my stomach at ease. Any emotion besides anger and cold distantness meant that our fight had gotten knocked down a few notches. We could actually discuss our issues reasonably.
“Come sit,” I patted the chair next to mine. “Do you want some tea or a peanut butter sandwich?”
“Both would be amazing. Thank you.”
As I set about making him dinner, he tapped his fingers on the table. It sounded like a new riff.
“Did you write a new song?” I asked.
Polite chitchat wasn’t my thing but considering Luke and I had been at battle most of the day, I missed hearing his voice when it didn’t hold contempt for me.
“Not new exactly. It’s one I wrote a couple of years ago right before Nil was born.”
“What’s it about?”
He unfolded a piece of paper from the pocket of his jeans, crumbled and stained at the edges. “It’s an apology letter to Nil about how much I love her and miss her. I’m turning it into a song but spinning the ending into a Happy Ever After.”
My heart squeezed as a smile lifted my lips. “You can’t spin something if it’s the truth.” I set the sandwich down in front of him. “I keep thinking how crazy it is that we are here together as a family when just a couple of month ago that didn’t even seem like a possibility.”
Luke wiped his palms on his jeans. Regret clouded his eyes, but before he could open his mouth to utter an apology, I beat him to the punch.
“I’m sorry. I know you want to be my support system and you are. However, so are group of amazing women—but from now on, they will support me in matters you don’t want to, like chapped nipples, breast feeding versus bottle feeding, etc. I’ll save the big moments for you.”
Luke bowed his head to gather his emotions. Either that or he was praying. Since he believed in a power no higher than Jimi Hendrix, I bet the former.
After a moment, he spoke. “I’ll support you on all matters and I’m glad you have friends that do as well, but that’s not why I was upset, which granted was the wrong reaction. It should have been jumping on the couches elation because that’s what I felt inside.” Luke cleared his throat. “It’s just I wanted to experience that moment together and every single moment here after together. No matter how big or small they are. This baby is my second chance to do right.”
“Remember where you were when you got the call about Nil?” I asked.
“Yeah, I was at band practice. I didn’t want to leave you at home because you were sick with what we thought was the flu.”
“I practically had to shove you into your car.” Luke and I laughed at the memory. “But once you did, I crawled to the bathroom and crossed my fingers that my hunch was correct. It took me an hour to muster up the courage to call you with the news. We were young and sure as hell not financially ready to take care of a child, but I didn’t doubt for a minute that there wouldn’t be enough love.” My eyes shined with unshed tears. “Two miles spread before us that day and a thousand when you left but you were always with me in spirit, Luke. Maybe that’s not the same but….” I shrugged. “Your presence is stronger than any ghost. Some days, I forget you weren’t physically there. Even though you are back, that hasn’t changed.”
Luke came around the table, tugged me by the hand to my feet and into his arms. I melted into his loving embrace, our fight forgotten.
His mouth inches from my ear, he spoke. “I want to have a million babies with you, Marlene Anderson.”
My heart tripled in size when my future last name dripped from his lips. I had wanted his last name to be mine since the first day we met.
The next four weeks were a blur of sleeping and sawdust. Since we were on such a tight schedule, Luke and I spent every last waking minute at Norma Jean’s. My dear fiancé wouldn’t let me wield any saws, hammers, power tools, or even a paintbrush due to my knocked up state. I acted as an interior designer instead and the employees at Home Depot became my best friends, which was a nice change from the hostility pouring from the construction crew. They were pissed because I’d decided to add a wedding package to Norma Jean’s. That meant a bride and groom could rent the whole restaurant plus the upper two levels of the house for guests. The second floor needed minimal work but the attic had to be completely reconstructed from scratch.
I’d told Hendro that it didn’t have to be finished by opening date. A ball of good cheer, he’d growled and thrown his hands in the air, mumbling my name like a curse word. I’m almost positive if Matthew hadn’t been around, he would have spit on my shoes as well.
Matthew had been at Norma Jean’s alongside Luke nearly every day, repairing the crown molding to its former glory. The man deserved a thank you dinner.
That night, I was in charge of the food while Luke took it upon himself to act as bartender. Our tiny house could scarcely host three people, but at the last minute Luke had invited his other band mates, my grandmother, and my mother over. He said our baby deserved a party. When I’d reminded him the real reason we were having this dinner, he’d convinced me that Mathew would prefer if the focus weren’t entirely on him. Besides, Luke had added, who complained when free food was involved?
Unable to disclaim that, the gathering morphed into a celebration. My exhausted self couldn’t bear the th
ought of cooking for a crowd, so I ordered two large pizzas. I made the chocolate cookies because the inner pastry chef would have scoffed at a store-bought dessert. What can I say? I’m a sugar snob.
Luke set up a makeshift bar in the living room. High priced liqueurs, soda water, and garnishes were placed elegantly on the vintage teacart.
Dressed in a drop waist dress, Nil asked Luke for a Shirley temple, her voice heavy with a southern accent. It was by the far the highlight of the evening and the party hadn’t even begun yet. A feverish excitement buzzed in the air.
“Hey, Luke!” I called from the kitchen. “Would you mind grabbing the wine glasses for me?”
Straining to reach the highest shelf in the cabinet, my fingers brushed the stems. Sometimes, I really hated being short.
Luke laid his palm against my lower back. “Whoa there! I know you’re mighty, woman, but it might be time to retire the cape until the baby has arrived.”
He assisted me off the step stool and took my place. I watched as he effortlessly gathered the eight glasses. “Where do you want them?” Luke asked.
“On the dining room table is fine. I’m thinking wine in the kitchen, hard drinks in the living room.”
As he walked past, his lips skimmed my cheek. “You are a genius, love.”
So far my favorite thing about pregnancy was how Luke acted like a prince, massaging my feet, fetching random cravings no matter what hour, and uninvited flattery.
With his back turned, my arms encircled his waist. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Breaking our hug, he turned around and got down on his knees in front of my stomach. “And I love you, baby.”
Nil peaked her head around the doorframe. “What ‘bout me?”
We’d told her about her future brother or sister a couple of weeks ago. She’d reacted how I thought she would, pensively. After a terrible temper tantrum, it had become apparent she felt as if her role was being threatened. Since then, we’d gone to great lengths to ensure otherwise.
Luke beckoned Nil to his side. “All of you are my number one gals.”
“What if the baby is a boy?” she asked.
To Cherish and To Hold (Love of a Rockstar #1.5) Page 5