He’d remarked to himself on more than one occasion that she never talked about weddings in a hopeful way, with a sense that she thought of herself as ever being a bride. He’d thought it sad. Well, now she would be a bride. His bride. And he’d been thinking about it all wrong. To her, her wedding would be special because it didn’t involve giant slabs of foamcore and color-coded stickers.
And then it occurred to him that she wouldn’t have needed all that, anyway, even if she wanted the kind of wedding he’d thought she should. She didn’t have that many people with whom to share a day like that.
Jesus Christ, he really was an asshole. He walked into the dining room and straight up to her. Vicki saw him coming and stepped back. Deeply involved in her work, Shannon still hadn’t noticed him, so he wrapped his hand around her arm and turned her back to face him. She jumped a little, gasping in surprise.
He wrapped his arms around her waist. “I’m sorry. For all of it.”
She put her hands on his arms, but she didn’t smile. “I don’t understand why it matters so much to you.”
“It doesn’t. Not for me. Making you mine matters. I just want you to have what you really want. I wasn’t listening. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He looked over at Vicki. “I’m going to take my old lady for a little while, Vicki.” Returning his eyes to Shannon’s, he asked, “That okay?”
“Where are we going?”
“Not far.”
She nodded, and he took her hand and led her out of the dining room. He led her out the front door, down the porch steps, and over the gravel drive to the barn. When they got there, they found Badger in the room he’d made into his office, working on some paperwork.
“Hey, Badge,” Show said. “Step out for a few, brother.” He could feel Shannon’s confused eyes burning into the side of his face, but Badge, knowing what was up, just nodded, getting up from his desk and going out the side door.
He led Shannon to Edgar’s stall. She came, but he could feel her resistance building up. “What’s going on, Show?”
Edgar was in the corner of his stall, his face in his water bucket. Damn horse. Show blew a gentle whistle. “Get over here, fella.” The horse nickered and took the few steps to the stall door, dropping his head over it. His forelock was braided with green ribbon. Shannon noticed, and her brow wrinkled. She wasn’t getting it.
Show felt stupid. He wasn’t one for grand gestures, and now he thought even trying something like this had been a ridiculous idea. But he wanted to do this right, make up for the way he’d proposed and the way he’d been acting.
“Show?”
Fuck it. He’d gone this far. Might as well play it out. He took her hand. “We were out here with Edgar the first time I felt the thing that became what I feel for you. The love. I don’t know if you remember, but for me, it was here. You were teasing me about knowing how to braid a mane. You looked at me in a way that felt…it felt like my heart started up again. It hurt. It scared me. I didn’t want it. I wanted to stay dead inside. Felt safer to stay dead. I was an idiot. I still am. I’m sorry I wasn’t listening about the wedding. I’m sorry I proposed with my hand up your dress. I want to do it again and do it right.”
He pulled a small blue box out of an inside pocket of his kutte. He’d bought it in St. Louis and had it for a couple of weeks, but hadn’t found the right time. Almost since he’d proposed, every time getting married had come up, they’d fought.
He thought about getting down on one knee, but that didn’t feel right to him. So he handed her the box. “I love you, Shannon. You brought me back. Filled me up when I was rotted hollow. I will love you until I die. Will you marry me?”
She was holding the box in her hands, staring down at it, but she hadn’t opened it. Now Show was starting to worry that he’d fucked everything up again.
Finally, she opened the box. “Oh, God. Show!” she gasped.
“You are a beautiful woman. You love beautiful things. That was the most beautiful ring I saw.” He took the box from her and pulled the engagement ring out. There was a matching wedding ring for later. The engagement ring was a diamond solitaire set in platinum, with a diamond-encrusted band. The band was wrought in a pattern the salesperson had called “infinity.” Show had thought it apt.
He lifted her left hand, her nails polished a rich plum, and slid the ring onto her slim, pale finger. It looked perfect, and fit like it was made for her alone.
“God, Show. It’s amazing. But it’s too much. It must have cost—”
He grabbed her face in one hand and kissed her quiet. She knew too damn much about engagements and weddings. He didn’t want her to ruin the moment with a number. It had been expensive. But things had changed for him, the Horde, the town. He could afford it. More than that, she deserved it.
When she’d relaxed into him and wrapped her arms around him, he lifted his lips from hers and whispered, “Don’t talk about money. Do you like it? Will you marry me?”
She smiled. “Yes. And yes. And for the record, this was lovely, all of it. But I also loved the way you proposed the first time. I don’t need grand gestures from you. I just need you.”
~oOo~
“I want you to come with me next weekend.”
They were sitting in their yard, in new wooden lawn chairs, listening to the cicadas. They’d been talking about Adrienne and her continuing adventures in Europe. She was in Italy now. Hearing about her travels made Show think about Daisy and all that she’d wanted to do in her life.
He missed his girls. And they needed to know Shannon before he married her. He couldn’t just drop a stepmother on their heads.
“How will Holly feel about that?”
“Holly already knows about us. She probably knows we’re getting married. She has friends in town still.” He laughed. Holly was an inveterate gossip. She’d always been right in the center of the hens every Sunday after church. “They keep her informed.”
“She’s okay with it?”
He shrugged. “She left me, remember. And yeah. She seems to be. She’s made a couple of sarcastic comments, but nothing big. I’m sure she’s heard what you look like. She’s probably jealous.”
She smiled a little at that, and Show winked when she met his eyes. She blushed and looked away. A little guilty vanity—she liked the thought of Holly being jealous. It was cute. For some reason, it made him feel a little proud.
“I guess they should have a chance to meet me before we get married.”
“What I was thinking.” They were getting married at the end of August, the one weekend without a big event scheduled at the B&B. And they were doing it in the woods, next to the little creek. A barbecue on the lawn afterwards. That’s what she really wanted. Simple. Easy. Except for the part where the whole town was coming to the barbecue.
“I’ve spent my life avoiding kids. I hope they don’t hate me. I hope I know how to act.”
He took her hand in his. “You’re good with Gia, now. And Rosie and Iris are older. Thirteen and ten. Also, they love girly shit. I’ll call and let them know you’re coming so they’re not surprised. It’ll be okay. They’re good girls.”
“Of course they are. Okay.”
~oOo~
A man Show had never seen before opened the door to Holly’s apartment. Show checked the number on the wall next to the door, thinking he’d somehow gone to the wrong one. No—this was Holly’s place.
The guy was short, maybe five-nine or so. Greying black hair, slicked back from his forehead. Wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Beer belly. Who the fuck was this guy in the house where Show’s daughters lived, answering the door like he belonged there?
Show stood up as tall as he could get and stared down at the interloper. The guy looked up and forced a smile. “Hey. You must be Show. I’m Ted.” He held out his hand. Show ignored it.
After a second, Ted dropped his hand and looked back over his shoulder. “It’s him, babe.” He moved clear of the door.
“C’mon in.”
Holly came down the hallway, like everything was normal. “Hey, Show. The girls are finishing up in the bathroom.” She looked behind him. “I guess you’re Shannon.”
Show could feel Shannon begin to step around him, moving toward Holly, probably to make acquaintance, but his mind was on other things. He stepped forward and grabbed Holly’s arm. “Talk to you in private?”
He sensed ‘Ted’ take a protective step in their direction, but Holly shook her head. She wrenched her arm from his grip. “Come on. We’ll talk in my room.” She turned and headed down the hallway.
When they were in her room—he noticed that both sides of the bed were unmade—she closed the door and turned back to him. “What’s your problem, Showdown?”
“Who the fuck is that guy? Did he sleep here last night? Are you fucking him?”
Holly’s eyes were huge and irate. “What is it to you? You have your fiancée out there. You’ve been fucking her for months. What do you care what I do?”
“My girls live here! I have a right to know who’s around my girls! Who you’re fucking around my girls!” Jesus, he was pissed. It felt bigger than he understood, though. He couldn’t get his hands around it.
“Keep your voice down, Show,” she hissed. Ironic as hell that she was telling him not to yell. “Again I say—you brought your redhead here for your weekend with the girls. Where do you get off pitching a fit about Ted?”
“Eight years, Holly! Eight goddamn years you said you couldn’t stand the pain of it. Was that all a lie? Fuck!” Ah. There it was.
She stepped back, her expression changing, softening as she comprehended what he hadn’t even fully understood until the words were in his throat. “Oh.” She hesitated, and Show felt her guilt. She had lied. Jesus. All those years without. Without even a loving goddamn touch.
“No, Show. I didn’t lie. There was more than just that coming between us, you know there was, but I didn’t lie. I didn’t want it, either, though. There was stuff, medicine or whatever, I could have done to try to fix what hurt, but I didn’t want to. I was glad to have the excuse. It was easier to say I couldn’t than I didn’t want it.” She sighed. “Anyway, it doesn’t hurt with Ted. It did at first, but then it didn’t anymore. Does it really matter at this point?”
It did, actually. A lot. Their marriage had died a slow, starving death, and maybe it needn’t have. Maybe if she’d kept trying, they could have had that back. Maybe everything would have been different. If she’d wanted it. Him.
But did he want it to be different? Would it have saved Daisy? He didn’t see how. And, except for missing Rosie and Iris, he was happier split from Holly. They’d never been a good fit. Shannon was the woman he wanted. He calmed down and took a breath. She was right. It didn’t matter. There was no use being angry about something so old. They were both happier now. “Okay. Sorry. I just—he’s good to the girls? To you?”
“You know I wouldn’t have anybody around who wasn’t. He’s a good guy. He was…patient with me.”
Show was starting to feel like a dick for coming at her like he had. If after everything she’d gone through, the pain and trauma, she could have that part of her life back, that was a good thing. He should be glad for her. He was. “It’s serious?”
“Yeah. I wouldn’t have him here if it wasn’t.”
“What’s he do?”
“He sells cars. Can we go back out now? We left them standing in the living room together. That’s got to be awkward.”
Oh, shit. He’d been so overtaken by anger at the sight of Ted that he’d just walked away from Shannon, abandoned her in the middle of his ex-wife’s apartment. “Yeah.”
When they got back out to the hallway, Rosie and Iris were standing in the doorway of their room, watching.
“Hey, flowers. Ready to go?” They nodded. Iris lifted her backpack to show him how ready she was. Since Holly had allowed overnights, he always took them to Little Rock for the weekend, taking a room at the Embassy Suites, so they wouldn’t have to sleep in the same room as their old man.
Guiding the girls in front of him down the hallway, he looked toward the front door. Shannon was standing there. She was smiling at the girls, but when she met his eyes, he saw that he was going to pay for being a dick to her just now.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Shannon was furious, but she had no place to put it. After several painful minutes, standing next to Ted, making the smallest of small talk, seeing Show’s daughters come out of the bathroom and stand for a minute in the hallway processing the argument coming from their mother’s bedroom, not to mention Ted and Shannon standing near the front door, Shannon was struggling against the urge to just get out. Then Show and Holly came out of the bedroom. Show smiled at his girls and walked them toward her, up the hall. She smiled, too. There was a lot riding on the girls liking her, she thought. So hurrah for Show making it as incredibly awkward as he possibly could. That was just peachy.
“Girls, this is Shannon. Shannon, this is Rose and Iris.”
Shannon, feeling angry and scared and embarrassed, held out her hand to Rose first. “Hi, Rose.”
Rose shook her hand limply. “Hi.”
“And hi, Iris.” Iris shook more readily and smiled.
“You have pretty hair.”
“Thank you. So do you. I like your curls.” Iris had long, dark blond hair that curled into ringlets. She had it back in a ponytail, and the curls spiraled down her back.
“Got everything you need, girls?” They nodded, and Show pushed them toward the door. Shannon had still not officially met Holly, but she turned now and made eye contact. Holly nodded. Shannon supposed that would have to do. She smiled and returned the nod, and then Show had them all out of the apartment. He turned back to Holly, who was standing in the doorway.
“See you Sunday at noon.”
The girls trotted out in front, and Show grabbed Shannon’s arm from just behind her, leaning down close to her ear. “I’m sorry about that.”
“Yeah. We’ll talk. Later.”
He nodded and kissed her shoulder.
~oOo~
As awkward meetings with soon-to-be stepdaughters went, Shannon thought it wasn’t too bad. They’d planned to keep the girls occupied all day, so there wouldn’t be a lot of time for uncomfortable silences. They went to the mall first thing, and Show bought them not quite everything they asked for. There was a salon in the mall, and after lunch, Shannon took them in and got mani-pedis with them, while Show sat out in the mall and waited. Sitting three abreast at the nail stations, Shannon immediately second-guessed this idea she’d had on a whim, worried that they wouldn’t have anything to talk about without Show there, but they conferred on polish choices, and that grew into a conversation about clothes and jewelry. The girls oohed over her ring. They seemed okay with her presence in their father’s life. Maybe Show and Holly had been apart long enough—almost two years now—that they had come to terms with the fact that their parents had moved on from each other. Maybe it was Holly’s new boyfriend being around.
That thought brought to mind the question of why in the hell Show had been so pissed when he met Ted. Shannon shoved the question aside, because she could taste the acid in it. She didn’t want to think about it or make too much of it until she could confront him. Instead, she talked to Rose about her hair. She wanted to dye it black, but her mother wouldn’t let her. With her peaches-and-cream complexion, big blue eyes, and sweet pink lips, black would be much too severe. Shannon agreed with Holly. When Rose looked like she was going to pout, Shannon suggested she talk to her mom about temporary colors, that washed out, so she could try some without too much commitment. Maybe that way, she could try black, and she and her mom could both decide. Rose was mollified, and Shannon thought she might have escaped without getting into trouble with Holly. The stepmother gig was going to be something of a minefield, she could tell.
After miniature golf, dinner, and a movie, they went back to the hotel.
The girls swam in the hotel’s indoor pool, and Show, fully dressed in his boots, jeans, and t-shirt, and Shannon, in her emerald green bathing suit and floral pareo, sat at one of the tables—which was, oddly, fitted with an umbrella. With the girls splashing and shouting in the pool, Shannon used the opportunity to talk to Show.
“Why were you so mad about Ted? Are you…” It was hard to ask the question. She fiddled with her ring. “Are you jealous?”
He’d been watching the girls. At her question, he jerked his head to her. “What? No, hon! No! I…” He sighed. “I was surprised. I didn’t like seeing another man in my girls’ house. Like a father. And…with the shit that was between Holly and me. The sex thing. It took me a minute to get right with that. That was a long eight years we had at the end.”
Oh, right. Shannon had forgotten about the sex thing. Considering what she knew about his libido, she could believe that eight—no, nine—years without it had been torturous. Seeing that the woman who’d denied him because sex was too painful was having sex with someone else would be a shock. She understood, and she felt the ease move through her blood. She’d been pushing the worry away so hard all day, she hadn’t realized that she’d in fact been quite scared.
“I’m sorry I left you standing there with him. All that shit just filled my head when he opened the door.”
“It’s okay.” She took his hand. “I’m glad that’s what it was. The worst part was thinking you were jealous.”
He laughed. “No. What I feel for you, what we have—my life with Holly was never anything like this, not even when it was at its best. I’m happy, hon. A year ago, I would have said that was impossible.”
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