“Yeah. Well, I’m not Triton,” he said, meeting my eyes. “I would never betray you that way. Ever since that night, there’s been this wall between us, and you look at me sometimes and I know you’re trying to figure out when I’m going to plunge the knife into your back. And I get it. Most of the people you knew or cared about fucked you over in one way or another. I’m not them, and I never will be.”
“I know.”
He studied me. “You say that. I hope that you eventually start believing it.” He stood looking at me a moment longer, and then he leaned down and kissed me, gently, warmly.
“I don’t suppose you’re coming home with me?” he asked, pressing another kiss to my lips.
“I am,” I said. He looked at me in surprise, and I shrugged. “You are very convincing when you put your mind to something, husband. And I miss you,” I added.
A slow grin spread across his face, and something deep inside me unknotted. “I miss you, too, Tink.”
I took his hand in mine, and thought about our flat in Whitechapel, and, moments later, we were there, and I promised myself I would be better with him from now on.
Saving the world is an enormous responsibility, and one that I hold dear. But it is nowhere near as complicated as knowing that you hold someone’s heart, hopes, and dreams in your hand.
I am perfectly created for the first challenge, woefully inadequate for the second.
We settled ourselves in bed after Brennan sent Artemis home for the night. I fell asleep with Brennan’s strong arm draped over me, his naked body warm and firm behind mine. The comforting sounds of our flat —the clock ticking in the living room, traffic passing on the street below, the way the radiators hissed —should have made me feel better, safer. Instead, moment by moment, I felt panic start to weigh on me.
Every second I spent here in his arms was another second in which the undead were out there, unchecked. I tried to remind myself that my New Guardians were out there fighting them, but unless I am directly doing the destroying, I feel as if there is not enough being done. I have complete faith in my New Guardians.
But I have far more faith in myself. At least when it comes to hunting and destroying.
“Stop thinking,” Brennan murmured against my shoulder. He pulled me closer, and I tried to relax into him.
“I should be hunting,” I whispered.
He sighed, then I felt him move and he was gently pushing me onto my back, so that I was looking up at him.
“Go do what you have to do. It’s one of the things I love about you. Just don’t shut me out again, okay?”
I looked up at him, half of his face in shadow, half illuminated by the streetlight outside our bedroom window. He was beautiful, deadly, loyal, ruthless. He was every fantasy I’d ever had, even back when I believed that fantasies and dreams made me defective, brought to life.
“I love you,” I told him, keeping my eyes on his.
“Your eyes are glowing, Tink.”
“Yes, well. So are yours,” I said with a smile. His eyes were beginning to glow white, just as those of any of the immortals do. Mine glowed red, and, together, we seemed to bathe the dark room in rosy light.
“Seems to happen when I’m around you. Along with something else,” he said, flexing his hips a little, letting me feel how I affected him.
“Impressive,” I said.
“I try,” he said, and I laughed. “Go on, before I tie you up and keep you here forever.”
“You wouldn’t dare,” I said, smiling up at him.
“Don’t tempt me, Eunomia.” He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me tenderly, possessively, his tongue sweeping over my lips, stroking inside my mouth. “And I love you, too. Kick ass and come back to me soon.”
I nodded, and he kissed me again, and then he rolled over onto his side of the bed. He watched me dress, and when I was finished, he gave me a grin. “Now I want to rip your clothes off again.”
I hid a smile. “Maybe another time.”
“No maybe about it.”
I shook my head, and blew him a kiss, not trusting myself near him and a bed again, and I felt his eyes on me as I walked out. As I left the flat, my phone rang, and I dug it out of my pocket to see Mollis’s number on the screen.
“Mollis?” I answered.
“E.”
Something in that one syllable sent shivers up my spine.
“Mollis, what is it?”
“Nether.”
I froze. “What about Nether?”
“She’s raging. It hurts. I can’t…”
“Mollis. Mollis, listen to me. You can hold her, demon girl.”
“She’s not trying to get out. She’s so angry. Agitated.” Every word sounded painful. “She won’t tell me what’s wrong.”
“Okay. Nether, calm down,” I said, knowing that if Mollis could hear me over the phone, so could Nether. “Nether, you are hurting Your Prison,” I said forcefully. “Is that what you want?”
Mollis groaned, and I heard a deep voice in the background. Nain. There were a few muffled sounds, his voice again, and then he was on the phone. “E, this is bad,” he said.
“Okay. She is not trying to get free, though?” I clarified.
“She’s not. Not yet,” he said quietly. “I’ve never seen it this bad, E. Fuck. I hate this shit. I hate what this does to her. I hate that I can’t do a fucking thing to help her—”
“What you can do is calm down and not add to her stress,” I said sharply. “Get yourself together, demon.”
He snarled something impolite.
“Do I need to come over there?” I asked, pausing on the street in front of our building. “Or can I trust you to not become an absolute fool when Mollis needs you to be strong?”
“I’m fine,” he snarled. “She passed out. It happens when Nether gets to be too much. She just can’t do it anymore, and she kind of shuts down.”
I started walking. “Do you need me there?” I asked again, this time without the threat in my voice. And I immediately felt guilty, because I was hoping he would say no. I had already lost too much hunting time.
And then I felt guilty again, because what kind of wife am I, that the time I spend with the one I have vowed my life to is time that I immediately write off as frivolous and an interruption?
“You have shit to do. And what you do helps make her better. I’ll handle it.”
I breathed a sigh of relief.
“Remember that Nether loves her. Nether is not trying to cause trouble. It sounds like she is not trying to hurt Mollis, but that she has become afraid of something. Speak gently to and about Nether. Remember that she can hear you, that she has actual feelings, and that she has been through the kind of hell none of us can imagine. Remember that no matter what else she has done, Nether is the reason Mollis was able to return to us after what Ares and Dionysus did to her. Do not forget it, demon. You owe Nether your life.”
I heard him take a breath, as if he was calming himself down. “You’re right. Okay. I fucking hate this.”
“I know. But do not hate Nether. She has had enough of that in her lifetime.”
“I’m going to get Molls into bed now. Thanks, E.”
I hung up and shook my head.
I had things to do, apparently.
Chapter Six
I hunted. Every time I was sure my New Guardians and I had an area clear, we would find the undead killing and creating more of their kind. We seemed to be getting both London and Detroit under control, somewhat, but other areas were being torn apart by the undead. Humans were being killed at astounding rates, and though most of them did not become undead, enough of them did that they continued to multiply faster than my team and I could cut them down. Mollis was flooded with new souls, which she tried to judge between instances of having to try to control and calm Nether.
It was almost two weeks before I made it home again, and only after my team insisted on it.
“If you don’t get the fuck out of here for a
while, I swear I’m going to tell Our Queen that you’re being stupid,” Quinn finally said. It was the only threat that would have worked on me, considering Mollis’s situation.
“Only for a while,” I finally said in defeat.
“You have someone to go home to. Stop spending every second here with the fucking dead.” I knew Quinn was lonely. He had needs, just as any of us do. I studied him.
“What about the sea nymph? You’ve seen her twice. Is it not working out?”
“Go home!” Quinn said in exasperation. “You can’t fuckin’ solve everything. Focus on your own damn love life.”
Right. My love life. The one in which each brief telephone conversation I managed to have with my husband seemed more strained, more brief than the last. I had not called him in over a week, and I knew he would not be the one to call me and risk distracting me.
So he had not called, and neither had I, and now I had to wonder what kind of mood he would be in when I arrived home again.
My life was so much simpler before.
I shook the thought off the moment I had it. Stupid. As if going back to being an isolated, lonely, emotionless husk was acceptable or even possible. I focused, and rematerialized in our flat. Brennan was asleep in the recliner in the living room, one small lamp illuminating the area where he was sleeping. His laptop was open on his lap, and I knew that, as usual, he had been up too late putting out fires that only seemed to multiply as the days passed. I had paid enough attention to the news to know that the violence between humans and supernaturals in London had not ceased, and had spread to other areas, specially those most affected by the undead. Detroit, Tokyo, Paris, and Toronto were all becoming war zones in addition to dealing with dozens, hundreds of their people dying by the day.
I knew, from Mollis, that Brennan had not only continued to work for peace in London, but had tried to work with his old contacts in Detroit to do the same there. He and Artemis had been traveling between the two cities, trying to snuff out the flames of violence and discontent.
I stood and looked at him. After a few moments, he opened his eyes. He was silent for a moment.
“You’re home,” he finally said.
“I am.”
He looked away.
“Things have been bad here, I hear,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest. The chill between us was almost palpable.
He nodded. “I don’t know what else to do,” he said after a few more moments, and I had the sense that he was not talking just about the violence, but perhaps about us, as well.
“All we can do is keep fighting,” I said quietly. “Eventually, it will get better.”
“You believe that?” He ran his hands through his hair tiredly.
“I do.”
He gave a short nod.
“Where did you just come from?” he asked after a while.
“Paris. We cut quite a few down. I intended to stay and fight, but the New Guardians insisted I go home for a while.”
He let out a small snort and shook his head.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“I hate it when you say that. If you have something to say, you should say it,” I told him.
He stood up and shook his head. “You’re looking for a fight. You’re not getting one tonight. I’m too goddamn tired.”
“You seem to be the one looking for a fight. Are you even happy I’m home?” I asked, hating the fact that I felt like I was about to cry.
He stopped and stared at me. “Of course I’m happy you’re home. I just wish that for once you were happy to be here. Or that it was even your idea to come home at all.”
“I am sorry,” I said slowly and icily. “There is a war going on out there, and I am one of eight beings in this entire realm who can stop it. I am so sorry for not being here to soothe your ego and give you a place to shove your cock.”
He shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah, sure. That’s totally what I want you for, E. Good to know that our entire relationship has apparently been built on you feeling like I’m the only one getting anything out of it.”
“That’s not what I—”
At that moment, my phone rang. I kept my eyes an Brennan.
“Answer it.”
“I do not need to.”
“Yeah, you do. I lost whatever attention I had from you the second it rang, anyway.”
I shook my head in irritation and dug my phone out of my pocket. “It is Hephaestus.”
Brennan gave a terse nod, and I answered the call.
“E! How soon can you get here?” Heph boomed.
“As soon as you need me. Why?”
“Lethe wants you. She’s not making any fuckin’ sense to me, but she seems to want to tell you something.”
“All right. I am coming,” I said. I hung up and looked up at Brennan.
I opened my mouth to explain, and he shook he head. “Lethe. I heard. Go ahead.”
“Come with me,” I said. I did not expect to say it. I did not even know why I had said it, other than that I knew I had hurt him and I wanted to do something, anything to make it up to him.
I seem to hurt him, over and over and over again. One of these days, I feared, he would grow tired of how cold I could be. “I did not mean it,” I whispered, reaching forward and placing my hands on his hips. “You know I did not mean that the way it came out. Maybe that is all I feel good for, most of the time. But I know that is not what you think of me.”
He took a breath. “We’re both stressed out and under a ridiculous amount of pressure. I’m sorry I acted like an asshole.”
“You did not.”
“I kind of did. I’m pissed off and tired and frustrated. It came out. I should have handled it better.”
I rested my forehead on his chest, and he put his arms around me. “We will be okay,” I murmured against his t-shirt.
He lowered his head and kissed me softly, just below my left ear. “There’s that confidence I love so much,” he joked.
“Will you come with me?” I asked.
“Yes. I’ll come with you.”
We left, rematerializing at Hephaestus’s small brick home on the east side of Detroit.
When we arrived, it was on the back porch of Hephaestus’s home. The entire first floor of the house was lit, light flooding from the windows, even at this late hour. Before I could even knock, the back door flew open, and Hephaestus’s large frame filled the doorway. He pulled me in for a quick hug, nodded at Brennan, and led me into the house. “She’s incoherent mostly. You know how she is. All we were able to get was that she wanted to talk to you.”
I nodded and we stepped into the living room. Lethe was sitting on the sofa, Gaia on one side and Meaghan, Hephaestus’s wife, on the other.
I went to Lethe and knelt in front of her, taking both of her hands in mine. She had been looking off into space, unfocused, and, at my touch, she looked directly at me.
“Guardian,” she said.
“I am here. Was there something you wanted to tell me, Lethe?”
She watched me closely for a moment. “The end.”
I was torn between being impatient and utterly spooked. I ignored the prickles down my spine and gently squeezed her thin hands. “Lethe. The end of what?”
“Everything,” she whispered. I met her eyes and, instead of seeing the usual, dreamy look I was accustomed to, there was focus there. She was well aware of what she was saying to me.
“You have heard this?” I asked her. I could sense the tension in the room, those around me listening closely to every word Lethe said.
She shook her head. “Maybe. I do not know. But it is the end, and my nightmares and my waking hours will soon be one and the same.”
Nightmares again. Dreams. Brennan likely would not like it, and I did not like it either, but I knew that once I finished with Lethe, I would go in search of the dream gods once again.
“What do you see in your nightmares, exactly?” I asked Lethe.
She lo
oked at me with those disturbingly clear eyes once more. “The end. How many more times can I say it, Guardian?”
“Can you give me something more concrete than that?”
“Do you think the end of the world will be neat and tidy, easy to describe? Do you think I can give you a list of what will happen and in what order?” she asked sharply. “I am telling you this is the end, and the dream gods have foreseen it and shared it with me.”
I forced myself to stay calm. Confirmation, finally, of what Mollis and I had suspected. One of them were involved, and now it was more important than ever to find Morpheus and his cohorts.
“Can you tell me where to find them?” I asked Lethe.
“Dreams. You find them in dreams.”
“Yes, well. I do not have time for that. I have searched for Morpheus in several places I have heard of him calling his own over the years, with no luck. Can you give me any hints?”
“Dreams.”
“Yes…” I blew out a breath. I’d lost her. She was looking at me in that far-off, distracted, dreamy way she had. “It is all right,” I told her. Gaia came and helped her up, giving me a sympathetic look.
“What the hell was that all about?” Meaghan asked.
“Nightmares. I still need to find these dream gods. Even if they have nothing to do with whatever it is Lethe is trying to say, they have to be involved somehow.” I stood up to go, and Meaghan jumped up.
“Hold on. Eat something first. You look like death,” Meaghan said.
“I am supposed to look like that,” I told her, and she laughed.
“Still… you can even take it to go if you need to. I’ll feel better if you eat, though.”
It is impossible to say no to Meaghan. She is sweet and caring and I do not think she has a duplicitous bone in her body.
I smiled. “All right. Thank you.” I ended up sitting with Meaghan and Gaia. I ate quickly, but I think Meaghan was pleased. I thanked her and asked her to call again if Lethe wanted me.
When I left, it was for Egypt, which is another place Morpheus was rumored to haunt on occasion. In truth, I was running out of places to look, and I knew damn well that if Morpheus did not want to be found, he wouldn’t be. But I would try, and then I would try the next place. Eventually, something would turn up.
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