Ice and Embers (Regency Redezvous Book 10)

by Melanie Karsak

  “You all right, Miss McKenna?” Tom asked.

  “Yes. Fine. I…I left you a healthy stack on the table. I do hope my signature fetches you some coin,” I told him and with a nod, I moved through the crowd toward the chocolate vendor. My heart beating hard in my chest, I looked frantically around for John and that girl. There was no one. They were gone.

  Lizzie came up to me. “What’s wrong?”

  “Lizzie,” I said, taking her by the arm. “Did you see Joh—Lord Waldegrave?”

  She looked confused. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “There,” I said, pointing to the chocolate stand, “with a woman in a red bonnet.”

  She frowned hard. For the second time that day, her face flushed with anger. “No, I did not. I would certainly say so if I had…right after I smacked him in the face. Was it him? Are you certain?”

  “I think so. Yes, I’m certain. He was there with a lady in a red bonnet.”

  Lizzie and I both looked around the crowd. There was no one nearby wearing red.

  “Maybe…maybe she was a friend?” Lizzie offered.

  “No. He kissed her cheek in a tender way, like a lover.”

  “Then it wasn’t him. He’s devoted to you, Elyse. I’m sure of it.”

  I slipped off my glove and showed her my hand. “Tomorrow night. We’re planning to elope tomorrow night.”

  “Then it wasn’t him. The crowd is large. It was not him.”

  And if it was? If it was John, then he was not with Kai. That could mean Kai was still in danger.

  “When are you planning to see him again?” Lizzie asked.

  “I…I’m not sure.”

  “Then send word for him to come meet you.”

  “I cannot.”

  “Why not?”

  “His family…his father is very ill, and I don’t exactly know where he is staying.”

  “You don’t know where he is staying?” Lizzie asked, her eyes narrowing. She fingered the crystal pendant she was wearing. “Doesn’t that strike you as odd, especially if you are intended to be his wife?”

  “I know his estate is in Twickenham. He’s just in London for a short while because his father is ill.”

  “If his father is ill, why is he here in London and not at their estate? Waldegrave…aren’t the Waldegraves connected to Smallbridge Hall in Suffolk? My grandmother lived not far—”

  “Oh no, he said his estate is in Twickenham. It was inherited from Lord Walpole.”

  Lizzie’s forehead furrowed as she thought it over. She shook her head. “I confess, I don’t know. Such people are like the stars above us. Only Lord Byron bothers to roll around at our level,” she said with a laugh. Despite my upset mood, I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Roll around, eh?” I asked.

  Lizzie’s cheeks burned very red very quickly. “I, um, well. Marve said we need to get back. We need to pack up our supplies before the performance. Please don’t worry. If he loves you enough to wed you, then all is well. Just…just ask him and measure his honesty with an open mind.”

  “As you measured Byron’s?”

  Lizzie laughed. “That man has no honesty. At least, not with me. Perhaps not with anyone.”

  “Oh, someday he’ll meet his match. Men like that always do. But tell me, does he roll around well?”

  “The best,” she said wistfully.

  I sighed, my thoughts momentarily drifting to the handsome poet. “So I imagined.”

  Lizzie laughed, and at that, I set my worries aside. No. It could not have been John. It wasn’t possible. It just wasn’t possible. No one who truly loved me could ever betray me like that. John had done as he’d promised. He’d gotten Kai safely home. All would be well.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Back at the Ice House, we worked busily packing up our belongings. Skippy brought the wagon from the theatre, and we soon began stripping anything of value. If the Thames reclaimed the river overnight, she would not take all of Struthers Theatre’s hard-won belongings with it. I stuffed the Persephone costume into my bag then quickly dressed as Titania as I prepared for the evening performance.

  The crowd that gathered outside that night was much smaller than it had been the night before. From the number of wagons going back and forth between the river and the city, it was clear that crack in the ice had made people nervous. From my spot backstage, peering through the theater entrance, I saw that at least two of the tents that had been across from the theatre were now gone.

  “Thinning out,” Marve said as we peered through the slats.

  “They’re frightened.”

  “It’s cold tonight, though. Colder than last night, I think.”

  I nodded.

  I scanned the crowd. No Kai. No John. Not even the baron was there.

  Onstage, Hermia pleaded with Theseus for the right to marry the man she truly loved.

  I frowned. Where was John? For that matter, where was Kai? I was impatient for the play to be done. I wanted to go home and talk to Kai. He had a lot of explaining to do, and I desperately needed his advice. What if I had seen John today? I bit my lip and tried to rein in my frustrations. I would channel them to Titania.

  Hermia’s scene ended, and I took to the stage.

  “Ill met by moonlight, proud Titania,” Robert called.

  “What, jealous Oberon?” I retorted bitterly, loving him and hating him all at once. I looked back to Hannah and the others who were dressed as faeries. “Faeries, skip away. I have forsworn his love and company.”

  “Rash woman. Aren’t I your lord?”

  “Then I must be your lady.”

  Once more, Master Shakespeare took control. Letting my anger and frustration roll out of me through Titania’s lines, I diced Oberon with my words until he turned the tables on me, making me fall in love with a man who was an ass.

  Before I knew it, the play was done and once more I was backstage listening as Anderson delivered Puck’s final words. I mouthed my favorite lines along with him. “If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended, that you have but slumbered here while these visions did appear.”

  Finally, curtain call came.

  While the others were in a jovial mood, I couldn’t wait to leave.

  “Elyse, want to come for dinner?” Lizzie asked me. I could see by the expression on her face that she knew something was wrong.

  “No, thank you. It’s been a long and very odd day. I’m going to stop by the Hawkings’ then head home. I think I need some sleep.”

  “All right,” she said with a careful smile. “We’ll see you in the morning.”

  I nodded then went back out into the night. The river was much quieter than it had been the evening before. The families and fine ladies and gentlemen were notably absent. Debauchery was in full swing, but the better class of people had gone. I eyed the masts of Captain Behra’s ship as I made my way off the ice. Her lanterns were still burning brightly. My stomach flopped. But I reminded myself that it didn’t matter. She could be annoyed with me as much as she wanted. As long as Kai was out of her grasp, I didn’t care if she was jealous and angry with her husband. That was her problem. I was an innocent. How was I to know he was married? How was I to know he was the Frost Fair Prince? Surely she could not begrudge me that.

  I felt at my inside pocket. The mirror was still there. Later tonight, I would test it, see what moonlit enchantment it held. Part of me fancied that it would really work, but there was no such thing as magic.

  I turned in the direction of the Hawkings’ workshop. As I went, I realized I had not done as I had originally planned and gone to the millinery between shows. I had no dress to wear tomorrow night. I sighed heavily. How could I forget such a thing? I would go first thing in the morning before I returned to the Ice House.

  As I neared the Hawkings’ workshop, I slowed. The house was dark. That was odd. It was not late. Surely they would still be awake. Maybe Master Hawking and Isabelle were out. I could still stop and see the gen
tleman.

  I knocked on the door.

  A few moments later, the footman opened it. “Miss McKenna,” he said nicely. “I’m very sorry, but the master and Miss Isabelle are not in.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry to hear it. Perhaps…perhaps I can see Doctor Murray’s patient if he is still awake.”

  At that, the servant smiled. “Ah, we have good news there and the very reason the Hawkings are out. The gentleman recalled his memory. Master Hawking and Miss Isabelle went with him to the Bow Street Runners and to meet with the gentleman’s family.”

  “Oh, that is good news. Well then, I’ll be sure to stop in the morning.”

  “Very good, Miss McKenna. I’ll be sure to let Master Hawking know you were by. Goodnight,” he said and moved to close the door.

  “I’m sorry, just one more question. Was Doctor Murray here today?”

  “Doctor Murray?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m sorry, we haven’t seen him today.”

  “Not at all?”

  “No, Miss McKenna.”

  “Very well. Thank you very much.”

  He nodded then closed the door.

  My mind lost in the circus of confusion that surrounded me, I hurried home. At least it was good news that the gentleman was well. I would have to inquire again and see if I could learn his real name and the circumstances that found him in the river. The matter set aside for the moment, I turned and headed home. All my thoughts bent on Kai. I had no right to begrudge him a fling with a foreign beauty. After all, I didn’t own him in any way save the familial love between us. But still. He had no right to make me worry, and it wasn’t right for him to have a liaison with a married woman.

  When I reached the front door of my home, I looked up. I could not see our garret windows from the ground. I hastily let myself inside and raced up the steps. Panting and out of breath, I flung open the door of my flat hoping the light would be on and the fire lit, a guilt-ridden Kai sitting at my table nursing a headache. But the room was cold and dark.

  I swung the door shut behind me and rushed to the window, drawing back the curtains. A waft of cold air rolled off the glass window pane. The Frost Fair roses Kai had given me sat wilted in the vase. Kai’s window was dark. I opened the latch. Crawling out, I stepped carefully across the roof to Kai’s window and opened it.

  I looked inside to find the loft was entirely dark and freezing cold.

  “Kai?” I whispered into the darkness.

  There was no answer.

  Frowning, I closed the window then sat down on the roof between our garrets. The flower pots between the windows sat empty, the dead plants clinging lifelessly to the sides. I looked up at the sky. The moon was shining. How many summer nights had Kai and I spread out a blanket on the roof and lay looking at the stars? And before it was just the two of us, our grandmothers sat with us, giving us lemonade and sweets as we watched the moon drift across the night’s sky. And now, where was Kai?

  I stared at the moon. And then I remembered the baron’s gift.

  I pulled the mirror from my pocket. I looked into it, seeing a look on my face that I didn’t recognize. I looked very sad. “Why so sad, Elyse? You’ll be Lady Waldegrave by tomorrow night.”

  As the moonlight shimmered down onto the mirror, the sparkling silver took on a strange hue. The looking glass glowed with a blue light.

  “Isn’t that what you want, Lady Waldegrave?” I whispered to myself then looked back at Kai’s dark window.

  I looked once more into the mirror. The image therein surprised me. I saw myself, smiling as if the sun shone down on me. For a moment, the image fogged and a hand appeared on my shoulder, another face coming into frame behind me. Kai set a sweet kiss on my bare neck before he looked up at me through the mirror and smiled.

  Yelping, I dropped the mirror into my lap.

  My hands trembled.

  I squeezed my eyes closed and drowned out the voice inside me that yelled things that did not make sense. I loved John. Surely I did. I loved him, didn’t I? But if I did, if I truly did, then why could I not shake the sense that my affection for John was nothing more than a whim, no stronger than Kai’s attraction to the captain. If I truly loved him, why couldn’t I shake the sense that marrying John would cost me the one thing I valued the most. Kai.

  Moving carefully, I picked up the mirror and slipped it back into my pocket. I didn’t dare look at again. I went back inside my garret apartment and locked the window behind me. I lay down on my bed, sliding the mirror under my pillow. I could hear Granny nagging at me to remove my coat and boots, but I couldn’t get up. I closed my eyes, feeling the tears prick at the corners. The hot tears slid down my cheeks, and sobs followed. I wept so hard my body shook.

  I groaned then clutched the blankets with my hands, squeezing them into fists.

  “Kai, where are you?”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  I woke the next morning in the hope that Kai had returned during the night, but still, his window was dark. Had John failed to retrieve him? Was he ill? Hurt? Had Kai sent John away, preferring to stay with the captain? A dark mood fell over me as I considered that the captain’s jealousness might cause her to do something rash. Surely, I was being paranoid.

  In a wretched mood, I dressed and headed back to the river. My stomach felt like someone had tied it into knots. I needed to do something. Things couldn’t drag on like this with me not knowing what had befallen Kai, even if it was just a lusty interlude.

  When I arrived at the Ice House Theatre, I found that the backstage tent had been stripped down to her bare bones. The wagon waited outside so it could be loaded at the first warning that the Frost Fair was done. Inside the tent, I heard the voices of my fellow players as they prepared for the morning show.

  I went to my section and began preparing for the morning pantomime. I slipped on Persephone’s costume then worked on fixing my hair.

  I knew I should feel excited, but I could not. Instead, I felt frightened. I was supposed to get married tonight, to elope with a man I loved. It was everything a girl like me should have wanted. But if so, why did I feel so sad?

  I picked up the makeup brush to line my eyes when Marve called me.

  “Elyse? Are you in yet?”

  “Yes, I’m here.”

  A moment later, Marve arrived at my partition. I could see his shadow on the other side of the dressing screen as he hesitated.

  “I’m dressed.”

  Marve chuckled then turned the corner. “Ah, yes. Here is Persephone. You were so quiet this morning that I thought you were running late.”

  I gave him a half-smile.

  “What’s the matter?” Marve asked, his forehead furrowing.

  I shook my head. “It’s nothing.”

  “My dear, you have been in my company for five years. Don’t tell me it’s nothing.”

  “I’m all right, just distracted.”

  Marve nodded then began rocking back and forth on his heels. “Well, perhaps this will cheer you. A gentleman in the audience asked me to send you this before the performance,” he said then handed me a box.

  “A gentleman?”

  Marve nodded. “He said there is a note inside.”

  “What’s in it?” I asked.

  “I have no idea,” Marve replied then pulled out his pocket watch. “But I do know we are on in ten,” he said with a smile then turned and headed to the stage.

  I slid open the box. Gently, I lifted a pair of new ballerina slippers from the box. The shocking red of the silk thereon was unlike anything I had ever seen. It was the red of a brand new rose, a heady, luxurious color.

  At the bottom of the box was a folded note:

  For Miss McKenna,

  A small token of my gratitude and esteem.

  Lord John Waldegrave.

  I chuckled. A light in the darkness, here was an unexpected gift from John. Why hadn’t Marve just told me it was from him? Perhaps he didn’t want to ruin the surprise.


  I slid off my boots and slipped on the red slippers. They were perfect. I tied the long red ribbons around my ankles.

  “Oh, Elyse,” Lizzie said in an excited gasp.

  I turned to find her standing at the entrance of my section.

  “They’re so beautiful. Who are they from?” she asked.

  “John.” But I hadn’t told him about what had happened to my old slippers, had I? I couldn’t remember. Perhaps he just wanted to surprise me. I tied the other red silk ribbon into a neat bow then admired my feet.

  “Such a fine gift. They’re so lovely,” she said with a smile. “So tonight is the night,” she whispered in a low voice.

  I nodded, feeling that terrible sense of dread once more.

  Lizzie eyed me curiously then her forehead furrowed. “Here, let me do your makeup,” she said, lifting the blush brush.

  I turned and faced her.

  “Are you nervous?” Lizzie asked lightly, but there was an odd catch in her voice.

  “I…I don’t know what I am feeling today.”

  “And Doctor Murray? What has he to say on this matter?”

  “He…he doesn’t know.”

  At that, Lizzie stopped. “Elyse, are you very sure this is what you want?”

  I looked down at the red slippers.

  “Not the title, not the red slippers, is he the man you want? Do you love him?” Lizzie asked.

  “I…it’s what any of us dream of, isn’t it? A fine title? A man of station? An estate and life of ease?”

  “Maybe,” Lizzie said. “Maybe, but if this is what you really want, why do you look so sad? Is it the elopement? We are actresses. An attachment with women of our station is always undesirable. Has he made you feel embarrassed?”

  “No. He told me he was prepared for some gossip but that it would pass. No. It’s not that, it’s just…”

  Lizzie looked at me. “Doctor Murray?”

  I nodded. I felt my tears threaten.

  “Don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup,” Lizzie said with a soft smile.

  I took a deep breath and steadied myself.

  “Ah, my dear, what can we ladies do? I do not envy you this trouble, but if I can help you, you must tell me,” Lizzie said.