by Iris Gower
‘If there’s anything I can do,’ she said, ‘just ask.’
As she moved to the door, Tom followed her and stood outside on the step, looking down at her. ‘Go to our Gwyneth, tell her Mam needs her.’ He was almost begging. ‘Mam’s nearly out of her mind with the pain of it all.’
‘I’m sorry,’ Eline said again though the word was futile, inadequate. ‘I’ll tell Gwyneth at once.’
Eline hurried along the street and paused for a moment outside Will’s shop. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and went inside and, as her eyes became accustomed to the gloom, she saw Will standing near the counter, staring at her with such a look of happiness that she felt the colour rise to her cheeks.
‘I must see Gwyneth,’ she explained quickly in case he misunderstood her presence in his shop. ‘Her mam is sick, she needs her to come at once.’
‘What is it?’ Gwyneth came out of the shadow of the shelves. ‘What’s this about my mam?’ She sounded suspicious almost as though she thought Eline was playing some trick on her. ‘I thought she was down at Port Eynon.’
‘She’s back,’ Eline said softly, ‘Joe and Tom are with her, she’s very ill, she needs you.’
Gwyneth looked from Eline to Will uncertainly as though she couldn’t make up her mind what to do.
‘She’s lost the baby,’ Eline said reluctantly, knowing that nothing else would convince Gwyneth that she was needed.
‘Oh, my God!’ Gwyneth said quietly, ‘poor Mam.’ She pulled on her shawl and moved quickly to the door.
‘I’m sorry, Mr Davies, I’ll have to go,’ she said breathlessly.
‘That’s all right,’ Will said, ‘I’ll come with you, see if there’s anything I can do to help.’ He turned to look at Eline, holding the door open as though bidding her goodbye. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go,’ he said quietly and she wondered if she had imagined the happiness in his eyes.
Eline looked up and, seeing Will’s polite expression, suddenly felt very tired. ‘That’s all right,’ she said, ‘I’m going now, my home is not in Oystermouth, perhaps it never was.’
As she walked away from the shop and towards the train terminus, Eline felt she never wanted to set foot in Oystermouth ever again.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Fon sat in the warmth of the garden that backed on to the whitewashed walls of Honey’s Farm. Above her head arched a trellis of roses and the heavy scents drifted towards her as she cradled the sleeping child on her knee. Patrick lay in the crook of her slim arms and there was a contented smile on the little boy’s face as his chubby fingers curled around Fon’s hand.
Fon smiled down at him; in the few weeks she had been here on Honey’s Farm, she had grown to love Patrick dearly. She spent most of her time with him except for the evenings when he was in bed and then she sat with Katherine and stitched the holes in Patrick’s linen.
Katherine had come to depend on Fon’s company until about nine o’clock, when she would settle down to sleep, issuing firm instruction that Fon was to help Jamie with the books for he could not be relied upon to balance the figures correctly or order fresh supplies.
A sudden heaviness came over Fon, like a shadow passing over the sunlit garden, and she shivered. She had come to love the time she spent with Jamie, that hour before sleep took her, the hour when the cattle had settled for the night and the farm was silent. Then they sat together in the lamp-lit kitchen, working over the books. On occasions, she felt that she and Jamie were meant to be together, to be close, but that was an area of her feelings that she must not, would not, explore.
Sometimes she almost thought that Katherine was pushing them together, encouraging some sort of relationship between then, but that feeling must surely be attributed to Fon’s own fevered imagination.
She lifted up Patrick’s small body, heavy now in sleep, knowing she must put him in his bed where he would be more comfortable. She took her time over the task, enjoying the sound of soft, contented breathing and the feel of smooth baby skin against her cheek. When she’d settled him down, covering him with only the lightest of sheets, Fon made her way to Katherine’s bedroom.
‘Come in, there’s a good girl, I want to talk to you.’ Katherine looked paler than ever, even her hands on the bedclothes were as white as if they had never seen sunshine. Fon looked down at her own hands, they were golden with a sprinkling of freckles and she knew her face, too, would be freckled, something that she had always hated.
‘Would you like an iced drink?’ Fon asked quietly, still a little in awe of the woman in bed. Despite the fact that she was pale and suffering ill-health, Katherine had an indomitable spirit, a strength of will that Fon sometimes found intimidating.
‘Not now,’ Katherine said. ‘Come in and close the door, Fon, there’s a good girl. This is woman’s talk and I don’t want Jamie to hear.’
Puzzled, Fon moved towards the bed and sat on the edge of the armchair, hands clasped in her lap. ‘What is it, Katherine, are you feeling bad?’
Katherine sighed. ‘No worse than usual but I have to confide in you, Fon, and I think that now the time is right.’
Fon was suddenly cold in spite of the sun slanting over the gardens outside and the soft breeze bringing the scent of the roses into the room.
Katherine smiled. ‘Don’t look so frightened, love, it’s all right, it really is, I’ve had a long time to prepare for what I have to face.’
She sat up a little straighter and suddenly Fon noticed how hollow Katherine’s cheeks had become in the last few weeks.
‘You do want to stay on here, don’t you?’ she asked intently. ‘I can see you love my son and Patrick loves you, but are you sure there’s no follower who will come and sweep you off your feet?’
‘No,’ Fon said in bewilderment, ‘there’s no one. And yes, I do want to stay on here, I couldn’t think of any other life, not now.’
Katherine sighed as though content. ‘I have only a very short time left.’ Katherine spoke so matter of factly that Fon wasn’t quite sure she understood her correctly.
‘What do you mean?’ Fon knew she must sound foolish but a feeling of dread was beginning to develop within her.
‘Look, Fon, don’t waste time feeling sorry for me, I’m leaving this life, but I have no regrets.’ She rushed on before Fon could think of anything to say.
‘My only concerns were my son and my husband and this is why I tried a great many girls before I took you on. You will be a wonderful mother to my little Patrick.’ Katherine’s voice faltered but only for an instant. ‘And as for Jamie, so long as you help him with the books and the stocks he will be all right, too.’ She smiled softly. ‘He’s a good man is Jamie, just needs a little leading, that’s all.’
Fon found her voice at last. ‘Katherine, how do you know? I mean the doctors, surely they can …?’
‘There’s nothing to be done,’ Katherine said positively, ‘it’s a condition of the blood, incurable.’
She smiled. ‘Will you promise me, Fon, that you will stay here for as long as you are needed?’
‘Yes, of course I will.’ Fon felt tears mist her eyes at the courage of the woman in bed who could face death and think only of her husband and child.
Katherine handed her an envelope sealed shut. ‘I want you to open it … afterwards, is that clear?’
Fon nodded. ‘How long?’ she asked tentatively and Katherine shook her head.
‘I don’t know.’ There was real regret in her voice. ‘It’s too hard to predict but I hope I live to see Christmas once more.’
Fon rose to her feet and Katherine looked up at her. ‘Now how about that iced drink?’ she said in that matter-of-fact way of hers and Fon knew the conversation would not be referred to again.
‘I’ll fetch it straight away,’ she said taking her cue from Katherine, ‘and then shall I get on with sewing up Jamie’s working trousers? He’s torn the hem again.’
‘Good idea,’ Katherine said and sighing wearily, she fell back agai
nst her pillows. ‘Bring the sewing in here,’ she said, ‘I could do with some company.’
Fon lay awake that night staring up at the moon-splashed ceiling. In the corner near the open window a spider’s web shimmered like gossimer, as light and insubstantial as Katherine’s hold on life, Fon thought painfully. She wanted to cry for the bravery of the woman she had known for only a few weeks, but the tears seemed to have formed a hard lump in her throat and it was a long time before she slept.
She woke late the next morning and washed in the cold water in the basin in her room and dressed hurriedly before tiptoeing into Patrick’s room. ‘Bless us!’ Fon said in relief, ‘he’s still asleep.’
She hurried downstairs to the kitchen knowing that Jamie would want his breakfast but, to her surprise, Jamie was already up and was making a pot of tea. At the table sat a young man, his unruly hair falling over his forehead and with a dart of apprehension, Fon looked into the face of her brother.
‘Tom!’ Fon kissed her brother’s cheek. ‘Is anything wrong at home?’ She poured a cup of tea for herself and held it between her fingers, feeling suddenly cold and strangely insecure. She hoped he hadn’t come with bad news, she didn’t think she could take any more.
‘It’s Mam,’ Tom said, ‘she’s lost the baby. I think she’s going out of her mind with it all. I came to ask you to come home and look after her.’
Fon sank into a chair and sipped her tea, giving herself time to think. ‘Is Mam in any danger?’ she asked anxiously.
Tom shook his head. ‘No, not in any physical danger, anyway. She’s over the worst and she’s strong, she’ll get well but she needs someone with her all the time, see.’
‘And you think it ought to be me?’ Fon said bitterly. ‘You don’t understand, Tom, I can’t leave my job here. I’m needed, Katherine is not well enough to look after Patrick.’ She paused, feeling as though she was a traitor to her mother, but Fon had made a vow to Katherine and she would keep it at all costs.
‘Ask our Sal, let her come home, or Gwyneth, she’s only working down the road, let her see to Mam.’
Tom looked shocked almost as if Fon had slapped him. ‘You’re not coming?’ he said in disbelief.
Fon shook her head. ‘I’m not coming,’ she repeated. ‘I wasn’t consulted about all this baby business, was I? I was left in the dark, little Fon who couldn’t be told the truth. Well, I’m sorry, Tom, I can’t help, not this time.
‘Anyway, if you think I could live in the same house as that Joe Harries, the man who caused all this trouble, you can think again.’ She breathed deeply.
‘I’ve got my place here now, Tom, and I’m happy. I’m treated like a grown woman for the first time in my life. I’m sorry to upset you, Tom, but there it is.’
Tom rose to his feet. ‘Will you at least come to visit then?’ He spoke so anxiously that Fon relented a little. She glanced at Jamie and he smiled and nodded.
‘Go on you, you’re due a day off anyway. I’ll manage here for a few hours, don’t worry.’
Fon slipped into Katherine’s room and leaned over the bed. ‘Katherine,’ she said softly, ‘are you awake?’
Katherine opened her eyes and smiled. ‘I’m hardly ever asleep,’ she said ruefully. ‘What is it? I heard a strange voice in the kitchen, didn’t I?’
‘It’s my brother, Tom, he’s taking me home for a few hours. Mam isn’t very well, but I’ll be back, you needn’t worry about that.’
Katherine’s thin dry hand grasped Fon’s. ‘I have your word on it?’ she said anxiously and Fon smiled.
‘I’m not leaving here, I give you my word before God that I will look after Patrick and Jamie as I promised.’
She straightened. ‘Mam’s feeling sickly but I have two sisters who can care for her and then there’s Joe, it was his child Mam lost so she’s his responsibility.’ Fon moved to the door.
‘If I sound hard, I’m sorry but it’s too long a tale to go into now, I’ll tell you all about it one day.’
‘It will have to be soon,’ Katherine said softly, but Fon was closing the door and didn’t hear her.
Joe rubbed his hands against the oily rag as he tried futilely to get the white lime from the cracks in his skin. He stared down at Fon Parks, his brow creased as he attempted to understand her hostility to him. He was doing his best by her mam, wasn’t he?
‘She’s a bit mixed up, like,’ he said, ‘your mam hasn’t got over the loss of the babbi yet, not in her mind at any rate.’
‘Where is she?’ Fon faced him, a small, red-headed freckled creature looking much as Nina had done when she was young, Joe suddenly thought with a searing pain of nostalgia.
‘Out back, hiding herself away, as usual,’ Joe said suddenly feeling alone, unable to cope with Nina’s attitude of despair.
‘I’m not staying, mind,’ Fon said quickly. ‘I’ve only come on a visit, Tom is coming back for me in about an hour.’
Joe sighed heavily, Tom had wanted to beat the living daylights out of him, his intention had been clear to see from the moment he was brought off the ship in Port Eynon. But the boy had been saved from danger himself only to find his mam fighting for her life and the knowledge seemed to serve to make him more bitter.
He had turned on Joe, his face red with the beating he’d taken from the sea and the gales, but the anger in his eyes had nothing to do with his ordeal on board the floundering ship.
‘Why did you bring her here in that condition?’ He spat out the words, his big fists clenching as though he was holding himself back. ‘You must be out of your mind, man.’
Joe had no spirit to fight his son’s anger. ‘She insisted on coming,’ he said dully, ‘I had to come with her or watch her travel alone, there was no stopping her. And no one was to know the baby would come this early.’
It was Joe’s attitude of total submission that prevented Tom from venting his anger on him there and then.
‘I’ll go see Mam then, shall I?’ Fon’s voice cut into Joe’s thoughts; he flung down the rag he’d been holding and nodded briskly.
‘Aye, go on you, I’ll shove the kettle on the fire, a cup of tea always helps things along.’
He stood in the window and watched as Fon went out of the back door. Nina was sitting in the old rocking-chair, a crumpled heap of clothing, a far cry from the lusty woman she had been only a few weeks ago.
‘Mam.’ Fon’s voice drifted to where Joe stood watching. ‘Mam, are you feeling better?’
He saw Nina look up indifferently and nod her head. ‘I’m as right as I’ll ever be, girl. Not that anyone round here gives a damn about me, mind.’ Her voice was thin, thread-like, as though it was too much of an effort to speak.
He saw Fon stand up straight and look down at her mother almost angrily. ‘That’s not true, Mam, and you know it,’ she said sharply.
Joe looked at the girl as though seeing her for the first time, no one else had dared to speak to Nina in that tone of voice, everyone was too busy humouring her, trying to jolly her out of her torpor.
‘Well, Gwyneth won’t give up her job.’ Nina’s voice had taken on the whining quality which Joe had learned to dread. ‘And Sal, she’s so wrapped up in herself that she scarcely bothers to call to see me.’ She stared up mutinously at her daughter.
‘And you, Fon, my youngest, this is the first time I’ve seen you since I was took ill.’
Fon put her hands on her hips and her pale skin was suddenly flushed.
‘For goodness’ sake, Mam, pull yourself together!’ Fon spoke angrily. ‘You chose to live with Joe, you didn’t give two figs for me then, or for Gwyneth and Sal, did you?’
‘Well!’ Nina was speechless for a moment and then her voice rose to something like its normal pitch. ‘How dare you speak to me like that, girl, I’m your mother, remember?’
‘Aye, I can’t be allowed to forget it, can I?’ Fon said in a hard voice. ‘The minute you need someone, send for Fon, well, it won’t work, Mam, so you might as well get up off your
backside and sort yourself and your home out before you lose everything.’ Fon carried on speaking in spite of her mother’s gasp of disbelieving anger.
‘Have you seen that kitchen? It’s filthy! And Joe, he looks as though he’s worn the same clothes for weeks, you’ll be having him run back to his little wifey if you don’t watch it.’
Joe held his breath, wanting to walk away from what was, after all, a private conversation between mother and daughter, but he was fascinated by the transformation that was coming over Nina.
‘How could you be so cruel?’ she said and there was a touch of hysteria in her voice. ‘You know I could have died down there in Port Eynon, don’t you?’
Fon softened now, kneeling beside her mother’s chair, taking her hands gently.
‘I know, Mam, but you didn’t. You can get well, you can live a full life again, there are those who can’t.’
‘What do you mean?’ Nina asked and Joe wondered that for the first time in weeks Nina seemed interested in something other than her own well-being.
‘The lady I work for, she’s young, Mam, not much older than me. She is dying, there’s nothing can be done for her and she is leaving her baby and her husband and she is facing what future she’s got left with such courage, Mam. I have vowed to be there to look after her family when she goes and I can’t, I won’t, let her down.’
Suddenly Nina was crying, real tears that were for once not for herself. Joe made to move towards the back door but he saw that Fon was crying, too.
Mother and daughter clung together drawing comfort from each other and Joe turned away knowing he was not needed.
It was late afternoon when Tom came for Fon; he had a young lady with him but she remained in the trap, her hands folded modestly in her lap.
‘Is Fon ready?’ Tom asked gruffly and Joe beckoned him to come inside.