Christmas for One: No Greater Love

by Amanda Prowse

  She stood to the side and gestured with her arm. Playing host to Piers was the last thing she felt like doing right now; she wanted time alone with her family to hear every detail of their Caribbean adventure. But she hoped he hadn’t sensed that.

  ‘No, but thanks.’ He looked down at the pavement. His expression told her he couldn’t cope with being mates and had no intention of making small talk over a cup of tea, not when his heart still lurched at the sight of her.

  Meg prayed he wasn’t going to mention the Christmas Day text. Poor Piers, he was and always would be unable to fathom her lack of interest.

  ‘I’m not staying. I just wanted to drop this off for Lucas.’ He reached down and picked up a square box, beautifully wrapped.

  ‘Oh, Piers, you sweetheart!’ Meg placed her arms around his neck and rested her cheek against his chest. To her mind, anyone that thought of Lucas was worthy of a hug on a cold winter’s day. She pulled away, but kept one hand on his chest. ‘That is so kind of you; you shouldn’t have done that!’ She was genuinely touched and felt an even stronger longing to have her little boy home.

  ‘Well, I got it a few weeks ago, before… you know. And, err… I didn’t want to… you know.’

  ‘Right.’ Meg felt herself blushing, embarrassed that he was hurting and she was indifferent. She had once read that the most powerful person is the one who doesn’t love you back. It was a concept she hadn’t really understood until now. She thought firstly of Edd and then of the lovely Piers standing in front of her with his kind gift for her son.

  ‘It’s one of those robot bugs.’ He rattled the box. ‘There’s a remote control. I know he likes that kind of thing and the robot element looks like fun. It says aged five and up, so watch him with it.’ He nodded; fatherly, kind.

  ‘I will.’ Meg took the box from his hands. ‘I know he’ll love it. Thank you.’ She was sincere. ‘Look, Piers, it’s freezing. If you are not coming up, then at least step inside for a moment.’ Meg reached out and pulled his sleeve until he was safely inside the warm hallway.

  She didn’t notice the tall red-haired Yank in the taxi outside, just out of earshot, who was watching the whole exchange and apologising to the cabbie for what appeared to have been a wasted journey as he gave a change of destination.

  ‘Has Lucas had a great time?’ Piers shoved his hands into his deep front pockets. Far better to hide them and quash the urge to reach for her.

  ‘Yes, although he’s been away. He went to Barbados with Milly, Pru and Chris.’

  ‘Oh really?’ His eyebrows knitted quizzically. ‘Didn’t know that was on the cards.’

  ‘It wasn’t, but then I’ve been working and travelling a bit and it just seemed…’ Meg hesitated, staring at the back of the door, trying to find the words to cover exactly what she had been through in the last couple of weeks.

  Piers took in her expression. He didn’t know what was afoot, but a sixth sense made him realise that there was zero hope of a reconciliation. She was lost to him and that was that. Meg watched his smile fade.

  ‘I have to go.’ He was abrupt, suddenly awkward.

  ‘Oh, right.’ She shared his embarrassment. ‘It’s been lovely to see you, Piers.’ She smiled. ‘And please give my love to your parents.’ She raised the box in her hand. ‘And thank you once again so much for Lucas’s pressie. He’s a lucky boy.’

  Piers’ face crumpled as he swallowed his emotion. His words were gentlemanly. ‘Sorry about the text on Christmas morning.’ He addressed the floor. ‘I was still one over the eight and you know how things can seem like a good idea at the time. Then you sober up and wish you could turn back the clock and apply a bit of reason.’

  ‘I liked getting it, Piers. It made me feel happy.’ This was the truth.

  He smiled. ‘When you do find someone you want to be with, Meg, never forget how very fortunate they are to have you.’

  And when I do, Piers, they will love me for me, exactly as I am.

  He shifted on the spot. Turning his head as he made to leave, he asked, as though it were an afterthought, ‘Did you ever love me, Meg?’

  She thought of Edd, his honesty crushing and yet, strangely, with hindsight, appreciated. It had helped her move on. No moping over maybes.

  ‘As much as I could.’ She held his gaze.

  Piers nodded and tightened his scarf around his neck. With his head down, he strode out of the door and walked briskly along Curzon Street before disappearing from view.

  Meg stood in the kitchen and tapped her fingers on the counter top. She was agitated, killing time until her boy came home and she couldn’t wait!

  Her phone rang, flashing up ‘Private number’.

  ‘Hello?’

  There was a second of hesitation before a voice she recognised came down the line, making her stomach knot. ‘Meg?’

  ‘Speaking.’ She was unsure what tone to adopt or how this call might develop.

  ‘It’s Flavia here. We met before Christmas…’

  Meg closed her eyes. ‘Yes. Yes, I remember.’ She cringed. How much did Flavia know? She felt her muscles tense in anticipation of a tirade from this woman she had wronged.

  ‘I got your number from Edd’s phone and I wasn’t sure whether to call or not, but I wanted to talk to you.’

  Meg was silent, waiting for more.

  ‘This is hard.’ Flavia took a deep breath. ‘He told me everything after you turned up and I just wanted to say that I wish you well and that I understand. Edd and I have been more like friends than a couple for a long, long time, but things have been tough for me and I guess I didn’t want to face it, y’know?’

  Meg nodded. ‘Yep.’ Her voice was small.

  ‘We are done now, totally. I can see that we have no future and I should have let him go earlier. I guess I just didn’t want to be on my own. It’s been a really bad year for me. I lost my mom…’

  ‘I’m sorry.’ And she was. I found mine and then lost her too. Or, rather, she lost me.

  ‘Thanks.’ Flavia sighed. ‘He’s a good man, Meg.’

  Meg felt flustered. ‘I appreciate your call, Flavia, I really do. But I think we are done too. It was just one of those whirlwind things, the kind that’s good for your soul but has no future. I’m just sorry that you got hurt.’

  ‘Honey, I was already hurt. The thing is, he deserves a second chance – everyone does, don’t they?’

  Meg considered this. ‘I don’t know. A liar is a liar and if you don’t have trust then I don’t think you’ve got anything…’ She let this hang.

  ‘Well, look – I’ve said what I needed to. Give him my best regards and tell him that for what it’s worth you have my blessing.’

  ‘That’s sweet, Flavia, and I appreciate it more than you know, but it’s irrelevant. I am never going to see him again.’ Meg winced at this.

  ‘But he’s with you in London, now!’ Flavia sounded confused.

  ‘What?’

  ‘Yes! He left for London yesterday and I told him to text me to let me know he’d arrived safely. I got a message from him a little while ago saying he was at the Premier Inn County Hall, wherever that is!’

  Meg ended the call and stood there in shock, wondering if and when he was going to pitch up at the flat; the thought both thrilled and horrified her. She decided she couldn’t risk a nasty showdown in front of Lucas. With her finger trembling, she wrote and sent the text that she should have sent days ago. I don’t want to see you. Please do not contact me again. My feelings haven’t changed, what I said to you in New York still stands. I have moved on. Meg. It was curt and resolute, just as she had intended.

  His reply came through within a matter of seconds: So I see.

  It puzzled and angered her. What on earth…?

  After showering and slipping into her jeans and her favourite baggy white cotton jersey, Meg again checked the clock. It was nearly 11 a.m.; they would be here any moment! She scanned the sitting room with its neatly plumped cushions, clean, fresh scent an
d dust-free surfaces, smiling as she made her way into the immaculate kitchen to fill the kettle and turn her banana bread on to a wire tray for cooling.

  She heard the kerfuffle on the landing before they had a chance to knock or find a key. Sliding in her socks, she ran to the front door, threw it open wide and in they spilled! Christopher, carrying bags and wheeling a suitcase, came in at the same time as Lucas and they were almost wedged in the doorframe.

  ‘Mummy!’ Lucas wriggled past Christopher’s legs and leapt at her.

  Bending, Meg caught him and held him tight with his head tucked into the crook of her neck. The relief at having her little boy safely back in her arms was sweet and instant.

  He pulled free of her grip and held her face between his little palms. ‘I was going to bring Steve my starfish home, but he died!’ He pushed out his bottom lip, indicating that he was sad – something he’d done since he was a baby.

  ‘Oh darling, never mind. Plenty more fish in the sea.’

  Christopher bellowed his laughter, still in holiday mood. ‘Very good, Meg! Plenty more fish in the sea!’ He chuckled as he rested the suitcase against the wall.

  Milly and Pru filled the hallway with their handbags, exuberance and chatter. Pru stepped forward and patted Lucas’s back as he sat in his mum’s arms. ‘He has really missed you.’

  ‘No I didn’t! Not even a bit!’ Lucas piped up, shaking his head, unaware of the etiquette when it came to returning to the family home.

  Meg laughed as Milly reached up and kissed her over Lucas’s shoulder. ‘I’ll stick the kettle on.’ She wandered into the kitchen before shouting back, ‘Blimey, what happened? The place looks fantastic, have you got a cleaner?’

  ‘Ha ha!’ Meg beamed. ‘No, I just wanted it to be nice for you all. I’ve done your flat too.’

  ‘Well I think we should go away more often in that case.’ Milly chortled.

  ‘You all look wonderful!’ Meg looked at the tanned and smiling faces of those who loved her. ‘Have you had a wonderful time?’

  ‘The best,’ Christopher confirmed.

  Lucas jumped from his mother’s arms. ‘I need to go and see Thomas! Has he been good?’

  ‘Oh, an absolute angel. I’ve hardly heard a peep out of him,’ Meg said.

  ‘You look tired, love. Wonder why that is!’ Pru’s eyes twinkled. ‘I want to hear all about it. When did you get back?’

  Meg felt her chest heave and her tears pool.

  ‘What’s the matter, did I say the wrong thing?’ Pru stepped forward. Her words alerted Milly, who came out of the kitchen to stand next to her cousin. Both stood there staring at her, concerned.

  Meg looked at the floor. ‘I’m so glad you are all home. I’ve had a really, really horrible Christmas.’

  ‘Oh, love!’ Pru placed her hand on her back and steered her into the sitting room.

  Meg sat on the sofa with Pru and Milly on either side. Christopher busied himself with the making of tea in the kitchen, happy to be occupied rather than have to listen to girl talk. It took Meg a full half-hour to recount the basic story of her New York trip, along with the brief epilogue of Lorna’s visit.

  ‘I’m sorry I kept it from you. I didn’t want it to spoil your holiday and I knew you’d just rush back.’

  ‘You should have told us, Meg. I can’t bear to think of you here all by yourself over Christmas. I’d have insisted on you coming over.’ Milly sighed.

  ‘I know. But to be honest, Mills, I just wanted to stay here and wallow for a bit. And I have.’

  ‘I’d like to get my hands on him.’ Pru ground her teeth. ‘What kind of piece of work is he, stringing you along like that?’

  Meg nodded. Indeed.

  ‘I thought he sounded too good to be true, a bit too smooth. I knew it was a mistake. I could sock him one, I really could!’ Milly balled her fingers into a fist and shook her head.

  Meg gave a small laugh, remembering Milly’s words just days ago. ‘He sounds very special, Meg, and as we all know, special don’t come along that often. You’ve got to grab it, my girl, and run with it.’

  ‘And as for your mother…’ Milly shook her head, unable or unwilling to say any more.

  Lucas and Christopher came into the room. The latter holding a pirate flag.

  Christopher made his way across to Meg and whispered to her, ‘Do you know, Meg, this is one of those very rare occasions when I desperately hoped that my instinct was wrong. I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you. I know you had high hopes.’

  ‘I really did. I saw a future for us, Chris.’ She was touched, as ever, by Christopher’s fatherly concern. ‘And the worst thing is, I’ve just heard from his ex that he is here in London, staying at the Premier Inn County Hall. It’s all a bit weird. God knows why he’d come all this way and not make contact. How strange is that?’

  ‘Very.’ Christopher straightened up.

  ‘Is it Christmas here today, Mum?’ Lucas’s eyes were wide.

  ‘Oh…’ Meg wasn’t sure how to respond. She had assumed that ‘Christmas’ would take place in a couple of days, once everyone had got settled. ‘I’m not sure.’ She looked at the other adults in the room.

  ‘I think it might be!’ Milly urged.

  Pru glanced at her watch, as though this was where the answer lay. ‘Do you know, Lucas, I think you might be right. I think it could be Christmas here today!’

  The cousins exchanged a knowing glance; a Christmas celebration might be just what Meg needed.

  Lucas jumped up and down on the spot. ‘It’s Christmaaaaas! And I get to open my preseeeeeeents!’ He was beside himself at the prospect as he spun around and ran from the room.

  Meg jumped up and turned to face Milly and Pru on the sofa. ‘Right. That’s it, decision made. It is Christmas today! Milly, you get peeling the spuds. Pru, can you shove the turkey in the oven? And, Chris, you can make something fab for pudding!’

  ‘I think, if it’s okay with everyone, I shall go and buy a pudding. There is no way I’m going to put one of my efforts on the table in front of three competent bakers.’

  ‘Competent? Talk about damning with faint praise!’ Pru tutted.

  Christopher winked at her.

  Meg was in full flow. ‘I’ll go and get the other odds and ends we need – crackers, tinsel and any other bits of glittery shite I can lay my hands on! We shall feast like kings and Lucas will have a day that he will never forget! Okay?’ She was practically shouting.

  Pru looked at Christopher, who stared at Milly, who nodded. It wasn’t like Meg to give out orders.

  ‘Okay!’ Pru replied on behalf of the trio, who all looked a little shell-shocked.

  ‘Great!’ Meg clapped. ‘This is me taking control of my life and making it happen! See you in a bit, Lucas. I shall be back in a little while!’ With that she grabbed her keys and raced out of the flat, wondering where she could find everything she needed to make the day absolutely perfect.

  20

  Meg placed her key in the lock and bundled through the door with her numerous bags and boxes. The smell of her roasting turkey crown dressed with bacon and bay leaves hit her nostrils. She breathed in; it was intoxicating. Oh, Mum, I wish you were here! She had managed to acquire Christmas crackers at less than half price; three strings of tinsel had cost mere pence and the ready-prepared roast parsnips, minted peas, red cabbage, and cranberry and walnut stuffing had all been marked down.

  ‘I’m back!’ she called from the door, digging deep to find the happiest voice she could.

  The hallway looked lovely. Someone had turned on the lamps and Simon and Garfunkel wafted from the CD player. It was sedate and calm. Meg took a deep breath, feeling a burst of happiness. This was going to be a fantastic day! This was the Christmas she had dreamt of; she would smile and make it great! Her family was home and this would have to be enough. There would be plenty of time in the coming months to lament the loss from her life of Lorna, Edd and the future that had seemed to be within her grasp.

/>   Waltzing into the kitchen, she smiled at the sight of the sherry trifle heaped with fresh cream and the chocolate-smothered profiteroles that Christopher had snaffled from downstairs. Lovely desserts – no boxed slices of cake or crumbs for her today. Looking around, she was struck by how busy the three adults were. Pru washed cups and handed them to Christopher who passed them to Milly who placed them on the appropriate shelf in the cupboard. All three worked in an unnatural silence, with almost pained expressions on their faces. The whole set-up was a little odd, to put it mildly.

  ‘Oh look! A little washing-up production line! Why don’t you just shove them in the dishwasher?’ she wondered out loud.

  Milly shrugged and Christopher averted his gaze. Pru hummed. This was the second clue that all was not as it seemed inside her home. It was as if they were afraid to speak.

  Meg smiled. ‘Okay, you weirdos, I’ll make a start on the table. Can someone deal with the veg and stuffing?’ She passed the food bags to Milly and gave a little clap as she made her way into the sitting room.

  Milly nodded, silently, avoiding her eye.

  Meg walked into the sitting room. ‘Oh, Lucas!’ She sighed, half exasperated. She loved watching him play creatively but hadn’t banked on such an extravagant display, not today.

  ‘Do we have to have a pirate ship in the middle of the sitting room?’ Her plans for a fancy Christmas lunch were somewhat thwarted by the presence of his vast sheet-covered galleon. She had to admit that he had done a fine job, not the usual upturned chairs and strewn towels. His trip to the Caribbean had obviously inspired him.

  With her hands on her hips, she waited for the sheet to lift and for Redbeard to amble from below decks. When the sheet eventually fluttered and was pulled back, Meg felt her knees wobble as her breath caught in her throat. For a fraction of a second she smiled as she came face to face with the man she had fallen for. He smiled back, briefly. Then she remembered his lies and her smile disappeared, to be replaced by a scowl. Her heart continued to hammer inside her ribcage nonetheless. She placed her hand over it. Sssshhh…

  ‘What… what are you doing, Edd?’