7
Spinning out of the way of the whip made of living water, Anaar responds in turn with a flurry of knives thrown with deadly precision. Performing a number of spins and crouches all her own, Ixnes blasts the last knife out of air with a jet of water before signaling to stop.
“Your progression is enough to make even someone like myself green with envy child. It has only been a few months and already you are strong enough to resist me. I would be completely at your mercy if not for this pool of water.”
Wiping the sweat from his forehead, Anaar walks closer to Ixnes so he does not need to speak so loudly. “You act as if this is all you can muster. I know we are training, but you are much more powerful than this. Why are you holding back?”
She fixes her lips with a smirk, “That mind of yours if the true danger. If you understand I am holding back, I can only imagine what you would be capable of if you believed there was true danger to be had.”
“You know killing me isn’t an option, at least that we know of, so there wouldn’t ever be a situation where I thought I was truly in danger.”
“No one said anything about you being the one placed in harm’s way child. Anyone truly seeking to harm you knows it is only by way of others can you be injured.”
“Then why do we continue training like this? If no one really poses a threat to me, why the need to constantly push me?”
“I would have thought you would appreciate the practicum. You have expressed how irksome it was learning to utilize your abilities in secret.”
“I can’t deny that statement. It still holds true. As dangerous as it may be for those who know, it helps being able to use my abilities without fear. It doesn’t keep people safe though…”
“You are thinking about the boy?”
“How can I not think about him? How much pain will he have to endure at my expense? And to think people actually believe I had something to do with it!”
“You have seen what little footage we have of the incident. Even though it is just mere seconds, there is an uncanny resemblance. There is also the destruction left in the wake of it all.”
“I’m scared. Before that happened, Phavian and I had a fight. If Hobb is right, and I have this entirely separate personality sleeping inside me, what am I supposed to do when it awakens and attacks people? Especially the people I love.”
“We all have scars and dangerous thoughts child. Yours are just much more dangerous than others. You really do not remember doing anything to harm the boy?”
“No! Even when I am in my dark place I am still usually there, it is just like I’m in the backseat observing. The last time I blacked out…”
“Was Cuba.”
Dropping his head, “Yeah… This is problematic if it is going to become more common. I have spent so much of my life retaining control, and now it has happened twice within a few months.”
“Perhaps it is due to you having more to care about.”
“I thought about that too. I never lost control as long as I kept my distance from people. Now, it is this excruciatingly painful battle between severing my ties to protect the people I love, and retaining them, all the while knowing I am a massive danger to them. I want to protect them, but I don’t want to leave them. I know it is selfish, but I would like to think they would be unhappy with me distancing myself for their sake. I don’t know what to do. I am not used to being incapable of coming up with a solution to a problem.”
“You must ask yourself if you can handle the burden of those you hurt or kill.”
“Maggie and I were just talking about this. I don’t know what is wrong with me, but killing another human being does not bother me. At least not on a basic level. It is one thing if the person was innocent and caught up in my mess, that does weigh on me, but those I fight against, or who threaten that which I hold dear, I would kill them without thinking and there would be no remorse. There is never remorse. Even when killing for a job, I think I rationalize it in some manner. If I did not do it, someone else would, and maybe it would be slow and painful. At least with me I can make it be over quickly. There might be something I fetishize about death since I can’t have it myself. When someone is dead, they don’t have to worry anymore. That seems like it would be really nice sometimes.”
“Child I would tell you that I plan to put you on suicide watch if I knew you could complete it. You must not think of such things. At the very least you must not dwell on them. You have far too many years ahead of you to fall so soon.”
“I don’t want to fall at all, but with the way things are going…”
“I know child. There is no need to explain, I am sure in time-”
Ixnes is interrupted by the door opening and Seles bursting into the room, a maid stumbling after her.
“Anaar! You are here!”
She runs at a full sprint, slipping on a patch of water and sliding headfirst into Anaar. When she stands, her dress is wet down the front and her arm is scraped. From her eyes, tears begin to well up as the gash on her arm begins to bleed.
“Miss Seles! I told you not to run! This area is strictly prohibited! Now look at your dress…” The woman looks down to see the girl’s tears and injury, immediately pausing her previous statement. “I’ll go get the first aid kid immediately-”
“It is fine Deil, I will take care of it. You may leave us.”
“But Mistress, I could never-”
The immense pressure Ixnes Sastre was known to bring to bear when exerting her influence stopped the woman immediately and she simply nodded while scrambling backwards out of the room, shutting the doors behind her.
“Take care of the child’s injuries.”
Anaar looks from Seles, clear concern on his face, but he did not move, the conflict evident. “Seles doesn’t know…”
“Seles does not know what child? Seles knows nothing of your situation. I very much doubt her knowing will be of a concern to us.”
Needing no other coaxing, Anaar immediately drops to his knees before the crying girl. Cradling her, he brushes the tears from her eyes gently while guiding her eyes to meet his.
“Seles, I am going to make this all better, but you must promise me to keep this our secret okay?”
Simply nodding in response with a small whimper, Anaar takes that as confirmation and instantly heals the minor wound, leaving the girl pain free and in a state of shock.
“It doesn’t hurt anymore!”
Washing off her arm with a small construct of water, “It shouldn’t. I told you I would make it all better. You just have to be careful, especially in here. There is a lot of water on the floor and it is easy to slip and fall. We don’t want you getting hurt now do we?”
“I’m sorry. I’m happy you are back though!”
“I told you I wouldn’t just leave you, didn’t I?”
“Yep! You kept your promise!”
After their brief exchange, Seles seemed to suddenly become aware of Ixnes’ presence and proceeded to hide behind Anaar again. Sighing, Ixnes makes her way toward the door.
“Where are you going?”
“It is obvious I am not wanted child. I cannot say she is exactly warm toward me when you are not here, but it seems she only cowers when you are present. It is best I take my leave for now.”
Still peeking from behind Anaar as Ixnes exits the room, Seles seems to dramatically relax when she is finally gone. Leading her to one of the benches, Anaar sits Seles down next to him where he peers at her for a few moments unsure what to say.
“Seles, you know this is Ixnes’ home, right?”
“I know, but she is scary. You said she is not bad, but she is not good either.”
“Most adults fall somewhere within that range. I’m sure you have figured that out by now right?”
“But if I stay with you, the bad people won’t be able to get me.”
“Seles, I’m a bad person too though. I know it might be hard for you to understand right now, but there are very few good or bad people in t
he world. There are only circumstances, and it depends on where the person falls within those circumstances. Do you understand?”
Shaking her head, “Not really, but you are a good person, you saved me from the bad people.”
“Technically I am one of the bad people too Seles. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but I am sure those people were there to do the same thing I was.”
“So you don’t like me?”
“It’s not that Seles, it’s just… It is complicated. I would be lying to you if I said I came there with the sole purpose of helping you get away from the bad people. Things have happened so fast, I’m not even sure you understand what is going on.”
“My mom and dad left me when we got into a fight. Do you think they will come back to get me soon?”
Swallowing hard, Anaar had sensed Seles was still not quite comprehending her situation, likely a coping mechanism for her mind to make sense of everything. If he was going to prove himself better than all the others who just wanted her for her abilities, he would need to reach out to her in a way only he could. Taking a few deep breaths, he begins to dive into a delicate matter.
“Seles, do you know what an affinity is?”
“You mean the things like Earth, Fire, Water and Air?”
“Very good, that is right. Do you know what your affinity is?”
“My dad said I am an Air Affinity like he is.”
“Could your dad do anything special?”
“Oh! He could cook really good. My mom’s food was so nasty!”
Laughing a bit, “Well I am glad someone could cook, but I mean could your dad, or your mom in that case, do anything special with their affinity?”
“Dad could hear me even when I mumbled under my breath. You mean like that?”
Snapping his fingers, “Precisely. What about your mom?”
“Not that I know of, but she is the nicest person in the world.”
“That is good to hear. Do you know what it is called when your dad can hear really well, or you can feel good people from bad people?”
“No. Are they the same thing?”
“Not exactly, but they fall into the same big category. They call people like you Synestates. That means you have senses that are better than most people. All Air Affinities are Synestates, even if they are not very good at it.”
“So I’m just like my dad?”
“Not quite I don’t think. I never had the chance to meet him, but you are even more special than your dad.”
“Really?! I’m special?!”
“You are beyond special. The most special of special.” Pausing for a moment, he thinks of how to proceed. “The thing is, when people are as special as you are, they attract a lot of attention because everyone wants to be as special as you.”
“Why am I so special?”
“Well…” Grabbing her small hands, he peers deep into her eyes. “You said since having a fight with your parents, they have not been back to get you.”
“I know they must be mad, but our house is gone, so they need to deal with grown up stuff before they come get me, right?”
“The thing is Seles, sometimes being special can be really hard, and really scary.”
“Why? I thought you said everyone likes special people?”
“They like what special people can do. They want to use special people to do things for them. Seles, do you know why your house is gone?”
“When I ran away outside after mom had yelled at me, it went ‘bang!’ Lots of people came, and for a while my aunt and uncle took care of me until they sent me away.”
“Do you know why it went ‘bang?’”
“No, but people make it seem like it is my fault. Why would I do that though? I had tons of good toys!”
“Remember how I said, being special is really hard?” He waits for her to nod her head before continuing. “Well, sometimes when you are that special, things happen, even if you did not want them to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Seles, I don’t want you to think I am being mean, or trying to scare you, but I want you to understand. Part of what makes you so special is because you can make things go ‘bang.’”
“But I didn’t ask for my house to go bang! Why would it do that if I didn’t want it to?”
“Has anything else gone bang around you before your house?”
“No. That means I didn’t do it, right?”
“What it means is before that day, you could not make things do that. When special people suddenly get the ability to do things they couldn’t do before, even if they didn’t ask for it, they call that a manifestation.”
“Manifestation?”
“Think of it like a special superpower. Most people don’t get those superpowers. When people first get them though, they usually can’t get them to do what they want.”
“So my superpowers are what make me special?”
“That’s right.”
“But you just said it was my superpowers that made my parents go away. If everyone wants special people with superpowers, why don’t my parents want me?”
Anaar felt pain in his chest that was unfamiliar. He could not lie to Seles, but the truth was so painful. He thought his shared experience as a Demolitionist would help him, but how was he supposed to explain to a child that she had killed her parents? He knew how it felt to kill people with his powers, but he never knew what it felt like to feel abandoned. Tears welled up in his eyes as he struggled to form his words. Only after feeling one of the small hands pull from his and wipe his face could he find the strength to move forward.
“It’s okay, there is no need to be sad. If you are sad though, that is okay too. My mom always said if you don’t have times you are sad, you won’t be able to appreciate when you are happy.”
Sniffling a bit, “Your mom was a really smart lady. Seles, I’m sad because I need to tell you something that will be very hard and will make you very sad. I promise to be strong enough for both of us though okay?”
“I don’t like being sad, but okay.”
Taking a deep breath, “Seles, your mom and dad did not leave you because they were mad at you. When your house went bang, they were inside of it. When it went bang… They were not able to survive the bang. Your mom and dad would never leave you on purpose Seles, but they are no longer in this world, so they did not have a choice.”
“So they still love me, but they just can’t come get me?”
“That’s right.”
“But if you said the bang got them too, does that mean they are dead?”
“I’m sorry Seles…”
“But you said I made the bang! You said I was special! If I made the bang, and the bang killed my mom and dad…”
All at once, her young mind was finally able to process the weight of everything. Not only did she suddenly understand her parents were no longer alive, but she also came to understand it was due to her own abilities they were killed. In a fountain of tears, she collapsed against Anaar, and he immediately swept her up and held her tight for a long time as she continued to cry uncontrollably.
Doing his best to keep his promise and stay strong, Anaar simply stroked her head, styled with a number of bows, no doubt at Ixnes’ behest, until she could finally take breaths without crying. After another half hour of nothing but silence between the two, she finally was able to speak.
“I don’t want to be special. I just want my mom and dad back!”
“I know Seles, I know. It is hard but-”
Pulling away from him in a fury, “What do you know?! Being special has only made bad things happen to me! My mom and dad, my house, everything is gone! Bad people chase after me, I make bad things happen even when I don’t want them to, what could you know about me?!”
Gently turning her tear streaked face to his, “Because I’m special too.”
“You don’t make things go bang and lose everything!”
Turning her head toward the pool, he points at a spot, indicati
ng he wanted her to pay attention. Setting off a fiery explosion over the pool which buffeted everything in the room, he looks back down into her eyes, wide like saucers.
“You… You make things go bang too?”
“Yes Seles. When I first manifested, I killed a lot of people at my school. I was only two years younger than you are.”
“Do bad people come after you too?”
“Yes, and they want to use me to do bad things, just like they want to do to you.”
“What am I supposed to do? I don’t know how to stop things from going bang! I don’t have anyone who loves me! They all hate me!”
“No, you are wrong. You have me. Even if everyone in the world turns against you, I will always be there, I promise. Our powers are different, but I can try to help you learn how to use them so they won’t do things you don’t want them to do. It will be really hard, but I will be with you every step of the way.”
“But what will I do without a family?”
“You have a family. You will have me. I know Ixnes scares you right now, but she will help keep you safe.”
“Are you going to be like my new dad?”
His eyes bulging, “I wouldn’t say I could be your dad. I’m a bit too young, and plus I am not here to replace your family. Just because they are no longer here in body, they will stay with you in spirit in your heart. I can be like your big brother.”
“I never had a brother.”
Smiling warmly at her, “Well you do now. I’m sorry I had to give you so much bad news. I hope I can help make your life happier from here.”
“If my mom and dad are dead, why was there no funeral?”
“I don’t know Seles, but I will do everything in my power to find out and figure out how we can get you to honor their memory.”
Hugging him tightly, “Thank you. I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep.”
“I understand, why don’t I take you back to your room and put you to bed?”
Nodding, they stand up, hand in hand, making their way back to Seles’ room. When they are there, she asks if she has to brush her teeth, and he shakes his head. Giving him another tight hug, she climbs into the bed and he turns off the lights. Leaving the mansion with a heavy heart, he hopes the future holds only brighter things for the small girl with a titanic burden.
Apotheosis (Song of Sophangence Book 3) Page 10