“I’m a horrible person who does nothing but destroy everything in my path. I’m not even 20 yet and already I don’t want to go on living. How am I supposed to last an eternity?”
“Hey! Don’t talk like that. I’m sure it can’t be as bad as you think. You are absurdly hard on yourself you know.”
“He’s dead. I killed him, yet I’m still alive. I made him out to be such a villain, but he was just a person with too much pain, and the power to inflict it on others. If I would have just tried harder to reach him… But no, that would have been too hard. It is much easier for me to simply erase things in my way.”
“He was a bad dude though! He killed countless people! You couldn’t let him continue on doing that!”
“Then who is going to kill me? I have caused as much death as he has, if not much more. No one is rising up to take me out. Maybe they should, the world would be better off.”
Grabbing his face and turning it to him Phavian looks him deep in his eyes. “Stop talking like that. You aren’t some person who runs around killing people for sport just because you can. You don’t harm people intentionally unless it is for a good reason. You aren’t like him. Stop making it seem like you are some super villain bent on world domination.”
“That’s why I was created.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I was literally manufactured to bring about the end of this world as we know it. I met my birthmother. I guess you were right, there was no way I am half German. My father searched decades for her to bring about the prophecy that would create me, all so he could take over the world. So yeah, I am an evil super villain.”
“So what?! Who gives a shit why you were born or about some lame ass prophecy that says you are going to take over the world? You haven’t ever expressed that desire before. Just because you learned more about where you came from, why should you be any different from who you were before?”
“My mother gave up both me and my brother to prevent this prophecy from happening, that is how strongly she believed in it. What does it say that both of us managed to manifest as Demolitionists?”
“If you killed him, doesn’t that stop the prophecy? It was necessary for both of you right? I would guess so since there are, err… was two of you. There is nothing to worry about anymore now!”
“Even if the prophecy can’t be fulfilled now, it doesn’t change the fact that I just committed fratricide.”
“You didn’t even know that guy! Why are you feeling so bad?! It isn’t like you grew up together and you decided to kill him over an inheritance or something. For all intents and purposes, he was a stranger to you. A stranger that kills people for fun. You did the right thing.”
“If I did the right thing, why does it feel so wrong?! Why do I feel so hollow now? We are both mass murders. What gives me the right to live and not him?”
Phavian wanted to respond, but the conversation was already becoming circuitous and it was clear Anaar felt as if he needed to wallow in self-pity. Nothing he could say at the current time would change how he felt about the situation. Instead he resigned himself to silence and continued to hold Anaar for as long as he needed.
Anaar finally rose from his position, something that Phavian was secretly grateful for as the extended time spent holding him had cut off his circulation. Not able to move himself, he looked up at Anaar who wordlessly strode toward the bathroom and shut the door. He had patiently waited an entire week for some news, even though he was completely worried, and now that he had gotten it, he would trade it for another week if it meant the Anaar he knew would be the one to return.
Anaar was easily the greatest being he ever had the pleasure of encountering. His strength, intelligence, character and heart were all beyond compare. To see him in such a state broke Phavian’s heart. He had never been much for religion, but at that moment he prayed with all his being for something to help Anaar though his difficult time. It was clear he was incapable of being the catalyst on his own, so the best he could do was turn to divine intervention.
In the bathroom Anaar melted from his suit, leaving it behind on the floor without a care. With a mental command he turned on the shower and stepped into the scalding hot water. His body was numb, his mind was numb, his spirit was on fire, and he wanted desperately to wash it all away. He began to clean himself, but before long he was curled up in the corner of the shower and he had begun to weep again.
He was struggling because he was not sure what he expected. There had always been this fantasy that he would be able to reach Yefferson and talk through their situation. He imagined they would spend days just learning everything there was to know about one another, catching up on the 19 years they had missed.
Anaar had hoped it would not come to violence, that Yefferson was simply confused, or testing him. He wanted to find a way to get Yefferson enrolled in Sophangence so they could be together and he could have a promising future. He wanted to have the intimate brotherly relationship that his heart had been yearning for all his life.
Instead nothing went according to his plans. He had learned practically nothing about Yefferson, his birth mother being of little help, and Yefferson himself not being much for conversation. He had stumbled upon some sort of coup from whatever gang he was affiliated with which did not make enrolling him in Sophangence realistic. Then of all things, rather than building the relationship he so desired, he made sure to permanently destroy it.
He continued to cry and sulk in the shower, never moving, just allowing the hot water to wash over him. No matter how much flowed over him, the weight of the sin on his conscience never became cleaner. He knew he could not stay in the shower forever, at some point he would have to come out and face Phavian. After facing Phavian he would have to come out his room and face his friends and the rest of the world, carrying on as if a member of his small family was not just eliminated and he was the cause of it.
His tears continuing to flow with the heavy stream of water coming down upon him, he would have stayed there for much longer if it had not been for the sudden, excruciating pain in his chest. It felt as if his heart was being burned from inside his body, the pain so intense he almost fell unconscious from the shock. He could not understand what was troubling him and causing him such agony, especially considering his very high pain threshold.
As quickly as the pain came, it left, a bewildered Anaar looking around the large shower for some sign of attack. With nothing apparent, he turned off the water and made his way to dry himself. He had been so disconnected from everything he failed to get himself a towel. Considering the pain that had just ravaged him, he could use some cold water on his face anyway.
Stepping in front of the large double vanity, he cannot help but feel strange, no doubt remnants of whatever episode he had just been through. He turned on the faucet, the ice-cold water he splashed on his face soothing him with such a stark contrast to the heat of the shower. Rubbing his face up and down, he opened his eyes to look into the mirror and was completely blinded, causing him to stumble backwards onto the floor.
The gentle humming sensation in his body felt different from a simple tumble, so when he stood back up, he found the same blinding light there. Looking up at the ceiling and around the bathroom, he could not find the source of the light. Dulling his senses, he stood up again, this time the blinding light not nearly as oppressive.
Looking into the mirror again he found his breath caught in his throat. Though he did not need his eyes to utilize his Affinity Detection, it had just become the most comfortable and precise method of its use. Direct physical contact provided him with more information, but he himself did not exactly care to be touched, so he could only imagine how others might feel about the matter. Thanks to the exorbitant mirror in the bathroom, it did not fog even with subjected to heavy steam, so what he was seeing was not a fluke.
Leaning inward toward the mirror he saw the normal blue and lavender aura pulsating around him that he was accustomed to
. What shocked him was how much more distinct and intense it was. He had felt strange ever since coming back to his room, but his mind was so preoccupied that he had all but ignored the feelings. Now learning into the mirror, he could not believe what he was seeing.
Accompanying the pulsating blue and purple was something he was not accustomed to. With just as much intensity he could see a familiar sight, but not one he associated with himself. There was a red and green aura now, all of them dancing around like guests at a lavish ball. With an even more intense focus he could read all too clearly something his mind had only encountered in one person before. Mingled into the attunement he was used to was now True Fire and True Earth.
The shock of that revelation sent him spiraling to the floor. He focused inward and was now certain he felt something new, something different. Clambering up from the floor, as he stared at his nakedness, there was something else he had never before seen. It was so confusing it took a while for his mind to process it. When he finally did, his mouth fell agape as he stared into the mirror.
“Holy fuck…”
The aura he did not recognize was something he simply thought was the reaction of all of the others swirling around. His body trembled, a shiver running down his spine even though the heat of the shower was still there. Now standing out even more distinctly amongst the other colors was a vibrant gold.
“True… Life…?”
Apotheosis (Song of Sophangence Book 3) Page 48