“You are the Merry Marquis. You have always been a part of society.”
Richard shook his head. “No, Teresa. I was the Merry Marquis. I am no longer. Without Julia, it is just an act. I cannot be merry without her.”
Teresa stopped to think about all the parties they had been to. He had been merry—most of the time. But then again, there had been times when he wasn’t or when it was too forced. And then there were the few times when they were attending a party when he had disappeared altogether for half an hour or more. She had known where he’d gone, but now she began to realize that perhaps he’d gone someplace to be by himself because he could not maintain his façade. She had known that it was a façade and had been happy when he did not try to be that way with her when they were alone.
“I… I hadn’t realized… I didn’t know,” she said, feeling awful that she had not understood how difficult it had been for him, until now. She had not fully realized all that Julia had been to him. It was no wonder that he still loved her and missed her as much as he did.
“Yes, well, now you do.” He looked directly into her eyes, as if challenging her to mock him or perhaps even worse, feel sorry for him.
“Then why did you do it? What did you take me to all those parties?”
“Because I promised that I would allow you to meet other men, to find a husband you could love and who loved you. And I promised to save your reputation.” Richard shrugged. A half smile played on his lips for a moment. “You needed me and you needed the Merry Marquis.”
“So you did it for me? Even though it was so difficult for you?” Teresa was touched. She reached out and put her hand on his. “Thank you, Richard.” He may not love her, but he was true to his word, and he was a good friend.
He covered hers with his other hand. “I will always be there for you when you need me, Teresa—if you come back.”
It was a small touch, but it filled her with a warmth, a feeling so good she wanted to do nothing more than sit here like this, holding his hand.
She knew that Richard was not offering her his love. He had none to give her, but was offering his friendship and support.
She wanted so much to be with him, but could she accept living with him on his terms? Teresa thought about this, and then thought about her alternatives. She could stay here, with her aunt—she supposed her mother would be moving elsewhere after she and Lord Stowe married. Either way, she could still try to find a man who loved her, as had been her original intention.
But she would always love Richard.
That made up her mind. She would accept what he could offer and try to be happy with it, for it was the most she would get. Perhaps in time…
“Yes, Richard. I will live with you.”
He released his breath and gave her hand a squeeze, clearly relieved and happy with her decision.
There was still one thing that bothered her, however. “Where do you go? During the day. Is there someone… someone else? Do you have a mistress, perhaps?” She stopped, and then asked as gently as she could, “Or do you go to her grave?” There was no need to explain whose grave she meant and the knot in her stomach tightened at the thought. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she had to know.
The smile faded from his face. “No. Julia is buried in the family plot at Merrick in Wales. And no, I do not have a mistress to whom I go. Perhaps I should have, but what is done is done.” He lowered his eyes to their hands for a moment.
She was not sure she understood that last part. Was he referring to their love-making? She supposed he was sorry that he had allowed himself to become intimate with her. That hurt even more than the thought that he was still in love with his dead wife.
He looked uncertain for a moment, but then said, “If you want, I will take you to the place I go every day. In fact, I would like you to come and see it. Perhaps, then, you will understand.”
Now, he was truly talking in riddles. Teresa had no idea what he meant. Where was he going to take her?
A smile had slowly spread across Richard’s face. He stood up and took her hand. “Come.”
The brass plaque outside of the building proclaimed it to be “The Merrick Home for Destitute Boys”. Teresa stopped, staring at the plain façade of the house. It was an ordinary enough looking house—perhaps bigger than those around it, but located just across from a large expanse of green park.
Inside it was warm and friendly. Paintings of green countryside, horses and farms were hung on the walls of the hallway and the drawing room.
The drawing room was clearly decorated with children in mind, Teresa noted. There were no fragile ceramic pieces decorating the tables, but instead sturdy, overstuffed sofas and chairs creating a homely atmosphere where a child, or children, could relax and feel comfortable.
Mrs. Long, the headmistress, greeted Richard with familiarity, and Teresa with some surprise.
“The boys are at their lessons now, as you know, m’lord,” she said, a little apologetically.
“Yes, thank you. I think I will just give Lady Merrick a tour of the house.”
“Very good, sir.” Mrs. Long curtseyed and then left them alone.
“We have twenty-five boys living here,” he explained, leading her down the hallway towards the back of the house. “They were all found living on the streets of the rookeries.”
“Found by whom?” Teresa interrupted.
Richard stopped and turned back toward her. “By me. I used to walk around the streets beyond Drury Lane.”
“But is that not very dangerous?”
“Only if I were to go about in clothes such as this,” he said, pointing to his very fashionable, if rumpled, coat of blue superfine and buff colored pantaloons. “But I have old clothes which I wear when I go out, so that I blend in better.”
“That’s what you were wearing when I first met you.”
Richard smiled, and looked a bit sheepish, “Yes. You always came to practice just as I returned from my forays into the rookeries.”
He turned and they continued down the hall.
“We have a full-time staff residing in the house, including seven footmen, five maids, and Mrs. Long, of course. There are two full-time tutors who come every day and two part-time tutors to assist with the morning lessons. It took me the longest time to find just the right people to fill all these positions, since a great deal of patience is needed to deal with the boys’ antics.”
They stopped outside of a classroom and peered in through the open door. The room had two long tables around which sat ten boys, five at each. The tutor, who was standing in the front of the room, stopped his lesson when he saw his lordship come in with a guest. Teresa supposed the boys to be between the ages of nine and twelve, as they stood and bowed to her and Richard.
“Gentlemen, I would like you to meet my wife, Lady Merrick,” Richard said.
In one voice, the boys all said, “’Ow do you do, ma’am.”
Richard went around the each table naming each child for her. She was impressed, and not a little surprised, that Richard for knew each of them by name.
“What excellent manners they have, my lord. I am very impressed.” She smiled at the boys who broke into smiles and a few giggles.
“I should hope so. I have tutored them myself. The older boys and I take tea together every day,” he explained.
“You do?” Teresa was stunned. So that explained where he disappeared to every afternoon. Things were really beginning to come together for her.
They left the boys to return to their lesson.
“Why did you not tell me about your orphanage before?” Teresa asked, stopping Richard in the hall with a touch of her hand on his arm.
He turned to her and looked deeply into her eyes before answering. Shrugging, he said, “Most people of the ton would look down on me for taking an active role in the running of an orphanage, or any other charity for that matter. If one must engage in charitable activity, it should be done at a distance. That I have dirtied my hands
by actually running the institution myself would horrify quite a few people. Honestly, Teresa, I didn’t know how you would react if you knew.”
“But you know that I believe very strongly in taking an active role in helping others,” she argued. “Did I not spend most of my childhood entertaining the British soldiers in Spain? Do I not now spend much of my time trying to find ways to help those same soldiers who have now returned, destitute, to England? How could I think any less of you because you are helping these poor children? No, I am not like the rest of the ton, Richard, you should know that.”
A smile lit up his eyes and Richard reached out and stroked Teresa’s cheek with his thumb. “I do know that now. It is one of the many things I admire about you.“ He suddenly noticed his hand on her face and pulled it away as if it were burnt.
“Come and meet the younger boys,” he said, turning away, but not before Teresa noticed that his color was slightly heightened.
She supposed he was embarrassed at his show of affection. She also wondered if she wasn’t also blushing since her cheek was still hot from where he had touched it.
Richard led the way in to the next room, which was not quite so orderly as the first. Two young men were attempting to teach the alphabet to fifteen boys ranging in age from four to eight. However, as soon as Richard took one step into the room any attempt at following the lesson was quickly forgotten as all the boys ran screaming enthusiastically toward him.
Teresa covered her mouth to stop her giggles at the reception her husband was receiving.
He squatted down in order to accept hugs from the younger boys. A few of the older ones held back, but Richard reached out and ruffled their heads affectionately.
But as quickly as she had begun to laugh, she now found herself blinking rapidly to try to hide the tears that had sprung to her eyes at the open display of love and affection from these children. That he spent quite a bit of time here was obvious from the fact that they were all so easy with him.
The little ones were trying to climb on to his knees, while older ones were putting their hands on his shoulders and clutching at his arms. All of them were trying to gain his attention and all were talking at once. Richard was smiling and laughing at what one boy was telling him, while kissing the hurt finger of one of the youngest ones. He gently reprimanded an older child for pushing another and made a vain attempt at giving each boy some of his attention.
One thing was very clear to Teresa as she stood back and watched—Richard was going to be a wonderful father. The love and attention he gave to these boys was incredible.
Her heart suddenly filled with a longing she had never felt before. Would she ever have children of her own?
And if so, would they be Richard’s? Her stomach tied itself up into knots. She wished more than anything that they would be his, but at the same time, she feared that it was rather unlikely. The gulf that stood between them, and the lack of love he felt for her made it an impossibility. She forced herself to keep from running from the room in tears.
Holding her breath, she tried to wipe her eyes surreptitiously, but one beautiful little blond child came up and gave a tug on her dress. “Are you cryin’, lady?”
She knelt down to his level. “Yes, I am a little. And do you know why?”
“No, why?”
“Because I am so happy to meet you and all of the other boys here. Do you like living here? Is it a nice place?”
“Oh yes! It’s the most wunnerful place in the world!” came a very enthusiastic response.
“Good. And what about his lordship? Is he kind to you? Do you see him often?”
“Govna? ‘E’s the best! ‘E comes and plays wif us evry day.”
“Does he? That is very good of him. I am happy that he does so.”
She truly was. No longer did she need to wonder where Richard went every afternoon. Nor did she feel bad that he wasn’t with her. He went where he was needed most.
Guilt stabbed at her for accusing him of going to Julia’s grave or having a mistress. His reasons for leaving her alone were entirely altruistic. He had important work to do here and she was glad that he did it. She wished she could find some way to apologize or take back her hurtful words.
She noticed that Richard had managed to extract himself from the crowd of boys and accepted his hand to help her stand up.
“Boys, you may all make your bow to Lady Merrick and then back to your studies,” he said in a kind, but commanding voice.
There was a little grumbling, but all of them did as they were told.
As they walked back to the front of the house, Teresa could not hold back her admiration for what her husband had accomplished here. “It is fantastic, Richard, how you have given these boys a home. And it is clear that you and Mrs. Long take excellent care of them.”
“Thank you. It has taken a lot of hard work to get this place to where it is today. I must admit that I am proud of the way it has turned out.”
“You should be. And you should be proud of yourself as well. To give so much love and attention to these boys who need it most, is truly a remarkable thing.”
Richard looked uncomfortable at her praise, but she was truly awed by what she had seen and what her husband had done. It was a rare man who could be so selfless and devote himself to those in need. To take children from the slums of the city and give them a home and love was wonderful.
And Richard had not only been altruistic in his orphanage. Teresa knew full well, now, just how difficult it had been for him to do all that he had done for her as well. He had put aside his own feelings of self-doubt and discomfort in order to help her overcome her own insecurities. He had pretended to be something he was not in order to make her comfortable in society.
She desperately wished that she could do something in return for him. She knew the one thing he would probably like most would be if she could bring Julia back to life. But she could not.
Perhaps she could try to do for him what Julia had done. Surely, Julia didn’t have some magic power that had made Richard the Merry Marquis. He had been that way before he met her. Teresa had heard about his antics and how all the other young men would copy his lead. So what was that Julia had done for him? Made him feel comfortable? Give him self-confidence? She could that.
He had already begun by himself to be the Merry Marquis, even though he had said that it was an act. It should be easy to show him that it need not be. All he needed was the security to know that he could be himself.
If he could give her the confidence she needed to become a social success, why could she not do the same for him? Teresa was determined to do this for him.
When they reached home, Teresa gave orders to the footman to have her trunk brought back from her aunt’s house and then followed Richard up to the drawing room.
While he was pouring himself a drink, Teresa went directly to her little desk where she had kept all of their invitations. Searching through the pile of cards, she found exactly what she was looking for.
“We have an invitation tonight to Lady Wynworth’s rout,” she said, turning to Richard.
Teresa almost burst out laughing at the stricken expression that came over Richard’s face. “Do not look like that, Richard. We had promised to attend.”
“That is wonderful. I am sure that Fungy will be delighted to escort you,” Richard said, turning away from her and walking to the door.
“Oh no! I couldn’t go with Fungy! Why, what would people say?” Teresa worried for a moment that her husband was going to try to back out of attending this party with her. If he did, the plan she had decided upon wouldn’t work. She couldn’t help him if he didn’t come to the party. He had to come.
She gave him a pleading look. “Please, Richard.”
Her husband frowned at her, one hand on the handle of the door. “Did I not explain to you just a short while ago how difficult it has been for me to go to these parties? In any case, you don’t need me any more. You’re a success, just as I had promi
sed you would be.”
“You did. And you have done a fantastic job in making me so. But I am sorry; I would be completely lost without your reassuring presence. I know Fungy won’t stay and help me as you do. I’m afraid I’ve grown quite dependent on knowing that you’re there to help me out if I get myself into trouble.”
Briefly, Teresa felt guilty about using Richard’s own kindness against him. But it was for his own good, she reminded herself.
He paused and scowled at the door handle in his hand. “Very well,” he finally conceded. “I will escort you, if I must.”
“Thank you, Richard. I promise you’ll not regret it.” Before he could change his mind, Teresa raced out the door her husband was holding open for her.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Teresa had never seen her husband so nervous before. He didn’t show it in any obvious way, but she could tell. Perhaps it was the way he held himself, with his back so stiff. Or maybe it was the smile that, though charming as ever, seemed painted on to his face, never reaching his eyes. Whatever it was, she knew that he was uncomfortable.
She was not feeling entirely comfortable herself. Not only had they not been to a party in a week, but now she realized that she was the one who had to take the lead. Richard, she knew, was not going to have an easy time slipping into his merry self.
She looked around the room trying to find likely people with whom she felt most comfortable. Since she was going to have to be outgoing and charming, she needed to be with friends.
She spotted Lord Millhaven and waved her fan in his direction. He was speaking with Lady Margaret, but at her beckoning the two of them moved towards her and Richard.
“Good evening, Lady Merrick,” Lord Millhaven said, taking her hand and placing a salute upon the back of it.
Richard was doing the same to Lady Margaret, who was looking quite dazzling in bright pink.
“You look lovely this evening, Lady Margaret,” Richard said.
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