Chapter 12
Lydia couldn’t keep her mind on task as she pieced together the wedding quilt she was making for a customer. It was her third quilt this month, being as it was wedding season among the Amish.
As she pulled the pieces together, she hadn’t recalled making the previous ring in the pattern, but she assumed her lapse in memory was due more to reliving the kiss between her and Steve the night before. It nearly took her breath away even now as she thought about it. Her cheeks heated as she recalled the feel of his lips on hers.
Was she losing her mind altogether? Or had that kiss from Steve affected her more than she’d originally thought. It made her angry to think he’d used his charm to try to cover up the sin that was threatening to separate them.
The jingle of the bells on the front door of the shop caused her to rise from her chair, leaving Nathan to himself and his music.
Rhoda Graber stood at the front counter, her eldest daughter, Anna, balancing one of her twin bruders on her hip, while Rhonda supported the other toddler in one arm. With three small kinner to care for, Lydia could hardly blame Rhoda for commissioning her schweschder’s wedding quilt with the shop. Lydia couldn’t imagine having so much responsibility.
Though Anna was the same age as Nathan, she was clearly far above his maturity level. Had being raised in a Mennonite home caused her to mature beyond her years, or was Nathan’s maturity worldly-related? How could she compare the two when they were from two different worlds? She was not unlike Anna, in the same way that Nathan was exactly like Steve. But did those two worlds really merge well without complications? Lydia couldn’t help but stare at the girl, and wonder if being in the Amish environment was what was best for Nathan. Lydia reasoned that it was, without a doubt, and his future was in her hands whether she liked it or not.
****
By the time Lydia returned to her quilt nearly thirty minutes later, she’d learned all about her cousin’s mishap on the roof of the Beiler’s barn, all the families in the area who had kittens that needed homes, and even about Rhoda’s neighbor having her seventh boppli. Rhoda could certainly talk, but Lydia had not been in the mood to listen. She prayed she hadn’t insulted the woman when she finally ushered her out the door of the quilt shop, but she’d neglected Nathan the entire time.
Lowering herself into her chair, Lydia picked up her sewing where she thought she’d left off, but it wasn’t the same. She examined the stitches closely, admiring the technique, but she could not lay claim to it. Her gaze locked onto Nathan, who sat across the room, seemingly not having moved since she’d first left the room.
“Did you…?” she stammered. “Nee, you couldn’t have.”
Nathan yanked the ear-buds from his ears, his eyes tearing up. “My mom taught me how to make quilts,” he whispered. “She said it calmed me down when I was too hyper. I’m sorry I touched your quilt without asking, but I was only trying to help. I miss my mom, and sewing the quilt helped me to remember her.”
Lydia rushed to his side as he burst into tears. “It’s alright. Your stitches are really gut. You’re welcome to help me, if you’d like.”
Lydia’s heart nearly broke as she hugged the boy’s shuddering shoulders. Perhaps they had more in common than she’d originally thought, for he was the son of a quilter.
Chapter 13
Lydia and Nathan worked side-by-side most of the afternoon, and it was soon time for Steve to arrive to take the two of them home. They’d managed to finish the quilt, and Nathan hadn’t listened to his iPod once during that time. Though they’d worked in silence for the most part, Lydia had tried to engage him in casual conversation, but it seemed every subject she broached somehow led back to his absent mamm. In her original selfishness toward the child, she hadn’t taken into consideration that he was deeply hurt by the void the death of his mamm had created.
She knew exactly what he was feeling since she’d lost her daed. Fortunately for her, she’d been older than Nathan when she’d had to face the same loss. Still, it wasn’t an easy thing to face, no matter how old you are or how much of it you understand, and she’d have to remind herself that Nathan was much too young to understand the full impact his mamm’s death could have on him.
Death had always been something Lydia feared, and it had only escalated when her own daed passed away. She could only imagine that little Nathan must feel like an orphan, and not knowing his daed didn’t help matters, she was certain. If she, herself, was stronger, she would smooth things between the two of them, but every time she looked at Steve, she couldn’t help but imagine him in the embrace of another woman.
The image was almost haunting.
Lydia started packing away the thread and leftover squares of fabric. “Danki for helping me, but it’s time to put everything away. Your daed will be here in a few minutes.”
“He’s not my dad,” Nathan said quietly. “Can’t I stay with you?”
Lydia’s heart went out to the child, but she didn’t want to become a wedge between Steve and his son. Although she alone had the power to fulfill his request, she was still undecided as to whether or not she would go through with marrying Steve.
Her stomach tightened when she heard Steve’s truck pull into the alley behind the store. It had made her nervous to be around him the past few days, mostly because she didn’t trust herself not to fall into his arms and let him brush aside the tension between them with his gentle kisses. She knew they would eventually have to deal with the subject of Nathan before it festered between them too long, but today was probably not that day; she needed just a little bit more time to adjust to the idea.
When Steve walked through the alley door into the quilt shop, Lydia tensed as she pasted on a smile. She would not let him see how much pain his mistake was causing her, especially not in front of Nathan. It wasn’t the child’s fault, and she wasn’t about to make the situation about her. The child had enough to worry about with his relationship with his daed without seeing how much his presence had impacted her relationship with Steve as well.
Keeping her composure, she urged Nathan to go to the truck with Steve while she turned out the shop lights and locked up for the day. Instead, the child clung to her side, making things even more awkward for Steve than they already were. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for Steve, but at the same time, it warmed her heart to know that the child trusted her the way he did.
Chapter 14
Steve dragged his feet up the steps of Harmony’s childhood home. Memories of her father’s disapproving looks flashed through his mind as he recalled each time he’d stood on these very steps as a teenager begging to talk to Harmony. Each time, her father had sternly turned him away, saying that Steve’s company was not wanted and that he’d caused enough trouble for his daughter. Had the man known back then that Steve was the father of Harmony’s child? It was evident, especially after Steve had finally read Harmony’s letter pleading with him not to pursue her and Nathan. She’d claimed that her father had sent her away to her grandmother’s house and threatened that he would not pay for her college if she didn’t abide by his rules for her to put her life back together. She’d claimed it was the only way she could keep little Nathan.
If only he’d known then…
Steve swallowed down his guilt as he knocked lightly on the door. An older man opened the door, but Steve recognized him as Harmony’s father. Who could forget those stern eyes? They were much older now and almost appeared very broken. Steve’s heart beat fast at the sight of him; it was tough not to feel like a young boy again in the man’s presence.
“Mr. Foster,” Steve began nervously. “I’m sure you don’t remember me, but…”
The older man’s eyes narrowed. “Of course I remember you,” he barked. “You’re the kid who tainted my daughter’s reputation, and then left her to raise her mistake on her own.”
Steve pushed down the instinct to let his temper flare at the man’s accusations. “I didn’t leave her! I came over here several
times a week the entire summer and begged you to let me see her, but you told me to get off your property! Then when I got her letter telling me she was going away to college, I accepted it was over, but I didn’t know she was pregnant, or I wouldn’t have given up trying to see her.”
“You only wanted one thing from my daughter, and I wasn’t going to let you do any more damage than you’d already done.”
“You’re wrong, Mr. Foster. I would have married her and taken care of her and Nathan.”
The old man crossed his arms defensively.
“She didn’t need you messing up her life any more than you already did. I took care of her.”
Steve’s face heated with anger. “By sending her away and keeping my son from me?”
“You did that to yourself,” Mr. Foster accused him.
There was no point in trying to argue the past with this man. The past was done and over with, and he couldn’t do anything to change it. The only goal he had in mind was to talk about Nathan.
“I came here to talk to you about my son,” Steve said cautiously. “He’s in the truck.”
Mr. Foster waved a finger in Steve’s face.
“I told that social worker the same thing I’m going to tell you; I’m not raising my daughter’s mistake!”
Steve couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“That’s not why I’m here. I want to raise him myself. I just wanted you to know that I won’t keep you from being a part of his life.”
“I’ve not been a part of his life thus far thanks to my daughter keeping him from me, so why would I want to see him now? It’s too late. The damage is already done, and he doesn’t even know me.”
Mr. Foster closed the door in his face, but Steve wasn’t about to let that be the end of the conversation. One way or another, he would make sure that Nathan knew he had a grandfather from his mother’s side. For now, prayer was the only thing Steve could rely on to fix this.
Chapter 15
Lydia pinned her hair at the base of her neck and stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Since she’d refused the baptism, she’d enjoyed wearing her hair down and the freedom it represented, but it suddenly seemed foreign to her. She was Plain, and there was no getting around that. She wasn’t interested in being an Englischer, but she no longer fit in with the Amish either. If she married Steve, she would more than likely continue to become more Englisch as time passed, until there was nothing left of her daed’s heritage in her reflection.
Contemplating pinning a kapp on her head, she wondered if her daed would disapprove of her way of life since he’d passed from this world to the next. She and Liam had changed so much in the past eight years since his passing that she felt her own reflection was nearly unrecognizable.
Had she become an Englischer to keep Steve? He’d certainly made some changes for her sake, but it seemed most of the compromise had come from her. What if she married him and raised his child? Wouldn’t that also change her? She had to admit that she’d already grown attached to the boy, but she wasn’t certain if it was enough to make her want to be his mamm.
Grabbing her heavy coat, Lydia mentally prepared herself for the ride into town with Steve and Nathan. She tried to find something to be grateful for in the situation, but up until last week, she’d thought her life was perfect. Now, as she waited for Steve’s truck to pull up to her haus, she felt it was anything but perfect. Was it Nathan’s presence in their lives that had changed things? Nee, it was Steve’s dishonesty about his past. Her daed had always taught her to be truthful because the truth had a way of catching up to you. The truth had certainly caught up to Steve, and it had changed everything for them.
****
After riding in total silence next to Steve, Lydia rushed out of his truck before he could give her his usual send-off. She didn’t want to be kissed by him. She didn’t trust herself not to keep her whit about her, and she wouldn’t have the strength to push him away.
As she stood at the back door of the quilt shop, Nathan stood at her heels waiting for her to unlock the door. She’d wanted to ask Steve why he hadn’t enrolled the boy in school yet, but that would have required carrying on a conversation with him, and she wasn’t ready for that either. She was a little annoyed that he was relying on her to care for the child, almost in an expectant sort of manner. Did Steve assume that their wedding would still happen as planned, and that she was ready and willing to accept Nathan as her own child? How could she marry a man she could no longer trust?
She needed to talk to her mamm. She worried Liam would take Steve’s side since they’d been friends for so many years. He’d already defended Steve, and that irritated Lydia. Perhaps she could work things out over a steeping cup of meadow tea, when she and her mamm would have the opportunity to talk freely without interruption or risk of Nathan eavesdropping. Right now, she would push aside her feelings of angst so she could run her mamm’s quilt shop successfully.
Chapter 16
“Can I help you make the quilt?” Nathan asked timidly.
“Jah, of course you can.”
Lydia didn’t have the heart to say no. Those blue eyes of his reminded her so much of Steve’s. How could she love Steve and not have that love trickle down to his son? It just wasn’t possible. She couldn’t help but feel love for the child. He was innocent in all of this, and he deserved to have a mamm. Did she have the strength to raise another woman’s child? She’d been asking herself that question repeatedly since she’d found out about him. She was practically raising him now, wasn’t she? Steve had left the child with her every day since he’d come to live with him, and to be honest, she’d come to enjoy having him around. That didn’t stop her from being annoyed by Steve’s dependence on her.
If Lydia made the right choice—the choice she knew she must make, then she would officially be Nathan’s mamm. She knew she was overdue for taking a bended knee and asking Gott for the strength to forgive Steve for not being more forthcoming, but she might need a little more time to sort it all out in her head first.
Lydia handed Nathan a needle and thread, and showed him where to begin his neat stitching. She watched his sad eyes come to life as he set to work on the quilt, almost as if he felt connected to his mamm in some way. Nathan seemed to be adjusting to his loss better than she’d adjusted to the loss of her daed, but given his age, Lydia had to wonder if he was capable of understanding the full impact of the changes that had happened.
“Are you going to be my new mom?” Nathan asked innocently.
Lydia dropped her thimble and bent down to pick it up.
“When my friend, Charlie’s, mom died, he got a new mom when his dad got married.”
“I have certainly thought about being your mother. Is that alright with you?” She felt awkward discussing this with Nathan, especially without Steve being there, but she couldn’t justify ignoring the child’s questions.
Lydia looked into Nathan’s tired eyes. “I need a new mom, and you’re nice to me. I think you would be a good mom for me.”
Lydia suppressed the laugh that tickled her heart. She could suddenly see herself as Nathan’s mamm, but she still couldn’t get past the lies of her betrothed. If only she could separate the two, but being the child’s mother involved forgiving Steve and going ahead with the wedding as planned.
“Denki—thank you,” Lydia said.
Nathan giggled. “Will you teach me those funny words you say? And can I get a hat like my dad’s?”
Lydia smiled. He wanted to learn her Amish ways, and she was eager to teach him. Perhaps she could be his mamm after all.
Chapter 17
Steve was finishing mucking up the stalls in the barn when he heard a scream followed by a thump. Panic seared his heart as his gaze feel upon Nathan where he’d landed on the hard-packed dirt floor of the barn after falling from the hay loft. He’d warned the child not to climb the ladder, but he’d obviously disobeyed.
That didn’t matter now.
His son was hurt.
Steve rushed to Nathan’s side, the rest of the barn a blur. His focus was on Nathan, as he cradled the crying child in his arms.
“Where does it hurt, Son?”
Nathan pointed to his side. Steve lifted his sweatshirt and could already see the bruising around his ribs.
Lydia rushed into the barn out of breath and ran to Nathan’s side. “I heard you all the way from the yard. What happened?”
“He fell from the loft,” Steve said over Nathan’s crying.
Nathan continued to cry but clung to Steve as he reached a hand out to Lydia. “It hurts!” he cried. “I’m scared.”
“I think he might have a few broken ribs,” Steve said. “We need to get him to the emergency room.”
“Am I going to die like my mom?” Nathan cried.
“You’re going to be just fine,” Steve soothed his son. “We are going to get you to the hospital, and they will fix you up as good as new.”
“You promise?” Nathan begged, gulping at his tears.
“We promise,” Lydia said around the lump in her throat. She had to be brave. She couldn’t let Nathan see her worry or it might make him even more fearful.
Steve carefully lifted Nathan from the floor of the barn. Lydia walked ahead of him and reclined the passenger seat of the truck so that Steve could set Nathan down without aggravating his injury any further. Once he was strapped in, Steve went to jump in the driver’s side.
Lydia nudged him aside and climbed in the back of the cab. “I’m going with you!”
Steve didn’t argue with her; he was too nervous to handle this on his own and was grateful she was willing to accompany him in taking care of his son.
The Quilter's Son: Book Two: Lydia's Heart (Amish Romance) Page 3