And now—Jenny.
Bryce straightened to show her another tooth and their gazes met. Dustin leaned in to kiss him. “Love you, Papi.”
He smiled. “Love you, Daddy.”
They turned and nuzzled noses with Jenny. Their perfection.
Their miracle.
Theirs.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Dustin stared at the sealed envelope in his hand. The open date on this envelope was two years after her death. He could tell from the ragged look of Kira’s script that it had been written in her later days, probably not long before she couldn’t even hold a pen, during the last couple of weeks before Jenny was born. She’d not only left letters, for him, for Bryce, and for Jenny, but videos for them, too, taken with her phone and on her laptop.
Most heartbreaking, she’d recorded herself singing songs, like Banana Pancakes, lullabies, and others.
Happy Birthday. Silent Night.
She’d made Dustin promise they wouldn’t watch them until after she’d died, and it broke their hearts all over again, reducing both men to sobbing husks by the time they made it through all of them.
A few of the videos she’d actually recorded more as journals, right after finding out. Maybe she hadn’t known what to do with them later. But once Dustin had shared Seth’s story about Kaden, she’d done it with a purpose, although not to the extent Kaden had done.
Glancing up, he watched Bryce and Jenny outside in their backyard. She was dressed only in a diaper and sat next to him, helping him pull weeds in the flowerbed next to the fence.
By that, it meant she was grabbing at the weeds and basically stripping the leaves off them, which made Bryce smile nonstop.
He knew Bryce was struggling today and, unlike the one-year anniversary, Bryce had made no mention of what today was despite them starting the morning with him crying in Dustin’s arms and taking the day off from work.
Dustin had, too. Taken the day off. He’d arranged it months in advance, knowing Bryce would need him.
He carefully slid his finger under the flap and eased it open. He tried not to destroy them when he opened them, wanting to be respectful of them and Kira’s memory.
Hey, big guy!
I told you so, didn’t I? I knew there was no way in hell you could ever walk away from him, or her. (I’m guessing they didn’t goof and she was a her? LOL)
Maybe you didn’t have confidence in yourself in the beginning, but I had confidence in you. Your doubts weren’t the only thing I could see in you. I could see it in your eyes how much you loved him. No one had ever looked at B the way you looked at him. And he’d never looked at anyone the way he looked at you.
God, it’s hard to write this stuff in past-tense but it feels weirder trying to think of it happening now as I write about it.
He’s a special guy, and I knew only a special guy was worthy of him. You’re a great dad. I know you are, because I can see it in you even before she’s here. How you take care of B, and me. You just needed B’s faith to infect you like it does with everything he touches, in good ways. He makes his own gravity, I told you that. He always has. Once he loves you completely, it’s impossible to escape his orbit.
Like anyone who gets to know him the way you have would want to escape him. I sure didn’t. My problem was I could never find a straight guy as great as him. He’d spoiled me.
Thank you, big guy. I don’t know when it happened, or how long it took, but I’m sure it was hard and ugly and painful for him, and you, and I’m sorry I can’t be there to dance in the kitchen and sing off-key and all the fun things the three of us never got to do as friends. I would have loved watching you back B up screening her future boyfriends for me.
If it’s possible, I’m watching you and smiling at you and holding all three of you.
Keep making those banana pancakes, big guy. Keep dancing. Keep singing.
Keep living.
Luv U <3,
K.
The words blurred on the page as his tears hit, hard and heavy. It’d been a while since he’d cried like this, but he took the letter into their bedroom and tucked it away in his dresser with the others she’d left for him that he’d already read, before locking himself in their bathroom and letting it out.
He’d found keeping it in was worse. Harder.
Much harder.
And he needed to pull himself together. If Bryce saw him crying, no way in hell would he be able to hold it back, and he’d spent enough time crying already.
Later today, they were having dinner over at Steve and Kate’s condo and taking Jenny swimming in their complex’s pool. Eric and Tina were coming down for a visit this weekend. His own parents had stopped by last weekend and spent Sunday afternoon and evening with them, taking the three of them out to dinner before they headed home.
Spoiling their granddaughter rotten.
No one was mentioning the date, though, the anniversary.
Especially around Bryce.
Dustin had asked them not to.
Bryce knew what day it was. The last thing he needed was being reminded of it by well-meaning people.
It was time to move forward. Even Bryce admitted that.
That’s why today was spent focusing on Jenny.
Dustin wasn’t a religious person, but part of him hoped there was reincarnation or something so Kira’s spirit could live once again in more than their memories and the letters and videos.
She deserved that, another chance.
Especially since she’d given Dustin a life he’d never imagined, one far better than even his wildest dreams.
* * * *
Dustin was in the kitchen and getting their lunch ready, while trying not to trip over Archer twining between his legs, when he heard the sliders to the back porch open.
“Daddy! We pulled weeds!”
He turned just in time to scoop the filthy, grinning toddler into the air, making her squeal with delight.
“I can see that. Did you have fun helping Papi in the backyard?”
“Yeah!”
Papi wore a smile. “I’ll go get her cleaned up.” He walked over and gave Dustin a kiss before taking her from him.
She was definitely a Daddy’s girl, in many ways. Dustin never dreamed that among his life skills he’d one day be listing “styling hair,” but he’d learned how to tame her curly locks so she didn’t get tangles and snarls.
Even more surprising to him?
He loved the hell out of doing it for her. He could see he’d be the one learning how to paint nails and apply makeup, while Bryce would be teaching her how to check the oil in her car and change a tire.
He had lunch ready for them when Jenny came streaking out from the hallway, giggling up a storm. She wore an adorable pink sundress and as she ducked behind Dustin, he heard Bryce booming in the hall.
“Where’s that sneaky princess?”
More giggling, even as she held on to Dustin’s legs and sat down, peeking between them.
“What princess?” Dustin said. “I don’t see a princess.”
Bryce appeared in the kitchen doorway. Now shirtless and without his glasses, he stopped and scratched his head as he looked around. “I could have sworn a wiggly little princess ran in here.”
“Nope.” Dustin shook his head. “No princesses in here.”
More giggles.
“Are you sure you haven’t seen any princesses?”
“Not today, no.” It took him and Bryce everything not to break into laughter as their gazes met and Bryce winked.
“Hmm. Okay. I guess I’ll have to go look in the living room.” He headed out again.
Jenny pulled herself to her feet, ripping out a few hairs from Dustin’s legs as she did, and peeked around him. Then she streaked out the other doorway, back toward the hall.
This game always ended the same way, with Bryce waiting to ambush her as she emerged from the kitchen, sweeping her up into the air before blowing a big, wet raspberry against her cheek and
making her squeal with laughter.
After lunch, they put her down for her nap, and with a full stomach and a morning’s worth of physical labor, it didn’t take long for her to crash into a deep sleep.
They turned on the baby monitor and locked themselves into the bathroom for their shower. Dustin was more than willing to be coaxed to join Bryce.
These were good days. Very good days. Sweet, long days Dustin never imagined he’d have in his life.
Certainly never the way he’d dreamed his life would play out.
It was even better.
Dustin scrubbed Bryce’s back for him, wrapping his arms around him from behind and holding him pulled tightly against his chest. He didn’t have to look to see Bryce’s eyes were closed, because Bryce had tipped his head back against Dustin.
They’d spent countless hours like this since Kira’s passing. When Bryce was ready to move, he would lift his head again.
Bryce needed the comfort, and Dustin was happy to be that anchor for him.
Eventually, Bryce straightened and turned in Dustin’s arms, kissing him. “Love you, Daddy.” From the first time Jenny had said Daddy, it was forever seared on his heart. It no longer held any connotations for either of them except regarding their daughter.
Dustin smiled. “Love you, Papi.”
* * * *
Bryce knew he had another note from Kira to read today, but he wanted to wait until tonight, after Jenny was asleep and they were home and he could lie in the solid comfort of Dustin’s arms in their bed and slowly absorb it.
He couldn’t imagine a more perfect man to share his life or raise their daughter together.
Sometimes, he felt guilty that they did have this perfection. A great guy, good jobs, a beautiful daughter, and loving family and friends to support them.
At the cost of Kira’s life, not that he could have done anything to change those events or the course of Fate, and not that he was at fault in any way over what had happened.
He knew Kira’s belief had been that at least one good thing would happen from her death. And it had—Jenny.
Focusing on his grief wasn’t his default mode. He had Jenny and Dustin and work—in that order—and he knew Dustin’s priorities were the same.
Today, however, was harder than most days. The anniversaries always were, even though Seth assured them it would get easier. It’d never be “easy”—losing someone you loved never was. But a familiarity would set in and coping would come more naturally, until one day you looked back and saw the journey.
He wasn’t there yet, but had finally reached the apex of his pain and knew he was past it, on the other side, slowly leaving the worst behind him.
The only way he made it there was because of Dustin’s love and support, and he’d be an idiot not to understand that.
Of course he did. They were a team. Beyond the Master and slave, beyond husbands, beyond love.
Dustin had walked every step of the way with Bryce when a lesser man might have told him good-bye and walked away.
He had no doubts about Dustin’s love and loyalty to him or their daughter.
* * * *
“I think we wore her out.” Kate smiled as she watched Jenny, who was currently dressed only in a diaper and crashed face-first on Steve and Kate’s couch, mouth open as she softly snored.
“Amen,” Bryce said. “She’s like the Energizer bunny.”
“She’ll keep you young,” Steve said, smiling at Dustin. “You’ll have no choice but try to keep up with her.”
Dustin hooked his thumb toward Bryce. “Heck, keeping up with this guy keeps me young.” He dropped Bryce a wink that threatened to harden his cock right there.
With Steve and Kate’s move to Florida came cutbacks and downsizing. They’d sold their house in Oklahoma and fortunately made enough they could buy a condo and still have money left over where Kate could move to working part-time. Plus Bryce gave them half of Kira’s life insurance payout, after discussing it with Dustin. The other half he and Dustin put into a savings account to go toward Jenny’s college education, if she decided that was what she wanted to do.
This way, Kate could be a grandma and watch Jenny for them several days a week. Dustin and Bryce had a Google calendar they shared with her, where they immediately listed any times they had to be in the office—or in court, in Bryce’s case—and needed her. With Dustin now on a fixed schedule of Wednesdays and Thursdays off, it made it easier to juggle around that. Sometimes, Bryce took Jenny to work with him, and then he rarely saw her as everyone in the office wanted a chance to spend time with her. Occasionally, Lara would take her for the day when she had a weekday off and schedules wouldn’t work out any other way.
Bryce didn’t care, because they were all good problems to have.
He had cut back his workload at the practice, though. He didn’t take cases just to fill his time anymore. He still did pro bono work, but only one case at a time now, instead of trying to fix the world by himself.
By the time the men got home, put Jenny to bed, and got another shower to rinse off the smell of pool water, Bryce felt exhausted.
Hopefully it meant he’d be sleeping well tonight.
He retrieved the letter and, once he lay little-spooned against Dustin, he carefully opened the envelope and unfolded the letter.
Hey, B,
You’re an amazing man, you know that? Bae shows up on your doorstep with the world’s craziest plan, and not only are you in, you are in without hesitation.
And I love you so damn much for that.
Hope I’m not wrong that the big guy and you are still happy and together and being AMAZEBALLS dads.
Just know that I love you. I always have, and I always will. I don’t think I ever stopped being in love with you. Once I was pulled into orbit by your gravity, I didn’t want to leave, even knowing I’d never have you like that. I was happy to be your bestie, and you to be mine. You are the world’s best bestie.
Please don’t forget to have fun. Don’t forget HOW to have fun. Don’t forget it’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Isn’t that what you always told me?
Never forget how much I love you and Dustin. Don’t cry because I’m not there. Please try to reach a place where thoughts of me and things we did make you smile and remember how important living truthfully is.
As I write this, I watch the way he watches you and I know how much he loves you, and how much you love him. Never lose that feeling. Never forget to take time for the two of you.
Luv U <3,
K.
Not crying wasn’t going to happen tonight. His hand trembled as he held the note, Dustin reaching over and steadying Bryce’s hand by wrapping his own around him. He nuzzled Bryce’s temple.
“I was so scared,” Dustin whispered. “I thought maybe I should hang around until after, let you get settled and stable, then leave. How was I going to be a dad? I’d be a sucky dad.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Well, you proposed right before Jenny was born, for starters. Then when I cut the cord…I knew she was ours. And I knew you were the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And I trusted you to get me through whatever we had to get through, that if you had faith in me, maybe I should have more faith in myself.
“And she saw it. She watched us together and saw every bit of it and she and I talked about it. She had faith in you, and in me. But mostly in you.”
“How do you feel now?”
He let out the soft, gentle laugh Bryce loved. “I can’t imagine life without you and Jenny. I don’t want to.”
“No doubts?”
“Millions. Not about you or her or this, though. Kate and Steve told me it’s normal to feel terrified being a parent.”
“No regrets?”
His lips feathered along Bryce’s ear. “Only that I didn’t get to know her longer. And that she won’t be here to see Jenny grow up. Or that Jenny won’t get to know her as a person, she’ll only have photos and
video and the stories we all tell her.”
Bryce carefully folded the letter and slipped it back into the envelope before rolling to face Dustin, tucking his head against his chest while Dustin wrapped his arms around him and held him.
Comforted him.
Loved him.
Life was as perfect as it could be without Kira there with them.
But he had Dustin and Jenny and, for the first time in his life, he knew what true contentment felt like.
THE END
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