Deliciously Damaged

by Winters, KB

  I washed off the day and whipped up a quick veggie sub for dinner, curled up on the sofa and watched TV until I fell asleep and the TV watched me.

  I woke up the next day, ready to do it all over again.

  ***

  I stepped from the hot shower, cursing my lack of foresight for not choosing an apartment with a big, deep tub that I could soak in after spending all day bent over a waist-high table. But comfort wasn’t really my aim when I signed the lease on this place, just its proximity to work and the dirt-cheap rent. It was just above a crack hotel in terms of price, cleanliness and safety, but a deadbolt from the hardware store took care of the last one and that was all I cared about. A shower wasn’t a hot soak, but my muscles felt looser and I no longer had the urge to kill anyone. In my book, that was a win.

  I had just slipped into a thick pair of wool socks over my workout pants that hadn’t seen the inside of a gym ever, when a knock sounded at the door. It had to be Krissy or Savior and I put my money on the latter since the former didn’t have enough competence to find my address. If she did, I’m sure I would have received a visit by now. My day had already been long and shitty, and I was in no mood for visitors.

  I felt steam coming off my body at the sight of Savior. “What do you want?”

  “For starters, to come in.”

  I didn’t feel like arguing so I stepped back and let him in, waiting for him to speak his peace.

  “Well?”

  His gaze tracked over my body, heating me up against my will.

  “I uhm, wanted to …” he trailed off, but those blue eyes wandered over my legs, the swell of my breasts, my lips.

  In that moment I knew what this was about. All these unexpected visits. The anger.

  “Fine. That’s what you want, Savior? I’m in.”

  I could use a good hard fuck after the day I’d had anyway. I kept my gaze trained on his, soaking up those sapphire eyes and the need I saw in them as I pulled the racerback tank over my head.

  “Let’s do this.”

  I knew he’d deny why he showed up and I didn’t feel like talking anymore, so I took a few steps forward and fisted his shirt in my hands, pulling him down until our lips clashed.

  He resisted at first, like I knew he would. But seconds later his lips relaxed and his hands went to my ass and squeezed, pulling me closer. His lips were especially soft against the rough scruff of his beard, drawing memories to the forefront that I’d chosen to forget.

  “Mandy,” he grunted when I pulled back.

  “Savior,” I shot back with a smile as I shimmied out of the tight black pants, kicking them aside until I was completely naked. I stood there with my hands on my hips, daring him to come closer or walk away. I was prepared for either option, but he closed the gap between us and grabbed my breasts in his big hands.

  “Fuck me, Mandy.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do,” I told him seriously. “Fuck,” I bit out when he leaned forward and slicked his tongue over my nipple before pulling it into his mouth. My head dropped back and my hands shot to his hair, fingers curling around the thick locks. “Savior,” I groaned again. His mouth was magic and fierce, lighting my fire from deep within and he kept it stoked for several long minutes as his tongue, his lips, traveled up and down my body.

  “Mandy,” he growled and pressed me up against the nearest wall, I turned to give him my back, arching slowly.

  “Like this.” I didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to peer up into those blue eyes that shifted colors with the changing of his desire, his passion. I just wanted him to fill me up, make me come and forget about everything else. A low growl sounded behind me, along with the swish of a zipper and the sound of a condom wrapper opening.

  He entered in one hard thrust that sent shivers rocketing through my body, flames burned up my already overheated flesh. He was long and thick, and from this position he was all I could feel. Everywhere.

  “Yes!”

  Hands braced on the wall, I pushed back with every thrust, hungry to have every inch of him buried deep inside me. Pounding into me. “Fuck,” I grunted when he grabbed my hips and slammed deep. Harder and harder, fast and rough. “More!”

  One hand gripped the back of my neck and I arched my back, sending him deeper.

  “Fuck, Mandy. You’re so goddamn tight.”

  “Shut up and fuck me.” I didn’t want words, just action so I pushed back and he froze. Something changed deep inside Savior and he moved in closer so his body molded against the back of mine. One hand on my hip and the other moved to my breast, squeezing hard as he pounded his cock deep into me over and over again. Thick and hard, he filled me, so thick and delicious as his teeth sank into the crook of my neck.

  “Yes!”

  My orgasm was just out of reach but when Savior pinched my nipple, that was the magic switch that unleashed the floodgates.

  “Oh fuck … yes!” My whole body trembled violently as the orgasm wound its way through my veins before exploding out of my pores. The tiny tremors gripped him hard and pumped his cock until his own orgasm exploded.

  “Fuck! Shit!” he roared in my ear, pounding hard and deep, his body pressing me into the wall as the orgasm shot out of him. He stilled, and then swiped his tongue across the back of my neck until I shivered.

  “Mandy.”

  I bit back a moan as our bodies separated, turning to him with a smile.

  “Thanks.” That was the perfect way to end such a shitty day.

  But apparently Savior didn’t appreciate my gratitude. “What?”

  “Thanks,” I told him and placed a friendly hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Savior. That was great but I’m not expecting anything, so you don’t need to make up an excuse about why you need to leave and you can spare me your guilt and regret.”

  He stood there, looking delicious with his tattooed chest, six pack abs and still hard cock pointing in my direction. But he was angry. “Is this some type of fucking payback?”

  I laughed but there was no humor in it. “Of course not. It was a really hot, hard fuck. It was … just what I needed.”

  “Why me?”

  I shrugged. “Why not? What other reason would you keep showing up at my job, my apartment?”

  He grunted and yanked his jeans and underwear off the floor. “Like I said before, to clear the goddamn air!”

  “And I told you that there was no air to clear! But of course, you know better what I need and how I feel than I do, right?”

  Disgusted, I picked up my clothes and walked across the room before turning back to him. “You can clean up, but then you need to leave.” The glow of my orgasm faded quickly and now I just felt sore and pissed off as I kicked my bedroom door shut and put my clothes on. Dropping down on the bed, I closed my eyes and listened as Savior moved around my apartment. Water running in the bathroom, his heavy footsteps on the floor and then the sound of the door closing as he left.

  When I was sure he was gone, I locked the door and crashed on the bed. Even something as simple as uncomplicated as casual pleasure found a way of turning fucked up and complicated.

  Maybe I just needed to invest in a really good vibrator.

  Chapter 6

  Savior

  Fucking women. Even if I lived to be ten thousand fucking years old, I’d never fucking understand them or how their brains worked. And Mandy went to the top of that damn list. I was furious, so pissed off with her, but every time I thought about why, about fucking her hard and fast up against that wall while she urged me on with dirty, passion-filled words, my cock sprang to life. Ready for a repeat performance.

  But that wouldn’t happen. It shouldn’t have happened the first time and contrary to what she thought, I didn’t go there to fuck her. But how could I resist her, standing there all proud and strong, her gorgeous tits on display as she stepped in closer to me? I was just a man and goddammit, I couldn’t resist her. So I’d have to keep my distance.

  If only I could.r />
  Mandy was part of the Reckless Bastards family whether she wanted to be or not. Ammo was one of us, had always been one of us, and that meant she would always be one of us. Which is how I found myself parking my bike beside her little sedan and stomping up the steps to her apartment door, chipped with green paint, again. I knocked and waited, prepared for just about any response from her at this point. I’d be just as surprised to get a kick to the dick as a blowjob.

  She opened the door and her green eyes narrowed as she looked me over from head to toe.

  “Not interested.”

  She stepped back and slammed the door but I caught the flimsy piece of wood easily. She stepped back, looking bored rather than scared.

  “You said I don’t know you, don’t know shit about your life over the past few years and you were right.” I stepped inside and kicked her door shut. “Tell me.”

  “No.”

  I knew she wouldn’t be easy, but she had no idea how stubborn I could be if set my mind to it.

  “Come on, tell me.”

  I brushed past her and sat on the sofa, kicking my boots up and getting comfortable. The more she glared, the brighter my smile became.

  “You hungry? I’ll order some pizza and wings. No, fuck wings, let’s get those spicy boneless things.”

  I pulled out my phone and pulled up my favorite pizza place.

  “Address,” I said, snapping my fingers at her and risking the health of my balls and my brain.

  She rattled it off and then tossed a pillow at my head. “Jackass.”

  “We’ve got about forty minutes until the food arrives, so why don’t you burn some calories by flapping that jaw?”

  I dropped back down and crossed my legs on her wooden coffee table, while she glared a hole in the side of my head.

  “Why are you doing this?” She stepped over my legs, giving me plenty of time to stare at her shapely legs.

  “Seriously. What could you possibly get out of this?”

  “I get a chance to fill a hole in my education, namely what you’ve been up to since I last saw you.”

  She stared, eyes all squinty and hard, but the way her hair stood up straight everywhere lessened the effect.

  “Why don’t you stop trying to figure out my motives and just tell me?”

  Mandy was a stubborn thing, but she had nothing on me.

  “Nothing to tell, really. I worked and then I hopped on a bus headed for the east coast. A little while later I started culinary school.”

  “Did you always want to be a chef?”

  I realized I knew nothing about her, aside from those care packages she used to send Ammo. “I knew you baked one hell of a cookie but Ammo never said you wanted to do it professionally.”

  She shrugged but I saw the smile tug on the corners of her pouty mouth.

  “I never really thought about it, but things weren’t how I wanted them to be here and I knew I had to get away before it was too late. I went to the library and applied for scholarships, but after taking an online aptitude test that said I could run a kitchen, that’s what I decided to do.”

  She tried to make light of it, but I could tell it meant something to her.

  “You love it.”

  This time her smile was genuine as she nodded.

  “I do. Food makes people happy and so does art, I get to do both every day.”

  “The food you made for the engagement party was delicious. Best triple chocolate chunk cupcakes ever.”

  A blush spread over her pale skin.

  “Yeah, thanks.”

  “What did you mean you had to get away before it was too late?” Her shoulders slumped, like I could forget something like that. The doorbell rang and she hopped up with a smile.

  “I’ll get that,” she said, relief in her voice.

  “I already paid,” I told her and smiled at the growl she let out. It was kind of sexy. I never had a woman growl at me before. Just like that my mind went to all the ways I could make Mandy growl some more.

  “Did you invite people over?”

  “No, why?”

  Green eyes bugged way out, clearly telling me that I was an idiot, but again, the effect was ruined by her hair standing up everywhere.

  “Because this is enough food for at least ten people, Savior.”

  She set the box and the foam container on the table and disappeared into the kitchen.

  “I don’t know what you were thinking.”

  She returned with two plates and two beers.

  “I was thinking that ten years is a long time to cover and we might get hungry walking down Memory Lane.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You are so full of shit, you know that?”

  Her words caught me off guard. “Damn, how many times did Ammo say that to me over the years?”

  Just the way she had with a mix of incredulity and affection.

  “Too many,” she agreed.

  “So?” I dropped a slice onto both plates and waited for her to answer. “You gonna tell me what you did here that made you need to escape?”

  She shook her head as she chewed. Her body language was casual and easy but a hard glint had returned to her eyes.

  “Now you care? I seem to remember Ammo telling me, no promising me that if I needed anything to call you or the club,” she scoffed, shooting me finger quotes and rolling her eyes to show her disdain. “A lot of good that did me when you didn’t answer calls or stop in to check on me.”

  I wanted to shout that she was wrong, but she wasn’t. We’d dropped the ball where she was concerned and now unease settled low in my gut like a ball of lead as I imagined the worst shit she could’ve gotten up to as a girl in sin city. But I needed to know. “So?”

  “So you don’t get to know, Savior.” She shook her head like she was explaining something simple to an idiot. “You had a chance to know and you didn’t care. I did what I had to in order to survive, and I did. But that’s the past.”

  I didn’t like it. Not one fucking bit, but I also knew she was right. I would let her hang on to her secrets, for now, but not for long. “Does how you survived have anything to do with those assholes in the parking lot?”

  She nodded and nibbled her lip, her eyes dancing all around the living room, everywhere but at me. I knew she could feel the weight of my stare on her, mostly because less than two feet separated us, but also because I could see the pink stain on her skin and the way her pulse fluttered in her neck. “This chick I knew back then helped me get an I.D. so that I could . . .”

  She paused and I thought I might have lost her but she picked up her story again.

  “. . . take care of myself,” she said vaguely. Now that I’m back she wants me to do one more job for her and I won’t do it. Those assholes were trying to convince me to change my mind.”

  Fuck, that was a lot worse than I thought. The guilt piled on top of my fear. We should have been there for her. If it had been any of us, Ammo would have barged in and made sure she had healthy fucking meals and did her homework. He would have been there in all the ways we hadn’t been for her. I knew what women did to survive in Vegas, hell all around the world, and the thought she might have done that, made me sick to my stomach. Made my skin burn with anger. “You got more beer?”

  She stood like she hadn’t just dropped a major fucking bomb that had my head spinning.

  “Unlikely. Those two were a fluke,” she said as she disappeared into the kitchen again. “I have vodka and I have rum. There’s probably tequila in the freezer but you can’t have that. It’s mine.”

  That pulled a laugh from me. “Stingy with your booze, Mandy?”

  “Your guilt doesn’t deserve tequila. It gets rum or vodka, take your pick.” She held a bottle in each hand but my gaze was drawn to the stiff peaks of her nipples poking through the fabric of her shirt. My mouth watered.

  “Fine, I’ll take the vodka.”

  She sat on the floor across from me and grinned as she set the bottle and two tumblers o
n the table, haphazardly pouring odd amounts in each glass. “The first shot is the numbing agent.”

  I eyed the so-called shot skeptically. “That’s at least two shots.”

  “Okay booze police, drink what you can. Grandpa.”

  Fuck that. I lifted the glass to my lips and let the cool liquid burn my insides. “At least it’s the good shit. Now, tell me what you did to survive.”

  She grinned, the first genuine smile I’d seen from her in a long damn time. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

  “I would,” I told her seriously but she only grinned wider.

  “First, you don’t get to know. Second, I’m not drunk enough to spill by accident.” She knocked back her shot and poured another as she reached for the spicy chicken. “Thanks to all this food, I’ll never be.”

  “Oh don’t you worry about that sweetheart, I’ve gotten many a woman drunk in my day.” It would tease all of my patience to get her drunk and not fuck her again, but I was determined to do just that.

  Secrets, yes. Sex, no.

  I had this.

  Chapter 7

  Mandy

  I couldn’t believe it. I was having a good time with Savior. A man who could be pretty damn charming when he wasn’t waking up with a big bag of regret. I found myself laughing more than I had in far too long. It was probably the vodka. Okay it was mostly the vodka, but it was also him. In my mind, Savior was still the unreliable man who’d ditched me the minute he’d gotten stateside and couldn’t be bothered with the boring details of being a teenager. That wasn’t him any more than the card-counting delinquent was still me.

  I let the vodka do its thing, let it relax my mind and my body until the awkward disappeared and all that was left were two people connected by their memories and grief of the same person.

  “He would be so thrilled with all the businesses you guys have.” Ammo was proud of the Reckless Bastards and to see them thriving the way Savior described, I could admit a certain warmth blossomed in my chest.

  He grinned in that way he had that made him look almost like a boy. No, not a boy but just a man who didn’t have ghosts, demons. Skeletons. His eyes were clear and his smile wide. “We have Ammo O.G. that we grow ourselves. It’s our biggest seller, especially ‘cause it’s some kick ass weed.”