Finally, and I mean finally, the damn doctor came in.
He verified that I was indeed pregnant. After a long piss in a cup and a blood test, it was official. The sweat that had been pouring off my head then was now a freaking waterfall!
Now that I knew for sure, I needed to start mentally preparing myself for this huge step in my life. Time to find a doctor and get these appointments rolling. I definitely needed to buy a book on this stuff to tell me what I needed to be doing. Once I reached my car, I slid my hand over my belly and smiled. I just had to keep smiling. It was all I could do to be positive. I was going to have a baby, and that was good news. I looked up at the sky outside, and just smiled because I knew my Mom was looking down on me, and Mark, too. What a crazy butterfly feeling. I also wondered how Dustin would feel about all this.
I made my way over to the local pharmacy and parked in a spot closest to the door. I walked in and walked up and down the aisles looking for the prenatal vitamins. Once I found them, I stood there checking every brand trying to decide which one was best. Who would have thought this would be such a hard choice. After I picked one out, I noticed they had a little baby clothing section, and I reached my hand out to touch these little tiny things they called onesies. Reality started setting in when I realized my baby would fit in these outfits in just a matter of months. Well, I was six weeks pregnant, so I have more than a few months to go. Just as I was having a blast looking at, and going through all their baby stuff, vile was coming up in my throat. I guess this was called morning sickness. I ran to the bathroom and locked the stall behind me as I hurled into the toilet. This wasn’t a pleasant experience, and I just want to go home and sleep.
I cleaned myself up at the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I’m going to be a mommy. The stall next to where I had been opened up and my worst nightmare appeared right before me.
“So, this is what is going to happen. You are going to keep your mouth shut. You are not going to tell Dustin, and you are going to leave town, immediately,” Mrs. Boyd hissed. The look on her face frightened me. She stared at me with an evil grin on her face. “If you don’t, I’ll make damn sure that baby isn’t born,” she threatened angrily. “Just remember, you’re the criminal, so it won’t be hard to do.”
Tears started to well up in my eyes. I stormed out of the store faster than I can blink an eye. Was she stalking me? How did she know? Was it that obvious? I wasn’t even showing yet! I couldn’t let her hurt me, or take my baby away from me. My thoughts were racing in a million different directions. I got in my car and peeled off toward my apartment. After almost making it to my apartment, I decided instead to go to the beach. I needed to clear my head, and that was the place that was going to ease my mind, I hoped. I was so terrified. His mother was such a powerful woman that she would make damn sure she made my life miserable if I stayed here.
I kicked my flip-flops off and started walking on the beach. Feeling the sand between my toes, and the wind in my hair already relaxed me a bit. I sat down a little ways from the pier where Dustin and I had created one of our first memories together. I rearranged my thoughts in my head, but the only thing that kept circling around was that I needed to leave. I couldn’t stay here. Not anymore, I just couldn’t. She knew, and she won’t ever let me live with it. I thought about Dustin, and how he was in a custody battle for his own child, and he didn’t need the stress of me being pregnant. Plus, I’m sure it won’t look good in court if I end up pregnant. I thought about Molly, and since I didn’t really know Molly that well, I was afraid she would be confused about how she has a sibling on the way. Would court even let me be around her? Why should I cause Dustin all this trouble? Nothing is for certain yet on his court case, so maybe this is for the best. Oh my heart was breaking. Please Mark, Mom, somebody up there, lead me in the right direction.
I thought about Abby and Evan, and how much I’d miss them. They were my lifesavers when I arrived here. I’d hate to leave them too, but I just couldn’t confront them. They’d make me stay, and I knew I couldn’t do that. Not after what this bitch had just drilled into my head. I’ll never be able to get the image out of my mind. The words she spoke could never be taken back.
I have the money from my moms’ life insurance. I could move back home and live with Gram. She would help me, and I could help her since she’s getting up in age. I could find a local job, and bring in some money if she’d be willing to watch my baby. What would I do here? I wouldn’t be able to work, and take care of a baby. So many thoughts roaming through my mind that I was on overload. Tears just start to trickle down my face from the overwhelming feeling of moving home to Delaware. It would be hard, but I knew it was what I had to do. I would miss Dustin so much. He just couldn’t know. I’d never forgive myself if it leaked out to him, and something happened to my baby. I had to do what was best for this baby, and protect it—and myself. I just couldn’t see that I had a choice.
I reached in for the pad of paper I always carry around with me in my purse. I’m a journal junkie, and I needed to write Dustin a letter. I couldn’t face him or he would get it out of me. He would force me to tell him what was going on, and I just couldn’t.
I wrote a short note. I could have gone on for about thirty pages, but I knew I needed to keep it brief. I cried at every sentence I wrote. This was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to tell someone. The letter read:
Dustin,
I’m so sorry I’m writing this to you, but it’s just how it has to be. I never thought that love could feel like this. You filled my world with just one kiss, the kiss that changed my life forever. I just can’t prolong this any longer. I can’t see you anymore. Things are just too complicated, and I don’t want to hurt you. I know I’m trouble when it comes to your custody battle. I want you and Molly to be happy. If that means leaving you for that to happen, I will, and I am. Don’t tell me no, don’t chase after me, just let me go. I know that we love one another and love overcomes all, but in this situation, it just complicates it. I’ve wanted nothing more than to gain a family that can love me. I know that you can, and I know Molly would, but I just don’t fit in very well in your family. I hope you can understand and forgive me at a later time as I know this letter will make you angry and sad right now. Just please accept it. It’s the truth, and I need to do this for myself. I wish you nothing but happiness and love. You deserve it, Dustin. You’re an amazing guy, and any woman would be lucky to have you and Molly in their life. Keep an eye on Abby for me, I’m leaving town. I know she’ll be just as hurt knowing I’m gone. I just want you to know that I care about you. It’s why I’m doing this. For your own good, you know? Believe me when I say it’s not easy for me to do this. It’s just something I have to do.
Love,
Riley
I got back in my car and headed home. I wanted to make sure I was discreet, and nobody saw me. I didn’t want to deal with the painful goodbyes or the explanation I’d have to give. Especially with Abby, because she knew how I was, and she would know that was bothering me, or if was leaving out details. I just wanted to avoid it. Just thinking about what his Mom said to me at the fair, and then in the bathroom. She really must have it out for me, and I really should take her threats seriously.
I ran from the car upstairs to my apartment. I was pretty out of breath by the time I unlocked the door as I was panicking someone may see me. Once I got in, I took Cooper in my arms and just hugged him. I was so happy that I had Cooper, at least. A dog will love you no matter what you are going through, or what you looked like; he loved you for being his owner. They didn’t judge you. They just loved you. That was their only job, and they sure knew how to win your heart over.
I started to make some phone calls to get some things taken care of. Once things settled down, and I knew Abby had left for work, I headed back out and grabbed some boxes from the local store. I got a hold of Seth, and he was on his way with a rental truck. I was so grateful I could count on him any time I needed him. He was s
uch a great friend. I was glad that he would be in the same town now, and could help me with this baby, too. His internship actually fell through so he wouldn’t be moving after all. I hadn’t filled him in on what was going on yet, but he said whatever it was we’d figure it out. I called Gram, and asked her to clean out the small guesthouse. It was more like a fancy garage turned into an apartment that she was going to rent to my mother, but that never worked out. It was practically brand new, and just needed to be cleaned. Gram never wanted to rent it out to just anybody because she just didn’t trust people. She was excited to know I was coming home, but I hadn’t dropped the bomb on anyone yet. Not that it was bad news, but it was something I was pretty sure no one would be expecting.
I pretty much had everything I wanted packed within a matter of hours. It was almost dinner, and all I had to pack were my dishes, and things in the kitchen cabinets. It was last on my list since I knew I had to eat dinner. Seth and I would be taking off in the morning. I wanted to pack up the truck tonight while everyone was sleeping, and take off early.. I know Dustin would be going to work early in the morning, and I planned to leave the note there for him to read, and then head out of town.
I texted him, and told him I’m exhausted, and I was heading to bed early. He told me ok, and that he loved me. Said he was going to play some ball with Evan, anyway.
I didn’t know if I was prepared for what was coming. I truly believed it was for the best.
***
Seth ran to me with open arms and embraced me in a huge warm hug. “I’m so glad to see you, baby girl!” He squeezed me tight.
“You don’t even know.” I hugged him back then pulled away with a big smile on my face. His boyfriend was right behind him.
“Meet Jermaine!” He introduced us.
Jermaine was handsome. He was tall, African American, clean-shaven pretty-boy face. He was thin, but very muscular and totally Seth’s type. It made me happy to know they were still together. I could tell he had brought him, not just to meet me, but also to help load the truck since I couldn’t do too much lifting. If Seth only knew.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you, Jermaine!” I gave him a warm hug since a handshake just wouldn’t seem right to me. Seth was like my brother, and there was no handshaking in this family! As I could picture Jermaine being my brother in law some day!
“Pleasure to meet you, Riley!” He returned the hug.
“Let’s get this over with, huh, guys?” I looked at them and smiled as I knew the last thing they wanted to do was move some girl seven hours back home.
“I have to know, what happened with Dustin, girl. He was like your main squeeze!” Seth punched my arm trying to dig for information.
Somehow, I knew he had a right, considering he just drove seven hours in a rental truck to pack me and move me back home. I let them walk into the apartment as I sighed, trying to figure out what the best way was to approach the subject.
“I’m pregnant.” I really had no other way to explain it, so why not be blunt? The look as Seth’s mouth dropped to the floor blew my mind. I seriously didn’t know what to expect to come out of his mouth after what I had just told him.
“Say something, please.” I looked at Seth with my puppy eyes.
“Dustin’s the father? Why are you leaving? He doesn’t want to support you? I’ll go kick his ass right now if you need me to.” He moved toward the door.
“Congratulations would have been nice. Since that isn’t the first thing on your mind. No, Dustin doesn’t know, and he can’t know. So please, just stop the investigation. This is my choice. It’s for the best, and I need your support, Seth.” A tear ran down my face.
“Baby girl, I’m sorry. It is congratulations. I just figured since you called me to take you home, it was bad news, and I just assumed you weren’t happy about it. I will support you, but you’re going to have to tell me why you’re doing this.” He sighed and walked over to me and put me back in his arms again. “You know I love you, girl. You’re my best friend. I’ll support you no matter what. Just tell me what happened.”
I guess I couldn’t hold the waterworks anymore, and I just started balling. I didn’t think I had it in me, and I thought that was a good enough sign that it was meant to be. I thought if I didn’t cry, I wasn’t that attached. Apparently, this place means more to me than I thought. Dustin means the world to me too, but there’s nothing I could do. I have to protect our child.
“His mom has made it real clear that I need to stay out of Dustin’s life, or she’ll make it happen. She threatened me twice within a week. Without Dustin’s knowledge. She’ll find me, and she won’t let me have this baby is what she said. I had to leave town now, or I’d regret it.” I leaned over on the couch and placed my head in my hands.
“You have to go to the cops. She’s threatening your life and the life of your baby! Riley, don’t let her control you!”
“Seth, she has so much money, she could own the police, for all I know. I’m not chancing anything. I just want to go home and do this on my own. I can survive. I know its best. Besides, Dustin is going through a custody battle right now with his daughter, and his ex put some crazy order of protection on me so I can’t be around his daughter. It just wouldn’t look good right now if I were pregnant. I just want the best for him, and leaving is the best thing to do.”
Seth looked at me with wide eyes then back to Jermaine then back to me. “You do know you sound like a crazy woman right now, right? You can’t possibly think Dustin wants this.” He scratched his chin. “Have you told him?”
I hesitated. “No,” I let out a deep breath. “I’m leaving a note tomorrow. It’s just what I have to do.”
“Well, I can’t tell you what to do. You’re an adult, and I’m backing you 100%. Let’s get these boxes moved. Riley, just plant your ass on the couch, and we’ll do it all. I don’t want you hurting yourself, or the baby. Oh, and by the way, I can’t wait to be Uncle Seth!” The smile grew wide on his face as he poked Jermaine to get moving with the boxes.
I didn’t just sit. I had to do something, so I helped organize how things went in the truck to make sure everything got packed accordingly, and nothing was going to fall and break. Everything had to be just right because this was a one-trip deal. No coming back. Everything had to fit.
***
Morning came bright an early, and I got little to no sleep. I knew this was going to happen, so I prepared myself. Especially, since I couldn’t have any caffeine. I wasn’t a happy camper. I headed over to the dealership and let Seth and Jermaine sleep a few extra minutes while I dropped this letter off. I took Coop with me and he was laying comfortably in the backseat. My nerves started to kick in, but I knew this was something that had to happen.
I walked into the dealership dragging my feet. I hoped he took this ok. Who was I kidding? I knew he wouldn’t. I saw Trevor, and that was my perfect timing!
“Trevor! Hey, can you give this to Dustin!” I handed him the note.
“Yeah, no problem! How’s the car treating you?”
“It’s great, I love it! Thank you. I have to go!” I turned on my heel and headed off as fast as I could.
“I’ll see you around!” He yelled as I exited.
No, he really wouldn’t. If he only knew what was in that note, he’d probably stop me from leaving himself. It was Dustin’s best friend. I’m sure he didn’t want to see him hurt either. I knew walking out those doors of the dealer would be a new life for me. A new life I wasn’t ready to take on alone.
** CHAPTER 19 **
Dustin
“Morning, Trev!” I glanced his way trying to shake my morning hangover.
“Hey, man. You just missed your girlfriend about two hours ago!”
I looked at him shaking my head and then focused my eyes on him. “My girlfriend? What do you mean?”
“Riley, dude. Here, she gave me a note to give you. I’m sure it’s some cute little girly note that girls like to do, you know?” He chuckle
d as he handed me the note.
I smiled as I opened it. The first sentence to catch my eye read I can’t see you anymore. My heart sank, and my knees weakened. Was this really happening? Was she dumping me in a letter? What the fuck was going on? I continued to read, and Trevor just stood there watching me as he started to look concerned. I glanced at him, and then took off toward my department. I walked in my boss’s office and told him I needed to go home. I couldn’t be there with this going on. I had to find Riley. I refused to read any more of the letter. I just needed to find Riley.
“Please, sir, I just need the day off. It's personal.” I begged.
“Dustin, you’ve been taking off work a lot lately, and I know it’s been because of your custody battle, but I can’t have you do this anymore. Either you stay and do your job, or you go home and lose it. I’m sorry.” He threw his hands up in the air with his ultimatum.
I had no choice. I needed this job. I had to think about Molly, too. I had to think that if I lost this job I could lose my case. Sabrina will eat me alive if I didn’t have a job for child support. I was lost, hurt, sad, and frustrated. Why would Riley do this to me? I was so pissed off right now. I stormed out of my boss’s office and into my office. I threw my stuff on the desk and stared at my phone. I knew I’d have a customer in like twenty minutes, and I had no time to think whether or not I should try calling her. My first instinct was to give her some space, but I didn’t know if that was a good idea right now. I can’t think. This was going to be a long stressful day ahead. I kept running my fingers over the screen on my phone contemplating texting her. Words just left me, and I felt speechless. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t even read the rest of the letter because I know that I don’t really want to know. I did, but I didn’t. I was terrified. I had just lost the best thing I ever had with the exception of Molly, and I didn’t even really know why.
A Tattered Love Page 20