by L. B. Dunbar
“Where you staying?” he asked and I stopped walking.
“Oh my gosh.” I laughed. “I have no idea. I didn’t even bring a change of clothes. I grabbed my purse and called an Uber, searching flights on the way to the airport. It’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done.” Looking up at him, I knew that wasn’t really true. The craziest thing I’d ever done was let a virtual stranger drag me into an empty ballroom and finger me. As if Tommy could read my thoughts, one brow rose, and a smile broke over his face.
“Anyway, I didn’t plan any further than getting here.” I looked away from his intense gaze and easy expression. I couldn’t allow myself to remember all the things we shared as I stood in his presence. I’d break into tears again, the emotion of Ivy’s delivery and my rush to get here suddenly hitting me.
“Darlin’,” Tommy hesitated. “I was wondering if I could take you somewhere.” My brows pinched at the nervous tone of his invitation, and for some reason, I couldn’t deny him.
“Okay,” I weakly responded, allowing myself to blindly follow him when there were so many unasked questions and unanswered explanations. I didn’t have the will to fight with him, though. I was just too damn tired all of a sudden. So, when Tommy placed his hand on my back again, I let him lead me from the hospital.
+ + +
“We’re here,” he whispered, his voice low at my ear as my heavy lids opened slowly. I’d fallen asleep in the backseat of the car. A private driver met us outside the hospital, and I don’t think we made it out of the parking lot before I sunk into the soft leather and closed my eyes. I woke at the sound of his voice tickling me, a thrill rippling through my body as my head rested against his heart. Somehow, I’d ended up against his chest, his arm around me where he repeatedly curled my hair around my ear.
A nervous energy vibrated off Tommy as he removed his arm from around me and opened the door. Stepping out, he reached for me and directed me toward a massive, modern-looking mansion. A large set of cement steps led to a double-set front door, but the thing that caught my attention was the ramp installed at the side of the entrance. I looked up in question.
“Welcome to my home,” he said, his voice shaky as he spoke. Taking my hand, he led me to the front door and pressed a code into a keypad. A snap popped the door open, and Tommy pressed forward. The entrance wasn’t gregarious, but definitely spoke of wealth, with an elaborate chandelier brightly lighting the foyer and a set of stairs that led sharply upward. It was a combination loft-effect and Hollywood-eclectic, but not distasteful. It also wasn’t what I envisioned of Tommy’s home.
He led me past the staircase to a drop-down living room that might have housed my entire townhome. The space was massive, with the largest leather couch I’d ever seen facing an entertainment unit above a fireplace. The brick façade was white, as was the couch, and my brows pinched as I scanned the room. The room looked clean but untouched. There weren’t many personal effects, and for a moment I felt as if I’d stepped back in time. The place reminded me of a 1970s ranch: sprawling, angular, and not very welcoming.
“I have something to tell you, Edie.” The seriousness of his voice and the use of my name immediately put me on alert. I gazed up at him as he stepped before me. He swiped a nervous hand through his hair.
“I have so much to say; I don’t even know where to start.” He paused. “Would you like a drink?” He took two quick steps in the direction of a large credenza that opened to display a fully-stocked bar, complete with glasses and a backlight illuminating the variety of alcohol.
“No, thank you,” I murmured, and he paused, turning back to me.
“Mind if I do?” I waved dismissively, knowing whatever he was about to tell me must be serious if he needed a drink at nine in the morning. The thought made me realize it was eleven at home, and I’d been awake more than twenty-four hours other than the cat nap in the car.
He walked back to me, offering a seat on the pristine couch. Sitting next to me, he held the cut-crystal tumbler in his hand, not taking a sip, but staring at the amber liquid.
“This was my sister’s home. I inherited it upon her death.” The words struck me, and I took another look around the room. It explained the barren whiteness. He sighed. “I didn’t have the heart to sell it.”
Silence spilled between us and it took great patience to wait out further explanation.
“Shit, this is harder than I thought,” he muttered, raising the glass to his lips and taking a hearty gulp.
“You must miss her,” I said, by way of something to say, trying to understand what I didn’t.
“You have no idea,” he mumbled, leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees. He swirled the glass in his hands, allowing the liquid to dance along its edges. He peered over at me. “She was my best friend,” he offered as way of explanation. Then added, “But it’s more than my sister’s home. It’s where Lawson lives.”
His eyes bored into me, willing me to comprehend, but I had no idea what he wanted to say. The first thought escaped, setting bile churning in my stomach.
“You have a child?” The question choked me, and his head shook.
“No. Kit had a son.” If Tommy asked me to play guitar I couldn’t have been more surprised. There hadn’t been one mention of an additional child, a sibling to Ivy.
“He has cerebral palsy and lives in a wing off this main room.” His eyes scanned the space. “I don’t have the heart to remove him from the only home he’s ever known. He has round-the-clock care, and he’s well provided for.”
“Tommy—” I questioned, still not fully comprehending.
“Kit did everything she could to protect him—his identity, his condition. She didn’t want any unwarranted sympathy for herself or for him. She didn’t need his birth to be a media circus, propagandizing his condition and Kit’s sexual history. She was a God-loving woman, and she believed Lawson came to her because it was His will. She had the strength to handle it, and thankfully, the resources.”
“What about Ivy? Does she know?”
Tommy rolled his head to look at me. “Of course. Lawson came after Ivy. Kit had been through so much: the rejection of our father, the death of Bruce, raising Ivy as a single mother. Then she got pregnant from some roadie. It was a short-lived relationship, over before Kit recognized she was pregnant.”
He paused, allowing that information to soak in.
“So, he lives here, and he’s well-cared for. Does Ivy visit him?”
“On top of raising her family, and now this therapy school, she comes to see him at least once a week. Making time grew more difficult with the younger children and the demands of following the band.”
“Gage kept her from her brother?” I shrieked, but Tommy shook his head.
“No, nothing like that. Ivy followed us those first years, and it separated her from Lawson. With her own children becoming a priority, Ivy’s attention grew divided, but she’s always been a loving and understanding sister. She couldn’t share him with the world. Kit didn’t want any attention on Lawson, knowing life was difficult enough for him.” He sighed, his lips curling into a weak smile. “When Ivy was little, she would go into his room and jingle on a tambourine. She’d give him music sticks—you know those ribbed kind—and he’d bang them together. I think that’s where the music therapy comes from.” Tommy swiped a hand through his longer hair. “Lawson has this bark-ish kind of laugh. Ivy’d giggle in response, and he’d grow louder. It’s like her laughter was music to his ears, and Ivy glowed, knowing she made him happy. Kit melted every time she saw it. That strength in Ivy is just…” Tommy blew out a breath, unable to properly credit his niece.
“Is he ambulatory?” I asked, considering the ramp near the front door which I recognized as wheelchair accessibility.
“He isn’t. He’s an adult, and over time, he couldn’t fully support his own size. He’s wheelchair-bound. He communicates, but through a sound machine, computerized with images, as he can’t read or speak.”
&n
bsp; Tommy was silent a moment, his head hanging down as he took a final pull from the glass in his grasp.
“Tommy, is this why you didn’t bring me here?”
“God forgive me,” he mumbled, “I just couldn’t. This just seemed like too much to share.” He sighed. “I had my own place. Something much more modest, before Kit’s diagnosis. It was my room-to-breathe space. But when Kit got sick, I moved in. I inherited the place, and I keep it for Lawson.”
“Ivy says you have an apartment in LA?”
“I do. It’s over the studio, and I crash there when I’ve been working long hours. Other times I crash at Ivy’s. Sometimes I go to Chicago.” He smiled weakly again.
“Why?” My brows pinched with the question.
“My place is lonely, darlin’.”
“Tommy,” I breathed, sadness filling me as my shoulders sank.
“I should have had you sign a NDA,” he teased, humor lacking in his tone.
“You already know I’ll sign whatever you’d like,” I assured him. “Only a sick person would exploit Lawson and Kit’s situation.”
“Oh, there are plenty of people out there who would love this story.” He paused, looking directly at me. “I didn’t believe in you, darlin’, and I’m sorry.” The apology made me sit up straighter. “Ivy wanted to tell you. She trusted you. Hell, she thought I already had. But this…this was a heavy burden, and I didn’t trust myself to share it with you. It’s not about me; it’s about Lawson and Kit. It’s about family.”
“Family,” I said softly, agreeing with his concern but heartbroken that he didn’t trust that I would protect his family as much as my own.
“I trust you, Edie. I have from the moment I realized you had no idea who I was. Just something about you screamed safe—and scary—to me.” He reached over and pressed a wayward curl around my ear.
“Scary,” I snort-laughed.
“I didn’t trust myself, darlin’. I wanted to give you everything, but that meant giving you all of this, too. And I feared for them, even when deep-down I knew the secret was safe with you. Maybe that safety scared me, too. I worried I’d get too close, draw you too near, and then when you left, you’d break me.”
“Where would I go?” I laughed, humbled and humored that he thought I’d be the one to leave him. “I don’t really want to be without you,” I admitted, my voice lowering along with my eyes. “But you said some really hurtful things, Tommy.”
His head hung. “I did, darlin’, and I’m sorry. Truly sorry. I’d understand if you kicked me to the curb, but I’m hoping you don’t. I’m hoping you can give me time to prove I don’t want to be without you, either. I overreacted, beautiful. I panicked.” His eyes drifted up to mine. “Family’s all I have and I thrive on being in charge of them, being in the know. I’m used to putting out fires from the boys, but not trouble from Ivy. It just…” His voice faltered. “It just threw me off, but I understand now. And by the time I thought about what I’d done, the tour started, the boys needed me, and once again I put them before myself, before what I wanted.”
A hand came to my knee. “I want you, darlin’. You and me. And I think it took you walking away for me to realize you’re the piece of me that’s been missing. The loneliness I cover, that feeling I deal with, it’s because I didn’t know what I’d been missing was someone like you.” His hand moved from my knee to cup my face.
I bit my lip, loving the words but fear trickled through me.
“What is it, darlin’? What’s happening in that pretty head of yours?”
“I want to believe you’re sorry. I want to understand where you were coming from, but you ripped my heart out, Tommy. You jumped to conclusions and didn’t let me explain.”.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m saying I’m sorry, but I know apologies take time not words. Family always says they’re sorry, though.” A weak smile curled his plump lips. “And I wanted you to hear how sorry I am.”
While the logical side of me told me to kick him to the curb, like he suggested, my heart screamed for me to take the risk. A risk like that insane woman who let a stranger finger fuck her in an empty ballroom.
“I forgive you.” His smile grew and a moment passed with only our eyes connecting us.
“Is it crazy that I want you to move to California after only knowing you a few months?” he chuckled, setting his empty glass on the low coffee table, and turning back to face me.
“Not as crazy as the fact that I would have said yes if you asked me.” The words hung between us.
“Darlin’?” he questioned, his brows furrowing, his expression a cross between serious and curious.
“What changed your mind? Why are you telling me all this now?” I asked, changing the direction of the conversation. My hand waved to indicate the room and Lawson.
Tommy reached for my hand, drawing it over to his lap. Thick fingers curled around mine before flipping my palm to face him. He stroked over the tender pad with the tips of his thick digits, and a ripple shimmered up my arm.
“I planned to see you in Chicago. I thought you’d come to the concert, and I’d get your attention afterward. In fact, Ivy knew my plan to tell you everything and grovel at your feet if I needed to.” Dark eyes sparkled, before returning to my hand. “I’ve missed you, darlin’.” His words warmed my insides and my belly fluttered. “I think the thing that clarified everything for me was seeing you in that hospital waiting room. I accused you of telling me how to love my family without recognizing you already loved them.”
“Family loves unconditionally,” I said, a tear trickling down my cheek. My free hand swiped under my eye and the movement broke Tommy’s concentration on my palm. His head shot up
“I’d never hurt Ivy or take advantage of her or you…” My assurances were cut off when his mouth took mine, nearly knocking me backward in his aggressive approach. His lips captured mine, drawing them into his before his tongue invaded my mouth, reaching for mine. He’d released my hand, so I reached for the salt-and-pepper scruff at his jaw, nails scraping over his stubble without thought.
“Like that, don’t you, darlin’?” He chuckled against my lips.
“I do like that,” I mouthed against him.
“Well, I love you, Edie.” I pulled back, startled, and he repeated himself. “I love you, and I want you to move to California. Next stop is my place. My real place, but I had to share this with you first. I had to know that this,” he waved out at the stark white room, “was okay with you. Secrets of the rich and famous.”
I cupped his jaw again. “Maybe before we see your place, I could meet Lawson?”
“God, woman,” he muttered, his mouth capturing mine as he pressed me back against the cushions. “First, I want inside you. That’s home. Then you can meet my charming nephew.” His hand skimmed down to the waist of my jeans as I reached for his. He had me on my back, his legs already between mine, but we were definitely not close enough.
“If your nephew’s half as charming as you, I might stay here with him instead.” I laughed.
“Never,” Tommy growled against my mouth, his fingers forcing my jeans down my hips at the same time. “You’re with me.”
21
Family always says I’m sorry
“I think you should take the job with Ivy. I think you’ll be good for her. She needs someone here with her.” Gage ran his hands through his hair, a tell that he was nervous. Ivy sat on the couch in their open concept living room, the baby resting in her lap. Tommy and I stopped by to see Ivy and little Granger the next day. The plan was to return in three weeks, when Masie moved into her dorm. We’d be driving cross-country to move her things. Tommy said he’d be up for a road trip, despite finishing the summer tour around that time.
I stared up at Gage from my seat next to Ivy, shock coming off her in waves.
“Family always says sorry, and I’m sorry for what I said, Edie. Truly.” His eyes closed, his sorrow was visible even without his eyes on me. He opened them in
a flash, staring at me with pain in his pupils. “Never should have said what I said to either of you.” He looked down at his wife, his toes tapping at hers. I glanced over at Ivy, not realizing that the fight they’d had months ago wasn’t fully resolved.
“I’m selfish,” he said. “Ivy knows this, and she accepts it, but that doesn’t mean she lets me get away with it.” He knelt before his wife, surrounding her legs with his arms. He kissed his son’s head before looking over at me.
“Ivy’s been explaining the music therapy school to me, and I’m looking forward to spending time there as soon as the tour ends. We have to make up two dates for the birth of this little guy.” He kissed Granger again. “But then, I’m home. I’m all in.” Pressing up on his knees, reaching for Ivy, and she leaned forward to kiss him.
“All right, darlin’, we need to get going,” Tommy said, and Gage looked up at me expectantly. I wanted to take Ivy’s offer but there was still one offer I needed. We hadn’t made it out of Tommy’s sister’s home, spending the past twenty-four hours alternating between make-up sex and napping. I constantly argued with myself that good sex wasn’t a reason to give up everything I knew. Not able to respond to the question in Gage’s eyes, I leaned for my young friend and hugged her hard.
“We’ll talk soon,” I whispered.
+ + +
Tommy’s studio apartment included a galley kitchen and an extra-large island in the corner of a large great room. Floor-to-ceiling windows illuminated the second-story warehouse space. Record awards filled one wall. His bedroom was off to the left. Galvanized silver, rich browns, and white walls accented the place. Scanning his masculine set-up of leather couch and large, flat screen television, I met Tommy’s eyes. He looked hesitant.
“I love this,” I said, my voice hardly a whisper. His shoulders relaxed as he stepped toward me. Tender fingers stroked my cheek.