by E. L. Todd
I laughed and writhed underneath his attack, trying to get away from him. His massive size held me down, and I was unable to squirm away. “Oh my god, stop!”
“Say it.” He dug his fingers into my armpits and showed no mercy.
These tickles were going to kill me. “Fine! Oink oink!”
He pulled his hands away and chuckled. “You’re one cute pig, Tayz.”
“Thanks for the compliment…” I sat upright and fixed my hair. It was all over the place and full of tangles.
“No problem.” He nudged me in the side before he returned to watching TV.
I pulled the blanket farther over my legs because they were getting cold. His apartment was always freezing because he liked it that way. I didn’t.
He eyed me when I pulled the blanket farther over him, and that threatening look was back in his eyes.
“You want to get tickled?” I threatened. “Because two can play that game.”
He pulled the blanket off and prepared his hands. “Game on.”
***
When I opened my front door, I expected to see Volt on the other side. He was probably stopping by on his way home, something he used to do a few months ago. We started spending more time together recently, and now I fell right back into that funk.
But it was Sage.
He stood with his hands in his pockets, his blue eyes looking slightly dangerous. He didn’t seem happy to see me, but he didn’t seem pissed either.
Unsure why he was there, I didn’t say anything. Did he come to yell at me more? Did he leave something at my apartment? Break ups were hard enough, and they were even worse when you had to see each other after.
“Hi…”
“Hey.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Did you leave something here?” Because he could have texted me and asked me to mail it.
“No. I was hoping we could talk.”
About what? “Uh, sure.” I opened the door and he followed me in. “I’m sorry about what happened with Volt. I understand why you were so angry. I hope you still had a good birthday.” There was no reason why we couldn’t end on good terms.
“Actually, I came to apologize. You were right. I made everything about myself when I shouldn’t have. Your friend needed your help, and you should have been there. I let my jealousy get to me.”
He was apologizing? Now I felt like an even bigger bitch for kissing Volt. “Oh…”
“What was the problem, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“Well…there’s this kid that Volt tutors. He’s in a bad situation at home and stuff. When he came to one of their tutoring sessions, he was banged up from being smacked around by his father. Volt was trying to figure out what to do to help him.”
“Oh shit.” Guilt spread across his face. “I didn’t realize…”
“It’s okay. You didn’t know.”
“Now I feel like a bigger ass.”
Not as much as I did. “Did you have a good birthday?”
“Yeah. But it wasn’t the same without you.”
My heart softened and so did my eyes.
“I just didn’t want us to be mad at each other anymore. I miss you and I feel guilty for the things I said. Can we have dinner together? Catch a movie or something?”
Now I was even more confused. “I thought we broke up…”
“No,” he said quickly. “I’m sorry I made you think that. I let my temper get away from me. I guess I’ll always be jealous of Volt. Even with a girlfriend, I see him still look at you in a special way. Julia doesn’t get that look.”
Volt didn’t see me like that, but nothing I said would change Sage’s mind.
“I don’t want to break up,” he whispered.
I couldn’t just go to dinner without telling him what happened. Even if Volt didn’t remember it, it still happened. It would be deceitful not to say anything. Could I carry a secret like that forever? “Sage, there’s something I need to tell you…”
“What’s up?” He tried to hide the unease in his eyes but it was futile. “You aren’t ending things with me, right?” His voice remained calm but his body language said otherwise. “Because I think we just got off on the wrong foot.”
“No, that’s not it. But…I did think we were broken up.”
He didn’t catch my drift. He stared at me with the same confusion that never melted away.
“The other night, Volt was really drunk, and he kissed me. I kissed him back for a while, maybe a minute. Then we stopped, and it was over. He doesn’t remember anything because he was so messed up. But I do. I thought you and me were broken up, so I let it happen. I’m sorry…” I felt like the most terrible person on the planet. Drew cheated on me, and I was devastated. To be played like a fool was unbearable. The fact I did something similar to another person made me hate myself a little bit.
Sage dragged his hand across his chin as he looked into my kitchen. His scruff was coming in from not shaving that morning. His eyes weren’t as vulnerable as they were just a moment ago because he was trying to hide everything he felt. “I can’t pretend that doesn’t bother me.”
“You have every right to be mad.” I wouldn’t make excuses for what I did. I assumed we were broken up when I should have waited for another conversation. We left on such bad terms that I figured we would never work things out.
“Would you have kissed him if you thought otherwise?” He turned his eyes back on me, watching every move I made.
“Of course not.” Even before Drew, I wasn’t a cheater. And I would never be a cheater.
“I’m sorry, but I have to ask… Do you have feelings for him? Because you told me you didn’t, but then you kissed him. What am I supposed to think?”
He was wrong to make jealous assumptions before, but now he had every right to ask that question. “I…I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” His hand was still on his chin, and his eyebrows were raised. “Because that’s not a straightforward answer.”
Growing flustered, I crossed my arms over my chest again. “He’s always been just a friend to me. But when we kissed…I did like it.” I felt bad saying these things to Sage, but I had to be honest. “I don’t know if that means something, or if it’s just a physical attraction. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, or maybe I’m not looking into it enough.”
He stared at the floor, refusing to make eye contact with me. “I stand by what I said. He’s into you.”
“I don’t think you’re right about that.” That was the one thing I was certain of.
“Really?” He looked at me again. “Then why did he kiss you?”
“Because he was drunk off his ass. He doesn’t even remember it. Volt is the kind of guy who will kiss any woman he sees. I’m not special.”
“You’re more special than you think you are,” he whispered.
I shifted my weight and felt the floorboards creak underneath me. My apartment was old, ancient.
“Maybe it was just lust,” he said. “That’s a natural emotion.”
“Maybe…” I still didn’t know.
“I’m not saying it doesn’t bother me, but I understand why things happened the way they did. I behaved like a jerk the other night. Instead of throwing a tantrum, I should have been more understanding. My jealousy got the best of me. I don’t care about my birthday or the fact you were going to meet my friends. I cared that you were choosing him over me.”
“That’s not how it was, Sage. If I were with him and you told me you needed me, I would be there. It wouldn’t matter if it were his birthday or some other special occasion.”
“I know,” he said with a nod.
It was unclear where we stood, even with the apologies. When I kissed Volt, there was no going back. I wasn’t thinking clearly at the time, just feeling our lips move together in the most natural way possible. Even when he was drunk, Volt was the best kisser I’d ever been with—and that included Sage. Volt had more experience than any other man since he’d locked lips
with every woman in Manhattan, so I attributed the sparks to his batting average.
“I’d like to give this another chance.”
Shocked, I stared at him with wide eyes.
“I’m not saying the kiss with Volt doesn’t bother me because it does, but the whole incident was my fault. If I hadn’t pushed you away, you wouldn’t have let the kiss happen. And it sounds pretty innocent anyway.”
It was innocent because it didn’t last long. But in intensity, it was the complete opposite.
“I really like you, Taylor. Can we try this again?”
I didn’t expect Sage to fight for me like this. He’d always been jealous of Volt, so I thought we were through when that kiss happened. But he was still there. “Do your friends hate me?”
He shrugged. “They aren’t your biggest fan right now…but that’s because of me.”
“Great…”
“But I haven’t met Sara yet. You can talk shit about me before I meet her. Ya know, even the score.” He gave me a slight smile, the kind that made his eyes twinkle with happiness.
When he was cute like that, he was hard to resist. “I don’t think I could ever talk shit about you. Not when you’re so sweet.”
“Well, I wasn’t very sweet the other night.”
“But you are now. And that’s what counts.”
“So…does that mean we’re okay?”
“I think so.”
He closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around my waist. He pulled me hard against his chest and pressed his forehead to mine, holding me the way I liked.
“Do you have plans tonight?”
“Yes. With you.”
“Well, I got you Yankees tickets for your birthday. And the game starts in an hour.”
“Wow. That’s a great gift.”
“You wanna go?”
“Absolutely.”
Chapter Eleven
Volt
I broke it off with Julia.
“I don’t understand.” She faced me in her living room, her arms across her boobalicious chest. She had a nice body and a beautiful face, the kind of looks that guys would kill for. “We have such great chemistry.”
No. I’m just good in bed. “You’re great, Julia. Really. But…I’m just not invested in this relationship.”
“Is this because of Taylor?” Jealousy rang in her tone, and it was the first time I ever heard it.
“Nothing has changed with her.”
“What’s with this woman?” she asked. “There’s nothing special about her. I don’t get it.”
My hands quickly formed fists before they relaxed. “She is special. She’s the coolest, smartest, and sexiest woman I’ve ever known. She’s my best friend. Talking shit about her isn’t going to get you anywhere.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically, like she was a performer on a stage. “Whatever. You want to be with her? Fine.”
“I want to be with her, but I can’t. But I can’t keep doing this.”
“What’s your plan?” she demanded. “Be alone forever?”
“It’s better than wasting your time.” I could tell she’d already become invested in me. Her attitude stemmed from her pain. She didn’t want me to leave, and she was struggling to accept it. I never should have let it get that far.
“Was I not good enough for you? Did I not satisfy you?”
That was even worse. She was finding the blame within herself. “Julia, you were amazing. Everything with you was amazing. Every time a man sees us together, he wonders what I did to land you and how he can do the same thing. If Taylor hadn’t ruined me, I know things would have been different. It’s not you. I promise.”
She tightened her arms across her chest, pushing her tits closer together.
“I’m sorry, Julia. I really am.” I didn’t feel good about hurting her. I hated Derek a little bit for talking me into this to begin with. Forcing myself to have a relationship was pointless. All I did was waste my time and hers.
“Whatever,” she said. “Hope you and Taylor are very happy together.”
That would never happen. Sometimes when we hung out, I forgot we were just friends. We cuddled on the couch together and slept in the same bed like we were longtime lovers. I pictured taking her on my bed then making breakfast for her afterward. But those were just fantasies. I tried staying away from her, but that just made me depressed. I tried dating other women, but that just made me more depressed. I was doomed.
Fucking doomed.
“Julia, I’m sorry. I can’t say that enough.”
“Just go.” She marched off into her bedroom and slammed the door.
I stood there for another moment and waited for her to return, just in case. When she didn’t, I left.
***
Clay’s dinner sat on the table along with the textbooks and notebooks we’d be working on. My hands rested on the table, still wrapped in the gauze Taylor had placed around my knuckles.
Clay walked in right on time then fell into the chair. His eyes immediately went to my hands, and he examined the old gauze that was beginning to come loose. Minutes of silence passed, and he never said anything.
I waited for his usual round of questions. He would connect the dots and realize I was the one responsible for beating the shit out of his father. Instead of working on schoolwork, we’d discuss that.
Clay pulled his eyes away from my hands and looked me in the eye. The look was different than any other he’d given me. His features were blank, as if he didn’t know how he should feel. His body and mind weren’t in sync because everything was happening at different speeds. “Thanks…”
There was no need to clarify what he meant. “I’ll always look after you.”
“He’s been nice to me since it happened.”
“Good.” He’d be stupid to do anything otherwise. “Let me know if anything changes.”
He nodded then looked down at his notebook. He didn’t grab his dinner or pick up his pen. He just read the passage in silence because there was nothing else to say.
And I was glad there was nothing else to say.
***
“Baby, I feel so awful about your father and I going away for the holidays. Maybe we should stay home.”
“Mom, it’s really fine.” I spoke to her on the phone while I sat on my couch.
“But I can’t leave my two babies all alone.”
Connor and I never struggled with loneliness. “I won’t be alone. I’m spending Thanksgiving with Taylor.”
“You are?” she asked with joy. “That’s wonderful. Just you two?”
My following words were going to make her erupt like a fiery volcano. “I’m going to Washington to spend the holiday with her family.”
“Oh my god! That’s wonderful.”
I held the phone away from my ear because her voice was about to pop my eardrum.
“I’m so happy to hear that. You guys will have such a magical Thanksgiving.”
“I’m sure it’ll be great.” I had no idea what to expect from her folks, but they must be awesome since they had an even more awesome daughter.
“I’m so happy for you. Now I just have to get Connor to settle down.”
“He’ll make it there on his own.” I didn’t know much about his personal life, but I assumed he wanted kids someday—just not right this second. “Don’t worry about him.”
“I feel so much better now that you have somewhere to go for Thanksgiving.”
I would have been fine even if I didn’t. “Have fun on your trip. Wear lots of sunscreen.”
“Always. Love you, baby.”
“Love you too, Mom.” The second I hung up, Taylor called me. “Hey, pretty lady.” It was the first thing that came to mind, and since I slipped up all the time, I didn’t even bother feeling guilty about this one.
“Hey, stud. Are you home?”
“Yeah. Just got off the phone with my mom.”
“What’d she say?”
“She almost had a he
art attack when I told her I was spending the holiday with your family.”
“I bet she did,” she said with a laugh.
“So, she’s happy. And that makes me happy.”
“Well, I’m down the hallway. Wanted to see if I could stop by.”
“The door is unlocked.”
“Cool.” Her voice started to echo as she came closer to my front door. “I was supposed to go on a run today, but that went to hell pretty quickly.” She walked inside and shut the door behind her. When she sat on the couch beside me, she hung up.
I tossed my phone on the table. “Why did it go to hell?”
“I started stretching then lost interest. So, I ate some ice cream instead.”
I chuckled. “At least you stretched.”
“Yep. My muscles are so relaxed now.” She pointed her toe and showed off her calf muscle. “Look at those big suckers.”
“Big?” I grabbed one with my hand and gave it a squeeze. “That’s all hard muscle—not big.”
“Whatever.” She crossed her legs and pulled away from my hand.
I actually got hard just touching her leg. I loved her legs even though she hated them. I wanted to feel them wrapped around my waist again, her ankles digging into my ass.
Change the subject.
Quick.
“So, when do we leave for Washington?”
“Wednesday. I booked our tickets.”
“Where do they live?”
“They have a cabin in Yelm.”
“A cabin?” I asked. “Like, in the mountains?”
“They live about thirty minutes outside of Mt. Rainier. It overlooks a valley of grass and faces another hill. It’s beautiful. You won’t understand what I mean until you see it yourself.”
“Well, I’m excited. The most trees I’ve ever seen at once is in Central Park.”
She laughed. “This place makes Central Park look pathetic.”
“I look forward to the comparison. So, your folks know I’m coming?”
“Yeah, I told them I was bringing a friend.”
I hated the way that word fell on my ears. I was just her friend. I hated it more and more. “Cool. So, Sage is cool with this?”
“Cool with what?” she asked.
“About you taking me to spend Thanksgiving with you and your family.”