Handing Ella to J, I quietly follow Cassie, hoping to eavesdrop without getting caught.
“Why on earth did you not tell her? I was about to jump all over him for it!” Cassie murmurs harshly to Jess.
Cassie listens intently while Jess tells her something.
“Wait. What? You met a guy?” Cassie says to Jess, loud enough for me to hear. Hearing those words is like a punch to the gut.
Cassie asks her all kinds of questions like, “What’s he like? How many times have you gone out?”
I wish I could hear what Jess is saying to Cassie. You probably don’t want to know.
“Jess, you didn’t.” My eyes snap up to Cassie at those words, knowing exactly what she is talking about. When Cassie gives me a sad look, my suspicions are confirmed. Jess has met a guy and slept with him. I guess it’s no different than what I had done. So, why does it sting?
Unable to stand to hear anymore, I say goodbye to everyone and head home. I leave the house with more questions than answers. The thought of calling Jess and demanding her to talk to me crosses my mind, but I shove it away. Hearing her voice will only make me angrier.
The voice in the back of my head is asking me why I care, while the ache is pumping through my heart.
Over the next couple of weeks, I stew over the thought of Jess with another guy. It’s irritated the piss out of me and my family has noticed.
“Bo, come over here and talk to me, son,” Dad hollers right as I was about to hop in my truck and go home.
“Yeah, Dad?” I ask, making my way over to him. He is sitting on the top step of the porch, sipping on a glass of sweet tea.
“What’s eating at you, son?” I can hear the worry in his voice.
Unable to look him in the eye, I lower my gaze to the ground. “I’m not really sure, to be honest.”
Dad smiles knowingly. “It wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with the girl who ran off to Florida now would it?”
I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to admit it. “Maybe.”
He smiles knowingly. “I think it does, Bo. Talk to me.”
Sighing, I give him a rundown of what has transpired between Jess and me in the past. “She knows I don’t do relationships and yet she wouldn’t leave me alone. She’d frustrate me so much that I would get mad and yell things I shouldn’t have. And now, she is with someone and it’s eating at me. I don’t understand why it bothers me so much.”
Out of all the reactions I could have gotten from him, he freakin’ laughs. “Bo, you can’t see it can you?” When I don’t respond, he has his answer. “You love this girl. Now, if I were you, I would apologize to her before it’s too late. Just a simple ‘I’m sorry’ goes a long way. Remember that.”
Frustrated, I remove my ball cap and thrust a hand through my hair. “Dad, relationships are not for me, okay? I’ve seen what it does to couples. All the pain and heartache. I don’t want to go through all of that.”
“You already are going through it. She’s your game changer, Bo. Girls like her don’t come around often. I’m telling you, you better snatch her up before someone else does.” All the playfulness is gone in his voice.
“She’s with some tool already.” Did he not hear me say that?
He arches a brow. “Are you sure?”
No, not entirely sure. “I overheard Cassie talking to her a couple weeks ago. She said the words, “You met a guy?”
“Just don’t assume, Bo. Call and talk to her. You might be surprised.” With a parting pat on the back, he gets up and goes back inside the house.
I sit here, contemplating my conversation with Dad. I can’t deny I have feelings for Jess, but love? No way. Maybe if I call her like Dad said, I might feel better.
Getting to my feet, I get in my truck and head home. During the drive, I manage to not talk myself out of calling her. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?
Once I am inside, I pull my phone from my pocket and scroll through my contacts until I find her number.
My thumb hovers over the call button for a few seconds before I hit it. I can feel my heart racing as I put the phone to my ear.
Here goes nothing.
8
Jess
Faith and I are leaving our last class of the day when my phone vibrates in my hand. An audible gasp leaves me when I see his name.
“What is it?” Faith asks.
Turning my phone where she can’t see his name, I come up with a lie. “Um, I forgot something. Meet you at the dorm?” Not giving her any time to reply, I turn and walk briskly back in the direction of the classroom as I answer his call.
“Hello?” I’m surprised I don’t sound nervous.
“Hey, it’s me.” He pauses for a brief moment. “How are you?”
“I’ve been okay,” I murmur, not wanting to go into details. I’m sure he knows I’m still grieving the loss of my parents.
“Good. How’s school going?” he asks, sounding normal, as if I’m just an old friend.
I’m wondering if there is a point to this conversation because it’s hard to believe he is calling to catch up. “Good.”
Bo clears his throat. “Um…the reason I called, uh, is because I, um, wanted to apologize for hurting you all those times in the past. I shouldn’t have treated you that way, Jess.”
I’m stunned speechless. “Bo, I-I-I don’t know what to say.”
“Do you forgive me, Jess? I can’t promise in the future that I won’t say or do something stupid, but I miss you.”
My parents always taught me to forgive people of their shortcomings. It’s a life lesson I try to use often. “Yes, I forgive you. Everyone deserves a second chance, right?” I smile into the phone, sort of giddy that Bo and I might be slowly getting back to normal with each other. Does it still hurt that I can’t be with him? Of course it does, but I’m taking each day at a time, grateful we still have some sort of communication between us.
He chuckles, sounding nervous. “I think I’ve had more than one chance already.”
“I’ll consider this your second one,” I tease him.
“Thank you, Jess. I know I can’t take back the hurtful words I said to you, but it means a lot to me knowing that you forgive me.”
I will not cry. I will not cry. “It means a lot to me that you apologized, Bo.”
There is an awkward pause. “So, uh, I hear you met someone?”
Did he have to ruin the moment? “Um, yeah, I did. We’ve hung out a couple of times. It’s nice to get out.”
“As long as you’re happy,” he murmurs.
Ryan is a nice guy and I thought that the party would have been our one and only night together, but he seems content talking to me often. He’ll text me throughout the week, asking me how I’m doing. It’s sweet. “I am.”
“Well, I should go. I’m glad I got to talk to you.”
“Surprisingly, it was nice talking to you, too.” When I left home, I wasn’t sure what we were. Were we even friends?
“Bye, Jess.”
“Bye, Bo,” I say softly. Hanging up, my body sags against the wall. Our conversation had gone better than I thought it would.
Pocketing my phone, I jog back to my dorm, knowing Faith will question me. I need to come up with an excuse quick.
As expected, the second I step foot inside, she bombards me. “What did you forget?”
“My favorite pen,” the lie slips out easily.
She eyes me curiously. “Since when do you have a favorite pen? Did you find it?”
I laugh nervously. “I’ve always had one. Who doesn’t have a favorite pen? And no, I didn’t find it.”
Satisfied, Faith goes back to her studying. Phew! I dodged that bullet. Sagging in relief, I toss my things on my bed and plop down on top of the comforter.
Checking my phone, I notice I have a text from Ryan asking if I want to hang out tonight. I chew on my bottom lip, feeling indecisive. Ryan is a nice guy, but there was something in Bo’s voice that has me wishing I could be wit
h him.
Maybe I can go visit Brilliant? Yeah, I have a break coming up. When I left, I didn’t think I’d ever go back. Ever. But maybe there is hope yet.
Opening the text from Ryan, I decide to go hang out with him tonight as I don’t want to hurt his feelings by turning him down.
He replies saying he’ll pick me up in a couple hours so I lay here for a while until I have to get ready. My mind drifts to the one person I wish I could have. In a way, I guess I understand his issues with commitment, but it sucks for me as I am the one who misses him. I’m the one who hurts.
Miami is great and all, but I miss home. I miss the country scenery, the small-town life, and I miss all of my friends. For a split second, I contemplated transferring to a university closer to Brilliant.
But then, I’d miss Faith. She’s been a great friend to me when she doesn’t have to be.
I don’t want to be an adult anymore. Being grown up sucks.
Checking the time, I realize it’s time for me to get ready for my date with Ryan. Bo took it better than I thought when I told him about Ryan. I assumed he would get mad. Maybe I wanted him to fight for me. Maybe I wanted him to care enough to tell me to choose him.
“Where are you going?” Faith inquires.
“Out with Ryan,” I inform her with a smile on my face, excited for tonight. I feel happy for once. I’m sure it won’t last, but for now, I’m relishing the feeling.
I watch as her eyes soften. “So, are you guys together or what?”
“We aren’t together, Faith. We’re just talking…I think.” I shrug, wondering myself what Ryan and I are. Even though I am curious, I’m just going along with it, for now, waiting to see what happens.
“Be careful with him, Jess. There is something about him that gives me the creeps,” she says, clearly uncomfortable with the thought of me hanging out with him. Well, I’m uncomfortable with her talking to Bo, so I call us even.
“I will,” I promise her. After searching my closet for an outfit to wear, I settle on a pair of ripped skinny jeans, a white tank, and my favorite black leather jacket. I’ll wear my black ankle boots to top off the look.
“You look hot!” Faith exclaims as she eyes my outfit.
Blushing, I grab my money and ID, placing it in my pocket, along with my phone.
There is a knock on the door a moment later. Faith rolls her eyes as she moves to open the door. “Ryan,” she doesn’t hide her irritation as she says his name. What is with her tonight?
Ryan ignores her and steps around her. His eyes sweep over me from head to toe. “You look amazing, Jess,” he croons as he steps closer to me. My eyes do their own glance over him. Dark washed jeans and a v-neck tee. He looks great too. “Are you ready?”
“Yep,” I reply, suddenly nervous.
Ryan takes my hand and together we leave the dorm.
“So, uh, what did you have in mind for tonight?” I ask apprehensively. I don’t know why I am so nervous all of a sudden.
“Well, I thought we’d go dancing. Sound fun?”
Smiling, I reply, “Sure.” My feet are going to be sore by the end of the night.
Ryan opens the door to his car for me, And I slide in before he shuts the door.
As Ryan drives down the highway, he takes my hand again. “Ryan, what are we?” I hope I didn’t ruin the night with my big mouth!
“What do you want us to be?” he replies coolly. He doesn’t seem upset that I asked so that’s a good sign.
Do I want to date Ryan? A piece of my heart will always be with Bo, but do I need to move on and be with Ryan? “I don’t know,” I answer honestly.
He squeezes my hand. “Well, if you want, we can keep hanging out and talking like we have been and go from there?”
“Yeah, we can do that,” I agree.
“Can I still kiss you?” he asks, hopeful.
My face flushes crimson. “Yeah, you can kiss me.”
“Good, because I have been wanting to kiss again ever since you left me after the night of the party.”
Maybe it’s time for me to open my heart up to someone else. Ryan and Bo are complete opposites and I think it will be good for me to see someone new for now. I won’t know until I try. In my mind, I keep weighing the pros and cons, but I’m getting nowhere.
For now, I will test the waters with Ryan and see where it leads me.
9
Bo
Two months later
J and I can’t help but laugh at Cassie as she literally runs from one side of the house to the other picking up the place.
“Has your wife lost her mind?” I chuckle as she almost trips over her own two feet.
“I think so. She thinks just because we have someone coming to visit that the house has to be spotless.”
“Who’s coming to visit?” I ask, curiously.
J rubs the back of his neck seeming nervous all of a sudden. “Jess is coming home for a few days.”
This is news to me. “When exactly were any of you going to tell me? Or was I going to find out when she got here?” I hiss, pissed that everyone kept this from me.
“I planned on telling you, only I wasn’t sure how you’d take it since she’s bringing someone with her,” J explains.
Please don’t tell me it’s a guy. “Did she say who she was bringing?”
J takes a couple of steps away from me. “Uh, nope she didn’t say,” he says apprehensively as he continues to move away from me.
He knows who’s coming. Why else would he be moving away from me. “Be honest with me, J. It’s a guy, isn’t it?” When I last talked to her she mentioned the name, Ryan.
He laughs nervously. “Now that you mention it.”
“That’s why you were afraid to tell me?”
“Well, yeah. I didn’t want to see you upset again. I hate that you won’t pull your head out of your ass and tell her how you feel about her. You can tell her you miss her all you want, but she needs to hear that you want to be with her.”
It’s going to be hell seeing her and Ryan together, but J is right, she needs more from me and I don’t know if I can give it to her. “Right now, I can’t tell her how I feel because I don’t know. I know it sounds crazy to you, but Jess has me all screwed up and I don’t know what to do about it. So, until I am a hundred percent certain, I’m not committing.”
“Excuses,” he scoffs.
“Whatever,” I huff, wishing he believed me. “When are they coming?”
As if on cue, a knock sounds at the front door. “Thanks for the heads up, bro.”
J looks uncomfortable as I head to the front door. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to give you time to think about it and become angry again.”
Shaking my head, I yank open the door. I have got to see this tool.
My eyes immediately meet hers. It has been almost six months since she left and I can already tell how different she is just by looking at her. Her hair is lighter, her skin is tan. She seems a little thinner and there are dark circles under her eyes.
The guy standing next to her, who I assume is Ryan, stands eye level with me and is a scrawny fella. Polo shirt and light washed jeans. I bet money he is part of a fraternity full of rich kids.
“Hey, Bo,” she murmurs.
“Jess,” I return her hello.
Ryan looks between Jess and me as if he is trying to figure out if we have history. We do, but not what he’s thinking. “I’m Bo, nice to meet you.” I shake his hand, being polite, even though I can’t stand the guy already.
“Ryan. It’s nice to meet you, too.” His eyes narrow at me, challenging me. I want to make him uncomfortable, but instead, he’s doing the opposite.
I move away from the door so they can come inside. Cassie runs to Jess, hugging her, and then introduces herself to Ryan. J does the same.
“I’m so happy you came to visit! You need to come see Ella!” Cassie and Jess leave us guys standing in an awkward silence while they go play with Ella.
“How did you a
nd Jess meet?” J asks him. I’m curious to know this as well.
Ryan, the little shit, grins. “We literally bumped into each other one day and I ended up asking her to go with me to a party one of the fraternities was having and the rest is history.”
Now it’s my turn to ask. “How long have you two been dating?”
“Eh, it’s complicated. We’ve been talking for about two months now. I’d like to be more with her though. Hell, we already do everything a couple does anyway.”
Stay calm, Bo. “Just give her time.” Maybe if she keeps their relationship at a standstill he will get tired of waiting for her.
Ryan looks to J and then back to me. “So, are you her brother?”
Is he really that dense? “No, we’re not related. Jess is my best friend.”
He arches a brow like he doesn’t believe me. “You’re best friend?”
“Yep, second to Cassie, that is,” I gloat.
“Huh, I’d never guess that.”
Get used to it, fucker!
I open my mouth to say something, but Ryan cuts me off. “In my experience, guys can’t be friends with girls.”
“And why can’t they? Did you fall in love with one and it didn’t work out?”
“Something like that.”
I shrug my shoulders. “Well, there is the problem. Don’t fall in love. Simple as that. Want to know why? Because love sucks, Ryan.”
J elbows me and cuts his eyes behind him. When I turn, both Jess and Cass are glaring at me.
Great! Now I have two women mad at me.
I think that’s my cue to leave. “I need to go. I’ll see y’all later.”
J and Cassie are the only two who called after me to stay. The one person I wanted to hear the word “Stay” from, didn’t utter a word. And damn, that stings.
Hours later, I am sitting at home, bored out of my mind. At least I have work to keep me occupied the next few days.
After I left J and Cassie’s house, I drove around for a while, trying to clear my head. When that didn’t work, I drove home, grabbed my pistol, and headed outside for target practice. I had nothing to punch so this was the next best thing. When I was done, I came back inside and have been in my recliner since.
Holding on for you (Saved #2) Page 4