Gasping in disbelief that Ryan said those words, I attempt to steel my emotions in front of Bo.
“He isn’t good for you,” he adds, his voice lower.
“And how do you know what’s good for me?” I scoff.
Pushing off the wall, he stalks toward me, stopping when there isn’t but a couple of inches separating our bodies. “I didn’t say I knew what was good for you, I only said he wasn’t.”
Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I notice how close his lips are to mine. “What about you?” I murmur, my voice just above a whisper.
His hand comes up to cup my cheek as he slowly leans in. “I wish I was,” he murmurs right before he fully presses his mouth to mine. Like a lighter to gasoline, a fire ignites between us. The longer he kisses me, the higher the flame becomes.
Bo breaks the kiss but doesn’t move. My heart is beating wildly in my chest, my thoughts a jumbled mess. I’m so weak when it comes to Bo.
His eyes search mine like he is waiting for me to freak out or something. Except, I won’t. Doesn’t he realize how long I have been waiting for this moment?
“Wow,” he says, finally uttering a word.
Please don’t regret the kiss!
“Bo, I-”
He cuts me off. “Don’t, you’ll ruin the moment.”
There is so much I want to say and there are questions I want answers to. Where does this leave us?
Bo glances up, looking over my shoulder, narrowing his eyes at whoever is behind me. “What the fuck do you want?” he snarls.
Whirling around, I come face to face with Ryan. He doesn’t look happy so I can only assume he saw Bo and I kiss.
“Jess and I need to talk,” Ryan states, his fist clenching.
Turning to Bo, I murmur, “Give us a couple of minutes, will you?”
“Fine,” he huffs. Bo surprises me by kissing my temple before walking back inside, glaring at Ryan as he passes him.
When Bo is out of sight, Ryan begins. “You lied to me.”
“We both lied, Ryan,” I correct him.
“He’s the reason you wouldn’t commit to me, isn’t he?” When I nod my head, he sighs. “Why didn’t you just tell me? It would have made things a whole lot simpler.”
How was I supposed to know that Bo and I would start growing closer? “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think anything would come between Bo and me. I’m still confused.”
“I like you, Jess, I really do, but I need you to be honest with me.”
“Oh, like you’re honest with me?” Ryan stays silent. “Why didn’t you tell me that the only reason you were with me was because of sex?” I am in the middle of a fucked up mess.
“That’s not the only reason I’m with you, I swear. I just said that to piss off Bo.”
I shove him and he stumbles back a couple of steps. “You’re an asshole! Why would you do that?”
“I’m sorry, but I didn’t like watching him dance with you and did you not notice how he’s been watching us together all night?” There is nothing but bitterness in his tone.
Yes, I have noticed. I felt his stare on me all night. “You still shouldn’t have said that, Ryan.”
“Who do you want, Jess? Him or me?”
Easy, I choose Bo. “I choose him,” I whisper, hating that I am hurting his feelings.
Ryan hangs his head for a moment before lifting his gaze back to mine. “Figured you would choose him. It was always him from the beginning.”
“Yes, I guess it was.”
13
Bo
I’m not gonna lie and say I’m sad to see Ryan go. As I watched him pack his things, I couldn’t help but grin. Cassie noticed and smacked my arm. While I don’t like the fact that Jess is driving him to the airport, I kept my mouth shut. What if Jess decides to go with him? I think it’s time that I start convincing her to transfer to a college closer to home. After our kiss last night, there is no way I am letting her go. I’ve decided that I’m throwing out my rules and I’m going to ask Jess to be my girlfriend.
I was up all night thinking about us and I can’t deny it anymore. I want her. Every piece of her. I give up trying to keep her at arm’s length.
Sitting on J’s couch, waiting for her to come back, my leg is bouncing ninety to nothing. The nerves are definitely kicking in. I should probably go do some work on the ranch for Dad until she returns to try and keep my mind off of it.
“Why are you so nervous?” my nosey brother asks as he plops down on the couch next to me.
I can’t believe I’m about to admit this. “Everyone was right, J. Jess is the one for me.”
J leaps up from the couch and hollers. “Holy shit! It’s about time you caught on!”
“Would you chill the fuck out?” Geez, make a big show about it.
Reclaiming his seat, he pats me on my back. “I’m sorry, Bo. I got a little too excited, but I’m glad you are finally seeing clearly.”
“It’s good you’re excited and all, but she has to say yes first. What if she doesn’t want to move back, J? I don’t know if I could handle a long distance relationship, and don’t say I can because watching you and Cassie and how it almost tore you two apart, almost killed me.” Part of it was J’s fault for letting his jealousy get the best of him. Although, I can’t say I won’t act the same where Jess is concerned.
“It’s going to be a tough hurdle trying to get her to move back home,” J states what I already know.
“That’s what I am worried about.” The disdain in my voice is clear.
“It’ll be all right,” J says reassuringly. I’m not so convinced.
“I hope so,” I reply, fear blankly evident.
Another two hours go by before I hear the crunching of gravel. She’s here! I have no clue how I’m going to bring it up to her or what to say.
My heart kicks into overdrive when she opens the door. I stand, wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans. I’m about to do something I swore I’d never do.
Jess stops when she sees me. “You’re still here,” she says, sounding surprised as I knew she would be.
“Yeah, I, uh, have something I want to tell you.” Clearing my throat, I continue. “I’ve been thinking a lot since last night and I’ve realized I want to be with you.” Stepping closer to her, I take her hand, linking our fingers. “There will be times when I screw up, Jess, there is no denying it, but I promise not to push you away anymore. I have missed you so much since you have been gone. What do you say? Will you be my girlfriend?”
Her hand covers her mouth as tears well in her eyes. I know this is not what she expected to hear from me. “Bo, I don’t know what to say.”
“Say yes, Jess. Please. Come back home and be with me,” I murmur, lifting my hand to caress her cheek. She has to say yes.
“I’m in the middle of a semester, Bo. I can’t just leave.”
“Okay,” I relent. “What about at the end of this semester? You can transfer to a college close to home and we can be together.”
She lowers her gaze and places her hand on top of mine, covering her cheek. “Brilliant holds too much pain for me to come back,” she murmurs sadly.
“What about us?” I thought she wanted to be with me?
“I’ve been doing some thinking about us, too, and I’m scared to give my heart to you. I was ready to the last time and all you did was stomp on it. There are days where I go back and forth wondering what to do. Sometimes I wish you would tell me how much you want me and then the other times I’m scared you will break my heart again.”
I don’t understand what she is saying. What does she want? This isn’t turning out like I had hoped. “What are you saying?” If she turns me down then that’s it, I will go back to being the old Bo who slept around and hates the idea of a relationship.
Removing my hand from her cheek, she kisses my knuckles. “That kiss was everything I hoped it would be, but I’m not sure it’s enough. You want me to move home and I can’t do that yet.”
&n
bsp; Shaking my head, I rip my hand out of her hold and step back. I need distance from her. “This, right here, is the reason why I didn’t want a relationship. I was ready to give my all to you and now you change your mind? I don’t understand, Jess.” This is the kind of pain I was trying to avoid.
“Bo, I’m sorry. Okay! I’m a mess right now and I don’t want to drag you into it!”
“Why? Because of Ryan? Are you going back to him?” The octave of my voice grows louder just thinking of them two together again.
“What? No!” she says like what I said is absurd.
“If your life is a mess then I want to be there for you. Isn’t that what a boyfriend does?”
“Bo, please. Do I love you? Yes, I do, but not only am I scared, I’m worried you don’t really want to be with me.”
“I’m asking you to spend your life with me, Jess, and you know me. I was fucking terrified of asking you out, but I did and this is what I get? Fuck you, Jess! Go back to Florida and spread your legs for Ryan! I’m sure he’s waiting for you.”
Jess rears back and slaps me. Ready for it, I welcome the sting of her palm. Maybe the force of her slap will knock some sense back into me. Maybe I will see how stupid I was for allowing her to break my heart.
“You’re an asshole and I never want to see you again, Bo Michaels!” Jess shouts.
The slamming of the bedroom door solidifies the wall around my heart. And it will not be opened for anyone again.
14
Jess
Fuck Bo and his gorgeous eyes.
I didn’t expect him to ambush me with all of that.
I also didn’t expect him to go off on me like that either and I am not sure if I can ever forgive him for what he said.
The door to the spare bedroom swings open revealing a pissed off J. “What the fuck was that, Jess?” J throws his hands in the air, frustrated. I’m sure he and Cassie were eavesdropping the whole time.
“J!” Cassie scolds, placing her hand on his arm.
He rips his arm from her hold. “No, Cassie, you can’t expect me to not say something after what we just heard!”
“You can’t single her out when Bo is just as guilty,” she reasons.
“The hell I can’t, Cass.” He turns his attention back to me. “For the last two years you have been pinning around for him and when he finally is ready, you decide you don’t want to be with him? How messed up is that? Yeah, it’s Bo and like he said, he’s probably going to screw up from time to time, but hell, you have to give him a chance!”
No one is going to understand my reasons. “You wouldn’t understand, J!”
“Whatever, Jess. Go play your games with someone else and don’t ask me for help getting him back because I will tell you to go fuck yourself.”
J’s menacing words hit me hard. I’m going back to Florida and I don’t care what time it is when I arrive. It seems to be the only place I am wanted now.
While Cassie is attempting to calm down her husband, I begin packing my clothes.
“Jess, don’t go,” Cassie pleads. “I’m sorry about J. He’s only upset because Bo is.”
I hug my best friend, grateful that I have her. “It’s okay. I never should have come here. Thank you for opening up your home to me.”
After hugging my best friend goodbye one last time, I take my broken heart and leave Brilliant behind once more.
Faith ambushes me as soon as I step foot inside our dorm. “Oh my gosh! It’s about time you got back!” Her eyes assess me again, this time noticing I have been crying. “What happened?” she asks sternly. “Whose ass do I need to kick?”
I almost tell her about Bo, but quickly decide against it. “It’s nothing. Ryan and I had a fight and I miss my parents. That’s all.”
She squeezes me again, harder this time. “I’m sorry, Jess. Do you want to talk about it?”
I give her a slight smile. “No, I think I’m just going to sleep for a while. I’m exhausted.”
“Okay. If Ryan happens to drop by, I’ll tell him to bend over and kiss my ass. I told you I didn’t like him.”
God, I love Faith. I can’t help but laugh at her comment.
“Sleep well my friend! Muah!”
Crawling into bed, I pull the covers up over my head and attempt to shut my brain off so I can sleep.
Two hours later, I’m still awake, wondering if I made a mistake. Bo caught me off guard and he seemed to only want to be in a relationship if I moved home. I guess I hurt him several times in the past so now it’s his turn.
I keep lying here hoping I can get some rest. Maybe I will wake up and this will all be a dream.
Three hours later I feel somewhat rested. Once Faith was gone, I started crying ugly tears. Everything is hitting me all at once. My parents, Bo, and even Ryan.
I’ve messed up with Bo and while Ryan was being a dick, part of me misses spending time with him. I feel so alone and it’s all my fault.
Faith returns shortly after my pity party with two bottles of wine, handing me one of them. I’ve managed to shower and cover my dried tears and red, puffy eyes with makeup.
“Drink up, bitch! I hate seeing you sad!”
She doesn’t have to tell me twice. Faith brings over two glasses and opens both of the bottles.
“Tell me what is going on with you. I want to know what happened.”
Darn, I was hoping she wouldn’t bring up the subject. “Ryan told my friends that he was only with me for sex and he got punched.”
Her eyes grow wide. “No way! Did you tell him to shove it? Or that he had a small dick?”
“I wish. He ended up coming back to Florida the next morning. Would it be crazy if I said I was glad?”
She cocks her head to the side. “Glad about what?”
“Glad that’s all he wants from me?”
Faith’s eyes bug out of her head. “Um, yeah, that’s pretty crazy!”
The only person I want to be with doesn’t live here. “My heart is somewhere else.”
“Oh? With who?” she giggles.
I smile weakly. “Just someone I screwed up with. He lives in a small town in Alabama.” I hope like hell Bo didn’t mention to her where he lives.
“And you are here why?”
“For school, and because that town is where my parents are buried.” When Faith and I first became friends, I told her about losing my parents. It was hard, but I’m glad I told her.
Faith raises a brow. “Do you think there is still a chance that you two can work things out?”
“No, there isn’t. At least, not anytime soon.” I’ve heard that time heals all wounds. I guess we shall see.
Faith shoots me a pointed look. “Anything else happen that I should know about?”
Here is my chance to tell her about Bo. Taking a giant sip of my wine, I chicken out again. Maybe one day I will have enough courage to tell her.
Shaking my head, I reply. “No, that’s it.”
“Are you sure?” she asks, hinting around that there is more than what I am telling. Which there is, but I can’t bring myself to tell her yet.
“Okay, but remember, I am always here to listen and offer my expert advice,” she says, winking. “Keep drinking and let your worries slip away for a while.”
Sounds good to me. It would be nice to not feel the ache in my chest for a little bit. It’s been a while since I have been tipsy, so it’s not going to hurt for me to get drunk tonight.
15
Jess
Half-way through my bottle of wine, Ryan texts me, asking me if I’m coming back. Of course, I am coming back. Why do people think I am just going to pack my things and move back to Brilliant? I can’t stand it when people assume.
I’m here now. Why wouldn’t I have come back?
I wait for him to text back, but he doesn’t reply. Faith is in the middle of telling me about her bad date with a guy named Casey when there is a knock on the door.
“I’ll get it,” Faith says, carrying her glass
of wine with her. “Jess, it’s for you,” she calls, sounding disappointed.
Rising to my feet, I go see who it is. Ryan is leaning in the open doorway, looking like he is fresh out of the shower. White Henley tee with black jeans, he is looking handsome standing there.
“Can we talk for a second?” he asks, a glimmer of hope filtering through his words.
“Yeah,” I agree. Ryan and I need to figure out what we are. Bo is no longer a part of my life right now so I need to figure out what I want. Ryan deserves to know the truth and that is I didn’t try to get close to him.
Stepping out into the hall, I pull the door to, leaving it cracked. Ryan shoves his hands in his pockets, acting nervous.
“I know you probably don’t want to talk to me after what happened the other night and I don’t blame you.”
“No, I’m glad you’re here.”
His lips curl into a small smile. “You are? I figured you’d hate me after what I said.”
Wringing my hands together, I force out the words I should’ve said before now. “Ryan, I didn’t try to get close to you. At the time, my heart was somewhere else and I was foolish to think it would work out between us.”
“It’s still with him, isn’t it?” he asks bitterly.
“Bo and I are not a part of each other’s lives anymore. For real, this time,” I promise him.
Ryan stares at me for a moment, I guess trying to decide if he should believe me or not. “So, where does that leave us?”
“I like you, only I’m not sure if I want a relationship right now. I’m such a mess, Ryan, you just don’t even know. Maybe in time, but I’m dealing with some things right now and it’s not fair to you.” The truth is hard to face at times. Admitting I’m broken is not easy for me to comprehend. I’m still grieving the loss of my parents and I lost a friend and someone who could have been my everything. I need to focus on myself before I hurt anyone else.
Holding on for you (Saved #2) Page 6