by V. M. Holk
Tortured Beginning (Sweet Pleasures Book 2)
Copyright 2015 V. M. Holk
All rights reserved.
This book may not be reproduced in any form: in whole or in part, without written permission by the author.
All characters and events in this book are fictional. Any similarities to real life people and events are purely coincidental.
First Printing, 2015
ASIN: B00VF4M3K0
Cover Artist: Kellie Dennis at Book Cover by Design
Editing: Blue Water Editing, Jennifer Ingman
Content Editing: Blue Water Editing, Tami Czenkus
Photgraph by: Katie Holk
ACKNOWLEGEMENTS
I want to give a special THANK YOU to Jamie Sexton. She is my PA and my friend. I truly do not know what I would do without you. For everything you do, you are priceless to me.
To my two closest friends, Tami Czenkus and Jennifer Ingman. What would I do without you guys. I don't ever want to find out. Thank you for always listening and brainstorming with me. #lovemybookbabes
I want to thank my dad for always believing in me. No matter what I do in life he is there for me. I have a wonderful family and support. My husband, Jason always encourages me to what I dream. I only hope my girls see that the sky is the limit. You are never to old to follow your dreams.
I am a lucky person to have so many wonderful people in my life, who listen to my ramblings and give me so much encouragement.
Thank you to all my beta readers, for taking the time to read my book and giving me your honest opinion. Jim S.,Tami Lee, DeeJay, Karrie S., Patty V., Bob W., Michelle M., Antoinette M. Without you guys I would be nothing.
DEDICATION
To my best friend and kindred spirit, Tami Czenkus. Without you this story could never been written.
Tortured Beginning
Sweet Pleasures Series
BOOK 2
V. M. Holk
I don't let many people into my life, the few that I do, I trust with all my heart. I guess that's why it hurt so bad, when my best friend Anne betrayed me. What little that my mother knows, she says I am overreacting. That Anne was only trying to protect me, shield me from more hurt. I try not to bring my parents into my problems, they have enough of their own.
I didn't ask Anne to protect me! I have tried so hard to have a somewhat normal existence. I was finally not feeling the constant eyes boring into the back of my head. I should have known better to not let my guard down. This is the very reason I don't like to let people in, they end up hurting you in the end.
I know that might not be a fair thing to say. I would do anything for Anne and she would do the same for me. I have a hard time being rational when Ben is involved. My past has not been all rainbows and unicorns......so its hard to think of life as "the cup being half full."
I love Anne, like a sister. We have known each other since High School, she knows me better than anyone, sometimes even myself. We opened our shop "Sweet Pleasures," 9 years ago, it is a bakery/coffee shop. Anne also bought the house across the street from me, after her divorce to Kyle. Which means, when I am mad at her, it's hard for me to hide.
I haven't talked to her since I kicked her out my house a couple of days ago. The bouquet of flowers were delivered to me at work. I grabbed them, ran to my car and came home. I rushed into the house and with shaky hands pulled the letter out of its envelope, knowing exactly who it was from. There is only one person who ever sent me black orchids and I thought I was done with him.
My Jay-Bird,
I have missed you so much, baby. I can't wait for us to be together again.
I loved watching you dance, even if I couldn't be there with you. But Anne stopped me from coming to you.
So know that I'm always thinking of you. The only thing that gets me through the day is our being together again... And we will be together again Jay, know that.
Forever and always,
Ben
With my hands still shaking and tears running down my face, I rip up the letter. At that moment, Anne decides to come over. I went crazy, throwing the vase against the wall, yelling and throwing her out of my house.
I have a restraining order against Ben, yet he conveniently has forgotten about it. Anne obviously talked to him, yet she told me nothing about it. If I would have known, I could have prepared myself for all of this. Well at least as much as a person can. Ben is MY problem, she should of told me!
I am the one who still has nightmares about Ben. I am the one who walks around looking over my shoulder. I am the one who double checks her windows and locks each night. I am the one who doesn't put herself out there emotionally with men anymore. I am the one who puts on a "Happy" front for my friends and family. I am the one who is lost in my own head.
I am my own worst enemy.
So when I get like this, I go into my room, lock the door and escape into my music. This is my therapy, my escape from reality, my head.......life.
I hear my phone buzzing on my nightstand, I ignore it. I lay on my side curled in a fetal position, just drowning into the music. I close my eyes, eventually I fall asleep.
I again, hear my phone buzzing, I lay there not wanting to be awake. The thought of my eyes open, makes me shudder. The escape that music gives me is the only thing that gets me through my life. I roll over, grab my phone, then read my texts.
Anne 5:45am
Are u coming to work?
Anne 6:32am
Jay....R U OK?
Anne 7:06am
PLZ...I just want to know U R Ok
JayJay 7:11am
Not feeling good....won't be in today
Anne 7:12am
k.....let me know if u need anything
JayJay 7:12am
don't need anything
With that I turn my phone off and set it back where it was. I don't usually turn it off, in case my parents need me or work does. But I can't deal with any of it today. I lay there staring at the ceiling, listening to music and trying to not think so much. I drift off to sleep.....
I walk through the door to my house, smiling. I can't believe how great my life is right now. I wish I knew what was bothering Ben. That's okay, I will make him forget it all in a few minutes. I run in the bathroom to freshen up, I hum to myself as I brush my teeth.
I go looking for Ben and find him in the kitchen, having a drink. I walk up to him, as sexy as I can and wrap my arms around his neck. He still looks really pissed off, so I kiss him hard and passionately. I pull away, when he isn't kissing me back and look at him confused.
"Okay, what's wrong?"
He looks at me with fire in his eyes, "Did you enjoy yourself with him, Jay?"
"With who? What are you talking about?" I start to back away from him, not liking the change in him.
"You damn well know who I am fucking talking about! I won't have you flirting with other guys, YOU ARE MINE!" he screams at me.
I don't like the look he is giving me and I try to leave the room. He grabs me and gets in my face.
"DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?"
"Fuck you! I didn't flirt with any guy....."
I didn't get to finish what I was saying, when I felt him slap me across the face. I fall to the floor and look up at this man, the one I am supposed to love. He crouches down to me and grabs me around the neck.
"I said, DO YOU FUCKING UNDERSTAND ME, JAY!" he spits into my face.
I can't talk and he becomes blurry, through my tear filled eyes. I simply nod.....he smacks me again. My head hits the floor and I see stars.
"Yes," I whisper.
"Good. Now go to bed, I can't stand to look at you right now."
I get up as quickly as I can, not knowing what else to do. I see him grab the bottle of
whiskey and take a long drink of it.
....I wake up with a start, sweating. I look around my dark room and put my head in my hands, trying to steady my breathing. I feel tears coming down my face. I grab my cigarettes and light one, taking a long drag from it, It helps to calm my nerves.
I haven't been to work in a couple of days. Some people might think I am overreacting, I need some space. Between the nightmares and fighting with Anne, I need to sort through all of this. I can't face her at work, it's too small of a space.
Anne has tried calling and texting me these last couple of days. Plus, my mother has called me, to let me know I have been overreacting. I know she loves me and means well, yet she knows how to rub me the wrong way. Especially since I am in a bad place.
My parents don't know the whole story about Ben. They loved him, they don't quite understand why we broke up. I hide a lot of my emotions from them, I don't want them to worry about me. They have enough on their plates, to have room for me.
I pour myself a cup of coffee, lean against the counter and look out my window. It's a beautiful morning, I decide to sit out on the patio. I grab my bowl of fresh fruit, my cup of coffee, then open the sliding door.
I set my bowl on my patio table and sit down. I pull my legs up on to the chair, then take a long sip of coffee. I have always loved this weather, I spend alot of time out here in the summer. I light a smoke, they always help with my stress level.
I smile to myself, which I haven't done in a long time. I keep trying to quit, then think why bother, I enjoy smoking. It helps with my stress and I'm not hurting anyone but myself. Plus every time I try to quit, something always happens to fuck it up.
I look around my beautiful backyard, thanks to my mom and Anne. They planted all my flowers, all low maintenance so I don't kill them. But the fairy gardens are all mine. It took me several summers to get them how I wanted them. Anne and I went to garage sales, picking out all kinds of interesting things to make the perfect little gardens. Each flower bed has a different theme. Everything from princess, whimsical and then the darker side. Every summer I add more things, and replace broken items. It's the one place I love to be.
I grab my dirty dishes and go back into the house. I left my phone on the counter, I notice that there are several missed calls. I look to see that it was Lynette trying to call, I roll my eyes. So now I will have Anne's cousin, Lynette bothering me too. I know I need to snap out of this and get back to work. Yet, I don't feel like I have the will to do it. I decide to ignore her for now, she usually isn't easily swayed.
I wake up to a pounding on my door, I roll over and look at the ceiling. Whoever it is, better have a good reason for this. I take a deep breath and roll out of bed. I take my time walking down the stairs, to the door and peer out the window. Oh great, I am so not in the mood for this. I unlock the door and step back to open it.
"What the Fuck, Jaylah? Where the hell have you been?" Lynette greets me.
"What do you want?" I ask instead of answering the obvious her questions.
"Can I come in? I want to talk to you."
I move out of the way and gesture her to come in. I walk into the kitchen and reheat a cup of coffee in the microwave. I don't bother asking if Lynette wants anything, again I didn't invite her here. Plus, I know what is coming and I am not feeling very hospitable. I mix my creamer in, grab my smokes and head for the patio.
Lynette sits across from me, as I light my cigarette. I look over at her, but don't say anything. She wants to talk, she will have to do the talking. I look around my yard and I hear her sigh.
"Ok, look I know you are mad."
I shoot my head around to look at her. She puts her hands up in defense, I know it's not her fault, but what the fuck? Mad doesn't even cover it right now.
"Sorry, I know. Anne is worried sick about you. I know what she did was wrong, she should have told you. She knows that. She is your best friend and business partner. You can't walk away from it all."
"I'm not. I need some time, that's all."
"Hey I get it. But, Jay it's been a week. You haven't been into work, you don't return phone calls. You look like shit, girl. When's the last time you took a shower? You can't lock yourself up in your house."
I look down at myself, shit....when was the last time I took a shower? I can't even remember. Damn, that isn't good. I haven't been in this dark of a place in a long time. I know I need to snap out of this. But....awe shit!
"Ok. I know, I don't know what to do about all of this, Lynette." I don't want to admit that I am scared of Ben. I know she would understand, but I hate to burden anyone with my problems. "I finally thought Ben would leave me alone. Anne not telling me, it was such a betrayal. How could she do that to me?"
"She was only thinking of you and you know it! Yes she should of told you, but come on....YOU need to snap out of this! We will help you with Ben, but you can't walk away from everyone and your life. What about Anne's girls? Katie and Shannon miss their aunt, are you walking away from them too? What about your parents? They need you."
"OK, OK. I get it. Fuck woman, you are so fucking annoying sometimes!" I glare at her.
"Yeah, but I am always right," she smiles smugly at me.
I can't help myself and I start laughing at her. She is right, damn it. I hate to admit it, but I need to get back to my life and take care of my situation with Ben. I get up and head for the kitchen, Lynette follows me into the house.
I turn to her, "Thanks. I will go back to work tomorrow."
"Good. Maybe we can go check out that band this weekend. Maybe you can see O, again."
I smile, the thought of him sends shivers down my back. Maybe that isn't such a bad idea. Getting laid always helps a girl feel better.
I nod my head, "Yeah that sounds good."
"Okay. Take a shower, you stink! I will call you later."
"Yeah. thanks," I say to the back of her. She is already walking out the door, she waves and shuts the door behind her.
I look down at myself and lift my armpit for a sniff. Shit when was the last time I showered. Damn....I would really like to slap that smug look off of Lynette's face. She can be such a bitch sometimes! I go into the bathroom to take a much needed shower.
I grab my plate of dinner and glass of wine and get comfortable on the couch. I turn on the TV and try to find something to watch. I pick at my food and think about my conversation with Lynette. I guess I should let Anne know I will be into work in the morning. I am sure Lynette told her, but I need to let her know too.
JayJay 6:32pm
I will be at work in the am
Anne 6:33pm
Great to hear :)
I throw my phone next to me on the couch. I really don't have anything more to say to her right now. We can talk in the morning. It will be harder to get into a deep conversation at work, which is fine with me.
I grab a cigarette and light it. I don't normally smoke in the house, but it's my house. I am not looking forward to this conversation in the morning with Anne. I walk over to the window, so I can blow the smoke outside. I see Anne pull into her driveway and glance over to my house. I step away from the window, before she can wave or smile at me.
I put my cigarette out and decide to go to bed early tonight. I will need my energy to get through tomorrow. I put a movie on in my room and fall asleep shortly after it starts.
Getting up this morning was not as bad as I thought it would be. I make a pot of coffee, then hop in the shower. As I shower, I think about what to say to Anne. I love her, she is my best friend, but what she did was wrong. I forgive her, I always do, but she doesn't need to know that, yet. She needs to work to get me back.
I get out of the shower, dress and go grab a cup of coffee. I walk to the deck to have a cigarette. I look around my yard and enjoy all my gardens. I notice something in the back of the yard....what is that? I walk to see what it is. Once I get close enough, I stop and can't seem to move.
That can't be what I think it is. I lo
ok around the yard and I am completely alone. Not that I thought someone would be here. I finally move to grab the heart in the garden. With shaky hands, I flip it over and see the inscription on the back, that I already knew was there. I throw it into the corner of my yard without even thinking.
Damn, it's the gift Ben gave to me, that I left at his place. I was hoping to never see it again. He gave that to me after one of the times he beat me. The inscription floats through my head, "My Love, My Life, You are Mine Forever. Ben." I rub at my eyes, as if that will take the image from my head.
I look around the yard. How did he get that back here? What the hell am I going to do? I run into the house and lock the sliding door. For the first time in over a week, I can't wait to get out of this house. I hurry and finish getting ready to leave.
I hurry out of the house, hop in my car to make the short trip to work.
I pull into the shop parking lot in the back and see that Anne is already here. I feel a wash of guilt come over me that I haven't been here for her. I shake my head to clear my thoughts, still rattled about my find this morning. I take a deep breath and walk into the shop.
As I walk in, Anne looks up to me and smiles. I try to give a smile and I know it came out with me looking weird. I see her face turn into concern.
"What happened?"
"Nothing, why do you ask?" I try to brush it off and look away.
I feel Anne follow me into the office. Not wanting her to see my shaking hands, I stay with my back to her. She puts her hand on my arm and gently pulls me towards her. I roll my eyes as she looks at me.
"That's better. Hey, I know you are mad at me and I can't say I'm sorry enough. I hope we could talk about everything.